Nike is best known for paying sweaty Malaysian children fifty cents a year to make athletic shoes, and then paying Michael Jordan ten million dollars a commercial to hold those shoes up to his face and smile. But in a bold new move, the slave-trading shoe merchant is now pimping out their professional athletes as well.
For absolutely no cost, you can request a special wake-up call from various sports stars, from hottie Maria Sharapova to not-so-hottie Alex Rodriguez. I'm eagerly anticipating a call from Amare Stoudemire tomorrow morning, but I'm a little bummed that Shaq doesn't endorse Nike, because I'd love to get a call from the Diesel's totally sweet shoe phone:"Good morning. It's Shaq. Now wake the hell up!"