The longest running San Antionio Spurs subplot has been resolved: Tony Parker and Eva Longoria have broken up. According to People Magazine, the split "was amicable and a result of their conflicting work schedules," which I'm guessing means "She finally realized he's douchey French dude."

Now we can strike "Has disproportionately hot girlfriend" off the list of the Top Ten Reasons We Hate Tony Parker. The remaining list reads as follows:

10. Betrayed America by playing for the French National Team.

9. Turns out is actually French.

8. Disguises French heritage with apparently American name.

7. Reminds us of hated elementary school rival, Ernie Parkin, who also was French.

6. Fuck you, Ernie!

5. Achieved high shooting percentage despite lack of jump shot; deal with Satan suspected.

4. Piggybacked on Tim Duncan for a pair of NBA championships; deal with Satan suspected.

3. His mother, Pamela Firestone is a Dutch model. For some reason this annoys us.

2. Has disproportionately hot girlfriend; deal with Satan suspected.

1. He's still French.
Another plus: we can resume admitting the fact that Eva is totally hawt. I mean, seriously, she is.

She's a free girl now, boys. I call next.
Anonymous Anonymous said...
ha HA!

I definitly agree that some deal with Satan was what gave him 4 and 5. But ooooooh, tough break, he ain't got no disproportionately hot girlfriend no more!

Anonymous Anonymous said...
And, great picture. No, seriously. It's probably the best picture you've ever had on here.

Anonymous Anonymous said...
I too agree that Parker is a no talent French parasite that piggybacked Tim Duncan for the championship. He's kinda like a crappy Mark Madsen during the Laker's threepeat.