Basketbawful

Monday, April 03, 2006

Jazz game time entertainment: FAN-tastic!!

Utah isn't exactly a wild and crazy place. This is particularly ironic since most of the people who live there think they should be allowed to marry as many people as they want. You'd think that kind of progressive social structure would lead to some hot and sexy in-arena entertainment for Jazz games, but, sadly, that is not the case. The Jazz "entertainment teams" are just as lame as anybody else's, and probably lamer. These groups include:

The Albertson's Junior Jazz Dancers: The junior dancers are a pedophile's dream come true: a group of adorable, pre-adolescent girls dressed in miniskirts and knee socks who prance around to the delight and amusement of the home crowd. How in the name of Zeus did anyone think this was okay?

Maybe I'm too cynical. Maybe I've read one too many news stories about Catholic priests handing out delicious candy. But all I know is that this little dance troup is about half an inch of shiny material away from being categorized as child abuse. Somebody in the Jazz organization should be very, very ashamed of themselves.

The Dairy Farmers of Utah Jazz Stunt Team: The DFoUJST are a bunch of gymnists and cheerleaders who jump around and pose, accompanied by a group of guys who toss them into the air and hold them over their heads. I guess this takes a little more training and precision than your standard dance team, but it still sounded a little pathetic...until I saw the picture over on the right. And now, well, I think the group might have some merit. As the DFoUJST promo says, "You won't want to miss the high-flying, acrobatic stunts that leave fans cheering for more." I have a news flash for you guys: it's not the stunts we want more of.

The Superior Computers Flippers: The flippers aren't a group of lovable dolphins who can use a precise series of clicks and screeches to tell you the exact location of the well little Jimmy fell into. No, they're an "all-male, action packed, power-tumbling team that dominate the court during time-outs." And nothing gets me psyched up for NBA action like the exploits of an all-male tumblig team! Yeeeee-haw!! Go Jazz!!

4 Comments:

jenny said...

First off, Most of the people who live in Utah do not think they should be allowed to marry as many people as they want.. Common misconception. Secondly, I would love to co-author a post anytime. and Thirdly, I do not own a shuffle but was referring to the itune shufflage of my itunes on my computer. So I am no itune goddess.. although that would be pretty sweet. You ready for playoffs? I know i am. I just hope the Mavs can get it together!

4/03/2006 5:55 PM

Basketbawful said...

I know, know...but I like to portray myself as blithely unaware of, you know, anything. It's funnier to joke about polygamy than to describe the vast complexities of the Mormon religion.

I was thinking you could give us a Maverick playoff preview in your patented "Crazy Jenny" fashion (and I mean "crazy cool," not "crazy insane." Okay, maybe I do sort of mean "crazy insane.")

With the way the Pacers are playing right now, I'm not sure whether I'll have the heart to watch the playoffs this year. Okay, I'm kidding. I'll be watching. But sort of peeking through my fingers. When the Pacers get bounced in the first round, I'll ask you to move over so I can jump onto the Maverick's bandwagon.

4/04/2006 4:36 PM

Anonymous said...

Ha ha ha, you want to hear something weird. I actually dated the girl in that picture (the Jazz stunt girl). I'm not just saying that, I could give you her number if you want, as long as you promise not to tell her where you got it.

6/09/2008 10:39 PM

Basketbawful said...

anonymous -- Do you think she'd consent to an interview??

6/10/2008 8:25 AM