Dwight Howard is known as Superman. His biceps have biceps filled with real leprechauns. When he flexes, people die. And yet a skeezy porn star named Mary Carey dissed him for a member of N'Sync. But not Justin Timberlake. She picked this guy. And no, I am not even remotely kidding around here. These are her words from a recent radio interview:

"Yeah, Dwight and I met at LAX. I was like, you're a basketball player, and he was like, I've seen you at Magic games, so he recognized me from games. I used to always get written up when I went to games for causing distractions and stuff."

Wait for it...waaaaaaait for it...

"Dwight's a cool guy. For a month, we like talked on the phone, and he was always trying to give me prayers to get me out of porn and give me Bible verses to read. So then, I was going to go visit him when I was in Orlando, but I went over to this other guy's house instead, Chris Kirkpatrick from N'Sync. And then Dwight started calling, and calling, and calling me, because he knew I was with Chris Kirkpatrick, so eventually at 3 in the morning, Chris was like don’t answer Dwight's calls. I get a text from Dwight at 3 in the morning -- I’m outside Chris's house. I'm like oh my god, what do I do? I was like, I got Dwight here and I got Chris in the other room and I'm talking to them back and forth. So finally I had to just pull Dwight in the bathroom and tell him he needs to go home. I was like I'm really sorry, I really like you, but this isn't the time or place. When I pull him in the bathroom, he pulls his pants down, I was like, whooa. Yeah, and so I ran and started screaming…Well if it wasn't for the Chris thing at the time, I really liked Dwight and maybe I would have furthered this. But I was at the guy's house I was dating so it was inappropriate. So he totally thought he totally offended me. So I saved -- he and I used to talk on instant messenger, on AOL -- so he was apologizing; sorry, that was out of character for me, blah blah blah. I saved all the instant messages and I've been putting them all in a book. So I’ve got a lot of evidence. I’ve got an evidence file."

I simply don't know what to say. Other than here's a super hat tip to Basketbawful reader Daniel L. for sending me the link and the following (fake) D-Howard quote: "Baby, you needs to get out of pr0n, because Jesus loves you! Or suck on lil' Superman. Whichever."

Still, Howard probably lucked out here. I mean, according to her Wikipedia page, Mary was born to a schizophrenic mother and a father with cerebral palsy. Them's damaged goods, Dwight. You don't need that kind of drama. Really. I swear.

Dwight, you...really are...better off...oh, bloody hell.

Labels: Dwight Howard, Mary Carey, N'Sync, oh dear god I can't beleive Superman got dissed for a washed up boy band member, porn stars