hitch sign

First Pat Riley handed Shawn Marion cab fare and a one-way plane ticket to Toronto in order to acquire Jermaine "The Drain" O'Neal -- on the books for only $23 million next season! -- and now the New Orleans Hornets are shipping Tyson Chandler to Oklahoma City for The Expiring Contracts of Joe Smith and Chris Wilcox. Awesome.

And in case you were wondering: Yes, it's a salary dump. According to Marc Stein: "With a payroll at nearly $67 million this season and scheduled to reach almost $77 million next season, New Orleans felt it had to part with Chandler before Thursday's 3 p.m. trading deadline regardless, even though dealing away the 26-year-old almost certainly takes the Hornets out of serious playoff contention in the West."

No word yet on how Chris Paul feels about the move -- chances are he's too busy throwing up in his own mouth to comment -- but David West is NOT a fan: "I don't know if that's somebody we can afford to lose. So I'm not sold on that idea. You just don't find a 7-foot-1 athlete like that and he's the only 7-footer we have. Especially if we're planning on making a run into the playoffs, we're going to need size to compete with Portland, San Antonio and the Lakers. I'm not sure that would help us." It won't, David. It wasn't meant to. In related news, following a rainbow will not lead you to a leprechaun's magical pot of gold.

Great move for the Thunder, though, assuming Chandler ever gets healthy. I know the Thunder Cats have been an ongoing punchline around these parts, but seriously, with the way Kevin Durant is developing, they might be only another year or two away from actual mediocrity, even competence. Which is more sweet torment for the denizens of Seattle. The only way those poor people could receive a more thorough cornholing would be if the Thunder won a title within the next five years. Don't laugh. It could happen. Just ask Cleveland Browns fans.

Also, some people have been asking what I think about the Marion-for-O'Neal trade. Simply put: Very little. The Drain won't make Miami any better until the summer of 2010...when his contract comes off the books. Besides, he's already played, what, 41 games this season? He's almost reached his 50-game quota, after which his total value is reduced by exactly one Jermaine O'Neal plus a Jamal Tinsley. (Could Chris Quinn be this year's Jamal Tinsley? Stay tuned.) The move will give Michael Beasley some room to grow, though, since he's likely to take over Marion's spot in the starting lineup. And he's the future, whereas Marion was a placeholder. So there's that.

As for Toronto, well, they'd have to start running the ball for Marion to have an appreciable impact. (Trading for Steve Nash and Amare Stoudemire and then bringing in Mike D'Antoni to coach would help, too.) Some people believe Marion could be the do-everything guy that the Craptors have needed, but isn't that sort of what the Heat thought when they got him? And with O'Neal gone, who's going to guard the big boys? 'Cause you know Chris Bosh doesn't want that job. On the upside, Marion's contract expires this summer, which will allow the Craptors to pursue top-notch free agents like Allen Iverson, Ron Artest, Rasheed Wallace, Jason Kidd, Mike Bibby, Drew Gooden.... So, you know, they're totally screwed.

Meaningless trade update: The Boston Celtics are sending Sam Cassell to the Sacramento Kings, otherwise known as Suburb B of Basketball Hell. In return, the Celtics will receive a future second-round pick they will never, under any circumstances, actually use. This, of course, on-ups Detroit's trade of Alex Acker to the Clippers for the right to swap future second-rounders they won't use either.

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Blogger Trev said...
I swear the Hornets must have read on the ESPN ticker that the Saints have cut Duece today, easily right behind Archie Manning as the most beloved figure in Saints history, so they decide to one up them by pulling off an even douchier move and totally give up on the current season. Thanks Shinn and Benson, two of the worst owners in either sport and we are lucky enough to have you BOTH in New Orleans. Fuckin' Shit.

I'm going to go listen to Smiths/Morrissey records and cut myself now.

Anonymous Anonymous said...
I don't think this trade is that awful for New Orleans.

Joe Smith is a decent role player who has a pretty reliable jumper, and Wilcox is a damn good finisher, I will be interested to see what he can do with the best PG in the NBA passing him the ball.

Anyway, I'm just sayin'- the jury's still out. Oh, and we can expect Tyson to totally suck again now that he's not playing with CP3.

Blogger DocZeus said...
The Hornets have just basically announced CP3 will be available for free agency on July 1, 2012 to the highest bidder.

In related news: The Hornets have announced their intention to move the team to Seattle.

Anonymous Anonymous said...
I totally disagree with bawful. The Celts might use that 2nd-round draft pick.

Blogger Victor said...
I like the O'Neal/Marion trade for Miami. Moon is an excellent defender (even though he makes boneheaded plays on offense). He's like a dumb version of Shane Battier. O'Neal is going to be the only person on the team taller than 6'9" other than Mark Blount. That's Miami's biggest weakness: size. And they get a draft pick without clogging up cap space for the big upcoming FA class.

I don't think Marion will work very well in Toronto either since their tempo is pretty slow and Calderon is known for his meticulous half court play. The early cap space will be nice though.

And as for Oklahoma, wow. They are going to be the next Portland. Another high draft pick this year along with 2 other late 1st rounders. They already have a franchise point guard, a franchise scorer, another good versatile all around player, and now a legit center. They'll get plenty of young depth with those picks. Wow I'm excited.

Blogger AnacondaHL said...
"Also, some people have been asking what I think about the Marion-for-O'Neal trade."

My eyes lit up, as if somehow you had invented a reversal time machine. Ugh.

Victor: "I like the O'Neal/Marion trade for Miami."

Ugh, the pain in my stomach. Can we please start calling it "The OTHER O'Neal/Marion trade" or "Marion for O'Neal part 2"...

"As for Toronto, well, they'd have to start running the ball for Marion to have an appreciable impact. (Trading for Steve Nash and Amare Stoudemire and then bringing in Mike D'Antoni to coach would help, too.)"

*AnacondaHL is unable to send this comment because he just tried to cut himself WITH a Smiths/Morrissey record*

Blogger chris said...
BadDave: Obviously, despite the fact that the Kings are the most bawful team in the NBA this year...the Maloofs were definitely going to pass on that 2nd rounder, as it doesn't help them in their quest to mooch government funds for a new arena. Though I'm not sure how the zombiefied Mr. Big Balls Dance himself will improve their chances, either. (I guess his presence on the bench will continue to improve their chances at the #1 overall draft pick?)

Though given the propensity of the Kings to lose heartbreakers in the fourth (in those few times they don't use up all their competitiveness in the first half), maybe he can teach Scrappy Doo (shudder) or K-Mart to pull off those moves before watching the opposition make the inevitable dagger shot afterward.

Blogger Nick Flynt said...
Am I the only one who is wondering how the Celts could do that? Sam would have retired if they didn't want him around. What dicks. I guarentee he retires in the next three weeks. Unless less it's the good old release and re-sign which I doubt.

In an unrelated piece of news, I've just got my ordered copy of Breaks of the Game in.

Blogger chris said...
Ah, a great comment from the Sacramento Bee article on the oh-so-important Cassell trade:


"kingsrulal wrote on 02/17/2009 01:23:13 PM:
Why are the Kings doing deals that help out Boston and do NOTHING for the Kings? Are the Maloofs so bad off that all they can do is help other teams clear their roster of dead weight?"

Gavin may not be that bad off, but the team he presides over surely is!

CAPTCHA: "reffs," very appropriate in referring to the purple jesters.

Blogger Nick Flynt said...

I just heard from Around the Horn that the Suns actually considered: a draft pick, Tyrus Thomas, and Drew Gooden for Amar'e in a three team deal.

That would be a Steve Kerr move for all times.

It almost definitely won't happen, but it's still crazy that they even considered it.

Blogger AnacondaHL said...
Also, are you aware of this website? It's not really a website I'd put my credit card informaion into....


They are direct feeding your blog from Wordpress just to sell trophies. I found this because I decided to Google suck differential, to see if there was any prior art. This Blazers' blog author actually uses the term!

I may have to talk to these authors to make sure I didn't copyright infringe. And also congratulate them for having the most unintentionally hilarious, no, the GREATEST scientific abstract I have ever read.

Blogger Basketbawful said...
AnacondaHL -- Dude, that Blazers blogger is using suck differential AND Mario! I'm not sure how to feel about that...

Blogger chris said...
Bafwul: AND "Human victory cigar" too!

I wonder if he just got the info straight up from my lacktion report for that night...


Anonymous Anonymous said...
Bosh+JO+Bargnani look good on paper, but we just can't seem to blend them in as a team.

Who knows, the O'Neal/Marion trade may save the Raptors season. It isn't too difficult to get into the playoff in the East anyway. I like our chances here..

Blogger Nick Flynt said...
Take your revenge Bawful! But you should seriously trademark some of this stuff.

Put your bald, crazy mark of approval on legal documentation to prove your rightful ownership to these terms. Or in other cases, other people came up with them, so never mind.

Anonymous Anonymous said...
Breaking News!!!

Allen Iverson traded to ... oh nevermind, sorry

how about now?

and now?


Blogger chris said...
Knee-Mac and Vinsanity in trade rumors!


Blogger Caleb Smith said...
@Dave... uh yeah, because it was Chris Paul who helped Chandler grab 12 boards a game the last couple of seasons? Maybe he handed them to Tyson, and then told the scorekeeper to credit them to Tyson?

Anyway, sorry for the snark but I'm a Hornets fan and I'm PISSED.

Ugh. Joe Smith and Chris Wilcox are both solid players... but that's not the point. A guy like Chandler is *not* easily replaceable.. with Chandler in the lineup, the Hornets are the best team in the NBA at keeping teams out of the paint. That tells you all you need to know.

Blogger chris said...
OT, some good google work in the vein of AnacondaHL's research:

- Aussies seem to have been picking up on the trail of lacktivity:

- Someone responded to my recap of Tarence Kinsey's epic crawl to lacktivity, arguing that that run was more essential to the Craboliers than Sasha Pavlovic:

- A Bawful fan named the site one of his top 8 links of '08, specifically appreciating the terms "trillion" and "suck differential" amongst others:

Anonymous Anonymous said...
chris: the digi-cam was what I was thinking. I looked online and it sounds like I would have to buy some equipment otherwise.

I think I'll try a Lacktion street game or dunk contest tonight to see how it looks on my Panasonic. Otherwise, I might try a few different cables in hopes that my newish laptop has a built-in video-capture card.

For now, I'm going to look through old posts and see whose names come up the most. I definitely want full squads so we can hopefully get some Marios or Trillionaires.

I was thinking the best outcome would be if I put the difficulty level on the easiest; and, I think I can even go into the player ratings and drop them all down to 00.

The idea being that the easier it would be to dominate (were I playing), the worse each computer-player will play; and, therefore, the more fun it will be to watch.

I'll be back with roster suggestions later (at work for 4.25 more hours with little else to do!).

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Last season aside, all I'm seeing is 8.8pts and 8.3rbs this season. Woop-dee-doo. You guys will be alright. Chandler isn't really that good. He played out of his mind last year and in '06 after getting dumped by the Bulls. He's coming back down to reality now. Besides, I doubt you'll be stuck with Joe Smith or Chris Wilcox very long. They'll get traded away for something else soon enough.

Blogger Andrei said...
I'm sure that no one saw this since this came at the end of Wizards-T'wolves game, but after Mike James hit a 3 towards the end of the game to put the Wizards up 4, Oleg Pecherov did the Pedro Cerrano-Big Ball Dance. The Wizards held on to win the game despite the premature celebration. I suppose the only question that remains is whether this should count in Big Ball Dance stats as a win considering the teams and players involved?

Blogger chris said...
Andrei: Well, obviously, Sam From Another Planet garnered a few wins this way, so it's not a hard-and-fast rule that it results in the ultimate reversal.

Also, I wonder if the person MAKING the shot is vulnerable to the Cerrano Curse, thus making it much more okay for Pecherov to rise up from the doldrums of the lacktator's mattress (the bench) and celebrate, as is befitting his role on the team.

Blogger chris said...
Okay, watching NBA Coast to Coast...not one, but TWO near basketbrawls tonight, including Amundson taking a right cross from Zach Randolph at Phoenix! (Shockingly, despite the fact the Clippers gave up a full 81 points in the FIRST HALF, there isn't any lacktion on Dunleavy's end of the bench so far.)

Anonymous Anonymous said...
If the Blazers trade Outlaw, Sergio, and Raef for Vinsanity I will be very, very sad. Now if it's Gerald Wallace, then I'm all for it! But Kevin Pritchard, don't screw this one up for me.

With regards to this whole Suns mess: this is the perfect sort of setting for Sam Beckett to leap into Alvin Gentry and make them playoff contenders again. Am I right?

Blogger tony.bluntana said...
um.. Sun Devil... are the Blazers thinking about Vince "must create contact and act like a giant ass" Carter? No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No.

Where did you hear this?

Blogger tony.bluntana said...
chris: damn! I just got through your February reports (shortest month so far); and, I got 64 names. Obviously, some of them were far more lacktive than others.

My point is: this will take longer than expected.

No worries, though; because Jake Voskuhl's name came up more than most.

Here's my first quandry: one of the more popular names on February's compiled lacktion report was Anthony Morrow. However, I seem to remember him exploding for a whole lot of points one night a month or two back. Should we allow that kind of non-lacktive performance to ruin someone's chances at being on the team; or, at least, his chances at being a starter?

I'll have a more comprehensive list soon. But, it's time to start wrapping up my shift for the next guy. Don't worry, I'll do more research at home.

And, I've decided that my camera-test game will be a one-on-one Chris Douglas-Roberts vs. Sonny Weems. Two impressive lacktators (remember how the [dickhead] commentators were discussing Weems at the dunk contest?) with a strong history of personal hatred [that I invented on draft day and have never heard anyone else mention in real life].

Anonymous Anonymous said...
rumble the bison:


Blogger chris said...

In a tidbit about as surprising as seeing Oliver Miller at a Tim Horton's...

Knee-Mac shuts it down for the season.

Blogger Junior said...
Knee-Mac is out for season

Anonymous Anonymous said...
Finally! Another Calvin Murphy! I've been checking the box scores for the last 6-8 weeks, and this is only the second one (Brad Millers near triple double. LeBron with 14 assists and 9 rebounds on the same night doesn't really count.)

Okafor got his share of history with a 14 point and 9 rebound Calvin Murphy on the same day as being dominated by Dwight's 45 and 19.

Interestingly, Okafor is one of the players closest to averaging a Calvin Murphy, averaging 14/10.8
Others are
Andrew Bynum:14/8.2
Nene: 14.7/8.1
Steve Nash 13.8/9.2 (assists)
Paul Millsap:14.8/9.2

Having followed this stat so closely has made me realise how rare it is, and that we should truly celebrate this feat in all its bawful glory.

Blogger Unknown said...
I find it a bit funny that Marion, someone who already deals with a huge inferiority complex, has been traded for not one, but two washed up O'Neals.

Anonymous Anonymous said...
if the economy gets worse and worse you know who's more screwed? Free agent class of 2010

Blogger Cortez said...
"Among NBA fans, it's not hard to find people who criticize Vince Carter -- most notably for once admitting that he didn't play hard for some of his time in Toronto. But he has no such critics among statistical experts."

Here we go again....

"I can't emphasize enough that every stat person I talked to was very clear that not giving up a lot of talent, but adding Vince Carter to your team, would absolutely make any one of these three teams much better this year."

Trading deadwood for a 20 point scorer/ athlete will make you a better team? You don't say!

Thanks Captain Obvious!

Anyone could have told you that bit of wisdom. (and without a complicated newtonian formula and a 10 terabyte database!)

Blogger AnacondaHL said...
VOIDED! (medical concerns on left big toe)

I hope Chandler takes this chance to roll out some revenge games, rather than have an awkward aura linger in the locker room...