The Return of the Warrior D: With the Rockets blazing high up into the heavens, tying NBA records and scoring 140 points, some of those watching in Houston found themselves almost able to smell Nellie's post-game beer; this may seem unbelievable because Mark Jackson coaches the Warriors now, and Don Nelson is probably enjoying his beers on a porch swing in Maui, watching as nearby gigantic sea turtles make love. All the same, I wouldn't be surprised if on nights like this he finds a sudden inexplicable increase in his inebriation, brought on by the vestigial effects of a familiar post-game ritual, thousands of miles away...   ...And in the Twilight Zone.

Unfortunately for the Warriors, their 31 point ass-drubbing took place in this reality. The record I referred to earlier was established when the Rockets hit 23 threes. Only one team in NBA history had accomplished that before, the Orlando Magic team that ended up losing to the Lakers in the Finals. The 140 points the Rockets scored tied the Jazz, strangely enough, for the highest scoring night of the year. While the Jazz game went into overtime, the Warriors were dead in the water by the 2nd quarter. No Rocket players were arrested after the game for assault or manslaughter charges, but Mark Jackson has hired a private investigator to harass Jeremy Lin. On the 1 year anniversary of the day people began coining terms like Linsanity, the man who now wears #7, the man who inspired the masses to believe in puns again, struck again—this time making a career-high 5 three pointers.   

Andrew Bogut, insulting acronym machine: Reading between the lines tells me that Bogut is a little bitter towards the Rockets. It could be a coincidental arrangement of first letters, but I don't think so .

20th century three point shooting: The Rockets banished the 1996 Atlanta Hawks from the list of the all-time top 10 three-point performances. With that exclusion, the list now consists entirely of teams from the new millennium.

The Utah Jazz: No, the Jazz didn't play last night, but the Lakers did. They won, again. This time it was over the Nets. That's 6 of their last 7 games. I'd just like to take the opportunity to say once again, this is all because of the Jazz. I'd give Kris Humphries and Gerald Wallace both a WotN for being so thoroughly posterized by a player in his 17th year, but neither Wallace or Humphries play on the Jazz.   

How good a dunk was it? Adrian Wojnarowski wrote an entire article on it. If that doesn't impress you, then well...I guess you're just Doctor J. Thanks for reading, Doc. The Nets were clearly impressed because they pretty much stopped playing after that.

The Lakers: It's rare that two teams get a WotN after a game, while neither team is the one that actually lost. I've already explained my theory on why the Jazz deserve the blame for Brooklyn's loss; as for the Lakers WotN inclusion, Pau Gasol tore his plantar fascia in the 4th quarter and is expected to miss at least a month. Does anybody have an extra seat to the Lakers funeral? I've always wanted to meet George Mikan.

The Grizzlies: The Warriors aren't the only team irking Andrew Bogut. In an interview with David Aldridge the outspoken center accused the Grizzlies of putting money ahead of winning. It's hard to argue that trading Rudy Gay has made the team more competitive, especially after this latest loss to the Suns. In the end, the defensive prowess that made the team look like a contender early in the year wilted, as a physically ill Goran Dragic was able to take control of the game and send the Memphis crowd home disappointed.   

The Broped Returns: It's odd how 11-36 doesn't look that bad on paper. Maybe the phrase, "missed over two thirds of their shots", would be more affective. Whatever the wording, it all adds up to one thing: a loss. Normally, I'd say that the Bucks were going to lose regardless, since they were playing the streaking Nuggets, but on this particular night something very strange happened.

Those of you who follow Samuel Dalembert for whatever reason know that he can be a bit like a Volcano. Both are tall, generally inert, and disappear from recollection for years at a time. Last night, Mt. Dalembert erupted for career-high 35 points and 12 rebounds on 81% shooting. If you're confused right now, I don't blame you; maybe you didn't realize that Dalembert was still in the league, let alone playing for the Bucks. Well, he is. By most measurements, last night's game was the best of his career. Some might say it's a pity that he lost and only played 27 minutes, but Dalembert received the dubious consolation of becoming the only player in NBA history to post such crazy numbers with so little playing time.

The Bucks have reportedly pounced on the opportunity to try to lure another team into trading for Dalembert. 

Pacers-Hawks: Jeff Pendergraph left no traces of his 1 minute and 39 minutes for Indiana.
Rockets-Warriors: Andris Biedrins made a 10 second cameo against the Warriors for a Mario.
Suns-Grizzlies: The Grizzlies provided two entries: Chris Johnson was statless in 3:27 and Austin Daye led the way to lacktion with a +2 suck differential in 7 minutes and 5 seconds.
Anonymous Half-Man Half-Dead yet said...
Nice read Glenn. I really like Bogut and read the Tweet but missed the CUNT. One thing though: the Broped missed over TWO thirds of their shots...

Blogger Glenn said...
Thanks Half-Man Half-Dead, good looking out. I missed the CUNT thing at first too, and I had to stare at it a bit. It's a bit like a profane magic eye, but without the 3D technology or kid friendliness.

Anonymous DeBruce said...
I know it´s been covered everywhere, but you could have mentioned how the Warriors fouled INTENTIONALLY in the final minute of the game to avoid any Rockets attempts on the 24th and record-braking 3. Talk about pathetic. That made "hack-a-whoever" look classy. Congratulations, coach Jackson.