Monday, February 04, 2013
The NBA is Watching: Flopping with the Flop Police
By Glenn at 12:47 PM
4 comments



Hello NBA fan or Corporate Partner,

This is Derf Bifflebert, Chief Commandant for the NBA's world renowned, courageous Flop Police. I just wanted to let NBA fans know, that we here at the Flop Police are on top of it. Nothing to see here folks, move along. We're over half way through the NBA season, and Manu Ginobli hasn't flopped once. We know conclusively that Manu Ginobli hasn't flopped this season because we haven't warned or fined him.

Notorious offenders like Patrick Patterson for the Rockets and Donald Sloan of the Cavaliers are being brought to justice, or at the very least being given a mostly meaningless warning. We're knocking down their doors and shedding the light of the law on that nest of vipers. Soon, the plague that is flopping will be cleansed from the league, and our players will be 40% pestilence free. (The highest rate in professional sports!)   

As an officially licensed and bonded member of the NBA family, I'd like to take this moment to say GO HEAT!!!! I'd also like to call to everyone's attention a very important fact. No player on the Heat has flopped this season. Isn't that wonderful? In this day and age, the Heat are a beacon of light showing us the way. Now let us all bask in this wonderful, flop free, footage of these exemplary, brave, bold, and beautiful basketballers.


As you can see, Reggie Evans clearly punched him in the gut before striking his shooting arm several times. Personally, I'm not surprised. Evans has always been an enemy to this flop committee, a blatant undesirable journeyman in our NBA galaxy of stars. That's why he was the first player we fined. He's clearly taking out his vile, impish anger on one of our golden sun gods.  

Long Hail the Emperor Lord Stern whose Grace and Valor will echo endlessly over a million light years and whose AWESOME FURY joins continents and leaves volcanoes trembling in HIS wake...

Sorry about that, I blacked out for a second there... Uhm... Nothing to see here, people. Move along. Move along. Don't worry though, we got this. We're watching. We're watching everything.

Sincerely,

Go Fuck Ya-selves, you'll watch anyway

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4 Comments:
Blogger Wormboy said...
Holy shit that was a bad call.

Yeah, freakin NBA and their vaunted impartiality. Though it must be acknowledged that Dweeane Wade no longer hurls himself into traffic trying to draw a foul, like a suicidal urban teen. I'd like to think that he's changed his ways because he realized how douchebaggy it was, but the sad fact is that Wade's body is breaking down because of so much casting himself on the ground. He's finally refraiing, though not after getting a ring with that strategy in 2006. Bets on Riles being behind it? Riles is to douchery as Budweiser is to beers (i.e. "King of").

Shit catches up with ya, doesn't it Dweeane?
2/04/2013 3:47 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...
I advocated the punishments for flopping, but it's a worthless policy if the only guys getting fined are the Bareas and Evans', whereas the "name" players don't get punished.
2/04/2013 4:18 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...
It wasn't a flop, it was a flinch
2/05/2013 8:35 AM  
Blogger Barry said...
As a European "soccer" fan, I hardly ever notice an NBA flop (diving is the common English term for us over here) but Bosh is really making an effort.

Evans knows a thing or two about flopping though.
2/05/2013 3:37 PM  
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