Trade deadline
When Rafer Alston is The Face of the NBA's trade deadline,
well, you know not much of anything went down.

The NBA trade deadline: Last year's headline-grabbing before-the-deadline trades -- Shaq to Phoenix, Jason Kidd to Dallas -- changed everything without really changing anything. That is, neither player pushed his team over the championship hump (or even out of the first round) and so neither deal convinced GMs around the league to break their salary cap piggy bank in order to acquire a superstar. Between those blockbuster busts (not to mention the way the early-season Not-Answer trade has crippled the Pistons) and the sagging economy, GMs have become more interested in shedding salary than improving their teams in any meaningful way. (Although if anything can bring Larry Hughes' corpse back to life, it's Dr. D'Antonistein.) So: Snap, fizzle, pop. The trade deadline came and went with the best player moved being...Rafer Alston. Zowie! As Dan L. wrote in to say: "I'm sure you've seen this picture that ESPN is using for their trade deadline story. It sure says a lot about the bawfulness of this trade deadline that Rafear Alston is the centerpiece of their coverage."

I think Johnny Ludden of Yahoo! Sports put it best: "The San Antonio Spurs thought they had a deal all but done for Los Angeles Clippers center Marcus Camby only to see it unravel at the deadline. The Portland Trail Blazers boasted for weeks about how Raef LaFrentz's 'super' expiring contract could land them a top-level player. LaFrentz’s contract was so super, in fact, that Blazers GM Kevin Pritchard decided to put it under his pillow at the deadline. ... Even Dallas Mavericks owner Mark Cuban didn’t pull the trigger on a move. Out East, the Boston Celtics and Cleveland Cavaliers also stood pat. Among the contenders, only the Orlando Magic made a basketball trade, acquiring Houston Rockets point guard Rafer Alston. Too many teams were too reluctant to take on money. The Mavericks and Spurs both had interest in Sacramento’s John Salmons, but the Kings were unwilling to assume even the partial $2 million guarantees of Jerry Stackhouse and Bruce Bowen."

Why get better when you can save money? Speaking of which...

The Detroit Pistons: Allen Iverson led the Pistons with 31 points and 7 assists, but Detroit lost at home yet again, this time to the Manu Ginobili-less Spurs. They are now 14-15 at the Palace of Auburn Hills this season...and 2-10 at home in the past six weeks. And now they're looking at a road trip that includes games at Boston, Cleveland, New Orleans and Orlando. It's pretty doubtful they'll return from that little excursion on the plus side of the .500 mark. And right now they're clinging to the seventh playoff spot in the Eastern Conference, which means -- gulp -- Detroit could fail to reach the playoffs. I mean, it's a possibility that's becoming more real with each passing game.

And I'm telling you, the Pistons looked flat, lifeless, out of sync. The Not-Answer's good game seemed to suck all the awesome right out of his teammates. Rodney Stuckey finished with 2 points. Tayshaun Prince and Rip Hamilton combined to score 12 points on 5-for-20 shooting. Rasheed Wallace put up 11 on 17 shots. The depth the team boasted last year with their vaunted Zoo Crew was all but forgotten as coach Michael Curry played only seven men.

Yes, I know the Spurs are good and all, but the Pistons are in disarray...and have been for most of the season. Said Stuckey: "We lost again. I don't know. I really can't explain anything anymore. We just keep losing, and now we've got some great teams to play." That's one seriously bummed out player. Joe Dumars apologists insist that this is all part of a bigger plan to keep Detroit competitive in future seasons. But it sure does suck right now.

Update! Reggie Miller, lousy analysis machine: From Wild Yams: "The highlight of last night for me was definitely when Reggie Miller tried to refute the idea that Allen Iverson has hurt the Pistons this year while simultaneously trying to assert that it's just a coincidence that the Nuggets have been so good with Chauncey Billups, only to have Marv Albert verbally bitch slap him into submission for it. Reggie Miller's insane 'reasoning' for why the Nuggets have been better this year than Detroit has is because Chauncey has a better supporting cast in Denver than Iverson does in Detroit. OK, I'm not even sure if that's true or not, but that aside, Marv pointed out that Chauncey had that same supporting cast in Detroit last year and took them to the Conference Finals (for the 6th straight time), while Iverson had arguably a better supporting cast in Denver last year than Chauncey does this year (Camby & Najera were there last year), yet Iverson only helped the Nuggets to an 8th seed and a 1st round sweep. Reggie's response was to then point out (paraphrasing) 'Yeah, but Chauncey plays with Carmello Anthony...' Speaking of Reggie Miller, I was really struck recently by thinking about what I used to think of the guy when he was a player, particularly in the mid-90s, and how shockingly different he seems now. Miller was the guy who killed the Knicks, taunted Spike Lee with a choking gesture, hit game winners over Jordan, and threw Kobe Bryant over a scorer's table in a brawl. Now he sounds like he's doing commercials for Disney or something. Is there a goofier former player out there? I don't think so."

another duncan face

The Duncan Face: You all remember the Duncan Face, right? Well, as you can see in the picture above, Timmy made it again last night against the Pistons. Dan B. sent in the pic and asked: "Why does Tim Duncan look scared/surprised in this picture?" Here's the answer: At this point, the Duncan Face is an unconcious, instinctive reaction. He can't even control it anymore, just like I can't control the damn eye twitch I get every time somebody brings up Kobe Bryant. (And by "eye twitch" I mean "uncontrollable vomiting.")

Injuries: Boston Celtics fans had to deal with a stomach-clencher last night: Kevin "ANYTHING IS POSSIBLE!!!!" Garnett strained his right knee going for an alley-oop late in the second quarter and had to hop on his left foot into the locker room. He did not play in the second half. There's been no indication so far how serious the injury may or may not be, but the Celtics are downplaying it. At halftime, Danny Ainge told TNT sideline reporter Cheryl Miller: "He's resting right now. It's been bothering him for a couple of weeks." (A couple of weeks?! That's news.) After the game, Doc Rivers added: "He wanted to run but we have a long season and I'm not taking a risk by putting him on the floor. We would have loved to have him, obviously, it probably would have made a difference. Unless he's close to 100 percent, I'd rather have him healthy for the playoffs. That's how I look at it."

KG didn't stick around to talk to the media, but he did issue the following statement: "As you know, I suffered an injury, a strain to my right knee, during the game and I really don't have any comment about it. I will have the knee re-examined [Friday] and we should have more information at that time. Obviously, I would much rather be playing instead of providing this statement." Obviously. On the bright side, he'll have plenty of time to quest for G. But you know what "No KG" means...

The Boston Celtics: They held up pretty well without KG...for a while. But after building an 11-point third-quarter lead, things fell apart. The C's committed 19 turnovers (off which the Jazz scored 24 points) and missed 10 free throws. Those two things make it pretty hard to win on the road against a reasonably strong team, especially when you're missing your best player (no offense to Paul Pierce). Plus, to be frank, Boston got pushed around a little without KG. Which had to please Jerry Sloan. Speaking of which...

Jerry Sloan, unintentionally dirty quote machine: Sent in by Basketbawful reader SN from Germany: "Utah coach Jerry Sloan was uncharacteristically complimentary of his team after the Jazz beat the Celtics 90-85. Utah did it with the kind of style the coach just loves—nasty. 'They put a body on you. They knock you around,' Sloan said of the defending NBA champion. 'Our guys, sometimes we want to play in a tuxedo. And when you’re playing against those guys, you better get it off and get ready to get nasty.'" Wow. Sounds like Jerry needs a bottle of lotion, a box of tissues and a little time alone. From the sound of it, two, maybe three minutes should do it.

Paul Pierce: Without Garnett, Boston turned to the self-proclaimed best player in the world and he...didn't come through. Sure, Pierce scored 20 points, but he committed a game-high 5 turnovers and got shut down by Matt Harpring down the stretch. No, really. Harpring drew a charge and forced Truth into 2-for-9 shooting in the fourth quarter.

Brian Scalabrine: Veal started the third quarter in place of KG drew four fouls in the first 3:30. Obviously, he was channeling the spirit of Greg Kite. (Yes, I know Kite's still alive. That's what makes it so creepy.) Scal ended up fouling out in just under 12 minutes of PT.

Lacktion report: Have you met Chris? Then here, let me introduce you to him...

Spurs-Pistons: San Antonio's Malik Hairston quietly put up a suck differential of +2 in 4:09 via one foul and one missed shot.

Celtics-Jazz: Brevin Knight may have given the Jazz a sold +3 in a full 8:03 via brick, foul, and misplacing the rock into the hands of a Boston player...but Jerry Sloan's commitment to Nintendo technology has increased, with Ronnie Price's 4-second Super Mario providing an upgrade to the 16-bit era!

And while many point to the non-retention of James Posey as one potential reason for the Celtics being just a little bit less of a sure thing to repeat...the trade that sent Patrick O'Bryant to the stone age of bawful in Toronto proves that Doc Rivers and Danny Ainge don't think that this year's team is worthy of multiple human victory cigars, especially with Scalabrine starting to sop up actual productive minutes against his previous championship-winning lacktivity.

(BTW...O'Bryant, Jawai, and Voskuhl: Will they become Toronto's "Little Three" of the lacktator ranks for months to come? Stay tuned! I guess the next step for them is a cheesy public access sports recap show commercial, followed by a preschool paegant-level ad promoting a lemonade stand. AND YES -- one local piece on the trade has already mentioned the three experts at non-contribution as "competing" for a job! Certainly O'Bryant's previous experience as human victory cigar won't be much of an advantage north of the border.)
Jason Williams: The rotting carcass once known as White Chocolate has reached a bony claw from behind the black veil of death to request immediate reinstatement into the NBA. According to an internal league memo. Apparently some dark necromancer noticed that certain teams (such as the Celtics and Rockets) were scrambling around for point guard help and thought: "Teams are seriously considering Stephon Marbury? A cadaver would be a better option at the point. And I'm gonna prove it..."

Kobe Bryant: Mamba walked up to Adam Morrison during practice, grabbed a large hunk of his mustache and tore it out. After Adam stopped crying -- and it took a while -- he asked: "W-w-w-why?!" Replied Kobe: "Because I can." He then put the 'stache chunk up for sale on eBay.

Bonus: Nothing bawful here, but these items are worth a look anyway: Check out one fan's Twitter-assisted run-in with Shaq and go bask in the glory of dunking cheerleaders.

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Blogger Wild Yams said...
The highlight of last night for me was definitely when Reggie Miller tried to refute the idea that Allen Iverson has hurt the Pistons this year while simultaneously trying to assert that it's just a coincidence that the Nuggets have been so good with Chauncey Billups, only to have Marv Albert verbally bitch slap him into submission for it. Reggie Miller's insane "reasoning" for why the Nuggets have been better this year than Detroit has is because Chauncey has a better supporting cast in Denver than Iverson does in Detroit. OK, I'm not even sure if that's true or not, but that aside, Marv pointed out that Chauncey had that same supporting cast in Detroit last year and took them to the Conference Finals (for the 6th straight time), while Iverson had arguably a better supporting cast in Denver last year than Chauncey does this year (Camby & Najera were there last year), yet Iverson only helped the Nuggets to an 8th seed and a 1st round sweep. Reggie's response was to then point out (paraphrasing) "yeah, but Chauncey plays with Carmello Anthony..."

Speaking of Reggie Miller, I was really struck recently by thinking about what I used to think of the guy when he was a player, particularly in the mid-90s, and how shockingly different he seems now. Miller was the guy who killed the Knicks, taunted Spike Lee with a choking gesture, hit game winners over Jordan, and threw Kobe Bryant over a scorer's table in a brawl. Now he sounds like he's doing commercials for Disney or something. Is there a goofier former player out there? I don't think so.

Clearly the thing standing between Boston and another title (provided KG's knee is OK, of course), is their insanely high turnover rate. Seriously, how is this still such a problem for them? They run the defense like clockwork with such precision and skill, how is it that they can be so badly out of sync on so many plays at the other end of the floor? If they would just simplify everything and just play smart on offense they'd be almost unbeatable, but they continue to let teams back into games by turning the ball over repeatedly. If Boston had just taken care of the ball when they were up double digits last night, KG or no, they would have won easily.

Blogger Dan B. said...
So while I was distracted by the spontaneous muscle contractions in Tim Duncan's face, I completely missed Rodney Stuckey's vacant stare. I assume that he is either simply in awe of Duncan's manliness (like in that creepy, homoerotic scene in Road House when that one guy watches Swayze do tai chi for just a little too long), or he's just completely, totally depressed by how horrible his team is these days. Thoughts?

-Dan B.

Blogger David Menéndez said...
I can't thank you enough for the shout-out, Bawful. I owe you.

I was thinking yesterday about how perfect a fit D'Antoni and Hughes are. The good thing is that in D'Antoni's system a site like should prosper.

They sure are happy over at Blog-a-Bull, anyway. It's not everyday that Hughes brings joy to a fan.

Blogger Wild Yams said...
BTW, KG's gone back to Boston today to get an MRI, which isn't too surprising. Knee injuries aren't something you want to screw around with. Doc Rivers was smart not to listen to KG's desire to play last night. If there's any kind of structural damage, he could have made it much, much worse by trying to play on it (like Boobie Miles in Friday Night Lights). Let's hope the injury isn't serious.

Blogger Basketbawful said...
Yams -- Here's what's up with the C's and their turnovers. Paul Pierce forces way too many tough passes (and tough shots, for that matter...). Kendrick Perkins (who had 4 TOs last night) has no hands. I mean, those things are like old coat hooks covered in butter. Hasn't anyone else noticed this? He bumbles more passes around the basket than anyone I've seen since Ostertag, and I'm not kidding. Rondo may have had only 1 TO last night, but he generally throws a half dozen questionable passes per game, usually while in the air, including this one stupid move where he puts the ball behind his back and then swings it back around for a bounce pass through traffic or around a defender. It look slick, but it usually ends up in the hands of somebody going the other way.

Also, at times, the Celtics overpass the ball. Rondo does this, and so do the roleplayers. They'll pass up open shots going to the basket in order to force a tough pass for a more difficult shot, usually while off-balance or half-turned the wrong direction. Happens a lot.

Dan -- Well, Iverson keeps Stuckey so out of the flow that he was probably daydreaming about pancakes or something.

Blogger Wild Yams said...
Mr. Bawful, surely Perkins doesn't fumble more than Kwame Brown does, does he?

I can somewhat understand Rondo making a lot of bad passes, just cause he's young and probably hasn't figured the game out completely yet, but it's pretty inexcusable for Pierce to still be doing that. Tough shots are one thing (even experienced players force a lot of those, probably because they have such confidence in themselves), but Pierce shouldn't be making all the bad passes he does. I think some of that probably has to go to Doc's coaching, or whoever is in charge of running the offense. With the talent and the weapons Boston has, and with the stifling D they have, all they really need to do on offense is just play smart. Just make a lot of simple, boring passes and eventually odds are good they'll find a really talented offensive player in a good spot to take a high percentage shot. It's just really odd to me that Boston is still having a problem with this, especially with all the veterans they've got.

Blogger Basketbawful said...
Yams -- I just checked Perkins has a career average Turnover Percentage of 24. That's his average. Kwame's career-high -- which he has achieved this season, by the way -- is 22.2. Perk is currently at 24.0 this season. So, based on advanced statistics, Kendrick, over the course of his career, fumbles the ball more than Kwame EVER has. You read it here first.

As for Pierce, his TO% isn't nearly as bad as Perk's (Truth is currently at 14.2). But I'd like to see it closer to 10 (which is where Kobe is at, FWIW). In my observation, Pierce commits most of his turnovers during stretches where the C's offense is stagnent and he starts going one-on-one. Pierce likes to take it to the cup, a lot, and often through traffic. He's good at it, and he gets a lot of FTAs that way (7.1 per this season). But he will force the issue and get himself trapped, and, well, yeah.

A lot of what it comes down to, I think, is that Boston's offense is not very dynamic. It's predictable, and opposing defenses can crowd because Rondo can't shoot and Perk has bad hands and isn't really an offensive threat outside of two feet anyway. L.A. for example has better spacing because their players are much more versatile and the Triangle creates great opportunities.

Blogger Jerry Vinokurov said...
I think people are being a little unfair to Iverson. While it's hard to make comparisons between years and teams given the player movement, it's worth noting that last year's Western conference was unusually strong; the 50-win Warriors missed the playoffs, and last year's 50-win Nuggets would be (if winning trends for all teams hold up) 4th in this year's Western conference. True, it's a significant difference (6-games) but how much of the improvement is due to a general deterioration of quality teams (Suns, Warriors, Mavericks) and how much is due to Chauncey is hard to tell.

What I do know is that everyone on the Pistons last night except Iverson looked like they wanted to be somewhere else. Stuckey with 2?! Come on, that's not even trying. I think there's too much focus on AI because he's a big name, and guys like Hamilton and Wallace are just skating by on minimal effort and get a pass because once, a long time ago, they won a championship. I think the strength of Pistons teams of the past 5 or 6 years (namely, that they were an unselfish collection of talented non-superstars who succeeded due to their understanding for each other) is now their weakness; Iverson is not a floor general like Billups is, so the hub about which the wheel of the Pistons' offense (and defense) revolved has come off. It's a little sad to watch them unravel in this manner.

Anonymous Anonymous said...
Amare out for the season, eye surgery. Tell me it ain't so Basketbawful!!!

Blogger Wild Yams said...
Good info there on Perkins and his proclivity for turning it over. They were talking last night during the game about how key Perkins is to the Celtics' success, and IMO he does really seem to be the unsung man for Boston. I can't help but wonder how much better the Celtics would be if he could just hang onto the ball better. Unfortunately you really can't teach good hands, people either have them or they don't.

Back to Pierce, generally any players who drive to the cup a lot are going to commit turnovers and draw a lot of fouls. You don't want Pierce to give that part of his game up just to limit his turnovers, but if he's making a lot of stupid passes that's definitely something he needs to correct. I would assume Rondo will get better at avoiding bad passes as he gets more experienced, but Pierce should just know better.

BTW, update on KG: Apparently WEEI is reporting that KG will miss at least the rest of this road trip (5 games).

Blogger Wild Yams said...
Another update: Amare Stoudemire could miss the next two months (or the rest of the season, possibly) due to eye surgery. That's really going to hurt Phoenix's chances of making the playoffs this year. I think it may come down to who is more depleted: Houston or Phoenix.

Blogger AnacondaHL said...
The geek in me loves those quest for G homages to Monty Python. What do you think the NBA equivalent of the killer rabbit will be?

I really enjoyed that Twitter piece with Shaq, even though it shows a very, very minority exception where Twitter can be used positively.

And seeing how God is loving toying with me, and assuming the Celtics won't have Garnett on Sunday for their "first real test with the new coach", you damn better let me writeup next Thursday's Lakers WotN.

(above paragraph written before Yams posted).

Fake edit: Yams. I hate you. Just let me die in peace.

Blogger Wild Yams said...
Sorry, man. That Sunday Celts-Suns matchup is going to be weird without KG or Amare playing. Is it just me or does there seem to be a ton of key injuries happening in the last month or so?

Blogger AnacondaHL said...
Partially detached retina? Doesn't that only happen in gory cartoons?

Oh well. I have faith in the doctors of Scottsdale. Eventually if you round up every aspiring doctor who wants to cash in on being a plastic surgeon, you're bound to get some quality ones that can put someone's eyeball back in their skull.

NBA equivalent of killer rabbit: Dick Bavetta

Blogger Unknown said...
Ok is it just me or is watching Pierce driving to the basket like one of the worst things you have ever seen? Its all herky jerky. The dude has no muscle tone either. He looks like a an ATST walker, and a broken one at that. You know like somewhere on Endor, hit by trees, and looking for a foul by tiny ewoks.

Ok sorry my star wars nerd side won out on that one.

Blogger Wild Yams said...
Jerry Vinokurov, that's a valid point that the Nuggets last year were an 8th seed due as much to the relative strength of the rest of the conference; but it doesn't really explain why the Pistons have cratered so badly this year. If Iverson himself has a bad game while the rest of his team is flat miserable, then you have to question whether AI's success is coming at their expense. It's the whole "making your teammates better" thing, and clearly AI ain't doing it. His Piston teammates have shown in the past how great they can play, so simply saying that they are the problem doesn't tell the tale, IMO.

I can't help but wonder how much money this year will end up costing Iverson when he hits the free agent market this summer. Will any big contending teams want to take a chance on him? If so, which ones? Would Iverson sign with a team that might want him to come off the bench? I'm having a tough time figuring out where Iverson would be a good fit or who would be willing to pony up a lot of money for him. Maybe he'd be a good fit on the Knicks or the Warriors, but NY definitely isn't gonna pony up much cash for him.

Anonymous Anonymous said...
You can't hate on J-Dubb like that. He's the TRUTH

Blogger Unknown said...
@Wild Yams: You should hear Reggie on Dan Patrick. He sounds like an enormous douche.

Anonymous Anonymous said...
reuben- ATST Walker, wow. I bet you've bullseyed a few whomprats on your T-16 back home, too.

So would Shaq be the ATAT Walker then?

Interesting thing about Paul Pierce getting shut down by Harpring: Matt Harpring is a bad matchup for Pierce. Pierce usually overpowers defenders- not gonna happen to Matt "I used to play football and my whole family, including my mother, played football in College, and this gets mentioned by every commentator in basketball in every game" Harpring. Harpring isn't a quick guy by anybody's definition, but he is fast enough to stay with the ATST Paul Pierce. Plus he's been in the league for like 13 years and knows lots of veteran flops and grabs.

This is just an example of how the NBA is all about matchups. Harpring isn't going to be a shutdown defender, but for whatever reason, he is equipped to deal with a certain type of player, and in this game, it showed.

If Jason Williams is healthy, I think he can help a team. He was useful to Miami when they won it all because he stopped trying to be Pete Maravich and just did his job as a PG- walk it up, set up the play, hit open J's, pass the ball. He's not that old, it's just a matter of him staying healthy, and I don't know what kind of shape he's in, but if he works as hard as, say, Steve Nash, he could keep a job in the NBA for several more years.

Blogger Jerry Vinokurov said...
Yams: I think you perhaps meant to say "If Iverson himself has a good game while the rest of his team is flat miserable..."? That seems to make more sense.

In any case, I'm not disputing any of what you said, I'm just saying that the media expectations attached to Iverson seem to result in people thinking that it's all his fault. And probably a good chunk of it is: he's not a distributor and he doesn't really run the game in such a way as to create opportunities for the rest of the team. But of course the rest of the team is part of the equation too. The onus is on both AI and everyone else (including Curry) to decide whether they're going to build the team around his scoring or try and make him subservient to some sort of larger Pistons' philosophy. I'll confess that I have no idea whether either of those is even possible. I have no idea what goes on in the Pistons' locker room, but I wouldn't be surprised if the current anemia is the result of a team finally coming to the realization that it's run its course. Maybe that's too fatalistic, but that's how I felt about the Pistons last year, and the trade (both in conception and in outcome) have only deepened my conviction.

AI on the Warriors would be exciting though.

Blogger Unknown said...
Shaq? The "most dominant ever" an ATAT? I don't know, I dont want to get into a whole series of "That's no moon" jokes.

Anonymous Anonymous said...
Well, he is more machine than man now. Twisted...and evil.

Anonymous Anonymous said...
You're right, ruben-

The NBA can't repel firepower of Shaq's magnitude.

"Look at the SIZE of that thing?" is what they are all thinking when Shaq steps on the floor.

This could go on even longer than the SFIV thread.

Blogger AnacondaHL said...
lol reuben, that was my thought too. LETS RUN THIS SHIT INTO THE GROUND!

NBA/Star Wars machinery crossover:

AT-ST: Paul Pierce
AT-AT: Tyson Chandler
Landspeeder: Brandon Roy
Snowspeeder: Deron Williams
X-Wing: Chris Paul
A-Wing: Derrick Rose
B-Wing: Chauncey Billups
Y-Wing: Jason Kidd
Jedi Starfighter: Kevin Durant
Millenium Falcon: LeBron James
Slave I: Dwayne Wade
TIE Fighter: Bruce Bowen
TIE Interceptor: Tony Parker
TIE Bomber: Ron Artest
TIE advanced x1: Kobe Bryant
Tantive IV: Dirk Nowitzki
Mon Calamari Cruiser: Zydrunas Ilgauskas
Rebel Medical Frigate: Tracy McGrady
Star Destroyer: Tim Duncan
Super Star Destroyer: Dwight Howard
Death Star: Shaq
Speeder Bike: Mario West
Lambda Shuttle: Jake Voshkul
R2-D2: Nate Robinson
C-3PO: Yao

Blogger Unknown said...
Oh my god. AnacondaHL, can we be best friends?

Blogger Basketbawful said...
Latin_D -- Dude. You started a site about DUNKING CHEERLEADERS. I believe I should be thanking you, sir.

Wild Yams -- If KG's "knee" is serious, would you mind taking over the site? I don't want my grisly suicide to cheat the readers of their free comedy.

Jerry Vinokurov -- It's not that I'm trying to dogpile on A.I. -- although, honestly, I don't believe he is a part that can help any team win, that 2001 fluke season notwithstanding -- it's just that he's a horrible, horrible fit for this Pistons team. Which is punch to the nads since, you know, they made the ECF's for the last six seasons and now they might not even make the playoffs...despite having a LOT of talent.

manic -- Dude, I wish I could tell you that. I will tell you that he might "only" be out 8 weeks. *sob*

Wild Yams -- It's not just that he turns the ball over, it's that he blows so many easy scoring opportunities by fumbling the rock. I mean, he doesn't always cough it up, but the C's have lost countless layups the last two seasons because he can't catch the ball and make a quick move (layup or dunk). Believe me, I watch the same thing for years with the Jazz and Ostertag. (I swear, Stockton would have 500 or so more assists, easy, if that lug had been able to handle a basketball.)

AnacondaHL -- Next Thursday's WotN is yours. I love the "Quest for G" commercials too, but I was bummed Kareem didn't do the enchanter's voice himself. Or that they had to dance past the bridge instead of answering the questions. Also, I wanted to see that poodle eviscerate somebody.

reuben -- Agreed. I wish there was some shape, any shape to his arms. Even, like, a trapazoid. I'd rather see an affront to geometry than those flabby, fat noodles. I mean, I'm sure Paul works out and stuff. I saw him on an episode of NBA fit. I think his genes have just cursed him to be one of the only black men in history who can't get cut up.

Tiel -- No, no, no. Paul Pierce is the mother fucking truth. J-Dubb is White Chocolate. And it's not that I'm hating on him, he was fun at his best. But that was almost a decade ago. With the Kings. Dude is so finished that I'd stick HIM in the fork.

AK Dave -- Good call. Harpring's the right man to stop PP. Much like Lando was the right man to put under cover in Jabba's palace.

Jerry Vinokurov -- You know, you're right. A.I. might still have some usefulness, either in Golden State or New York.

reuben -- Yup. Shaq is definitely the Death Star. He even has the fatal, inexplicable weakness...

BadDave -- Don't you mean more flab than man?

AK Dave -- Won't talk about Shaq's "size." Won't think about it eit...TOO LATE! NOOOOOOO!!

Blogger Basketbawful said...
AnacondaHL -- This is gonna be a post, you realize that, right?

Anonymous Anonymous said...
Holy shit, AnacondaHL, way to go all-in on the first hand! I've got nothing, now. You just pwned that conversation in one post, man.


the A-wing was tiny and maneuverable with high speeds but low shield power and not a lot of firepower either (concussion missiles and two blasters).

The X-wing was a bit larger with twice the firepower and far greater shields, giving up only a slight edge in speed and maneuverability to the A-wing.

Therefore I would have to contend that the smaller, quicker A-wing would be personified by Chris Paul, whereas the larger, more attack-oriented (read: drive to the basket and rise above defenders) X-wing should be represented by, say, Dwayne Wade.

"Oklahoma City.... you will never find a more wretched hive of scum and villany" - Obi Wan Kenobi

Anonymous Anonymous said...
Tauntaun - Brad Miller. Just cut him open for a nice warm nap.

Wampa - Vanilla Przbilla

Sandcrawler - Glen Davis

Blogger AnacondaHL said...
If I had more time and better/quicker Photoshop abilities (or even had Photoshop in the first place, GIMP for the lulz), I would have made a picture of every one of these mashups. Same with the Street Fighter ones we discussed earlier. I was saddened to only find one picture like this. Come on Internet!

Actually in this case, an expert .gif/flash/video animator would work better, so you could put the players right in the scenes in place of the ships.

The hardest one was Slave I. I had about 4 people there, who just couldn't match up to it's badassness. I almost put Kobe there, until I remembered DUH, he's Darth Lord Mamba! Obviously he has a personalized starship.

Tantive IV was another tough one, I didn't know who I wanted to make fun of more.

My favorite, of course, is T-Mac's =)

Anonymous Anonymous said...

-Bantha: Kendrik Perkins
-Minoc: Kirk Hinrich (...chewing on the power cables...)
-Rankor: Joakim Noah

Blogger Unknown said...
Can the Tusken Raiders be the Suns Mangement?

Blogger Wild Yams said...
Jerry Vinokurov, you're right I meant "good". Or maybe I could say I meant "bad" as in "good" the way Michael Jackson did :)

Another thought occurred to me regarding AI and the downfall of the Pistons: maybe it's really all just Michael Curry's fault. Or even, is AI just taking all the blame when Curry should have been given the axe by now? If the Pistons had never made that trade and were still playing like this, you can guarantee that Curry would have been handed his walking papers a long time ago.

Mr. Bawful, I'm gonna be upset if KG's knee is seriously injured too, though I'd have been far more upset if this had happened a year ago. If he's done for the year and/or that means Boston's title window is closed, at least he finally got a ring. Considering he was such a popular guy for so long while being such a durable player, I can't help but wonder if karma finally caught up with his recent superdickery. I really hope not.

Blogger Ry said...
You know, they should let J Will back in, except they should force him to keep his white hood on ... Anything to boost attendance right now. S-T-E-R-N should be completely on board with this.

Also, I'm officially suggesting that the Nellies be allowed in the playoffs regardless of their regular season record. Who would want them in the first round? And who wouldn't watch?

Blogger The Dude Abides said...
Re turnovers and Kwame Brown vs Kendrick Perkins: from what I've seen when I follow the live box score on my laptop while watching the game, as a general rule of thumb, the turnover on a dropped pass that gets picked up by the other team is credited to the PASSER. It's true.

I first noticed this last season, when Kwame was still the backup center, Bynum was still healthy, and Gasol was that goofy Spanish guy playing for a crappy team. Fisher was out on the left wing, and he made a routine and perfectly accurate bounce pass about eight feet away to Kwame, who wasn't being guarded very closely. Kwame dropped the pass, and it went off his foot to the opponent, resulting in a fast break bucket. The statistician awarded the turnover to Fisher, and I could not believe it. This was out on the wing! A short, routine bounce pass that hit Kwame right in the hands, waist high. So I started watching for this pattern in future games whenever Kwame was on the court, and sure enough, the turnovers on his dropped passes resulting in a change of possession would get credited to the passer.

So, I would have to disagree with the turnover rate comparison as a valid way to determine if Kwame or Perk has worse hands. I think Perk has gotten more turnovers on moving picks, charges, and three seconds than Kwame has.

Blogger Impotent Waffle said...
This just means more Aaron Brooks, I like.

Anonymous Anonymous said...
I don't know if "goofiest" would be the adjective I'd use to describe Reggie Miller. He's idiotic, apparently painfully insecure, his voice sounds like an failed cartoon character, and his "analysis" has all the depth of a kiddie pool. He's going to be the reason I wear out the mute button on my remote before the playoffs.

I don't know if I just never paid attention to him before, maybe I'm watching more games this year, maybe he had massive head trauma during the offseason, I don't know. I do know that the best sports-announcing moment that almost was of the season so far for me was a point during the 3-point contest when I was almost SURE Kenny was going to beat the hell out of him. Sigh. Ah well.

Blogger Jesse said...
Thanks for posting my shaq story. You're the best BB.