I love eBay. A few years ago, $500 was all it took for one lucky man to buy a date with Brutus "The Barber" Beefcake. Now, for a mere $7,000, you can win a lunch with Jerry Sloan! I'm all a tingle!

Jerry Sloan 2
Lunch with this guy for only $7K?! What a bargain!!

Don't get me wrong. I love Jerry Sloan. He's a great and vastly underrated coach. But seriously, can you imagine a more boring lunch? Sloan ranks somewhere between Ben Stein and belly button lint on the Excito-meter. I know he coached John Stockton and Karl Malone for 40 years, but the most exciting thing either of those two guys ever did was when Malone made out with Luke Walton...and by that time Karl was a Laker. (And, for the record, I'm convinced that wouldn't have happened if Sloan had still been coaching Malone. The Lakers ruined Karl Malone. End of story.)

The bright side is that the money will go to a good cause: it will be donated to the Hand-In-Hand Foundation, which Sloan founded after his wife passed away from Breast Cancer. So even while you're nodding off as Sloan explains the 1,952 ways to run a pick and roll, your money just will be saving lives. But not your lunch.

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Jerry Sloan...exciting.
Anonymous Anonymous said...
I really don't appreciate this blog. Jerry Sloan is a very nice and well respected man. In correction to your comment, he coached John Stockton and Karl Malone for 19 years instead of the 40 as you stated. He is a good, smart man, giving many donations to the community and is just an awesome person. Give him a chance would ya?!

Anonymous Anonymous said...
50 years of "really hard contact" basketball makes me think that if you had to pick one coach who would show up "fired and ready to fight" every night then it would be Sloan no matter what team or opponent. Fathom that for a while.

Anonymous Anonymous said...
You must be a very dumb person, if you seriously want to correct this entry.

Of course Sloan coached Malone and Stockton for only 19 years. That's the cornerstone of this blog: irony. You get it? No? Well, maybe you should read something else. Something more straight forward. With no irony at all. Maybe a manuscript of a George W. Bush speech. Yeah. That would fit ...

Anonymous Anonymous said...
I had lunch with Jerry Sloan once. He was actually pretty interesting, he had something going with bonsai trees and some other far flung business thing that didn't sound so good, but overall I'd say he was a nice guy.