….One minute left in the half and the game is tied at 38. Is the defense really this good, or is this about LeBron and Duncan both having to sit the last 6 minutes of the second quarter with 3 fouls?…both of the superstars, by the way, were forced to sit on nothing calls – Bowen flopped on a hand to the back from LeBron, and Duncan did NOT foul Ilgauskas for his third. Nice work refs…way to let ‘em play.

…Parker hits a teardrop to put the Spurs up 2 at the half. The Cavs played as tough as they have in this series and find themselves down 2. That must be a sucky feeling.

…Gatorade commercials are the second most effective commercials in recent memory. Keith Jackson is the God of hydration.

…The Wendy’s commercial with the people kicking trees – and the guy in the red pigtail wig saying he wants a tasty burger – is the first most effective commercial in recent memory. Why do I want a fresh, not-frozen burger? “Because I have a mouth, and it wants one.” Amen, brother.

…Half time chat now, where the Cavs get called out for stinking up the joint (offensively, anyway)…Grant Hill just called this game “The varsity vs. the JV.” Ouch, but boy does this appear true.

…The halftime short: “Cleveland Misery”…a chronicle of Cleveland’s futility and failure in professional sports. Something tells me there will be another chapter right in line with this theme in a few days.

…The Barkley / D Wade “Fav 5” commercials are the worst ever. Wooden acting, not funny - proof positive that writing – not LeBron – is king, and that just getting two superstars together for a commercial doesn’t make magic.

…Jeff Van Gundy has a face for radio. He reminds me of a turtle…that may be an insult to turtles.

…If “Live free of Die Hard” is as good as the trailer, it’s gonna be a fun summer.

… The “Secret of the Surfer” on this go around had better be how to keep a Fantastic Four movie from sucking ass.

...7:55 left in the third - Spurs 44, Cavs 42. The Cavs offense is as bad as their defense is good. About as pretty to watch as Gollum taking a shower.

...Eva Longoria is clapping for her man. Color me jealous of Tony Parker.

...Drew Gooden just hit a sick hook shot to tie things at 48. Dare I hope that this game might get interesting?

...Harry Potter is growing up, and so are his movies. Dare I hope that Lord Voldemort kills the whiny little bastard? Can't wait.

...What I CAN wait for is an iPhone. That thing just screams beta.

...3:17 in the third – Ginobli called for a silly offensive foul. Yet another case of “Let ‘em play, refs.” These refs are back to being whistle happy. Makes me whistle sad.

...2:33 in the third – Drew Gooden called for two loose ball fouls in a row. The Spurs don’t make mistakes like this. They just don’t.

...:38 in the third – Bowen sticks a three. 55-50 Spurs. In this game, 5 points feels like a mountain.

...:06 – Gibson clearly fouled in the act of shooting a three. No call. The refs continue to amaze with their inconsistency. Let’s stop making this a part-time job for retirement age men, shall we?

...Ah, David Blaine is advertising the finals…the only thing more annoying than the refs? David Blaine. Want proof? Watch this, and then this. You will thank me. And the words you will use to thank me have already been written down. Just look in your pocket.

...King James isn’t attacking the basket like he did against the Pistons. In fact, he just dribbled around – got none of the picks that I have been begging the Cavs to make – and passed to Donyell Marshall who immediately shot and missed a 3. Spurs 58, Cavs 50.

...Shaq is helping kids lose weight. Good for him. “Don’t fart on me Walter,” will always make me giggle.

...The Cavs offense is looking abysmal. They’ve taken and missed 3 threes in a row.

...9:30 in the fourth. Duncan just hit a patented jumper. The man just does what he does. Spurs by 10.

...9:17 left – James gets a pretty “and 1” Spurs by 7.

...6:36 left – after some back and forth, Finley hits a three. Spurs by 10. Varsity and JV indeed.

...5:28 – LeBron finally drives to the frickin’ hoop. Spurs by 4. Mike Breen reminds us that this is when Wade took over last year’s Finals. LeBron, you have to go to Legendland, Legendland won’t come to you.

...Every time the ball leaves LeBron’s hands, the other Cavs are making mistake after mistake. Oy. I’m starting to think that showering Gollum wouldn’t be so bad.

...2:28 left – The Spurs haven’t scored in 4 minutes, and yet the Cavs can’t buy a basket. Me thinks some sort of consistent offensive player would help the Cavs greatly. Perhaps they can work a trade for Duncan.

...1:33 left – Spurs up two. Gooden just yanked on Duncan’s shirt and then screamed “All ball!” You just fouled out, Drew – on six dumb fouls. Sit down.

...A three by Parker. Eva cheers. Jealousy ensues.

...10.4 left – Spurs by 3.

...5.5 left – Spurs by1 after LeBron layup.

...Ginobli hits his freethrows. Spurs by three. Timeout Cleveland. One three-pointer is all it takes to maybe, just maybe, make this a respectable series.

...LeBron is fouled in the act of shooting (Bowen TRIED to foul him prior to the shot), and in pure NBA ref form, the call isn’t made. LeBron complains in vain. Spurs would have taken overtime anyway, I suspect.

...Cavs down 3-0. I stand by my six game prediction – mainly because my wife is from Cleveland, and it would be nice to see her city not be completely humiliated.

...I'm gonna watch Everybody Loves Raymond now.

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Anonymous Anonymous said...
That was disheartening.

Blogger Statbuster said...
At least one Finals game tainted by dubious officiating? Check. But, with the score at 55-50 going into the 4th, what exactly is being tainted?

Anonymous Anonymous said...
You didn't even make fun of Anderson Varejao when he used the Cav's last possession? Did he suddenly think he was good or something?

Anonymous Anonymous said...
I didn't comment on the Varejao play because I was speechless at the time.

Anonymous Anonymous said...
Why does no one care about Ilgauskas getting fouled on the last second And 1 he made?

Anonymous Anonymous said...
I didn't chronicle every play. I simply highlighted critical moments that occurred while I wasn't TWOH ("Typing with one hand") over the possibility that the Cavs might actually win a Finals game.

For future reference, anything great Ilgouskas does will be met with indifference, as he is most likely simply offsetting a bonehead play from earlier in the contest. (Note to Ilgouskas zealots: just joking!). Actually, he seemed to play OK, about at the same level of all the other mortals surrounding LeBron.

Anonymous Anonymous said...
What better place to read about this NBA Finals disaster than a site called "Basketbawful"?

Anonymous Anonymous said...
why, when his phone rings and he misses the put, does d-wade's foot come off the ground? looks gay