The Philadelphia 76ers: Count 'em up: That's four straight losses since Philly clinched a playoff berth. And they gave up a season-high 18 points (including 4-for-4 three-point shooting) to Wally Szczerbiak. And I gotta tell you, it's hard to have much confidence in a team that can't stop Wally World in a really-need-to-win game. And suddenly their hopes of moving up to fifth have turned into fears of falling to as far as eighth.

Samuel Dalembert: Sammy's selfish streak continued with zero assists in 30 minutes of action. Dalembert now has exactly 1 assist in his last 26 games (versus 152 shot attempts and 37 turnovers). Dude has didn't have an assist in the entire month of March (15 games). Crazy.

Ironic fun fact: Check out this quote I found on the official Web site for The Samuel Dalembert Foundation: "God has been so kind to me, I prayed, and He answered. There are countless ways for me to give back in life, especially with the blessings of basketball, and I intend to do that in any way that I can." How about you start with passing the ball, Sam?

The Indiana Pacers: They were officially eliminated from the playoffs after letting the Hawks score 122 points on 52 percent shooting. Think defense might have been the problem? For the season, Indy is 2-19 when opponents shoot 50 percent or better. Yeah.

Mario West: The original Sub-minute Man got his first start of the season because Maurice Evans was out of town due to the death of his grandmother. Sadly, Mario was more of a Luigi, or maybe Toad. In 14 minutes of daylight, he finished with more fouls and turnovers (8) than points, rebounds and assists (5). He also tied Zaza Pachulia for the worst plus-minus score on the team (-8)...and Zaza missed half the game with a back injury. Sad face.

But wait, there's more! From Basketbawful reader J.T. Magee: "You're gonna want to see the Tj Ford-to-Stephen Graham alley-oop from the 1st quarter. It was nasty, only because Super Mario West decided to try and block the dunk attempt. Attempt failed. Miserable."

The Charlotte Bobcats: With all of their playoff hopes riding on a road victory over the 21-win Thunder, the Bobcats came up four points short after shooting 33 percent and getting creamed on the boards (50-39). Oh, and the Thunder -- who snapped a six-game losing streak at the Ford Center -- stuffed 10 shots (including 4 in the final quarter)...which was one swat off their season-high. Charlotte coach Larry Brown said his guys just didn't bring it: "In their mind, I'm sure they thought they were out there trying. But you can't go on the road and not play with unbelievable effort right from the start." Not if you want to win, no.

The Toronto Raptors and Shawn Marion: From Andy: "Shawn Marion and the Raptors deserve WotW honors for their super-awesome defense on the final possession against the Wizards: 16 seconds left, they give no pressure on Caron Butler, who casually walks the ball around until settling in to his favorite spot on the floor, nearly the exact same spot where he hit a game-winner over Indiana. He drives on Marion, does the most predictable crossover (he did the same move earlier in the game) and loses Marion easily, hits the wide open shot (Marion just watches, doesn't even bother running at him), game over. No help, even though it's obvious Caron has no intention of passing the ball." No joke. Watch the bawfulness unfold:

Now check out this ridiculous quote from Chris Bosh: "I think Shawn played good defense but [Butler] just made a tough shot." Uh, I think you'd better go back and watch the tape, Chris.

The Orlando Magic: Well, then. It turns out that barely beating the Grizzlies at home on Wednesday was indeed a harbinger of bawful to come. And come it did, only not in the "massage parlor happy ending" kind of way, but in the "embarrassing 10-point home loss to the New York Knicks" way. And it was more than embarrassing, it was potentially crippling, as it almost certainly cost the Magicians a shot at the East's second seed, since they now trail Boston by two games with three to play. Said Orlando coach Stan Van Gundy: "If we play the way we did these last two home games, there's not a team in the league we can win a series against. We're playing awful basketball. There's not going to be anything magical happening at the start of the playoffs. I've never been a big flip the switch guy. But that's what our guys are trying to do now." Real bad news if you're a Magic fan.

The Phoenix Suns: Now that they've been officially eliminated from the NBA playoffs, all the Suns have left to play for is pride. And if their effort against the Grizzlies in Memphis is any indication, pride isn't a source of, er, pride for them. Phoenix missed 10 free throws, got beaten on the boards (45-37), committed 22 turnovers -- three short of its season high -- and got blown out in the second half. It was the Grizzlies' first victory over the Suns since December 17, 2005. Phoenix coach Alvin Gentry, who has decided it's time to develop the team's bench, didn't play the starters in the fourth quarter. Said Jason Richardson: "These games really aren't meaning anything for us. Even though we want to win them, just let (the reserves) go out and get some minutes."

The New Jersey Nets: Even though they're already eliminated from the postseason, and even though Lawrence Frank is letting the young guys get some burn, I still have to update this: The Nets are now 21-39 since Devin Harris (1 points, 0-for-5, 2 assists in 20 minutes) uttered the words: "We knew we were going to be a playoff team."

The Utah Jazz: As dark as these last several days have been for the Spurs, they've been even darker for the Jazz, whose 105-99 loss in San Antonio -- their fifth defeat in the last six games -- dropped them into sole possession the West's dreaded eighth playoff position, a.k.a., the "Lakers' hors' dourves" spot.
Few teams have been more disappointing this season than the Jazz. Although one of those teams is definitely...

The New Orleans Hornets: Chris Paul did just about everything humanly possible -- 42 points (14-for-25), 9 rebounds, 7 assists and 2 steals -- but his team came up a wee bit short. David West (20 points on 8-for-20 shooting) was the only other Hornet to reach double-figures, and New Orleans was -16 in the Battle of the Boards. In fact, Dallas had 20 offensive rebounds and Brandon Bass snared a career-high 13. Oh, and outside of Paul's dimes, there wasn't much in the way of ball movement either, since the non-CP3 assist total was 2. Said Paul: "It's the second time in the last few games where I had 40-something points and we lost. It's not about how I do. It's about how we do." Unfortunately for him, he's right.

The Los Angeles Lakers: L.A.'s Rose Garden curse continued with their 106-98 defeat, a loss that will probably further fuel the flames within the souls of the Blazer faithful, who don't see why their boys can't claw past the Lakers to reach the Finals. And with the way L.A. plays in Portland, it's no wonder. Said Mamba: "Even when we're having championship runs, we usually come up here and get our butts kicked. They play us tough here." And make no mistake, Kobe was a big part of the loss. With L.A. trailing 101-98 with 48 seconds left, he took one of his patented "I'm winning this thing" three-pointers and missed. On the Lakers next possession, Mamba threw a bad pass that got pilfered by LaMarcus Aldridge. He also bonked a 24-footer with 11 seconds left, which was pretty much all she wrote.

The Sacramento Kings: From Basketbawful reader Ace: "I think that all of us, including you, need to apologize to the Sacramento Kings. All this time, we thought that they were a bunch a guys who didn't know how to win basketball games. Last night's game against the Clippers they proved us all wrong. They proved that they are not basketball players but inventors. Inventors who come up with new and improved ways to lose every single night. Just when you thought they invented their best loss, they come the next night and invent something even BETTER. How else can you explain the Kings making Brain Skinner look like Dwight Howard? How else can you explain them giving up 106 points on 56 percent shooting to the CLIPPERS? The freaking CLIPPERS! The next Nobel Peace prize is going to the Kings. Mark my words."

Indeed. Skinner scored a season-high 21 points on 8-for-11 shooting to go along with 10 boards and 3 blocks. I should also note that in addition to losing by 31 to the Clippers, the Kings shot 32 percent and bricked eight free throws in an all-around failtacular. It was Sacto's seventh straight defeat. Their record fell to an NBA-worst 16-63. And Kings coach Kenny Natt is going berserk. "This game was an absolute embarrassment and I just told the players that. I was embarrassed from the standpoint of our organization and everything we stand for. I was embarrassed at the way we went out and did not play tonight and it will not continue." Not with you as coach, anyway.

Friday lacktivity report: Chris serves a fresh flapjack of lacktion:

Pacers-Hawks: Thomas Gardner raked in a 1.3 trillion fortune for the playoff-bound Hawks, while Indiana's Jeff Foster botched his bench stint as big man in 20:22 - five fouls and a giveaway against one made field goal (in four attempts) and a trio of boards led to a 6:5 Voskuhl.

Heat-Celtics: Joel Anthony put on his Tanooki suit for a 28-second Mario.

Bobcats-Thunder: Cartier Martin explored the depths of lacktivity with a single visit to Oklahoma City's Bricktown for a +1 suck differential in 2:06. Martin's teammate with the Bobcats, Nazr Mohammed, earned a 2:0 Voskuhl (despite a steal) in 5:09 by taking two fouls and bricking twice from the charity stripe.

Wizards-Raptors: Patrick O'Bryant, the most important acquisition for the Craptors this year (at least on the lacktion front), delivered a +1 (foul) in 6:02, also qualifying for a Madsen-level 1:0 Voskuhl.

Knicks-Magic: Chris Wilcox bricked three times in 12:54, allowing him to earn a slight Voskuhl of 3:2 (two fouls and one giveaway against two boards).

Suns-Grizzlies: Darius Miles missed from downtown once for a +1 in 2:21.

Jazz-Spurs: George Hill and Marcus Williams were out chasing Koopa shells with a 12 second stint as Mario Brothers! And Kurt Thomas did make one shot in 14:13, only to foul five times for a 5:2 Voskuhl.

Hornets-Mavs: Julian Wright flew onto the court tonight to collect a 3.35 trillion fortune, while Hilton Armstrong spent 8:55 seated in the lobby of lame with a Madsen-level Voskuhl of 2:1 (fouls against a board and brick).

Lakers-Blazers: Jordan Farmar is a surprising name for the lacktion report...but in 5:14, he bricked twice, gave up the rock once, and took a foul for a +4.

The Detroit Pistons: They shot 50 percent from the field and beyond the arc but still lost to the Pacers in Indianapolis, dropping two games below .500 (39-41) not to mention a full game behind the Bulls for the East's seventh seed and a date with first-round disaster. Not that the players care. Said Richard Hamilton: "It really don't matter to us, to tell you the truth." Added Tayshaun Prince: "I don't think being the eight-seed that we're in a situation we can't handle." Huh. There's confidence and then there's painfully distorted view of reality. I'll let you judge where this one falls.

The Orlando Magic: Ooooookay. Maybe Shaq knew what he was talking about with all that "front runner" nonsense from a month ago. Orlando's 103-93 loss to the Nets in New Jersey was their second straight and third in four games...and it officially eliminated them from contention for the second seed in the Eastern Conference. Oh, and Hedo Turkoglu had to be carried off the court after he sprained his left ankle in the fourth quarter. Sad trombone.

How bad was the not-so-Magic D? The Nets drilled 54 percent of their shots, including 55 percent from downtown, and accumulated 27 assists on 38 buckets. Said Stan Van Gundy: "It was terrible. We're playing with no energy and lack of defensive commitment. When you do that you're going to get killed and we got dominated tonight." And he means leather ball-gag, candle-wax-on-the-nipples, forced-to-drink-your-own-urine dominated. Unless you're into that, in which case he means something else.

Vince Carter, hypocrite machine: From Basketbawful reader Justin T: "On the Nets upset of the Magic: 'We are playing to win,' Carter said. 'I don't want to disrespect the game. I want to give an effort and come to play.' The irony. It burrrrrrrns." In related news, the entire population of Toronto threw up in their own mouths on Saturday night...

The Minnesota Timberwolves: Is the season over yet? It sure seems like it, the way the T-Wolves played against the Suns in an ugly 110-97 home loss. Minny tied a season low for points in a quarter by scoring only 8 points in the first 12 minutes. During that Quarter of Doom, they shot 14 percent (3-for-21) and didn't hit a shot in the final 7:25 of the period despite, as the Associated Press put it, "playing against one of the NBA’s worst defensive teams." Said Timberwolves coach Kevin McHale: "Just a terrible effort from start to finish. Hard to account for it. ... No bright spots. Nothing. I'm not thinking down the road, I'm just thinking of how disgusted I was to watch that game. You feel bad for your fans. To come out on a Saturday evening and that's what you watch, there's no excuse for that."

McHale wasn't done there. He continued by laying waste to rookie Kevin Love. Despite the fact that Love has been one of the few bright spots in Minnesota this season, McHale played him only 20 minutes because he didn't like his effort. "If I could have played 10 other guys, I would played them. Unfortunately we didn't have 10 other people. I could've got people out of the stands, but I'm not sure that's legal." Yep, it's official. McHale has finally gone postal. I sure hope they don't sell shotguns anywhere Kevin shops.

The Charlotte Bobcats: I'll give the 'Cats this much: Despite having nothing whatsoever to play for, they arrived in Chicago hellbent on beating the Bulls. And they might very well have done that, except that they melted down in the fourth quarter like a brick of government cheese, which is kind of a misleading analogy, since government cheese wouldn't melt in a volcano and was (I suspect) an advanced form of alien life scouting our planet for a hostile takeover. Anyway, Charlotte committed 8 of their 16 turnovers in the final 12 minutes, during which they were outscored 35-23 and lost by seven. I'll let you do that math on that one. Regarding his team's terminal case of butterfingeritis, Larry Brown said: "I can't explain it because it's not like we’re being trapped or pressed. We just throw it all around." As a Bulls fan and blogger, I was happy to see the Bobcats hand over the game...but damn.

The Utah Jazz: You know that scene in Star Wars -- I refuse to call it Episode IV, by the way -- when Obi-Wan Kenobi just lets Darth Vader cut him in half, and then Vader nudges Ben's robe with his shiny boot just to make sure the old man is dead? That's what it feels like opponents are doing to the Jazz these days. The Warriors -- who were without Monta Ellis, Stephen Jackson, Jamal Crawford, Corey Maggette and whoever else you wanna name -- played just seven men and still pulled out a 118-108 victory in Utah, where the Jazz are supposed to be invincible. Unless New Orleans or Dallas chokes in the next couple days, Utah is going to be stuck in the eighth and final...make that fatal...playoff spot. Said Deron Williams: "This is bad. I just don't know what's going on right now with us. We're just limping into the playoffs. It's like we're kind of content with being there and being the eighth seed instead of trying to better ourselves."

The Los Angeles Clippers: The Clips weren't playing the Sacramento Kings, which means, first of all, that their winning streak ended at one game, and, secondly, that they are indeed who we thought they were.

Saturday lacktivity report: Chris still gave us a quick couple lacktion munchies on a short night.

Pistons-Pacers: Walter Hermann fouled once for a +1 suck differential in 4:56.

Suns-Wolves: Despite a steal and a block, Mark Madsen fouled once for a 1:0 Madsen-level Voskuhl in 7:09.

The Boston Celtics: If KG comes back healthy for the playoffs, maybe everybody will forget this game. But for one Sunday in Cleveland, the defending champs looked more like the 24-win squad that preceded Danny Ainge's extreme makeover of the franchise. The Celtics were never in the game, as the Crabs built a 31-9 lead by the end of the first quarter and then coasted in for a 107-76 victory...their biggest win every over Boston (a span of 173 games). But while the final outcome didn't provide any drama, certain aspects of the game sure did...

Cleveland's grandstanding: The Crabs have been rolling around on the sidelines and basically acting like a bunch of children most of the season, but the hotdogging hit an all-time high -- or, more accurately, an all-time low -- during the Boston Teabag Party. As the AP put it:

When the Cavs reserves pushed the lead to 30, James, Mo Williams and Delonte West boogied together during a timeout as Rick Astley's "Never Gonna Give You Up" pumped through the arena. The trio wasn't shy about things as they mugged for TV cameras to the roaring crowd's delight.

At the other end of the floor, the Celtics sat stoically while watching the Cavs' clown around.

"I'm always going to remember that," Ray Allen said. "If I beat a team, as happy as I may be in victory, I'm always going to stay humble and always remember that there's another day. We play each other too much. Those are great motivational thoughts for me."

James insisted the Cavs weren't being irreverent toward the league's most storied franchise.

"We're not trying to disrespect any team or show up any team," he said. "We're all professionals. If you take it as disrespectful, then you got to do something about it."
So in one breath LeBron claims he's not being disrespectful, and in the next he issues a schoolyard challenge. Whatever. I call shenanigans. Let me put it this way: If I was playing pickup ball, hell, if I was playing NBA Live on the PS3, and my opponent started pulling that garbage while blowing me out, I would want to punch that person or persons in the mouth or stuff them into a wood chipper, Eminem-style. But here's a better barometer. If a Little League team acted like that, the coaches and parents would scold them for their behavior...assuming the coaches and parents actually teach sportsmanship.

Anderson Varejao versus Ray Allen: As if things weren't getting ugly enough, Sideshow Bob hooked Ray-Ray's arm during a third-quarter free throw and then flung him to the floor. Allen responded by going for a nut shot. Yeah.

Said Ray: "It was a dirty play. He locked my arm and threw me to the ground. I wasn't going to allow him to think he could do whatever he wanted. I'm always going to stand up for myself. It's one thing for a team to be beating us, but they're not going to walk all over us." Responded Varejao: "You don't hit a man in his (groin). He doesn't like Brazilians or he doesn't like my hair." So apparently Andy's only okay with cheap shots that don't involve the genitals. Got it.

Bill Walker: Swatted. Violently. By Wally Szczerbiak. A fitting end to this debacle. (Thanks to DKH for the link.)

The Dallas Mavericks: You might remember that when the Hornets lost in Dallas on Friday night despite Chris Paul's 42/9/7, Paul said: "It's not about how I do. It's about how we do." Well, CP3 proved himself wrong during Sunday's rematch with the Mavs in the Big Easy by going off for 31 points, 9 rebounds and 17 assists...pretty much single-handedly destroying Dallas in the process. And I don't mean just the team, I'm talking about the entire city of Dallas AND the entire 357-episode run of the TV series (retroactively). And here's some fun with simple math for you: On the weekend, Paul lit the Mavs up for 73 points, 18 boards and 24 assists. Said Rick Carlisle: "We tried everything. We were trapping him...pretty much the whole fourth quarter. He just found ways to either draw fouls or get the ball to other people. That's what great players do. He was great down the stretch." Down the stretch, up the stretch, over the stretch, under it, on top of it, humping the living hell out of it. That was ultimate destruction. Statistical aside: New Orleans hit nearly 56 percent of their shots.

The Philadelphia 76ers: They suffered their fifth straight defeat in Toronto. All five losses have come after they clinched a playoff berth...and it represents their longest losing streak of the season. They've now fallen into a tie with the Bulls for the sixth spot in the East with games against the Celtics and Crabs still to go. Uh oh. Statistical aside: Philly let the Craptors shoot over 53 percent and Andrea Bargnani had a career-high six blocks. Oh, and they let Toronto score 31 points off turnovers. Speaking of which...

Andre Iguodala: One of the main reasons the Sixers finished the game with more turnovers (19) than assists (18) is because Iggy committed a season-high 10! Memo to whoever will be coaching in Philadelphia next season: Don't let Iguodala play basketball with butter-soaked hands. That is all.

Samuel Dalembert: Make it 1 assist in his last 27 games (versus 159 shot attempts and 39 turnovers). In related news, forensic analysis has confirmed that there's only one set of prints on that ball.

The New York Knicks: They'd already been humiliated by both Kobe (61 points) and King Crab (52 points, 9 rebounds, 11 assists), and yesterday was Dwyane Wade's turn. Pookie went off for a career-high 55 points, which included a career-best with six three-pointers. Basically, the Knicks have been a bunch of basketball props all season. They're like cardboard cutouts on defense, only with fewer dimensions.

After the explosion, an anonymous commenter sent in an excerpt from Cavs: The Blog: "My MVP venting of the night: Wade dropped 55 and 4 assists (63 total points) on a comically bad Knicks defense in a game that means absolutely nothing for that team. It will be made into a big deal tonight. It’s a pretty number. Chris Paul put up 37/9/17 (71 total points created) with 1 turnover and 86% TS in a game that matters to them for playoff positioning. You can't play better than that. There is not a level above that. That's maybe the best box-score line of the SEASON. The leads? 'Wade explodes for 55' and 'Paul, West give Hornets edge over Mavericks.'"

Ah, but an assist isn't supposed to be worth as much as a point, right? I mean, John Hollinger's PER formula only uses 2/3 of an assist, so you have to shave off, like, 6 of CP3's assists, which reduces his total by 12 points. Then I'm sure some idiot will argue that some of Paul's assists weren't really assists, so wipe out another 3 or 4 dimes. Off comes another 6 or 8 points. Therefore the power of advanced stats and in-depth analysis really shows that Paul's game was average at best.

Random thought: Shouldn't Hollinger's formula be updated to reduce the value of points scored against defenseless teams like the Knicks? Seriously, every FG scored against, say, New York or Phoenix should be worth, like, 1/25 of a "normal" field goal, right? Discuss.

Mike D'Antoni, unintentionally dirty quote machine: Regarding D-Wade's double-nickel: "When you have a guy like him, you can just ride him."

More lousy NBA officiating: Think the Sacramento Kings' season couldn't possibly get any worse? Think again:

That the referees counted Michael Finley's three good without the benefit of replay...that's perfect. It seemed like a joke when the refs moved on with the game, and Randy Brown had to tell Andres Nocioni to go to the huddle. When Shareef Abdur-Rahim asked Danny Crawford, "That was late. Watch the replay." "We can't," Crawford replied. "Oh," said Abdur-Rahim. I mean, it seemed like everyone was like -- "Ok, joke's over, review it and reverse it." Like Crawford would keep a straight face walking up to Kenny Natt ... and then pull out a gun with daisies coming out of the barrel. "HA! HA! You shoulda seen the look on your face! Of course we'll review it."

Sadly, as has been the case this entire season, that was no joke.

For those that missed it, game tied at 92. S.A. ball, roughly 2.5 seconds separate the game and shot clocks. Sacramento's defense stifles Tony Parker's penetration (a true rarity), and T.P. kicks out to Michael Finley with one tick left on the shot clock. Finley rises ... the shot clock goes off ... Finley fires, in. Crawford, the nearest referee, is watching Finley's feet. He counts it good. The other two refs don't dispute it. Review shows the shot clock expired by at least a half-second. No matter, as a shot clock play isn't reviewable by the refs. The Kings get the ball with 1.3 seconds, and Nocioni airballs the wing three.
Now watch, dear readers, sing a chorus of My Freeze Ray as Michael Finley makes time stand still:

Even Gregg Popovich admitted the call was bogus. "I looked on the film, and it looked like it was still in his hand. I didn't study it, but I looked real quickly, and it looked like it was still in his hands."

Pau Gasol: Look at the Spanish Marshmallow try to cock block that old guy by hitting on his wife/girlfriend/whatever while sitting on the poor dude's lap. Disgraceful.

cock block

Kobe Bryant: Mamba totally put Pau up to it.

Update! Sunday lacktion report: He was out late on Sunday, but Chris still came through:

Mavs-Hornets: Morris Peterson fouled once in 6:43 for a +1 suck differential. Sean Marks earned a slight Voskuhl in 7:13 of 3:2 (two fouls and a giveaway against one board).

Sixers-Raptors: Kareem Rush quickly accrued a +2 in 4:02 via three-point brick and foul.

Knicks-Heat: Chris Quinn and Dorell Wright became twin inheritors after each taking home a 1.1 trillion keep.

Spurs-Kings: Fabricio Oberto fabulously bricked and fouled once each for a +2 in 5:23 (also earning him a 1:0 Madsen-level Voskuhl), while Cedric Simmons entertainingly brought back a 1.65 trillion.

Grizzlies-Lakers: Adam Morrison fouled once and bricked twice (once from the Library Tower) for a +3 in 6:26. And teammate Josh Powell did get two boards in 8:27, not enough to overcome a bit of a Voskuhl at 3:2 thanks to two fouls, one turnover, and two missed shots.


Anonymous Anonymous said...
jesus christ, talk about overreacting to the cavs on the bench.

god forbid anyone have fun in the NBA while you're blowing out a rival at home.

don't get your panties in a bunch.

not to mention the celtics have been doing this for the past 2 seasons especially dancing to a horrible song at the end of a blowout.

and all of KG's antics make this look like nothing.

Blogger Cortez said...
"...That's what it feels like opponents are doing to the Jazz these days."

Except the Jazz more certainly will not be coming back "more powerful than [we] could ever imagine".

"...the hotdogging hit an all-time high -- or, more accurately, an all-time low -- during the Boston Teabag Party."

What makes it even more lame is that Garnett is out injured.


"and all of KG's antics make this look like nothing."

While Garnett's actions are idiotic in their own right, I wonder if he has done it to a team missing their primary player (arguably)?

I doubt it.

Blogger Nick Flynt said...
I know that the Clips nearly guaranteed that they won't be the worst team in the league this year with the win against Suck-town, but the question is: Why?

My (and for some reason I still claim them, perhaps they will be like a prodigal son in the future?) Clips should have started throwing games for lottery position as soon as they realized the name on their jerseys.

I'm not saying this because they had a chance to do anything with the #1 pick (other than throw it away), but just because they could say they won something that would be meaningful.

(If they didn't throw away nearly every draft pick they've ever had, that is).

On a serious note, the Clippers' last few picks haven't been totally awful, but considering that I would much prefer to see Blake go to a team that could use him, and not have him become a laughing stock, (the Suns? .5% is still a chance!) I think it would be best if the Clippers just quit basketball. Just quit.

Keep it real Matt, whatever that means.

Blogger Basketbawful said...
Anonymous #1 -- That went way beyond having fun.

Cortez -- Now, see, this is something I've been complaining about for years. Did Obi-Wan REALLY come back more powerful than Vader could possibly imagine? I mean, by that point, Darth Vader had seen a lot of things, so I'm sure that the notion of a ghost who appears -- via voice or astral projection -- a handful of times to dispense advice was probably well within the bounds of his imagination. Basically, Kenobi did the same shit he would have done if he'd been alive, only he didn't have to eat, drink or pee. Not exactly phenomenal cosmic power.

Buck Nasty -- You know, considering that it's the Clippers we're talking about, it's entirely possibly they won that game against the Kings by mistake.

Blogger Nick Flynt said...
Why did you have to say that Bawful?

I'm crying now.

I hope you're happy.

I'm crying because you're probably right.

Could we get some Mike Dunleavy hate? Could someone photoshop him doing something embarrassing? Just do anything to bring levity to this sad situation.

Anonymous Doctor Flarb said...
Poor Penny Marshall. First she's at a Clippers game, and then she has to sit behind Mike Dunleavy. No wonder she has a 24hr sour puss expression.

Blogger Wild Yams said...
Lots to comment on this weekend. Man, the playoffs can't get here fast enough. This is the weird time of year where some games mean everything for some teams and some games don't mean a thing for others. If the Magic and Sixers end up playing each other in the first round it'll be a tossup as to which team enters the playoffs with less momentum. Unfortunately for the Magic, however, my guess is now that they're gonna be playing the Bulls in the first round. With the Bulls and Sixers tied right now the Bulls remaining games are @Detroit (which is huge, btw), and at home against Toronto. Meanwhile Philly's remaining games are at home against Boston and then @Cleveland. Ouch.

Speaking of no momentum heading into the playoffs, the Jazz appear to be readying themselves for a 1st round sweep. It's really hard to say which team is looking worse heading into the postseason: Philadelphia or Utah. Both teams are 3-7 in their last 10 games, and while Philly has lost 5 straight, Utah has lost 6 of 7. Utah gets a sneak preview of what the playoffs are gonna look like on Tuesday as they wrap up the season at Staples Center against the Lakers (although it's quite possible both teams will be resting everyone since that game probably won't have any significance in the standings for either team).

Speaking of the Lakers, they did lose yet again in Portland on Friday, but it wasn't the kind of win that I think Blazer fans can point to as any kind of indicator that they'd beat LA in the playoffs, as it went down to the wire. It was the only game between the two teams this year that was close at all, with the first two meetings (in LA) being Laker blowouts, and the third meeting (in Portland) being a Blazer romp. But with LA being on the second night of a back to back on the road they hung right with Portland until the final two minutes of the game. I think a Lakers-Portland series would be tough fought, but I still wouldn't be surprised to see LA win the first two at home and be able to steal one of the two in Portland and then wrap it up at home in Game 5. It remains to be seen if these teams will meet in the playoffs though, since as of right now Portland is looking like they might open the playoffs on the road in Houston, which isn't good for them.

I have to say that I think Cleveland's antics yesterday were just not smart on their part. Part of being a champion is acting like you belong at the top and like you've been there before, and Cleveland looked anything but that yesterday. In a game with limited meaning for postseason seedings but with major implications in terms of motivation material down the road, it probably wasn't smart to rub Boston's noses in it like that. If KG comes back healthy, Boston is going to be a team to be reckoned with, and the last thing Cleveland wants to do is get them riled up. It could be a very interesting Eastern Conference Finals if these two teams meet there.

Oh yeah, memo to Anderson Varejao: nobody likes your hair.

Blogger Cortez said...
"Did Obi-Wan REALLY come back more powerful than Vader could possibly imagine?"

I just always assumed he meant in some touchy-feely spiritual way.

At any rate, after that last set of shitballs known as Episodes 1, 2 & 3, I ceased to give a crap.

Damn that Lucas! I can't even enjoy the originals as much anymore.

Blogger Wild Yams said...
Mr. Bawful, you didn't recognize how all-powerful Obi Wan was in Empire when he held up his hands and told Luke not to go to Cloud City? I mean, Luke ignored his request, but it was one hell of a powerful request!

I gotta agree with Cortez - Lucas retroactively ruined the original trilogy for me with Episodes 1, 2 & 3. I haven't watched the originals since those came out and I still have no interest in watching them. Thankfully Lucas and his buddy Spielberg haven't yet managed to do that with the Indiana Jones franchise, though The Kingdom of the Crystal Skull was the first dangerous step in that direction.

Anonymous Scroto said...
re: Allen's Easter Egg hunt ...
wow. First of all, it's Easter Sunday, a holiday celebrating the rising of Christ. So note to Ray-Ray, aka Jesus: I'm pretty sure the real Jesus did not administer nutshots while he was rising. Not even to Pilate. Unless there is some long-lost gospel that was written by a 14-year old boy.

Then there was the classy commentary from JVG and Mark Jackson:
JVG: "Wow, he didn't even bend Varajao over with that. I'm impressed by Varajao."
Jackson: "I'm not."

JVG can be a little scary sometimes. This was one of those times. And Mark's dis on Varejao's junk before a national TV audience nearly makes up for a season's worth of Mamba sycophancy. Nearly.

By coincidence, Fox Sports West shows classic Lakers games on occasional Sunday evenings, and last night they re-ran game 6 of the 1980 finals. At some point in the 3rd quarter one of the Sixers went down. Time was called, and Brent Musberger said it looked like he had a wrist injury, but the color commentator (I forget who) said, "uh, that wasn't his wrist" as the replay showed the player receiving a full-on nutshot in slow-mo. Then the announcers starting talking in high voices while barely suppressing their laughter. I don't think they would do that now, you know, because the NBA is where caring happens.

Blogger AnacondaHL said...
It's funnier to pronounce it like I used to as a kid, the Lakers' "whores dwarves".

Buck Nasty posted: Could someone photoshop him doing something embarrassing?

That's a rhetorical trick question, right?

Yams posted: Damn that Lucas! I can't even enjoy the originals as much anymore.
Cortez posted: Lucas retroactively ruined the original trilogy for me with Episodes 1, 2 & 3.

It's like the tragedies of Lucas's downwardspiral were so... tragic... that we all just sorta forgot what happened, blocked it from our minds. It wasn't just 1, 2, and 3 that retroactively ruined the originals, the originals were directly ruined too.

Anonymous Wormboy said...
What is a Brain Skinner? Some new invention of the blood porn called the Saw movies franchise?

Anonymous Anonymous said...
Darius Miles should definitely be mentioned. On Saturday night, he attended the Blazers vs. Clippers game. Center Court. Front Row. Wow talk about a douche bag move. That's as bad as when Marbury went to the Lakers Knicks game. I guess since Darius never plays (why should he? He's terrible) he has plenty time to spare. It's not like he needs to get his rest or anything since he gets plenty of it on the bench. Honestly I'm just surprised he wasn't at a strip club. I suppose it was too early for that and he made his way there shortly after the game.

Blogger Wild Yams said...
I think for me the main thing about the prequels that ruined the original trilogy was the revelation that Darth Vader was not some menacing badass, but was instead even more of a whiny, spoiled bitch than Allen Iverson; and that the source of his power is that he has high cholesterol or something.

BTW, here's one possible example of a "Brain Skinner". Here's another.

Blogger DocZeus said...
Oh please. The Celtics have been doing these type of shenanigans for going on two years now so once they got served badly by a rival, it's suddenly foul. Does anybody not remember Dancing Gino that played incessantly during the playoffs last year anytime the Celtics blew out an opponent. The Celtics had a piping hot plate of comeuppance served their way.

"While Garnett's actions are idiotic in their own right, I wonder if he has done it to a team missing their primary player (arguably)? I doubt it."

No but he will do it to Jose Calderon and rookies half his size in a utterly meaningless game in November. Nothing the Cavs did remotely can be compared to waving a hand incessantly in the face or getting down on all fours and barking at like a dog.

And as for Varejao, he did nothing on that play except go for the ball. Ray Allen flopped like a sucker and then tried to elbow him the nuts. He should've been tossed from the game and fined.

Anonymous Wormboy said...
Is Varejao actually so stupid that he thinks the Frankenstein schtick is played with the hands straight up in the air?!?! It was creepy to watch him try to walk on Jesus and then lurch after him like a goon with those hands straight up. Creepy.

I'm also with Cortez. Episodes I-III were so pathetic it's like the CW network had started doing SciFi. Ick. Retroactive ruination the movie I watched 5 times consecutively when I was a kid. I resent that greatly.

Oh, and pro tip for fans: it is highly likely that the story lines (and probably most or of the scripts) for all three of the original Star Wars movies were actually ghost written by Alan Dean Foster, not Lucas, but that Lucas was responsible for the later three hairballs. It explains a lot if you think it over. Foster isn't an all-time great SF writer (his characters are notably flat,also a trait of Star Wars), but he is famous for colorful planets, interesting aliens, neat technology and rousing but somewhat formulaic yarns. Sound familiar?

Makes you wonder whether American Grafitti was also ghost written. My, but Lucas is scuzzy.

Anonymous Joe said...
Anybody else see the play where lebron blocked allen from behind on a 'breakaway' layup a la rudy fernandez.

The commentators couldn't stop gushing about his effort and how he doesn't give up on the play.

He even made contact with allen, and allen went down.

What happens if lebron hurts someone doing this? Will it be panic like it was when Ariza did?

Blogger Nick Flynt said...
I actually meant we should get more pictures of Mike Dunleavy coaching. It's truly an embarrassment. Heyyyy--- OOOO

Just think, Star Wars fans' problems used to be with bad editing of the originals (Han shot first!).

Now it's over about six hours of prequels.

It's like when you thought life was bad when you had crabs, and then you find out you have herpes /personal experience/!!!

Blogger Basketbawful said...
DocZeus -- If I hadn't blasted KG and the Celtics for trashtalking and grandstanding, I'd say you have a valid point. But I condemn that kind of behavior no matter who does it. Always have, always will.

As for Varejao, the video pretty conclusively shows that he pinned Ray's arm and threw him down.

Blogger chris said...
Varejao and Allen, in cartoon form!

Anonymous AK Dave said...
wow what a weekend. where to start?

Szczerbiak is the new Mutombo (lol)

I'm pretty sure when Darth Vader struck Obi Wan down, he uttered the famous words,"Shut the #uck up!" I never knew this until Yams shared this video with us. And no, Obi Wan never followed through on his whole "more powerful than you can possibly imagine" threat. Lame. Although, if you think about it, Luke was suck a predictable, gullible douche that maybe Obi wan used reverse-psychology to make him do what he wanted ("It's too dangerous! (lol)")

Oh, and here's a fun-fact: where was Obi Wan with some of that sage wisdom to warn Luke before he KISSED HIS SISTER???? Nice heads-up there, dick. I bet he waited until afterwards to tell him just so that he could make fun of him later. What a bastard.

Pau is now a cock-blocker. I'm loving it.

Utah is going to be a tough out for the lakers; but they will lose in 6. Jerry Sloan teams don't fold in the playoffs without winning at least a few games in the series.

Portland can't beat LA. But they CAN beat anyone else in the West, especially since Brandon Roy decided to play like a MAN-type man this season.

The Bulls... could actually make it to the conference finals the way they're playing. Seriously. They've clicked big-time and are on FIRE at home, their only loss in the last 13 games or so coming to LAL. And Derrick Rose is not a rookie anymore- he's a legit starting NBA pg who suddenly has some great pieces around him... but they're not going to beat the Cavs in Cleveland this year.

All statements in this comment are facts backed up by the Chaos Theory. As Matt likes to say- "It's science- look it up."

Anonymous DKH said...
I'm having trouble seeing whether James contacted Allen or not on the break:

Additionally, James is athletic enough to get above Allen, so sorry for Ariza that he was only athletic enough to cut down Fernandez from behind.

Blogger Andrei said...
Just a quick correction, it was Steve Blake who pilfered Kobe's late game pass in the Blazers-Lakers game, not LaMarcus Aldridge. I will also disagree with Wild Yams about how the game looked like to the Blazer fans. Winning a close game against the Lakers, in a playoff type of atmosphere, especially when everyone knew that Kobe wanted that game is more impressive than a blowout in my opinion. However, believing that the Blazers can beat the Lakers in the playoffs is pretty delusional, no matter what Hollinger's stats or Blazer homerism says.

Anonymous AK Dave said...
Chris- GREAT find, my friend


Blogger Cortez said...
"And as for Varejao, he did nothing on that play except go for the ball."

Your television must have skipped 30 or 40 frames of action.

Sideshow B. made a concerted effort to shove him to the ground.

Blogger Wild Yams said...
Here's something I was unaware of:

(Phil Jackson) said the Blazers should be fined for showing a replay of Trevor Ariza's flagrant foul on Rudy Fernandez during a game March 9. The Blazers showed the video on the Rose Garden big screens just minutes before the Lakers starters were introduced Friday.

"That's something that NBA clubs are not supposed to do, show video before a game that incites crowds," Jackson told reporters Saturday. "Portland took a big risk doing that, and that's a finable thing from the league.

"That's something that they try to prevent in the spirit of good sportsmanship, but Portland has been like that."

Tim Frank, the league's vice president of communications, said Sunday that the league is investigating the incident.

The league prohibits teams from showing replays involving flagrant fouls, altercations or hard physical contact from previous games. Getting fans even more riled up before an intense game is something the league frowns upon.

Did anyone else know this was something that was specifically prohibited by the league? I guess it makes sense though, I just didn't know it was an official rule.

Anonymous Charles Oakley said...
I can pretty much guarantee that the Celtics will beat the crabs if they face them in the playoffs. Not that it will suck if they lose since i dont even watch anymore. Seriously if this site didnt exist i would have 0 contact with the NBA. About the knicks....i live in nyc so i know how bad it actually is. This team is turrible. Really really bad. I know people who are angry that the knicks were able to reach 30 wins. Hardcore knick fans who hate the current knicks. No baskets should ever be counted when they are scored against the knicks. The team should get the points/assists but no players should get specific mention. If your shot gets blocked by a knick there should be an automatic 1 game suspension. The knicks are a disgrace to the NBA of old. It is no longer The No Boys Allowed club.

Blogger Andy said...
Huge shocker about the Portland video. Seems they've been milking Rudy's bruises for all they're worth (notice the cited article mentions the stretcher, but not the lack of any substantial injury). Pretty classless, but whatever. It's nice to see some bad blood, even whiny, completely irrational bad blood, in today's clean, family-friendly NBA.

Kobe gave that game away. If I were a Portland fan and we barely win a home game against a potential first-round matchup, even given one blowout, I'd be nervous.

Clevland also needs to grow a collective pair. I don't care for Clevland or Boston but it's totally juvenile to act the way they did in a blowout against a hobbled opponent. I didn't see Orlando pulling any of that shit when they smeared Clevland last week...

Blogger Wild Yams said...
Allow me to respond to those who dared to question the Lakers!!!

AK Dave - You really think Utah's capable of pushing the Lakers to 6 games the way they're playing? Only Chicago has a worse road record of the 16 teams heading to the playoffs, so Utah is practically guaranteed to lose Games 1, 2 & 5 against LA; so essentially you don't think the Lakers can win Games 3 or 4 in Utah. As I said above, Utah is plain miserable right now, having lost 6 of 7. And consider last year the Lakers beat Utah in 6 with the two games in Utah being very close (Game 4 went to OT), and last year LA didn't have Bynum or Ariza. I'm thinking 5 games in that series at the most.

Andrei - That was definitely a big win for the Blazers, no doubt about it, and it's a loss for the Lakers which will continue to worm some doubt into their minds should the teams meet again in the playoffs. However, if the teams do meet in the playoffs, the first two games will be in LA, where the Lakers blew out the Blazers both times this year (by 20 & 14), so if LA wins Games 1 & 2 that'll probably go a long way to erasing any doubts the Lakers might have (of course, losing either game will amplify those doubts). But if LA does go to Portland up 2-0 and doesn't have to worry about playing on the 2nd night of a back to back this time, and with Bynum having had more than just one game to work himself back into the rotation, you might see a different result. Portland's lack of playoff experience contrasted with all the experience LA has might factor in as well. I'm just sayin.

Anonymous AK Dave said...

Dude, I'm soooo sorry!! OK, maybe they only win 1 game, and my prediction that they lose in 6 is off by 1. I apologize for my impudence in daring to entertain the notion that a Jerry Sloan-coached team, which took LA to 6 last year in the Conference Finals (right?) might win 2 games at home, where they do not suck.

Yeah they're sliding right now, but so are lots of other teams, and Utah can play defense, so I give them a puncher's chance in that series to at least make it interesting- but I fully agree that they're going down. The question is: 4,5, or 6 games?

Hey, ATL took Boston to 7 last year. That's all I"m sayin'.

Chaos Theory, bitches. QED. What now??!!


Anonymous kazam92 said...
Dwyane Wade has scored 101 points against the knicks the last 2 games. If the knicks could have kept the game close, wade would have broken Glen Rices record

Blogger stephanie g said...
Dalembert was cut from the Canadian national team for being a locker room cancer, right?

Three players proudly flexed their biceps after scoring on Sunday -- Bass, Paul, and LeBron. Paul was doing it to poke fun at Bass. But shouldn't that be an automatic technical for taunting or something? Not that it should be, but it is the NBA you know. And I know the NBA lets LeBron hang on the rim longer than other players, so fat chance for him, but the others?

As for Andy getting cheap shotted, if you look at the pictures you can see he kinda squeezes his legs together to protect the family jewels. It's funny though since of all the times to flop to the ground like a fish that would have been the most appropriate and understandable moment. But he just stands there, completely unfazed.

Considering all the flying elbows, knees, and hard landings I'm surprised someone hasn't popped a nut yet. Literally. Or do NBA players wear cups?

Blogger Wild Yams said...
That's better AK Dave. Kneel before Zod!

My best friend John Hollinger has a piece up detailing the injury woes for some of the contenders, and had this to say about the Jazz: Utah's Carlos Boozer has been back in the lineup for 23 games, but hasn't been anything like his normal self for any of them. And the Jazz -- one of the favorites in the West entering the season -- have gone into a tailspin that culminated in Saturday's embarrassing home loss to a Golden State team on a back-to-back with seven healthy players, four of whom were never drafted.

I'm leaning more towards sweep than 6 games.

One other thing to consider (minor though this is): last year against Utah one of the real Achilles heels for the Lakers was how they did when Derek Fisher was in foul trouble, simply because Jordan Farmar got pushed all over the court by the bigger, stronger Deron Williams. Lately though there has been a somewhat interesting development with the Lakers in that Farmar seems to have lost his spot in the rotation as the 2nd string PG to Shannon Brown, a much larger, stronger, more athletic and more defensive-minded PG. Brown got 20 minutes of PT in Portland on Friday to only 5 for Farmar, and Brown was the first PG off the bench for LA for the third straight game yesterday when he again got the edge in PT, 17 minutes to 13 for Farmar (it should be noted that 4 of Farmar's minutes were mop-up duty at the end of the game after LA was up 17 and Phil Jackson emptied the bench). Now I don't know whether Brown might make a difference for LA against Utah, but one could argue he'd hardly do worse than Farmar did a year ago. It should also be noted that with Ariza back healthy this year that LA could presumably put Kobe or Ariza on Williams for stretches as well.

I just think Utah looks like crap right now, and don't look in any way up to taking two games from the Lakers. I guess we'll see soon enough.

Anonymous Anonymous said...
stephanie g-

No, NBA players don't wear cups. How un-cool is that? I mean, when Nate Robinson hangs on the rim and tea-bags somebody, he wants to give them the full-on smashed rat to the face; not a bump from a piece of plastic.

Geez, do I have to explain everything??


Blogger DocZeus said...
As for Varejao, the video pretty conclusively shows that he pinned Ray's arm and threw him down."

I don't know what replay you guys were looking at. Varejao and Allen got their arms tangled up as they went for the ball and as Andy turned to get the ball as it was going out of bounds, Allen lost his balance and went to the ground. Perhaps, if Allen wasn't 120 pounds soaking wet, he wouldn't have got tossed like a rag doll.

Blogger DocZeus said...
And I find it amusing that Varejao's ticky tacky non-foul is called dirty on this site but Ariza nearly decapitating Fernandez isn't.

Anonymous Jai said...
How did this image get left out of your man-love posts?

Blogger Basketbawful said...
DocZeus -- Look, Andy pulled Ray down. It wasn't a case of Allen losing his balance. To this point, you're the only person I've run into on the Intertubes that things Ray just fell over. He didn't. He was thrown down. Even the Associated Press said as much. Heck, I haven't even seen Andy deny doing it...only complaining about Ray's nutshot. (Which also got listed on Worst of the Weekend, in case you missed that.)

As for the Ariza play, to me there's a difference. Going balls out on a play and trying to block a shot while the play is going on is quite a bit different from pulling another player down where there's no play going on at all.

But it's apples and oranges anyway. If there's one thing I hate in these sorts of debates, it's when someone misdirects teh argument by saying, "Yeah, but look at this over here." KG's showdown with Jose Calderon has nothing to do with the Cavs' hotdogging during yesterday's game, nor does Ariza's foul have anything to do with Andy yanking Ray to the floor. Honestly, it's like a wife getting mad at her husband for forgetting to pick up a loaf of bread on his way home and saying, "See, you always forget things when I ask you! Just like when you didn't bring home ice when you knew we were going to that party, blah, blah, blah."

My point: If my apple has a brown spot, it has nothing to do with the fact that my orange was overripe.

Anonymous Varejao's Balls said...
All this stuff on the Cavs' antics is overblown. They are actually a veteran playoff team, who get very serious in the playoffs. And I have no doubt they will be incredibly focused this May and June. And the dancing happened for maybe 5 seconds out of the view of the Celtics. They certainly jump around a lot, but the Celtics did the same stuff last year. In fact, its who the Cavs have emulated THIS year, which has been well documented by Cavs beat reporter Brian Windhorst.

Ray Allen is, and always has been, a whiny player. He'd do best to just STFU. And you certainly don't say something after a total b*tch move that he pulled. Pull that anywhere else and you get beat mercilessly.

People don't like teams who kick the sh*t out of other teams, and thats what the Cavs do. It just comes with the territory of being the best. Oh, and nobody would be complaining about this if it didn't happen to the smarmy Boston fanbase and media.

Anonymous Anonymous said...
dude the andy-ray entanglement happens in every NBA game and it almost never results in someone getting an elbow to the nuts.

Two players getting their arms tangled (and they already don't like each other) usually ends up with some slight pushing and jockeying.

Ray Allen took it to another level by taking a nut shot at Varejao because he was embarassed he was the one on the ground after the confrontation.

Anyone who says Varejao pulled him down is really F-ing blind.

Blogger Wild Yams said...
Can somebody call the Waaambulance immediately for all these poor, suffering Blazer fans who can't seem to let Ariza's foul on Rudy go? Newsflash: that happened over a month ago and Rudy's bruise has long since faded. Three words: let it go.

Varejao's play yesterday was worthy of a technical, and that's what he got. Justice was served. Ray probably didn't need to nut-shot him in retaliation, but he did get T'd up as well for it. If the league decides something more needs to be done, then that's what'll happen. Quit all the whining.

As for the celebration by the Crabs, face facts: it was excessive. It was excessive for no other reason than because it was a game in which the C's were missing their best player, their best bench player, and it was a game that held no significance as far as playoff seedings. If that isn't enough to convince you it was excessive then how about this: it was a regular season game. Who gives a crap if a team gets blown out of one regular season game? Should Orlando have been dancing the funky monkey when they torched the Crabs a week ago? You know when you should be celebrating like that? When you're minutes away from winning the title. That's when. If you start celebrating before that point, it's premature. Like I said: act like you've been there before. Cleveland's gonna feel mighty foolish if they get the crap kicked out of them by Boston in the ECF.

Anonymous James said...
Hahahaha, I knew it! Before clicking on this blog I said in my head that Basketbawful would find some way to discredit Wade's performance no matter what.

How was that game not important? Had the Heat lost that game, Philly/Chicago/Detroit would all still be in the running the for the fifth seed and the Heat wouldn't be able to rest their plethora of aching players for these last two games. It's not like he got crazy media attention either, this is so not even worth discussing.

If LeBron put up 55/9/4 on 19-30/6-12/11-13 last night than ESPN would've dedicated a damn ticker to him and you know it.

Blogger Basketbawful said...
Varejao's Balls -- "Oh, and nobody would be complaining about this if it didn't happen to the smarmy Boston fanbase and media." You do realize that you're commenting on a site devoted to chronicaling the stupid things that all NBA players say and do...right?

Anonymous -- "Anyone who says Varejao pulled him down is really F-ing blind." I would say anybody who thinks Andy didn't pull him down is blind, has never played basketball, doesn't understand the laws of physics, drank some mercury for breakfast, etc.

James -- No offense, but you're seeing things through your Wade-colored glasses. Why do you assume I'm targeting Dwyane, when for this ENTIRE season I've been ragging on the Knicks' defenselessness and commenting that everybody who plays against them ends up with bloated stats? Look, we all know Wade is awesome, and I've stated on this very site that, depending on the night, he's no worse than the first, second or third best player in the league. What do you want, for me to offer him sexual services or maybe some delicious candy?

Me citing the fact that the Knicks tend to boost their opponents' stats isn't an attack on Wade, okay?

Anonymous Dwayne Wade said...
Did you say "delicious candy??"

Sign me up.

Anonymous Anonymous said...
This isn't related to anything happening to the NBA today, but I haven't seen this posted here. So whenever you have a slow day at bawful, or feel the need to hate on MJ (either one), you can always post this:


Anonymous J.R. Ewing said...
The bit about CP3 destroying the city of Dallas AND the TV show had to be one of the funniest things I've ever read on this blog.

I don't laugh out loud when I'm on my own much, but that had me in stitches for a while.

Anonymous tony.bluntana said...
This is so very much irrelevant, I'm sorry.

Chris: man. My XBOX broke; and, now, I'm down $300 on "fixing" it; and, the dude who's "fixing" it has been disappeared for the last month and a half.

So... the All-Lacktion game is either going to have to be a post-season treat; or, another Greg Oden.

There is a secondary XBOX I can use - but, I do not know when.

I will keep you updated in my usual [un]timely fashion.

Anonymous tony.bluntana said...
Now that we're talking about Varejunkgate, I think it's important and relevant to remind everyone that Rudy Fernandez had the nicest dunk in this year's dunk contest.

Those things are directly related, right? RIGHT?!?

Anonymous Anonymous said...
@everyone defending varejao the replay again. andy hooks rays arm and pulls him back with his leg hooked as well, thereby forcing ray to fall and trip over andy's leg. its almost like a judo move or something (prolly not tho, i dont know jack shit about any martial arts)

Blogger AnacondaHL said...
@Anon: you're right, although a move like that is taught in some form in most martial arts, judo is well known as a grapple throw and pin martial arts. (It's more incorrect to say "judo chop" as an attack).

@Buck Nasty: Your despair has inspired me to despair with you. Also, I can't get to sleep, because of your words, the nightmare witnessed in my mind. I've...I've created an abomination...

Anonymous Anonymous said...
What the hell is that Anaconda?

Blogger Dunpizzle said...
Kyle Korver shows us how he got hurt earlier this season.

Blogger AnacondaHL said...
I... I don't know. I think in my sleep-deprived mind, I accidentally combined this:

Buck Nasty posted: Could we get some Mike Dunleavy hate? Could someone photoshop him doing something embarrassing? Just do anything to bring levity to this sad situation.with this:

Doctor Flarb posted: Poor Penny Marshall. First she's at a Clippers game, and then she has to sit behind Mike Dunleavy. No wonder she has a 24hr sour puss expression.and figured I discovered the secret behind Clippers success.

Blogger Preveen said...
Wormboy - Great one! Couldn't stop myself loling. Lucky I'm at home today, otherwise I'd have been doing that at work :D

Stephanie - That comment on Andy not flopping was hilarious!

Bawful - You missed on "Pookie's" (as you call him) bawful free-throw shooting against the Celts. Do you realize that game was tied at 95 with about one and a half mins left? And by that point Wade had missed at least 6 free throws, and the Heat about 10? (Going by memory since I was face-palming most of that match) I mean, they gave themselves a great chance to win, and blew it. Its excusable when guys who don't have range do it, but a guy with Wade's shooting range? He was having one of his normal spectacular games on the floor, I think he got 31 overall, so its not like he was in some kinda shooting slump.

Anonymous Anonymous said...
One thing I've noticed not being mentioned is that both the Blazer's video and the Cav's showboating have one thing in common - they're motivators going into the playoffs. This isn't exactly a new phenomenon (do-dooooo-do-do-do, phenomenon. I just love that muppets bit).

And I'm with AK Dave. Sloan's teams just don't fold. I don't think they'll win, but ugly or not right now, they will scrap, defend, hustle and muscle their way to a few wins in any series. The answer is easy. Give the ball to Millsap!