Brian Scalabrine: I understand that Brian's talents are somewhat, you know, limited, but a line of 3 points (1-for-3) and 2 rebounds from your starting power forward is a little disappointing. However...[looks down the Boston bench]...I guess he's the best option they have right now. I really shouldn't rag on Veal too much. He works hard and hustles his ass off for each and every one of the five minutes he plays. And the Celtics are 6-2 since he replaced Kevin Garnett in the starting lineup, so I guess he must be doing something right.

Fun fact: Brian Scalabrine instructional videos. For basketball. Seriously. They exist.

Travis Diener: Ideally, a starting point guard should be able to shoot efficiently and run an offense. Last night, Travis didn't (2-for-8) and couldn't (1 assist, 2 turnovers). Then he injured his ankle by -- get this -- stepping on referee Bennet Salvatore's foot. Said Diener: "I don't know why he was so close to me." Good question, Travis. But I have a better one for you: Who gets injured in a minor collision with an aging, white-haired referee? And, of course, the answer is you.

Fun fact: According to Wikipedia, Travis' high school basketball coach was his uncle Dick Diener. Hold on, I want to type that out again. Dick Diener.

Jamaal Tinsley: The four or five people who bother to analyze the Pacers seem to think that Jermaine O'Neal's absence is the reason for the team's woes (eight losses in their last 10 games). But I'm here to tell you that's not the case. The driving force behind Indiana's surprising early season success was the play of Tinsley. When he was healthy and playing well, the Pacers were winning with our without O'Neal. But the raps against Tinsley -- namely that he can't stay healthy and doesn't understand the importance of shot selection -- have once again proven to be true and true. His recent appearances have been spotty, and now he's out until sometime after the All-Star Game with inflammation in his right knee. The fact is, the Pacers are only going to go as far as Tinsley can take them, and that appears to be the trainer's table.

Fun fact: Tinsley learned the game playing streetball at Rucker Park. His streetball nickname: Mel Mel The Abuser.

Tayshaun Prince: Remember when Tayshaun was dubbed The Next Scottie Pippen? Turns out that was absolutely true, assuming people meant the early 2000s version of Pippen. His offensive game has fallen off (13.3 PPG on 43 percent shooting), and his specialty -- defense -- hasn't been so hot lately either. Last night, Prince scored 6 points (2-for-10) and got handiwiped by Josh Smith (30 points, 12-for-21). Maybe it's just me, but it sure feels like the improved play of the Pistons bench has served as a cloaking device for Prince's disappointing season.

Fun fact: According to his official Web site, Tayshaun's hobbies include reading and going to plays.

Joe Johnson: The Hawks' All-Star representative shot 3-for-13 against the Pistons. You know, in most cases, averaging 20 PPG on 40 percent shooting for a bad team doesn't win you a spot on the All-Star team (just ask Gerald Wallace). I'm sorry, but Joe's spot should have gone to Jose Calderon.

Fun fact: According to Wikipedia, Joe is "notorious for his great ball-handling ability considering his size, and for his jump shot." He's also notorious for his garlic breath.

Mario West: He played 17 seconds last night. I know I've asked this before, but why even bother to play somebody 17 seconds? Couldn't he accomplish more by handing out towels on the bench, or ordering pizza for after the game?

Fun fact: Mario has appeared in 38 games this season. He has played 35 seconds or less in 13 of those games, including games of one second, two seconds, and three seconds.

Minnesota Timberwolves: I know they're one of the worst teams in the league, but they got beaten last night by Bostjan Nachbar. And if you're wondering whether a monkey got hold of my keyboard and mashed that sentence out by mistake, let me just say ooh OOH aah AAH!!

Fun fact: If you ever need to scream it in excitement, Bostjan's name is pronounced BOSHT-yahn NAHK-bahr. You know, in case you're a Nets fan (unlikely), an NBA groupie (slightly more likely), or a cheap prostitute (call me).

Miami Heat: Well, they're scoring more points and losing close games now. I guess that's a step up. They're 1-22 in their last 23 games.

Fun fact: There is nothing "fun" about the Heat right now. Not even making fun of them.

Allen Iverson: A 5-for-20 shooting night will always win you a place in the Worst of the Night. Especially since I just kind of assume an All-Star could score at least one point per shot.

Fun fact: In an interview about his tattoos, The Answer said, "I put shit on my body that means something to me." He puts...shit on his body?

Sacramento Kings: Playoffs? Don't talk to be about the Kings making the playoffs. Are you kidding me? Playoffs?! Not when you lose to a D-League level Grizzlies team.

Justin Williams: The Kings forward did his best Mario West impersonation, playing 13 seconds and going zero-for-everything.

Chicago Bulls: I'm sick of the excuses. I'm sick of John Paxson making bad moves and not going all-out to make a season-saving trade. I'm tired of Ben Wallace, his contract, and his distractions. And mostly, I'm tired of watching the team fall on its face at home, which happened (again) last night against the Hornets. You might think that a 14-point loss to a really good team isn't anything to be that upset about. And maybe you're right. But if you watched the game, you know that the Bulls just fell apart in the second half due to clunky, misdirected shooting and careless, sloppy passing. Losing is one thing. Losing the way they're losing -- and without any hope for the future -- is another thing. And that thing is depressing.

Labels: Allen Iverson, Brian Scalabrine, Chicago Bulls, Jamaal Tinsley, Joe Johnson, Miami Heat, Minnesota Timberwolves, Sacramento Kings, Tayshaun Prince