Mark Cuban owns Phil Jackson. No, seriously. He has officially purchased legal ownership of the Zen Master. At least that's what it says over at Cuban's blog. Some of the more inspired snippets from Mark's post include:
"The coach formerly known as the Zen Master must now be considered my bucket boy."Mark, if by some amazing twist of fate you ever read this site, will you marry me? Because I now love you. Not the kind of love that fades with the seasons, mind you. It' s a forever love. Remember that.Mark and the Dallas crowd celebrate theircomplete and total ownage of Phil Jackson.Of course, Phil wasn't going to let this go without making another "subtle" critique of the amazing power Cuban holds over the referees, the NBA, and the planets Eath, Mars, and Uranus.
"There wasn't an official competition that I won, thereby confirming my dominance of his psyche. Instead Phil has initiated an ongoing commentary about me that started in his previous stint with the Lakers and was reinstated this year with his return, that proves that I own the guy."
"For whatever reason, I have gotten to Phil so completely and thoroughly that every time he comes to Dallas he has to offer unsolicited comments about me to the media. I wonder if he dreams about me the nights he spends here in Dallas. Ok, I don't wonder. I'm curious about it."
"Then of course last night he again took the initiative to comment to the media about how I am such a presence in the NBA, that I turn the officials into 'nervous Nellies'. Implying that I can have more influence on the outcome of a game than his coaching skills. I wish. But if Phil wants to think so. I'm fine with that. That’s what happens when you own someone, they cant get you out of their head, and they don't often think, speak, or act rationally."
"I guess Phil was so overwhelmed that it caused him to take back to back delay of game penalties and the technical foul that comes with it, rather than send his team out to the court at the conclusion of a timeout in the 4th quarter."
"I think we all know what's happened around the league since Mark has picked up that franchise. He's done a great job of bringing attendance to the club, he's hired former NBA referees to monitor the game tapes. He sends out a weekly report on referees. There are some things that Mark has done to turn it a little bit in his favor. And that's good. He's trying to do everything he can to sally up points."Those are some pretty sour grapes, Phil. How can you stand to eat those things? Yeeeach. And anyway, it's not like you haven't spent years plying league officials with your snarky little complaints. Here's an idea, and it may be a stretch, but wouldn't your time be better spent coaching your team, and maybe even telling Kobe to pass the ball? I'm just sayin'.