Like many people, I greatly enjoy the dulcet sounds of piano music. It is both beautiful and soothing. Sadly, I don't have a shred of musical talent. After a full year of 4th grade music class, I couldn't even play Mary Had A Little Lam on the recorder. So what are my options? I guess I could always kidnap a pianist and force them -- through the regular application of electric shock and water torture -- to perform for my twisted pleasure. But then I'd have to feed and water them, maybe even take them out for the occasional walk. And if the pile of rotting dog corpses outside my back door are any indication, I'm really not any good at that.

Fortunately, Japanese scientists have once again worked a miracle by inventing The Pianist, a disembodied robotic hand that can play the piano for you while also looking totally creepy.

piano hand
I wonder if it can also play the Meat Flute?

The Pianist has been programmed to play a variety of classical piano concertos, such as Beethoven's 5th Symphony and Chopin's Minute Waltz. However, there is a slight problem. While unbelievably rad, it's still a robot. I've seen The Terminator enough times to know that animated robot hands are almost universally dangerous. Even worse, The Pianist is sound-activated (much like The Clapper), and then it just operates on its own. What if it misinterprets my "play Scott Joplin's The Entertainer" clap for my "destroy all humans" clap? Can mankind afford for me to take that chance...?

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