Wait a second. I thought hawks could fly, but deer couldn't?

The next time Chris makes a Nintendo reference about a Mario, it'd be a good time to break out this bad boy: Super Mario Crossover. Ever wondered what it'd be like to play the Super Mario Brothers NES game, but play as another NES game character like Mega Man, Link, Simon from Castlevania, or that badass dude from Contra? Your questions have been answered. Have fun blowing shit up with guns and cracking Goombas with whips! (H/t to my buddy Jeff for sharing this)

Horrible news for 80s-style action movie fans (since I know we've got a few other than Bawful and myself that read this blog). David Ayer (known for writing and directing dark dramas) is going to remake Commando. He plans to "put his own real-world spin on this original premise," and "Ayer’s protagonist will be less brawny, but more skilled in covert tactics and weaponry." This sounds like a gigantic sack of shit compared to the original's perfection. It won't be campy and goofy and fun, so what's the point? If you want to make a serious movie, don't base it off something that never took itself seriously in the first place! (At least The Running Man hasn't been remade. Yet.)

A bit of local news for me. In the buildup to this weekend's Kentucky Derby, there are countless parties and bashes featuring celebrity appearances. This year, however, we are being treated to Dennis Rodman appearing as a DJ at the Derby Pretty event at the Frazier International History Museum in Louisville. I would go, but my compensation for writing for this blog ($0) falls a little short of the table reservations at this event ($750-$2000). Sorry, guys. I'm just as heartbroken as you are.

And this has nothing to do with anything, but must be shared: the Better Marriage Blanket.


According to Jimmy Traina from SI.com's Hot Clicks, this is real. He had to call their 1-800 number to verify it wasn't just a fake ad. Amazing.

Worst of the Night in Pictures:

After seeing George Lopez's godawful late night show, I hoped this fake fight would escalate to a whuppin'

Be careful to not piss off Jerry Sloan too much. He's got that crazy Old Man Strength.

All The Games:
Mavericks at Spurs - TNT, 8:00pm
Spurs lead series 3-2

If somebody finds Jason Kidd's youthful energy and talent, please return to the Mavericks' team office. Thanks in advance.

Suns at Frail Blazers - TNT, 10:30pm
Suns lead series 3-2

Tempo will be the key here. If the Suns can run, and perhaps more importantly get the Blazers to run with them, they should win. However, considering how easily the Blazers get hurt, it's hard to keep them running without tearing ACLs and blowing out kneecaps.

Labels: , ,

Anonymous Anonymous said...
I've often said all the best technology comes from military research. Up next, the Better Marriage Kilt, the Better Marriage Bus Seat Cover, and the Better Marriage Whole House Wrap.
Maybe the Paupers could build a new downtown arena out of this miracle material.

Blogger chris said...
That's not in the book: Well, the marriage between the Maloofs and the capital of California is about as strong as that between Sandra Bullock and Jesse James.

Blogger Ivan said...
I ran across this video posted by Bill Simmons in his new article today, a 1984 game between the Celtics and the 76ers: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=v2yaRk2u7sE

If you scroll around the 7:00 minute mark, you'll see one of the most bizarre basketball fights ever, where Moses Malone and Charles Barkley both are holding Larry Bird by his head and neck while Dr. J (ab)uses Bird like a punching bag. I'd love to know what the consequences of that would be in today's NBA...

Blogger chris said...
Ivan: Kazam92 will appreciate this blurb from the Sports Guy -

200. Jermaine O'Neal
We have a new basement for playoff contract runs: In 117 brutal minutes over five games, O'Neal missed 35 of 44 shots, missed four of seven free throws, grabbed just 28 rebounds and nearly finished with a negative PER (2.8) ... and that doesn't begin to describe how poorly he played. He was like the Bizarro 2004 Jerome James. When your fans are clamoring for Joel Anthony, you know something horrible is happening. On the bright side, you know Mark Cuban has a five-year, $33 million offer waiting for him.

Blogger AnacondaHL said...
The 2nd recordable instance in the history of Twitter, being used for something fantastic:


Blogger Basketbawful said...
Ivan -- Yeah, I actually have that game on tape (although I'm not sure it will survive another playing). It remains one of the strangest events/fights in modern NBA history. If that happened today, the suspensions would be looooooong....

By the way, playing SMB as Mega Man? Fucking awesome.

Blogger AnacondaHL said...

Dallas on pace to score 32! WE KNOW DRAMA

Blogger Dan B. said...
Bawful -- What game doesn't instantly become 10 times greater when you can play as Mega Man and blow shit up with your gun? Not to mention hear that kickass music from when you start a new level.

Blogger Benny Profane said...
And we have a ball game in San Antonio....

I have to say, I think the biggest surprise has TNT/ABC/Espn's choice of music into and out of commercials. They actually play some relevant/decent music. A long way from them using the Pussycat Doll's "Right Now."

Anonymous Greg said...
Another beauty from Reggie Miller: "The Spurs have one of the best coaches in George Popovich."

Blogger zyth said...
i love the suns and Steve, but still rip ptb. howeva, Brandon deserves this : 1/8 from range(4/16 in general), and the only one was a bullshit last second shot.
and oh my God, Grant Hill is finally in the second round of the playoffs!

Blogger zyth said...
and...holy hell, why did the mavs act like the roided up lovechild of lou ferrigno and macho man randy savage all of a sudden? dirk hacks the hell out of every one and bitches about the foul on hill, dampier just shoves timmah on almost every play...Jaysus. go Timmy.

Anonymous Stockton said...
Oh yeah, the San Antonio Zombies are back!!!!!! I told you, when you think they're dead, they rise from the grave!!!!
And now we're on to a Suns-Spurs series. Classic! I just hope Bruce and Horry make a wwe-alike entrance on the court, running through the crowd, pushing Nash, and fleeing to the locker room while the Stoudamire chases them around the building to the sound of benny Hill music.

Blogger David Landon said...
So, it's the Spurs & Suns in the 2nd round. I'm sure Phoenix will find a way to lose, like they always do.

Anonymous Anonymous said...
All I want to know is: will the better marraige blanket help me perform unconquerable dutch ovens?

Count me in!

Blogger DC said...
I really love listening to pissants like David Ayer trying to talk tough. They make me laugh. If Matrix was here, he'd laugh too.

Blogger Dan B. said...
You're a funny guy, Drake. I like you. That's why I'm going to kill you last.

(I am totally watching my Commando DVD this weekend at some point...)

Blogger starang said...
I would like to contribute to you getting a table at the Derby Pretty event. I feel obligated to help since I and a reader of the post.


Only print what you need...we don't want to depreciate the currency.

Blogger Dan B. said...
starang -- That's awesome. Too bad Rodman himself won't be collecting the money. If so, I might have been able to get in with just one of those bad boys.