best hair ever
Giggity, giggity, giggity: The High-Top Fade is back, baby!
Doesn't this picture make you wonder why it ever left?

The Orlando Magic: The Pacers had dropped nine of their last 10 games, which included a near-historic 43-point loss to the New York Knicks on Sunday. Their only win during that stretch came at home against the Timberpoops from Minnesota. They are and have been without their best player, Danny Granger, since December 5.

And yet they somehow handed the Magic their second consecutive loss to a sub-.500 team. Orlando's offense was frozen vomit on a stick, as they hit only 38 percent of their shots and missed nine free throws.

They are not a good team right now. And their coach knows it.

Said Stan Van Gundy: "Look, we're just playing terrible, we really are," Orlando coach Stan Van Gundy said. "Offensively, it's just really bad right now. We can't score, we can not score. I need to look at everything, playing different guys, I don't know. It's just not working in the least."

And, just like their loss to the Bulls last Saturday, you can blame...

Orlando's "Big Three": Dwight Howard, Rashard Lewis and Vince Carter combined for 24 points on 8-for-31 from the field against the Bulls. But get this: they were even worst against the Pacers, scoring only 21 points on 6-for-29 shooting. They also combined for 1 lonely assist versus 7 turnovers. Were they replaced by body doubles or something? Were they abducted by aliens? Have they been staying up all night playing WoW? Seriously...what's going on with these guys? Remember: they are the 9th (Lewis), 16th (Carter) and 24th (Howard) highest paid players in the league. We're talking about a combined $50 million worth of players here!

Dwight Howard: I know, I know. "Superman" already got tagged in my previous entry. But remember, he's Orlando's franchise player and supposedly the best center in the league. Yet his last five games have been: 5 points (1-for-7) in a loss to the Celtics, 17 points (8-for-11) in a win over the Bucks, 9 points (4-for-10) in a close win over the Timberwolves, 9 points (3-for-7) in a loss to the Bulls and now 11 points (2-for-6) in a loss to the Pacers.

Can you say "slump"? Now can you say "awesome superballs"? That second one was more fun, wasn't it? But I digress.

Teams have finally figured out how to stop Howard: play him physical. That's it. That's the "secret formula" for shutting down the league's dominant center. Kendrick Perkins provided the blueprint (and the explanation) after the Magic lost at home to the Celtics on Christmas day. Brad Miller -- yes, Brad Miller -- used that blueprint last weekend. And last night, Roy Hibbart freaking owned Howard. Owned him. Hibby finished with a career-high 26 points (10-for-19), 8 boards and 4 blocks...while Dwight committed a game-high 5 turnovers and fouled out in only 28 minutes.

Physical play is now to Dwight Howard like crosses and holy water is to a vampire (and I mean a real vampire, not those Twilight pussies): It makes Dwight's flesh sizzle and fall off. I say we officially change his nickname from Superman to...Powdered Toast Man!


Update! Dan B. writes: "I'm not so sure about calling Dwight Howard "Powdered Toast Man." He's way too good of a super hero. We need someone even more useless and ineffective. I know I just referenced him a few days ago, but I'm still leaning toward the Puma Man. If nothing else, the Puma Man is notorious for looking stylish in his sensible slacks, and David Stern would be happy with that since it would fit the dress code."

Actually, that might be perfect, considering that one of Puman Man's powers is "temporarily feigning death." That's what Dwight has been doing lately...right?

The Chicago Bulls: Quick quiz: Which was worse, letting the Bobcats (who average about 92 PPG) shoot over 51 percent and score the second-highest point total of the season (113), or letting Flip Murray (8 PPG on 36 percent shooting for the season) dismantle you off the bench with 25 points on 8-for-12 shooting (mostly off cheap one-on-one plays)? Quick answer: Yes.

The Philadelphia 76ers: What better time to catch the Washington Wizards Generals Bullets? I mean, it's pretty much always a good time to catch the Bullets, because they suck. And I mean hard. But this is an much more gooder time to play them because of all the distractions over Agent Zero's hilarious "pullin' out guns in the locker room" joke. And if Gil's finger guns are any indication, this is the joke that Arenas wants to keep on giving:

bang bang
Ha. Ha.

Wait a tick...didn't Arenas just say "I now realize that there’s no such thing as joking around when it comes to guns" in a finely crafted statement? I guess he was just, you know, joking about not joking about guns. Or something.

Of course, after the game, Gilbert tweeted: "I know everybody seen the pre game pics..my teammate thought to break the tention we should do that..but this is gettn way to much." A few minutes later, he tweeted again: "I wanna say sorry if I pissed any body off by us havin fun...I'm sorry for anything u need to blame for for right now."

Huh. I wonder if Kobe Bryant tried to break the locker room tension during his 2003 rape trial by pantomiming some anal rampage on teammate Rick Fox?

But all those hilarious distractions didn't prevent the Philadelphia 76ers from coughing up an 18-point lead at home and losing 104-97. Let's face it: they are who we thought they were. Said Allen Iverson: "We just gave it away. It was like a late Christmas present to them." Hey, speaking of The Not Answer...

Allen Iverson: According to ESPN Stats and Information: "Allen Iverson had a season-low 4 points on 2-for-6 shooting, the fewest field goals he's attempted in a game in which he played at least 30 minutes."

The Sixers -- who just guaranteed A.I.'s contract for the rest of the season -- are now 4-6 since his return. I won't say anything else...I'd hate for anybody to think I was picking on him. But I will pick on this guy...

Alejandro: Basketbawful reader Giorgio writes: "Last night my friend from México called Alejandro (AD8) refused an invitation from a girl who said" im all alone in my house and bored" because he was watching Wizards vs Sixers game... EPIC FAIL."

Alejandro, this video's for you:


The New Jersey Nyets: The Bucks entered last night's game a mere 3-11 outside of Milwaukee...but not to worry! They were playing the New Jersey Nyets!

It's funny. When the Nyets snapped their 10-game losing streak against the Knicks last Wednesday, everybody was talking about how they were finally healthy and how things were changing in New Jersey. Wah-wah-waaaaaaah. They basically played the dead cockroach last night, getting crushed by 22 points at home against a crummy road team as the likes of Carlos Delfino, Luke Ridnour and Hakim Warrick combined to score 53 points off Milwaukee's bench.

Mind you, the Bucks started off 0-for-7 with 3 turnovers in their first 10 possessions.

Said New Jersey coach Kiki Vandeweghe: "There is no way to sugarcoat this. We did not come out and play well tonight."

such a nice-looking rock

Devin Harris: After the game, Harris said: "We still have fight, we just didn't show it tonight." He must have been talking specifically about himself after finishing with only 5 points on 0-for-4 shooting in 36 minutes. I best Mark Cuban was high-fiving himself after this game.

The Detroit Pistons: Okay, in all honesty, I wouldn't expect the Pistons to beat the Mavericks in Dallas, but that doesn't change the facts. And these are the facts...according to the AP recap: "The Pistons lost their 10th straight game, their longest losing streak in a season since April 1994. They are 11 games below .500 for the first time since the 2000-01 season. ... Detroit hasn't dropped 10 in a row since the end of the 1993-94 season. The Pistons lost their final 13 games that season to finish 20-62."

Historic fail.

Monta Ellis: Oh wow. The Warriors were up 122-121 with 0.4 seconds remaining when Ellis fouled J.R. Smith on a desperation heave from 40 freaking feet. Smith was awarded three freebies. He hit the first two and intentionally missed the third so the clock would run out to end the game. It didn't -- the Warriors called time with 0.1 second left on the clock and ended up running a failed alley-oop play -- and the Nuggets won 123-122.

Home cookin': Okay, but c'mon, how do the refs make this call? Fast forward to the 1:05 mark.


That was seriously one of the worst last-second calls I have ever seen in 20+ years of following the NBA. And I personally lived through Larry Johnson's bogus four-point play against the Pacers in '99. Monta's "contact" was negligible at best, and no God in this universe would have answered Smith's prayer of a shot. Just awful, awful officiating. Not surprising...but awful.

Ellis wisely declined comment about that foul after the game, but Golden State coach Don Nelson gave a telling quote: "You lose at the buzzer, it's tough. Bad teams just don't get breaks. Let's face it, you just don't get breaks. That was our game."

The Golden State Warriors: As bad as that call was -- and it was so very, very bad -- the Warriors have nobody to blame but themselves and their own crummy _efense. I mean, Denver was missing Carmelo Anthony, Chauncey Billups and the Birdman, but they still scored 123 points on 51 percent shooting and had four players with 20 or more points...including a season-high 27 for Kenyon Martin. Freaking Ty Lawson had 21 points on 8-for-12 shooting before leaving the game with an ankle injury. When was the last time the Warriors played defense? Was it this season? Last season? Seriously. I want to know.

The Portland Trail Blazers: Let me set the stage for you: playing against the Frail Blazers in Portland, the Bizarro Grizzlies were down 104-96 with 3:45 remaining. But instead of becoming a bear skin rug on Brandon Roy's floor, Memphis outscored Portland 13-1 to pull out a 109-105 win that pushed them over .500 for the first time since...well...a really long time.

Of course, it wouldn't be the NBA if a close game wasn't mucked up by some more bad officiating. With the game tied and about a half minute remaining, Roy -- who scored a co-game-high 27 points -- had the ball near midcourt against O.J. Mayo. Mayo reached in and tipped the ball loose, and as the two players were chasing the rock, the refs called a foul on Roy. Mayo hit the first of two free throws with 21 seconds remaining to give Memphis the lead.

Said Mayo: "I got lucky to get a loose ball foul on him. It was a good gamble that worked out.

Even Memphis coach Lionel Hollins admitted the foul "could have gone either way." Again, what's with these ticky tac calls at the end of games? What happened to letting the players play? I mean, if somebody gets hacked on the arms or wrestled to the ground, by all means, make the call. But...I mean...really...

The Grizzlies' free throw shooting: If the officials hadn't bailed the Grizzlies out, Memphis no doubt would have been kicking themselves in the ass for bonking 13 free throws. Instead, I'll kick them in the ass for it. It's what I do.

The Phoenix Suns: Steve Nash (30 points, 12 assists) and Amar''''''e Stoudemire (24 points, 8 boards, 3 steals, 2 blocked shots) carried the Suns to victory down the stretch, but it shouldn't have come to that. I mean, Phoenix had a 20-point lead in the first half. We all know after that 35-point comeback in Chicago, no lead is safe against the Kings. But with all due respect, that was the Bulls and these were the Suns.

Although, now that I think about it, when it comes to the Phoenix D, no lead is safe. So I guess it really was the perfect storm.

Said Stoudemire: "We have to cut that out. We have to find a way to maintain the lead. Once you get a great lead like we did tonight, we have to win that way."

It might have helped if the Suns hadn't greased the ball with hot butter. Phoenix gave up 23 points off 18 turnovers, 11 of which were bumbled away by Nash (7) and Sun Tzu (4).

Tough loss for the Kings, who have now dropped six of the last seven games, a stretch that's included overtime losses to Cleveland and the Los Angeles Lakers, a home loss to the Lakers courtesy of Kobe's buzzer-beating three-pointer, and close losses to the Mavs and Suns.

Still, they have to feel pretty good to be keeping it real against elite teams. Said Sactown coach Paul Westphal: "We will not be discouraged and we will start winning these games. For whatever reason, we've had a string of having our heart pulled out of our chest. This team is coming back and we're going to keep coming back and we're going to start winning these close games."

You know what? I actually believe him.

The Houston Rockets: Let's talk about missed opportunities again. The Rockets simply aren't going to have a better shot at downing the Lakers, who were missing Pau Gasol and suffered through bad shooting nights by Kobe Bryant (9-for-23) and Ron Artest (3-for-11). But Houston got Godzilla'd by Andrew Bynum (24 points, 10-for-16, 11 points in the fourth) and Lamar Odom (17 points and a season-high 19 rebounds).

Kobe Bryant, quote machine: He explained away his bad shooting night by blaming his busted digit -- "My finger was horrible, horrible. I had to make a lot of left-handed moves. I just got to play through it." -- but when asked whether the injury would force him to reduce his minutes, Mamba said: "What, am I going to get a bib and a rattle?"

Lacktion report: What WotN entry would be complete without Chris' lacktivity roundup?

Bulls-Bobcats: Stephen Graham briefly kicked a Koopa shell for an 18 second Mario!

Bullets-Sixers: Jason Kapono fired off a foul and two bricks (once from Philadelphia City Hall) in 6:49 to earn a +3 suck differential.

Pistons-Mavs: Quinton Ross gave Mark Cuban a belated Christmas gift of a Virtual Boy for a 17 second Mario!

Warriors-Pistons: Chris Hunter targeted the lacktion ledger tonight by countering two boards in 7:15 with four fouls and one giveaway for a 5:2 Voskuhl.

Grizzlies-Blazers: Hamed Haddadi gave Team Z-Bo another reason to celebrate by putting on the overalls for a 14 second Mario!

Rockets-Lakers: With two giveaways and a foul, DJ Mbenga spun a +3 in 3:18 and a 3:0 Voskuhl!

Labels: , , , , , , , , ,

60 Comments:
Blogger John said...
Wow! Superb performance from Carlos. Please check out my match report.

I love it when Delfino comes out with such high energy performance as he did against the Nets. Been a while since we've all seen him playing this good. I was hoping to see him being the Buck's version of Manu Ginobili. And he can do be that player provided if he shoots better. If that's happen then surely we can see something good for the Bucks this season.

Much more so, he is has the complete package. Even on a day when he doesn't get plenty of baskets, we can ignore his other assets such defense and team work. I'm sure that's the real reason why Milwaukee aquired him.

I just hope his stays with the Bucks will last long as compared to his previous NBA stint with the Pistons and Raptors.

Blogger Dan B. said...
Has Brandon Jennings been hanging out with Kid 'n' Play? (I mean, it's not like they have anything better to do. They haven't worked since 1996 outside of that one episode of Sealab 2021.) Anyway, that hair is unfathomably awesome, and it still makes me smile even after seeing it like five times today.

I'm not so sure about calling Dwight Howard "Powdered Toast Man." He's way too good of a super hero. We need someone even more useless and ineffective. I know I just referenced him a few days ago, but I'm still leaning toward the Puma Man. If nothing else, the Puma Man is notorious for looking stylish in his sensible slacks, and David Stern would be happy with that since it would fit the dress code.

Blogger Basketbawful said...
Dan -- Actually, Puma Man is perfect! I mean, one of his superpowers is "Temporarily feigning death." And that sure seems to be what Dwight has been doing lately...

Blogger Dan B. said...
Bawful -- Love it.

Blogger BadDave said...
Kobe does not pantomime. Kobe does it right. Much to the consternation of Rick Fox's prolapsed anus.

Blogger Cortez said...
"What happened to letting the players play?"

Screw that.

Call the same call you would make make throughout the entire game...even at the last second.

Blogger chris said...
Dan B. and Bawful: And unlike the real Puma Man, fellow alchemist Rashard Lewis does not serve as an effective Vadinho (sidekick who does all the work)!

CAPTCHA: "dintsell," i.e. "Spree's yacht dintsell."

Blogger Davros said...
But what about Pyooma Man's powerful claws which can rip through the roof of vintage Jaguars?!

Frozen vomit on a stick? Thanks for providing my new weight loss visualization.

The Warriors do play some defense. It just that they give up offensive rebounds at a frightening rate, and a miss and a putback equals 50% shooting.

WTF was Monta doing trying block that heave anyway? It's almost justice for playing stupid.

CAPTCHA: "ficsate" as in "y'all shouldn't ficsate on bad referee-ateing"

Anonymous Hellshocked said...
Some of the warriors are physically capable of playing a little bit of individual defense for a possession here or there, but that is a far cry from saying the Warriors play even some defense. Most of those guys don't even know what the other half of the court looks like and their team defense is in my eyes the worst in the league.

Brandon Jennings scored 55 on them basically by curling off screens and shooting uncontested mid range jumpers earlier this season. Uncontested!

Anonymous hellshocked said...
By the way, has anybody noticed that the Kings' starting lineup last night consisted of Tyreke Evans (6'6), Donte Greene (6'11), Omri Casspi (6'9), Jason Thompson (6'11) and Spencer Hawes (7'1)?

That has got to be, overall, the tallest starting lineup in league history doesn't it?

Blogger AnacondaHL said...
Mamba said: "What, am I going to get a bib and a rattle?"

Planning another trip to Colorado so soon, Kobe? ICEBURN

Also, I think Gil needs to go all out and to the blowing-smoking-gun-finger after every 3 he hits, you know, assuming he still has a contract and all.

Also, despite my fantasy team dominating, Vince Carter please stop sucking, TIA. If he was up all night playing WoW, he would be a druid: flashes of Vincanity from the past, seems like he can do everything, but ultimately is one-dimensional and disappointing.

Blogger Davros said...
Hellshocked - I'm not saying they manage to lock anybody down, but some defense is played. It's just never 5 guys at the same time, and never will be with Maggette and/or Morrow in the lineup.

Thing I noticed about the Paupers starting lineup: Rookie, 2nd year(?), Rookie, 2nd year, 3rd year.

Blogger The Dude Abides said...
I'd like to nominate Wayne Winston as Stat Moron of the Year. There will simply be no other "stat guru" for the rest of 2010 who comes close to this inanity from his interview with well-known Kobe hater Henry Abbott:
-----------------------------------------------------
HA: 8. Who is the MVP?
WW: Surely Dirk. He leads the whole league in two of my categories, plus/minus points and impact (plus-26 points, plus-73% impact). Luol Deng, Ray Allen and LeBron James have also been great. People forget Kobe Bryant has great teammates, so I do not think he is up there.
http://espn.go.com/blog/truehoop/post?id=11993
----------------------------------------------
Yeah, Ray Allen's teammates sure suck. Also, Winston defended himself on his own blog by mentioning that Kobe's teams in 05, 06, and 07 didn't do well without Shaq or Gasol. I guess taking a team to the playoffs with 45 wins that had only one other player out of the top seven in the rotation who played at or above league average in the 06 season (Odom) is peanuts. Besides Kobe and Odom, the rest of the top seven were Kwame Brown, Smush Parker, Luke Walton, Brian Cook, and Devean George. That team was one Tim Thomas double-pumped three-pointer from defeating the Suns in six games.

Blogger chris said...
Davros: Don't forget his ability to pounce around while Vadinho is actually the one taking out the bad guys!

Blogger chris said...
And yep. We're a YOUNG team, so I guess that explains the prevalence of moral victories lately.

Hey, considering the first ever game I attended in person in the Association was Kings-Clips last year, yeah, this is a significant upswing - even if the results don't show it.

Blogger Basketbawful said...
Call the same call you would make make throughout the entire game...even at the last second.

I totally agree. I wasn't talking about letting them play specifically in end-of-game situations. I meant period. I'm not talking hacks and what not, but freaking incidental contact is freaking incidental contact. What Ellis did should never have been a foul under any circumstances.

The Dude Abides -- I can't stand Winston, but it's hard to criticize him because (as far as I can tell) he doesn't publish his body of data or the methods he used to calculate it. I e-mailed him asking for more information on his "total impact" numbers, and he just referred me to his book (which only explains some of his methods but doesn't provide, say, his impact numbers from this season).

As much as I joke about Hollinger, at least he provides access to all of his data.

With the "Not Answer", the Sixers are 4-6. Without him, they're 6-18. Shockingly better. I hate everything about this team.

Anonymous Team Captain said...
As painful as it is to watch Sacramento keep losing these nailbiters, when I as a fan take a step back and look at the situation, it's hard not to be giddy. The three rookies were the top three contributors of the game. Casspi with 24 & 7, 'Reke with 27/11/7, and, of course, the Brock Ness Monster just bruising in the second half. I really can't wait to see what a couple years of maturity does for this young team.

Blogger chris said...
Reverend Paul Revere: So their winning percentage since the re-acquisition has jumped from 25% to 40%!!!! Wow, as soon as the standings catch up to this math, instant run to the playoffs in the Leastern Conference, right? ;)

Blogger chris said...
Team Captain: And obviously, we're still without K-Mart so I can't wait to see how we do with him back on the perimeter.

Come to think of it, that reminds me how we really could have used Tyreke the Freak at Staples...

Anonymous Team Captain said...
Chris: A lineup of Evans, Martin, Casspi, JT, and Spence could score quite a few points if they click. When Evans develops his midrange game...scary.

Blogger chris said...
Team Captain: Gotta quote this nice little passage from SactownRoyalty:

The kid wants the ball in his hands with the game on his line. He wants to make the decision to pass or shoot. And he was so close to winning this game for Sacramento tonight too. We have to remember he's only a rookie. That's scary to me. Scary, but awesome.

Chris, it very well could, but I doubt it. That team is fucking terrible. And Iverson was ATROCIOUS last night. 7 turnovers. They are only 5 games back from the 8th seed in the Leastern Conference though. Remind me why I love the NBA so much again?

Blogger chris said...
Reverend Paul Revere: As I noted a few nights ago...the Kings would be in the playoffs right now...if they were the Cinncinati Royals in the Least. Sigh.

Blogger chris said...
BTW, will it be official that the Puma Man has been neutralized by the forces of Dr. Kobras if Mikki Moore is able to shut him down?! That'd be so failarious, I'd pay to see it.

Anonymous Karc said...
Headline from ESPN:

"Bynum big in 4th as Lakers rally past Rockets"

I saw the game. I don't remember one second during the game where the Rockets were in the lead. What kind of rally are we talking about here...?

And Arenas has just been suspended without pay by the NBA. So much for waiting for the investigation to pan out. Why hasn't Javaris Critterton been benched too? He may not have had a gun, but really, what a malcontent for picking a fight like that and basically getting away with it. And why is Delonte West still playing when he actually has been brought up on CHARGES?

Blogger Basketbawful said...
Karc -- Regarding Gil's treatment versus West's treatment, Stern defenders will say, "But Delonte didn't bring guns into an NBA facility." But the reality is, Stern's punishments are usually related to the amount of attention drawn to the situation. Once this incident started getting lots of air time, Gil's fate was sealed.

Blogger Davros said...
Sadly, Mikki Moore has been released by the Warriors. But if he does return and put the clamps on Howard, I think we might have to resort to calling him "Tony Farms".

Blogger Leland said...
Gilber Arenas suspended indefinitely without pay. He loses around $147,000 per game! That's a high end porsche every game! That's more than the average starting salary of a law student from a top end school working at a prestigious firm in DC! FAIL!

How stupid can you be?

Blogger Beez Kneezy said...
the Kobe comparison was hilarious.

Gil defenders fail to see how his situation is a bigger problem than any other player-gun incident.

Blogger chris said...
Bawful: And thus, the same thing has to be asked of Crittenton, since he was a culpable participant as well.

Davros: You know, the only California team that Mikki hasn't yet played for is the Lakers! Not that they would need him...well...then again, maybe you need multiple Jud Buechlers to sop up minutes and lack it up.

Anonymous Karc said...
@Bawful - West's problem is going to get significant airtime, too, mostly to show the hypocrisy of this so-called "crackdown" in addition to the incident earlier in the fall where he was actually arrested. I agree with you that this is a typical Stern move to appease the media, but if he's going to give leeway to West (my guess is to protect the Cavs so that they have a better chance to get to the Finals), shouldn't he at least wait until both the team and the cops find out what the deal is here?

Anonymous Team Captain said...
Mikki Moore available? CHAMPIONSHIP!

Blogger Andrei said...
Karl Malone on the Gilbert Arenas situation: http://sportsillustrated.cnn.com/2010/basketball/nba/01/05/karl.malone.arenas/index.html?eref=sihp

It's pretty funny on its own, but gets more funny if read in an impersonation of Jimmy Kimmel doing Karl Malone. The story about Malone's grandfather is probably the best part.

Blogger chris said...
AND...more reactions to Agent Zero seeing his paycheck zero'd out...

http://espn.go.com/blog/truehoop/post/_/id/12047/tweeting-the-gilbert-arenas-suspension

Blogger starang said...
I have to COMPLETLEY disagree with your assessment of the last second foul on JR Smith.

Coming from a Player perspective, Monta Ellis is the ASS here. First of all, never foul a jump shooter. Secondly, you never...NEVER...NNEEEEEVVVEERRR swing your arm like that playing defense. It is guarenteed to ALWAYS get you a foul. Contact or not.

These are PRO refs, so they should have been better at seeing no contact...HOWEVER, Monta Ellis is the ASS here.

Blogger AnacondaHL said...
CHRIS QUINN SIGHTING! CAN YOU FEEL THE HEAT^H^H^H^H...NET?

Also, last night I think Lou Amundson qualified for a 2:1 Voskhul, but he's only spent 3% of time at C, so I dunno.

Anonymous Ray said...
Tweets about the Arenas situation : (all collected by TrueHoop)

# AndrewMBogut
Is it inappropriate to own a Water Pistol? What about if I had one in my locker and I sprayed someone with it? Im thinkin a SUPER SOAKER?

# AndrewMBogut But then my old man would ruin everything and plug in a Pressure Washer and kill us all haha

# russbengtson *waits for Stern to suspend the Suns for implementing the run and gun offense*

;)

Blogger AnacondaHL said...
Capital letters incoming: HOLY FUCK.

Just found an article announcing the return of NBA Jam, and some other insider tidbits. BOOM-SHAKA-LAKA!

Some excerpts from the interview with creator, Mark Turmell:

"So we actually did a special version of the game and gave both players all-star, superstar stats. There are only a handful of these machines, but Jordan and Payton did end up being in one version of the game."

WTF.

"If there was a close game and anyone on the Bulls took a last-second shot, we wrote special code in the game so that they would average out to be bricks. There was the big competition back in the day between the Pistons and the Bulls, and since I was always a big Pistons fan, that was my opportunity to level the playing field."

Damnit I always played the Bulls. Too bad I usually ran up the score by shooting like 80% for 3's.

Regarding the game shipping after Drazen Petrovic died: "Something weird was going on with the software, and to this day, if you have an original 'NBA Jam' machine every once in a while it will just yell out 'Petrovic!' It's wild."

JAMS IT IN!

Blogger chris said...
Okay, the Clippers are on ESPN right now.

They have now been on national television 300% more than the Kings have this season.

Wow.

Blogger Dan B. said...
AnacondaHL -- OHHHHHHHHHHHHHH MY!

Blogger AnacondaHL said...
Dan B. -- WILD SHOT!

Blogger GC2 said...
The Clippers vs. Lakers is going on as I type this, and the Lakers radio team just said that Bynum got his first double-digit rebound performance since November.

Since November. I mean come on, really? Can a big stiff be that stiff?

--GCII

Blogger Josh said...
@AnacondaHL
@Dan B.

Razzle dazzle!

Also, my brother and I always thought that the announcer's voice sounded kind of like John Madden. Maybe it's just us?

Anonymous Team Captain said...
chris: even worse, I live on the Central Coast, so I get them every night PLUS the replays in the afternoon. I don't care what the stat sheet says, Chris Kaman is god awful.

Blogger chris said...
Team Captain: Yikes! I gotta wonder what the demographic for the Clippers fanbase is, or if their primary purpose is to fill programming space on Prime Ticket (and to give the Lakers an extra pair of home games).

(Where's Buck Nasty when you need his words on the Other LA Team!??!)

Blogger chris said...
Clippers right now on a 16-3 run. Yes. The Clippers.

Kaman with 21 and B-Dizzle with 22 so far.

Kobe now has TWO points in the fourth quarter, btw. Okay, make that four after an uncontested fastbreak, with the game already decided.

And B-Dizzle drops a shot from the stripe to get the Clips at the century mark.

BTW, Kaman looks like a freaking grizzly bear! What facial hair, man.

Blogger chris said...
Oh yeah, Yahoo's boxscore of Bullets-Crabs claims that Agent Zero got sat via "coach's decision." Didn't know David Stern had taken over for Flip Saunders...

Blogger AnacondaHL said...
According to TMZ, one of Gilbert's guns was a gold-plated Desert Eagle. Later, Arenas complained of "faggy AWP campers".

Blogger GC2 said...
@anacondahl LOL CS. Was it source? =P

oh and ClipperstheywonOMG

--GCII

Blogger AnacondaHL said...
Further details via Washington Post:

"According to two first-hand accounts of the confrontation, Crittenton responded to Arenas's action -- which included laying the four unloaded weapons in Crittenton's cubicle with a note that read, "Pick One" -- by brandishing his own firearm, loading a clip of ammunition into the gun and cocking the weapon.

...

The dispute between Arenas and Crittenton began on the team plane during a popular card game between players called "Boo-ray."
[AHL note: It's Bourré.] Crittenton lost roughly $1,100 to JaVale McGee, a Wizards center, in the game, according to a player who watched the game and who also spoke on condition of anonymity. Crittenton, already angry over a dispute over the game's rules, became irate when Arenas began needling him.

Their barbs escalated to a point where Arenas, smiling, said he would blow up Crittenton's car, according to two players on the flight, who requested anonymity. Crittenton replied that he would shoot Arenas in his surgically repaired knee.

Walking into the locker room by himself two days after the dispute on the team plane, according to two witnesses, Arenas laid out the guns in Crittenton's locker. Two other teammates eventually sauntered in and, while Arenas was writing the note in front of Crittenton's cubicle, in walked Crittenton, according to their account.

Asking Arenas what he was doing, Arenas replied, "If you want to shoot me, I'd just thought I'd make it easy for you." As other teammates laughed, Crittenton crumpled up the paper, tossed one of Arenas's guns across the room, where it bounced in front of a team trainer, and said he didn't need any of Arenas' firearms because he had his own, according to the witness accounts.

Crittenton then drew his weapon, loaded the clip into the chamber and cocked the bar, the witnesses said.

Neither witness said the gun was ever pointed at Arenas, but both said Crittenton began singing as he held the gun.

Arenas began laughing, the witnesses said, telling Crittenton, "Look at that little shiny gun," as two other players slowly retreated to the training room.
"


It's like BasketBawful is writing itself.

Blogger chris said...
AnacondaHL: You know, if David Stern does NOT slam the book on Crittenton, it will be painfully obvious (if it isn't already) that the Suspension Is Related To The Media Attention (and Crittenton doesn't garner much of that). Which is surprising, because isn't it easier to suspend fringe players harshly while being lighter on the stars, which the Bullets' co-tenants at the phonebooth have benefitted from in the NHL (where Alex Ovechkin FINALLY got suspended for a game this year after several incidents of dangerous hitting)?

I wish we could find out who those two players were that retreated to the room, wanting to avoid witnessing a scene reminiscent of a Tarantino film.

And hey, this might be the ONLY time ever that JaVale Mcgee gets news coverage beyond the lacktion report!!!!!!

Blogger chris said...
Oh yeah, a spot-on comment from that Washington Post piece:

JohnWWW wrote:
It is funny that Ernie Grunfeld quickly and eagerly submitted the incident to league officials when this first happened. This tells me that the Wizards are pretty much looking into dumping Gilbert and his contract any way they can. It is just too bad that Gilbert is "Stupidly" obliging, but that is just "Gilbert being Gilbert"!

Blogger chris said...
Reading this CBS Sportsline editorial on the continuing issues in DC...

Funney photo alert!!!

Blogger chris said...
BTW, it looks like Dwight Howard's transformation to Puma Man has been completed, as his inability to grasp the rock (evidenced by 9 turnovers) is as clumsy as Tony Farms's "flying" skills.

(And all that talk about the Crabs-Bullets rivalry being done isn't surprising, because...why use the Crab Dribble anymore when you're playing against a team who slots Fabricio Oberto as starting center?)

Blogger chris said...
Talk about on the money: reading yet another article on Hibachi getting burned by reality, I was thinking about how I had been discussing the Agent Zero situation lately and had said as a ballpark figure, "Since the contract, he's been hurt so much, he's probably only played 30 games or so."

Didn't realize how close I was to the ACTUAL number:

All of this comes from a guy who signed an eight year, $111 million contract two summers ago. With the suspension possibly meaning an end to Arenas' season and his career in Washington, the Wizards may have received a return of 34 games and 748 points for their nine-figure investment.

Blogger chris said...
BTW, connecting the recent updates on the Bullets' situation with the NBA Jam talk...imagine how much damage a combo of Agent Zero and Crittenton could do on the floor!!!!!!

Anonymous Ray said...
Well, if the report of the Washington Post is just a little bit accurate, then i don't know what to say anymore ...

Ok, Arenas gets suspended indefinitely for bringing unloaded guns to an arena & doin' some stupid jokes ...

And Crittenton ? .. oO
"loaded the clip into the chamber and cocked the bar..." ...

Are you kiddin' me? If you suspend Arenas for his actions, then what do you do with Crit ? ...

But i guess, Stern will continue being incosistent ... -.-

Blogger Adam said...
Nobody will notice it down here a day late, but unintentionally dirty quote from Phil Jackson after the loss to the Clippers:

"They were down our throats all night. We didn't get back on defense," Jackson said.

Anonymous Anonymous said...
you gotta talk about the homecooking in yesterday's magic raps game.
28-18 personal fouls in the magic's favor
38-24 free throws in the magic's favor.
and that's including intentional fouls to extend the game!!

Links to this post:
Create a Link