Shane Battier is now the official spokesperson for the Chinese sportswear company PEAK. This may surprise you, but Battier wasn't their first choice. Apparently, PEAK "considered other NBA stars like Dirk Nowitzki, Andrew Bogut, Tony Parker and Vasillis Spanoulis, before finally deciding to sign up Battier."

Now, Dirk Nowitzki and maybe even Tony Parker I could understand. But Bogut and what-his-name? I guess this kind of tells you how well PEAK understands the world of basketball (which explains their earlier-in-the-summer signing of shoe giant Damon Jones). I mean, I don't even know who this "Vassillis Spanoulis" plays for. In fact, it sounds more like a sexually transmitted disease than an actual name. I'd get my intern to do a fact check, but my "intern" is a pet turtle named Addy who can't actually do research, or type, and I'm not totally sure she's still alive. Anyway, it can't make Shane feel good to know he's getting Spanoulis' table scraps. But I'm sure the money will make him feel better.

By the way, Battier will be wearing PEAK "sneakers" in "every NBA game this season." So it'll be a two-man race between Battier and Stephon Marbury to determine who falls victim to the first "crappy athletic shoe"-related sports injury. My money's on Shane.

Battier: "Domo arigato, Mr. PEAK managing whatever guy."
PEAK President: "I'm not Japanese. And you're no Dirk Nowitzki."
Anonymous Anonymous said...
I always enjoy reading ur blog especially ur satire. I'm surprised however that u don't know V.Spanoulis who play for the greek national team in this summer's FIBA championship and will be playing for the Rockets... I guess now u can understand why a chinses company's interested in him and Battier. in other words, it's not that chinses companies don't know NBA well, it's that Yao's wagon is too good to be missed out...

FYI Damon Jones isn't that bad of choice for a spokesperson...

Anonymous go Rockets said...
let me tell u why v.Spanoulis is a Rocket so is Battier...see the connection to that chinses! the closer to Yao, the more popular u'll be in China. i guess u won't forget this saying anymore " love me, love my dog" will ya :)?

FYI, Damon Jones isn't that bad of a choice for spokesperson.

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