Basketbawful

Tuesday, February 07, 2006

Did anybody know that R&B artist Usher was a minority owner of the Cleveland Cavaliers? It was news to me too. But yeah, apparently he loves Cleveland, and he really loves the Cavs. In fact, he was so juiced about buying into the team, he said, "I look for Cleveland to be my home away from home."

But that...was last March. According to the latest reports, Usher no longer attends Cavalier home games and his music is no longer played at Quicken Loans Arena (am I the only person who still calls it Gund Arena?). According to his publicist, Usher still owns part of the team and is "very active in building the brand" (whatever that means). The Cavaliers organization, for their part, have yet to comment. The whole situation was bizarrely summed up by Paul Swangard, director of the University of Oregon's Warsaw Sports Management Center:

"You can sell the sizzle, but if there's no steak then people are going to figure it out after awhile. If it doesn't happen, then it's totally unauthentic and you run the risk of people saying, 'Can I believe them with anything?'"

Sizzle. Steak. Figuring out that famous people are full of crap. I guess Paul must have picked up the Complete Dumbass's Guide To Duh on his last trip to Borders. Oh well. The real victim in all this is the Cavaliers basketball team. I don't know how they're going to get by without Usher sitting in the front row at their games. I guess they're just going to have to rely on that Lebron James guy if they want to win anything.

Hey! I think I found Usher! It lookslike he's making gay porn these days.
Porntastic Extra: Everybody can relax. We've found Usher. Apparently he's just been sitting around the house, doing crunches and soaking himself in melted butter. Okay. Just what the hell is up with this picture? I understand a man can only rap if he's wearing low-rise jeans, but why the picture of him shirtless, eyes closed, and breathing in the ecstasy of his own musk? Yeah, his abs look great, but even if he had them tattooed with a picture of himself killing a grizzly bear, this is soft-core gay porn. I mean, it's possible this is just a standard publicity shot. He might be thinking, "What kind of a world are we living in? I should be able to strip down and recline, all buff and covered in cooking spray, without people thinking I'm gay." But when you're a famous rapper who owns part of a men's basketball team, you've should probably be a little more conscious of your image. Unless you just really hope to secude Lebron into making out with you.

1 Comments:

Anonymous said...

This post is %100 accurate. Aside from the...black musician = rapper part.

9/22/2008 12:23 PM