If you've been missing Chris Andersen -- the floppy hair, his goofy smile, the 5 ppg average -- then you will be truly moved, perhaps to tears, by this tribute video. Tastefully set to the Benny Hill theme music, this video lovingly recreates Andersen's defining moment: his participation in the 2005 NBA Slam Dunk competition. It's time for the Birdman...to fly.Soar on the wings of your dreams, Birdman!I'm not trying to say that Chris set back race relations in the NBA by, like, 20 years or anything. But this year's Slam Dunk contest participants were announced and you'll notice there isn't a white man among them. Don't you just get the feeling that David Stern's "Off-season To Do" list read something like this:
As always, I'm just sayin'.
- Continue to pimp the WNBA like a cheap whore.
- Implement a player dress code.
- Swim in my giant money bin at least twice a day.
- Keep white men out of the dunk contest.
Famous Birdmen in History: This may surprise you, but Chris Andersen isn't the most celebrated birdman in history. He ranks somewhere between Harvey Birdman, attorney at law, and professional wrestling's "The Birdman" Koko B. Ware. Speaking of Koko, he once performed a song titled Piledriver. In case you're not aware, a piledriver is when you turn the opposing wrestler upside down and drive him or her skull-first into the ground. This song, then, is a powerful metaphor for how love can sometimes be like that. Sample lyrics include: "Sometimes love! It sounds like a fight! It sounds like an argument! It sounds just like a PILEDRIVER!" This song really does illustrate the lighter side of domestic abuse. Unfortunately, I don't think the authorities are going to buy it. "No, no officer. There's no trouble here. Sometimes my love just sounds like I'm driving her head into the floorboards!"