snoop lakers
Snoop gotta avoid looking directly at the suck.

The Los Angeles Los Lakers: Hey guys, the Miami Heat have won a basketball game against the World Champion Los Angeles Lakers.

The Nueva York Knickerbockers: With 52 points and three players in double figures at the half, the-...


...what? Is there any more I can add about a game between two good teams I highly dislike (for different reasons, obviously) that will be reported on ad nauseum even moreso than usual today? Can't a man intentionally choose to take a fantastic nap and not DVR said game and happen to wake up in time for the next game and just leave a big blank space instead? I can't even throw in a sarcastic "Lakers are struggling the Heat are BACK AND SURGING" joke because people will actually be supporting this angle. In expectation of overly-critical Lakers fans, and bandwagon Heat fans trying to be cute and talking about good basket game wins, I choose to not contribute.

OTOH, maybe we're saved from the worst...

Sorry, I don't have credits for whoever made this! But you are awesome.

(Note: The graph was created prior to that barftastic Emperor Riley article after the Portland loss.)

OTOOH, maybe the worst is yet to come...

woj kobe
Doesn't it start to hurt? After all that masturbation?

Video evidence of Kobe Doin' Work After Work. Okay, enough of that. There is this one other thing...

Chris Bosh, quote machine (as seen first on TNT's Halftime Report): "It was just a relief really,... just to come out on top, you know,... it's the best thing to do sometimes, it's just, y'know, get a little man hug, and keep going." *sex offender grin*

bosh manhug smile
Hey guys, ready for our post-win manhug?

Back to our regularly scheduled Basketbawful...

The Nueva York Knickerbockers, take 2: They held the Mavs to only two players in double figures at the half, which is nice I guess (Terry with 14, Marion with 12). But a team scoring 72 by the half? Sounds like someone was playing a D'Antoni team!

[[D'Antoni not amused stock photo]]

Sure the Knicks made a little run to keep it within, uh, 15, but when all you get is 2 points from your starting Center (Jared Jeffries? That's our D'Antoni!), and 2 points from your bench (minus 6th man Shawne Williams, in a combined 46:20 playing time), losses like this are just gonna happen.

Said poor Marv Albert in desperation: "Fans, we've got a game! This is the closest it's been in the 2nd half!" with 3:46 left in the 4th and the Knicks still down 115-104, as the game inched closer to it's 127-109 conclusion with nearly every courtside seat empty.

And Corey Brewer had his say in something that I guess counts as a revenge game, having only been a Knick for a few hours, but alas, may his 7 points on 3-4 shooting with 4 REB, 4 AST, 2 STL, 1 TOV, and 5 PFs in just 16:50 minutes performance be forever burned into New York history.

carmelo hurf
I play basket game for New York

Meanwhile, the Mavs are now in a 20-3 stretch, with all 3 losses by only a single point.

Amar''''''e Stoudemire and Bennett Salvatore: But let's rewind to the 2nd quarter, where STAT picked up his 16th technical of the year on a classic NBA 2010-11 Respect The Game call. I mean, he wasn't moving towards the official, and his hands weren't even above his shoulders, let alone his head!!

I'm still torn between being happy that whining is being punished, and giving official more control of the games, and the widening gap between superstar treatment and the middle class NBA player, and the fact that we have to look for stupid shit as I demonstrated in jest in the prior sentence.

Meanwhile, Salvatore is still referee filth, nothing new to see here.

Nuggets Suns Basketball
Le Basket Game!

The Phoenix Heart Attack Suns: To be fair, this atleast was a different heart attack than what's been happening lately skating by with all these close wins. Just horrible stretches of nothing but turnovers, topped off by this lovely sequence to end the half:

0:06 55-49 Hakim Warrick bad pass (Nene Hilario steals)
0:04 57-49 Hakim Warrick bad pass (Ty Lawson steals)
0:01 59-49 Grant Hill bad pass

And even though it seemed like both teams needed MORE TURNOVERS FOR THE TURNOVER GODS, games with each team recording 19+ TOVs are surprisingly common, having already happened in 41 times this season.

So the Suns became yet another casualty to Denver's wounded tiger run. As this point late in the season, looks like this will be enough to ensure Denver's playoff spot, while Portland's resuccitation, Memphis's solid play with or without Gay, and New Orleans's sqeezing every last Win Share out of Chris Paul combine to make Phoenix the 9th wheel. With our potential draft pick being estimated in the Jimmer Fredette range, and a potential lockout to strip us from Nash's potential last season in the valley, things are not looking hopeful for the Suns faithful.

Not good at all. I tried telling myself at the beginning of this season to not put hope in this team. Somehow I got suckered in again through some cognitive dissonance from the Hedo trade, to Gortat finding statistical manna playing with Nash. Stuck in the dreaded treadmill of mediocrity, as put by Mark Cuban recently at the Sloan Conference.

I don't know why I chose tonight to decide to believe this, after all the other rants I've incoherently put together. I like to believe in miracles, as something that occurs outside of ones picture of reality. Reasonable miracles really, such as a Tim Duncan 3 pointer, or Tim Donaghy.

But at some point, things hit a limit of reasonability at a different point for any given individual. Obviously all 29 other NBA teams could be replaced by D-Leaguers and Andrea Bargnani's, and hope would be restored. But after tonight's game, I just feel enough of the picture is shown, that there's no reason to hope anymore. I can't even bring myself to see the playoffs percentage countdown from 30% to 0%, as I did back in 2009. Sure I'll continue to read what they say on Twitter, watch Gortat highlights on YouTube, and be amazed at the agelessness of Hill and Nash. But that upper limit, upper potential, no longer.

Maybe this happens to all fans, or not at all. Maybe it just happens really quick and early. Maybe it occurs with a big sudden event, such as the incidents that have occurred to the Jazz who I'd model as the situation most similar. Maybe there's something about enjoying stories of justice and revenge that's unhealthy at the sports level, maybe not. I wish I could say I'd prefer it any of those ways, but I don't know. All I know is that one time is absolutely worth it.

In a day which I'm sure will be dominated by Lakers and Miami fans looking for sympathies, may atleast one voice for true lost hope in the Suns be spoken. And we can all continue to ignore the Spurs and the Mavericks.


chris's Lacktion Report: Always providing hope, for the best of the worst.

Lakers-Heat: Erick Dampier divvied out three boards in 18:37, but also had a brick, foul, and three turnovers for a 4:3 Voskuhl. Joel Anthony countered a singular rebound in 4:52 with two fouls for a 2:1 ratio of his own.

Knicks-Mavs: Jared Jeffries. Voskuhl. Duh. 7:6 in 23:31 of starting-big-man time, countering four boards, an assist, and field goal with four fouls and three turnovers.

Ronny Turiaf blew a block in 11:51 with 3 fouls for a 3:0 Voskuhl.

For Dallas, Ian Mahinmi can now buy as many Dairy Queen Blizzards as he wants from Mark Cuban after gathering up a 1.6 trillion (1:35).

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Anonymous Ted said...
From the ESPN game recap:

"Steve Nash, bothered by an irritated bone in the groin area, played only 10 minutes in the second half."

Blogger AnacondaHL said...
Oh, I forgot to mention that the Suns were supposed to be on TNT tonight, but they opted instead for AMARE'S AND MELO'S AND I GUESS A BIT OF BILLUPS'S Knicks. This probably contributed to my rant, despite the Suns's horrible record playing on TNT.

Anonymous Aaron said...
the suns are just...sad.

this feels exactly like the last year with Shaq. they showed some good stuff, then disappointed the hell out of you. whenever there was a big game, they lost badly. think about it, their recent quality wins (close ones, OTs) came up playing bad record teams. so there should be nothing to celebrate.

Congratulations to the Denver Nuggets and Coach Karl on winning in Phoenix for the first time in a LONG time!

Anonymous kazam92 said...
Suns just feel like a 43 win 9 seed. Feel so bad for Nash.

Blogger Zack said...
As a Raptors fan(ish), I would like to commend your singling out of Bargnani.

remember, it could be worse..

Blogger AnacondaHL said...
Zack - I singled out Bargs not only because he's Bargs, but also since I own him on my fantasy team I'm well aware of his statistical shortcomings.

Which BTW, an update on that will be sent in on Monday after the playoff seedings are set, pending my supurb laziness.

Blogger Dan B. said...
AnacondaHL -- Have I mathematically clinched dead last yet?

Anonymous Anonymous said...
from the desk of Mo Williams
Lol, man hugs. Lol who does that.

Anonymous JJ said...

Blogger chris said...
Even in victory, the Bostrich sure has some strange facial expressions.

Blogger AnacondaHL said...
Topping off the Woj disgust of the day, here's his puff piece which ends fittingly with these words, as foretold by my picture caption:

"Keep coming for Kobe, keep coming for June."

Anonymous Anonymous said...
If this guy (skip to 0:37) replaced Clyde Frazier, I might be able to make it through an entire Knicks telecast.

Blogger Will said...

Blogger Basketbawful said...
Topping off the Woj disgust of the day, here's his puff piece which ends fittingly with these words, as foretold by my picture caption:

"Keep coming for Kobe, keep coming for June."

Jesus. I feel like this deserves a "How does my ass taste?" joke.

Blogger Basketbawful said...
Blake Griffin has done the seemingly impossible again.

[slaps self]

Fuck. I'm awake. This is...real.

Anonymous Aaron said...
Here is the deal. If the Heat had lost, you expected to see their players openly cried. But the Lakers lost and Kobe went to practice. He ain't crying.

Anonymous Anonymous said...
I'm a long-time Suns fan, I've had league pass since 97, and haven't missed more than 1 or 2 of their games a season since then, but this is the year I've finally stopped tuning in. When my wife got me lower-bowl tickets to the Suns@Clips the day after Christmas, I saw up close how they just ain't gonna get it done this year. From Joe Johnson, to Marcus "runway model" Banks, to Amar'''''e's departure, the slow devolution of this team is now nearly complete, and if Nash and Hill weren't such good guys they'd be gone too. Time to pray for lottery gold!

Blogger AnacondaHL said...
Anon - Well said. Except for the part about praying for lottery gold, in what's being projected as the weakest draft since 2000, and no one even hinting as a fit for the Suns in their pick range. Even a lottery win would be fail, none of the top guys would help at all. Pretty much just don't visit DraftExpress, because it is just depressing.

I do implore you to watch Gortat play alongside Nash, as it is the only redeeming thing about the season (maybe an occasional Warrick oop, or a hilariously out of place Dudley dunk). Actually finishing strong or soft at the rim? Marion who? Passes out of the post and hits a midrange respectably well? Amare who? Real rebounding? Any Suns big man since Barkley who? Hella refreshing.

Anonymous tabman said...
Tweet from Heat beat writer on Kobe's post-game shooting:

"Point worth noting: Heat did have private practice court for Kobe, which would have inconvenienced far fewer working at arena. #allforshow"

Blogger chris said...
As much as I loathe Kobe, I adore that he forced the Heat employees to stay at the arena a little bit longer.

Gorgeous bit of gamesmanship.

Blogger AnacondaHL said...
Footbawful alert: NFL Players Union just filed for decertification.


May this be a lesson for the NBA CBA talks.

Anonymous Business Time said...
As much as I hate to defend Kobe, there's probably also a big psychological/cathartic effect of taking all those shots on the exact same court and rims that he just failed on. I doubt we'll ever know if he just wanted to put on a show for the media, but at least in my mind there is a somewhat reasonable excuse.

Blogger lordhenry said...
The Heat finally went to D-whistle down the stretch, unfortunately for the Lakers. Good win for the Heat.

Blogger Clifton said...
Anaconda: Were you lucky enough to be there in person, or did you have to watch it on Cocks Cable channel 108, too?

My eyesight is still reverting to normal, 24 hours later. I don't know wtf is up with Fox Sports AZ Extra, but I had to keep fighting the urge to get up and adjust the nonexistent rabbit-ears on my TV to try and get a better signal.

--Clifton (equally sad Phoenician)

Anonymous Franz said...
In Orlando Magic losses this season, in how many was the margin of defeat less than or equal to the amount of free-throws that Dwight Howard missed?

Anonymous Stockton said...
Hate the Jazz right now...
Guess big Al will spend another postseason fishing...

Big changes needed... asap!!

Blogger AnacondaHL said...
Clifton - As a long time resident and watcher of FSAZ, if you told me that they intentionally made their non-HD stream even fuzzier after the digital switch, probably with the intent to charge more $ for HD, I wouldn't even blink.

Blogger stephanie g said...
The Onion has been on fire with their basketball stuff recently. Their latest article on Ainge and BYU is

Blogger Wormboy said...,19236/?utm_source=recentnews

Good God almighty, this is hilarious: "Allen also gained access to a computer on which he read about a failed procedure to shrink Kevin Garnett's adrenal gland in order to decrease his production of testosterone and significantly reduce the amount of time he acts like a dick."

Anonymous kazam92 said...
Jamaal Magloire scored four points today. Read that sentence again.

Anonymous Jon L. said...
I don't like the Heat even more now just because of "crygate". You didn't see the Celtics doing that during the Big 3's first year together.

Blogger LotharBot said...
J.R. Smith of the Denver Nuggets started jacking 3's in the fourth quarter, and hit 7 of them. That ties the NBA record for threes in a quarter (Michael Redd, April 14 2002 vs Charlotte.)

Some Detroit hands in the general vicinity of J.R.'s face might have kept them to losing by single digits instead of by 30.

Blogger Jason D said...
Scary moment for us Laker fans with Kobe going down. That did not look good at all. Hopefully it doesn't get worse later on. Hate Kobe all you want, but you can't knock his toughness.

Great win by the Lakers as well, Bynum is playing out of his freaking mind! I love it!

Blogger Wormboy said...
Frackin drama peddlers over at ESPN with this headline: "Hurt Kobe feared season done." Of course, what he was really saying was that he had that stab of fear when he first when down.

Yes, lying to up their page views. I give you ESPN, ladies and gentlemen!

Blogger Interstate08 said...
"If this guy (skip to 0:37) replaced Clyde Frazier, I might be able to make it through an entire Knicks telecast. - "


I laughed my ass off at this comment. Being a Knicks fan I feel bad making fun of Clyde. I agree though, he is as stiff as a ton of bricks during the tip-off and halftime reports. On some days, when he seems particularly primed for bawful, they put the camera on him and he appears to be expecting certain death from every direction. Luckily, I am now generally prepared for such moments with controller in-hand, ready to fast-forward immediately upon sensing the inevitable cringe.

Overall I don't mind him, since I guess all the bawful is cancelled out by the fact that without him the Knicks would possibly have zero championships. :-P

Anonymous kazam92 said...
Lothar - as annoying as JR is as a player, I can guarantee he will break Kobe/Donyell Marshall's 3 point record sometime. He actually had an 11 three game already. If the guy had a brain, he'd be a top 10 NBA player which is a terrifying thought

Blogger Clifton said...
Anaconda-- I'm right there with you. I've been watching FSAZ back since it was "ASPN", on our old 2-digit cable box that went up to maybe 60 or so. Do you remember George Allen, who used to call games on ASPN/FSAZ? I went to middle and high school with his son, George Allen Jr.

Anyway, there's FSAZ HD and regular FSAZ, but they have a 3rd channel, called FSAZ Extra, which is channel 108 on Cox. For the most part it just sits there off-air, but they showed a lot of ASU basketball on it this season, and at least one late-season ASU football game that comflicted with a Suns game.

When the game was pulled from TNT, FSAZ got to cover it, but they were showing wall-to-wall coverage of the Pac-10 Tourney on the main channel that night, so they moved the Suns game to FSAZ Extra.

It was like trying to watch one of those videos on Youtube when people record something showing on a TV with their cameraphones. Parts of the screen seemed like they didn't sync up sometimes, it was blurry, it was tiny... ehh.

NOW I'm sitting here stuck with watching today's developing debacle on ABC. Does anyone else get the impression that watching a game with JVG and Mark Jackson doing commentary is like watching a talk show with a basketball game going on in the background? All these guys do is talk about hatever's on their mind... incessantly.

Blogger Clifton said...

Blogger Clifton said...
Last year, about this time, when Barbosa was struggling to regain his form with the Suns, you'd see him start a drive to the basket -- he'd duck his head and almost look like he was running with his eyes closed. Frequently, the result was a badly-missed layup (or turnover) with Barbosa careening out of bounds, leading to a 5-on-4 break the other way.

Every time I saw him put his head down and take that giant first step, I gasped and covered my eyes.

This year, every time I see Vince Carter catch the ball two feet behind the three-point line and take that split second to size up his shot, I'm starting to have the same reaction.

Anaconda, I know you hear me. The guy's inside game is, at this point, beyond nonexistent. On any given possession, he rarely even ventures inside the 3-point line! WHAT THE EFF IS HE DOING OUT THERE??

Blogger Unknown said...
And Kevin Love's double-double streak ends at the hands of that defensive juggernaut...the Golden State Warriors! It just somehow seems fitting, no?

Blogger chris said...

Only ONE Milwaukee Buck scored double-digits the form of...

Earl Barron with a mere 10 points.



The deer are about as scary as Ronald McDonald.

Blogger eljpeman said...
The Clevelan_ Ca_avers don't deserve the letter D in their name anymore, not after a dunk and 5 layups from Russell Westbrook.;_ylt=AinsFnM8t6pXtxN4fEW17Iy8vLYF?gid=2011031305

"...He began his one-man sideshow by delivering a dunk that stunned the Thunder, the Cavs, ushers, vendors, mascots and 19,000 fans.

...Westbrook followed it up with five consecutive layups, spinning around or blowing past any Cleveland defender daring to cover him."

Blogger Preveen said...
Ah Earl Barron. Dropped by the Heat. Top scorer on the Bucks. Maybe they should have kept him, he can't be worse than the guys they signed at center and he's sure to be cheaper.

Blogger Rogue said...
@ Bawful, Since so many teams lost by double digits, I would name it Lopsided Sunday.

Also, Kevin Love destroyed by defense of David Lee ? I think the recent quakes also tilted Lee off its axis too.

Anonymous Aaron said...
i hate espn's heat index. everytime there is a game, they call it "5 things to watch". but if you read it, it is ALWAYS about what the heat must do to win. i know...i shouldn't be expecting any objectivity this late in the season, but still, it pisses me off.

Anonymous kazam92 said...
Preveen - You have no idea how wrong you are. Earl Barron was the 2nd coming of Mark Blount

AND THEY WERE TEAMMATES IN 07-08!!! He is all kinds of bawful. I just remember him bricking wide open shots in his tenure here and never going in the post.

Blogger stephanie g said...
Chris: Dude, Ronald McDonald is damned scary. If you woke up in the middle of the night and he was in your bedroom looking at you I'd bet you'd sing a different tune.

Knicks suck. Losing to the Cavs three times, letting Psycho T look like prime McHale.