Dirk shows us a summary of the Mavericks' playoff appearance via interpretive

In a hurry today, guys. Gotta keep it short (like a Bobcats playoff appearance).

Need a bawful gift for a kid? Today only on kids.woot.com, you can pick one or more of these bad boys for cheap (like $10 cheaper than the nba.com store).
If only they were a little taller, you could recreate Shaq's body type on the Crabs Potato Head

Worst of the Night in Pictures:

Chin up, Brandon Roy! At least you weren't there for the five other consecutive first round losses.

Rowdy Roddy Piper says you're doing it wrong:

All The Friday Games:
Hawks at Bucks - ESPN, 7:00pm
Bucks lead series 3-2

Bad news, Bango. The old Sonics mascot already outdid your puny 16' ladder backflip dunk with a 20' ladder backflip dunk!

However, some good news if you're a Bucks fan. (And horrible news if you're a fan of fair, competitive basketball). Bill Simmons tweets: "Best sign if you're a Bucks fan: Bennett Salvatore is tonight's crew chief. An all-time "get swept up by the home crowd" ref."

Lakers at Thunder - ESPN, 9:30pm
Lakers lead series 3-2

An elimination game for the Thunder could be interesting. Only three of their players have ever been in the playoffs before this season. Seriously, I am looking forward to this one. Hopefully the Thunder don't get cockblocked by Luke Walton.

Nuggets at Jazz - ESPN2, 10:00pm
Jazz lead series 3-2

Okay, Denver did look pretty good the other night. However, Nene is out with a hyperextended knee. Also, Jerry Sloan has coaching experience dating back to the days of showing Grog and his caveman buddies how to throw a rock inside the hole in the cave wall. That has to be an advantage.

* * *

All The Saturday Games:
Celtics at Crabs - TNT, 8:00pm
Series tied 0-0

I am greatly enjoying following LeBron's Elbow on Twitter. However, I keep waiting for him to link to this:

* * *

All The Sunday Games:
Bucks at Hawks - ABC, 1:00pm
Series tied 3-3

Jazz at Lakers - ABC, 3:30pm
Series tied 0-0

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Anonymous The Unknown Miner said...
The Crabs potato head looks like Mike Brown. That dude really looks like Mr. Potato head.

Anonymous Anonymous said...
Rowdy Roddy's finest moment. Does anyone even remember the name of that movie, or anything else besides that moment?

Blogger Dan B. said...
It's from They Live. I haven't actually watched the entire movie yet, but I did download a Blu-Ray high def rip of it awhile ago (don't have Blu-Ray player yet. Sigh.) I do know there was a pretty epic fight scene in it that just kept going, and going, and going when he was trying to convince someone to put on the glasses.

Blogger chris said...

Jerry Stackhouse starts tonight's deer-fear-fest off with a rendition of the national anthem!!!


Blogger 49er16 said...
The immortal Mario West makes an appearance in the Bucks-Hawks game.

Blogger Dan B. said...
Man, this Lakers/Thunder game has been pretty entertaining. Meanwhile, for anyone who is interested, Rowdy Roddy Piper's They Live is coincidentally coming on AMC at midnight tonight! (All of three minutes from now for my fellow Eastern time zone bawfulites)

Blogger Dan B. said...
...fuck. The Thunder's offensive gameplan and execution were pretty bawful in the last two minutes of that game. Their youth really showed there. I cannot think of anything else to say right now except I feel like punching something and/or someone.

Anonymous Czernobog said...
Damnit, OKC. Damn and blast it.

Captcha: reaur, where the thunder just took it.

Blogger Unknown said...
Good grief, down to the wire. Hats off to the Thunder in just about every respect.

Just how important is Gasol to the Lakers? Holy wow.

Blogger Austen said...
I'm going to go ahead and put in a Worst of the Night to Nuggets Center Anderson. With only seconds to go and the game long since sealed away for the Jazz, he then proceeds to cheap-shot Deron Williams with a hard screen. The impact looks to have injured Williams' left arm, and his currents status is unknown. Way to uphold your "Thuggets" nickname! I guess if you guys can't beat the Lakers in the Playoffs, you'll make sure no one else can, either.

Anonymous Karc said...
I really hate Vegas. The O/U for Den-Utah was 215.5. The final ended up being 216 (112-104). Just another reminder that Vegas knows sports, and the rest of us know jack.

Anonymous tabman5 said...
Karc - I believe "Vegas knows sports" precisely because of the rest of us. That is, I'm pretty sure the over/under is set based on how people are betting, and over/under can change based on how people are betting. The bookmaker tries to guarantee a profit by adjusting the odds according to how bets are being placed. Just my two cents.

Blogger beep said...
Yet again Suns vs Spurs battle ahead.... somehow these are always entertaining.

Anonymous Brian said...
Agent Zero can't stay away from gun trouble.


Blogger AnacondaHL said...
Kinda sad how Scott Brooks was saying during one of those InsideTrax whatever things, to rebound as your life depended on it... and that last play...

Props to the OKC crowd for immediately applauding their team, seeing them drop to the ground after the final buzzer.

Blogger Dan B. said...
Post updated to reflect schedule changes for Sunday's games. Not really in the mood to do previews for those games. Still heartbroken about the Thunder pissing away last night's game.

Anonymous Anonymous said...
LeBron's elbow's twitter account is hilarious:

"LeBron's secret to greatness? Before each game he uses an inhaler that contains the breath of a unicorn."

"LeBron does not need another MVP trophy. He already drives around with the first one buckled in the front seat. He even gave it a bluetooth"

"The lady at Wendys asked LeBron if he wanted a large, he said "That's what she said", nobody laughed, so he gave himself a highfive..."

"LeBron knows every line to Cool Runnings and as of right now, he's reenacting the movie, by himself, as we drive to the Q."

Blogger chris said...
Adam: I've always been one to say that Gasol is clearly what makes the Lakers contenders, as opposed to the first-round-darkhorses they were with Kwame Brown!

Kobe may not want to admit that is the case publically, but he probably relishes the chances for a ring that the Spanish Marshmallow has inflated for him.

Blogger chris said...

Yet there's one problem with this article:

The center of attention for the Los Angeles Lakers and Utah Jazz second-round series beginning on Sunday at Staples Center has shifted to the injuries to both teams' starting centers.


Well, as Dan B. and I just agreed, it seems Bynum is a Starter In Name Only, whose job is to last a few minutes before his fragile, matchsticks-and-bailing wire frame falls apart so that Pau Gasol can come in and do cleanup.

Blogger AnacondaHL said...
Query: Do the Celtics keep coming out of halftime leads to blow it in the 3rd/4th because Doc Rivers has to give an obligatory locker room motivational speech, and it just makes them all dumber, and/or hate life?

Anonymous Anonymous said...
re: AnacondaHL

More like 3 of their 4 best players are only good for about 20 minutes a game before running out of gas. Though I like your answer better (side note: does anyone else get angry that Doc Rivers and Mike Brown have more Coach of the Year awards than Jerry Sloan?)

Blogger Unknown said...
I know this has nothing to do with basketball (well...Magic Johnson was in the crowd, I guess), but is Chris Brown the right guy to be singing the national anthem at the Mayweather/Mosley fight?

Anonymous Anonymous said...
Anaconda -

The reason is because the Celtics are used to getting a nap during halftime in the Seniors Only league that they usually play in.

Blogger Dooj said...
A few thoughts from the Celtics/Cavs game:

1. Can the announcers stop saying, "LeBron is playing with one arm! This is incredible!" No, he's playing with a strained elbow. It's not like he's just left handed.

2. The Cleveland crowd is awful. The whole game the jumbotron was the loudest thing in the game. I remember thinking, "Is this a pre-season game?" Even the Laker's fans are better...

3. Mo Williams gave an interview where he said you have to punch the bullies of the league (the Celtics) back. Does he understand that Shaq is on his team?

Blogger Unknown said...
chris: The Lakers' record after the trade more than makes that clear. Though I think it's also somewhat due to the Gasol-Kobe dynamic and not just Gasol. Kobe actively seeks Gasol out a lot and the two of them work well together. And yeah, while I love Bynum when he's having strong games, the guy is made out of candy glass.

Dooj: I can't even stand the Cleveland announcer. I have to watch games on mute to keep from hearing "THREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!" every time a three pointer is made.

Anonymous Czernobog said...
I'm pretty sure I'm the only reader who gives a shit about Snooker, but can we give Graeme Dott a shout? Dude just choked away a 3 frame lead and looks to be at least two frames behind by the end of the night. All through unforced errors.

Gasol is just a beast. I'mm having trouble deciding whether he was underrated before, or if his game has reached a new level last year.

Anonymous Karc said...
Look, the Lakers were playing an undermanned Jazz team, so of course they were going to build a huge lead, and then blow it even worse than last year or the year before, because the Jazz actually took the lead late and should have won the game. But it was blatantly obvious how the Jazz were able to come back in the game. At the start of the second quarter, Luke Walton hits a three. Lakers up 14, and 2-2 from three point land. But then they went 0-10 for the rest of the game, and long missed threes equals long rebounds equals fast break. Deron Williams running the break. Hell, even the bench could run the break against the Lakers, and they did to wipe away the lead in the fourth with contributions from a Laker bench that went classic Jekyll in the first half and classic Hyde in the second, outside of Odom. Never understood while the 24th ranked three-point shooting offense in the NBA is taking so many bad threes, but that's just me. I mean, they defend the three really well (1st in the NBA, and Utah was 5-17), but this was the same question mark that lingers every time the games are close when they should be blowouts. Seriously, when Kobe and Pau are making a combined 48 million dollars a year when the cap will only be 60 or less, this is the game you show to everyone to say "Shut it."

Blogger stephanie g said...

Words fail.

Anonymous Karc said...
Sorry for the double post, but read this Phil Jackson quote after the game and I had a question for the peeps.

"I thought one through seven we did pretty good, but our bench let us down."

Ok, my question is who is number seven? Odom is obviously number six, and Josh Powell had a Super Mario of 9 seconds (more like a Super Mario with an Invincibility Star), so he really could not suck as noticeably as usual. But that leaves Walton, Brown, and Farmar as the three suspects. As in one was good, two sucked (my guess is that it was Farmar and Brown, since Old Man Fish had to play 40 minutes). Now, knowing classic Zen Master, he's intentionally telling those three that only one of them was good (I'm betting it was Walton), so that they all question themselves and thus, all three step up the next game. Or maybe he's just getting up there in years and meant 6 instead of 7. Or maybe he increases the number by "accident" in hopes that his Jedi mind trick works in the front office during contract negotiations, so they give him 15 million a year instead of 14 next year. Just can't tell with this guy.

Anonymous Anonymous said...
does somebody have a video of the terrible call by the refs on Josh Smith during the 1st quarter? I mean he was not even touching Jennings and yet the refs called a foul on him.

Anonymous Anonymous said...
I guess the Bucks knew that losing to the Hawks in 7 is a more positive season ender then getting swept by the Magic in Round 2. At least, thats how they played.

Anonymous Anonymous said...
@Czernobog, no Pau was underrated. And i am the president of the Laker-hater fanclub. He has super-doody tough skills around the bucket. He is the reason they won last year, criminally unerrated.

Blogger AnacondaHL said...
stephanie g: That Kobe in white picture MUST be used today.

The interview is actually pretty funny, if unintentionally most of the time, although Kobe is a grizzled PR veteran by now so he knows what not to say.

(oblig joke) Picking up dog shit? This shouldn't be a surprise, he's got to play with the Lakers' bench every game!

Anonymous Sorbo said...
Wow, shocked at the amount of Laker hate. Really. Shocked. I can barely type. Here's the storyline for that game: Lakers' six-man rotation killed it, bench played like shit, Kobe dominated at the end, Utah couldn't make plays at the end and choked on its Mormon special underwear (look up the last one). Don't talk about Jazz injuries, because they won their first round series with all of those same injuries and faced a Kobe-like player in Carmelo. They just have shit match-ups with no one to guard Kobe and Boozer guarding Gasol. Boozer's too slow and not long enough. And no, that's not a dick joke.

And can we get a Bawful on biased reporting, with AP showing Laker hatred to the team's fans: "Even the Hollywood crowd was tense, with many fans anxiously kneading or waving the giveaway white T-shirts they apparently were too cool to wear."

Yes, AP, they are too cool to wear them. I don't want to see Jessica Alba courtside in a XL white t-shirt. I want to see her anywhere on a wardrobe scale of naked to half-naked. Besides, the white-out thing is starting to get lame.

Blogger Shiv said...
Jerry Sloan, unintentionally dirty quote machine: "He's so big and long and that's where he hurt us." via TrueHoop.

Kaptcha: diselesc, as in Pau Gasol is so dominating right now that it's almost diselesc.

Blogger Lord Kerrance said...
Does anyone else hear the Charlie Brown Christmas music a la Arrested Develpment when they see that Brandon Roy pic?