Dwyane Wade: I waxed poetic about Wade's amazing game at By The Horns, but now I'm gonna vent. What the hell? Seriously, what the hell?! The Bulls played one of their best games of the season, but Wade went all God Mode on them, scoring 48 points on 15-for-21 from the field [!!] and 5-for-6 from downtown [!!!]. And let's talk about those threes. One was a 32-footer to beat the halftime buzzer. One tied the game with 11.5 seconds left in regulation to force overtime. And his final triple -- which came off a steal that robbed the Bulls of their final possession and a chance to win it at the end of the second overtime -- was a crazy running lightning bolt of a buzzer beat that won the game. This wasn't just crazy, it was crazy-insane. Seriously. Just watch this:


That is not fair. I can think of only a handful of ways Wade’s game could have been more epic: If it had come against the Cavaliers, Celtics or Lakers; if it had happened in the playoffs (preferably a seventh game); if he had simultaneously saved all the children and a puppy from a burning orphanage; or if it had caused the fall of the Dark Lord Sauron’s tower of Barad-dûr. I'm not sure what else the Bulls could have done. It's awfully hard to gameplan against fate.

Bonus footage: Let's hear what Wade had to say about his deus ex machina game:


Ben Gordon: It's hard to fault a guy who almost outdueled Dwyane Wade in one of Wade's most epic performances to date. BG finished with 43 points (14-for-23) on the strength of 8 (out of 11) three-pointers. But he had a pretty big goat moment. The Bulls were up 103-101 at the end of regulation when Miami was forced to foul Gordon with 20.7 seconds left. BG bonked the first foul shot and then hit the second, giving Chicago a 104-101 lead that was in no way safe. As amazing as Wade is, even he can't hit a four-pointer, since such a shot doesn't exist. But a clutch three? No problem. All I could think of afterward was "What if Ben had just hit that damn free throw?!"

Tyrus Thomas: Remember this guy? Yeah, neither does Vinny Del Negro. He used to play for the Bulls, but not anymore, apparently. Brad Miller got 46 minutes of daylight. Tyrus "I thought he was the future" Thomas, on the other hand, played only 22 minutes, contributing 4 points (2-for-5), 5 rebounds, 4 turnovers and 4 fouls. Miller's arrival is causing Tyrus to fade, like a foul vapor. Of course, Tyrus didn't help his cause by getting into foul trouble and then picking up a technical with 2:28 left in the third quarter. The reason? He threw his gum at an official after picking up his fourth foul. Not a good idea, Tyrus.

Funny-looking celebrations: Sky Flakes sent in the following pic. Wonder Twin Powers...ACTIVATE! Shape of: A dork! Form of: A spaz!


Tyson Chandler: This guy has been en fuego since the deal that was going to send sentence him to Oklahoma City fell through. But someone must have hit him with a fire extinguisher last night -- not the flame-smothering foamy stuff, but the actual metal tube -- because he finished with 2 points (1-for-6) and 5 boards. Or, to put it another way, the same number of rebounds as Mike Bibby. That's worse than good. Of course, a lot of the blame for New Orleans' 89-79 loss goes to...

The Hornets' bench: The reserve corps scored 7 points, and 5 of those points came from James Posey. None of New Orleans' pine riders other than Posey grabbed a rebound. They had as many fouls as assists (4). To put it bluntly, they suck. Said Byron Scott: "It's putting too much pressure on our starters. I can't sit there and continue to watch this." And you're going to do what, exactly, Byron? You can pretend they're All-Stars or dress them as women, but Hilton Armstrong and Sean Marks are still Hilton Armstrong and Sean Marks. Good luck squeezing blood from THAT turnip.

The Minnesota Timberwolves: Their home battle against the Washington Wizards Generals was a matchup of two teams that had lost a combined 14 straight games. That, my friends, is what we call scalpers night off. And even though it would have been fitting for both teams to lose, that doesn't happen in today's NBA. So it was Minny -- the home team -- who lost to the Wicked Worst of the East and lost their 10th consecutive game. They are now 8-24 at the Target Center.

To make matters even worse for the already Al Jefferson-less 'Wolves, Randy Foye sprained his ankle during the fourth quarter and had to be carried to the locker room. How'd that happen? Well, Foye went up to grab a lob pass from Mike Miller, but came down funny and collapsed in a heap. Yet another problem caused by Miller's newfound reluctance to shoot the damn ball.

The Denver Nuggets: Okay, what happened? These guys were good, right? I mean, they spent most of the season as the second-best team (record-wise) in the West. Now they can't win, not on the road, not at home. A night after losing to the Wicked Worst of the West -- otherwise known as the Sacramento Kings -- the Nuggets dropped a home game to the Houston Rockets. Mr. Big Shot was 9-for-21, 'Melo was 8-for-21 with 4 turnovers, Nene scored 10 points on 15 shots, the Birdman played 22 minutes...need I go on? It was Denver's eighth loss in their last 11 games. And that second seed they had? Yeah, now they're slipped to SEVENTH. Yikes. Said George Karl: "The clouds will go away, the sun will come up again. I don't think there's anyone in that locker room that's afraid of the challenge that we have. It's just the funk of not playing very well for seven, eight games. I'm not going to make excuses, but there seems to be at times to be a mental fatigue to our team." What, they're THINKING too hard? Are you making them do math at practice? C'mon, George. Seriously?

The Rockets free throw shooting: Their 2-point was way closer than it needed to be, mostly 'cause the Rockets missed 15 of their 35 free throw attempts. Said Ron Artest: "That is very strange. But that was our fault. We were up so big. That's our next step right there, being able to keep a team down. We make those free throws we win by 10, nine points." They must have had shaqnopsis. Hey, speaking of Ron-Ron...

Ron Artest, alien doppelganger: On Houston's win, in which he accounted for only 22 of the team's 97 points: "We're going to win together or lose together. I'm not winning this thing by myself. Yao's not going to win by himself. You're either going to win with your team or lose with your team. It took a lot of years to understand that. But that's how it's going to be." Who is this guy and what did he do with Ron Artest?!

The Los Angeles Lakers: Like Keanu Reeves would say: "Whoa." I guess when Brandon Roy said the Blazers were looking past the Timberwolves on Saturday night, he wasn't kidding. L.A. took such a pounding that they had to outscore Portland 38-27 in the fourth quarter just to lose by "only" 15 points. The Lakers haven't won at the Rose Garden in their last seven tries; their last win there was on February 23, 2005...when Chucky Atkins was starting for them. It was L.A.'s third straight road fail. Oh yeah, and the Lakers' 38 points in the first half? A season low.

Lamar Odom: Jacob C. wrote in to say: "I don't even know what to make of this quote, really. It's pretty ridiculous...this Blazers fan is not pleased. 'We have to respect our opponent and play them like they're Boston or Cleveland,' Lakers forward Lamar Odom said. 'They play us like we're a tough team, or one of the best teams in the league, so why not play against every team like that? It would be smart for us to do.'" In all fairness, Jacob, Lamar is insane. And then there's that whole pot-smoking thing...

(Sidenote: Lamar finished with 2 points, zero rebounds and 3 assists. Sounds like he needs to take his own advice. Update! I goofed on Odom's stat line, as Justin pointed out: "Hi, when you quoted Lamar's stat line, that was actually your buddy Luke Walton's stat line. Odom had 7 points, 8 rebounds, 1 assist, and 1 block. Definitely the quality of his post-Bynum injury performances, but not QUITE as bad as quoted.")

The continuing wussification of the league: Okay, so late in the third quarter, Rudy Fernandez was fast-breaking tot he hoop when he got thwacked by Trevor Ariza. Fernandez took a pretty nasty spill and "remained prone on the court" for more than 10 minutes before being taken out on a stretcher. Here's the video:


Now, I'm very sorry that Rudy got hurt. It's a real shame. But that was a hard foul and nothing more. Guys like Anthony Mason, Bill Laimbeer, Charles Oakley, Dennis Rodman, Rick Mahorn, et al. used to deliver fouls like that AT LEAST a half dozen times PER GAME. Hell, Rodman once wrestled Karl Malone to the ground during the NBA Finals IN FRONT OF AN OFFICIAL and their was no call. I'm not kidding.

I just can't believe that Trevor was trying to put the hurt on Rudy. And I'm even a little on the fence as to whether that should have been a Flagrant -- although I guess any head contact these days warrants that -- but Ariza certainly shouldn't have been ejected. Maybe I'm biased because I grew up in an era where McHale clotheslining Kurt Rambis was considered an example of tough, gritty, I'd-eat-nails-and-broken-glass-to-win basketball. Not that I'm condoning that kind of behavior these days -- well, not usually, anyway -- but this isn't ballet or golf. Basketball is a contact sport. And the only reason people are outraged is because Rudy was hurt (which, as I said, is unfortunate). I mean, if somebody hit Shaq that way -- and trust me, it happens all the time -- would anybody have even noticed? Speaking of the rough stuff...

Kurt Rambis: From Basketbawful reader Jordan: "As if Rudy Fernandez getting carted out of the Rose Garden on a stretcher wasn't enough, check out this video from about 1:45 - 1:55. If you look closely at the left part of the screen, you'll notice a not-so-discreet Kurt Rambis first clotheslining and then throwing, by the nape of his neck, an innocent Blazers towel boy. Pure, unadulterated Rambis genius." Hey, Kurt: Didn't you call McHale a "thug" for doing that to you back in '84...?


Kobe Bryant: Mamba shot 11-for-29 (including 2-for-9 from three) and finished with more fouls (5) than either rebounds (3) or assists (3). Then, after the game, he left without speaking to reporters. Sore loser, anyone?

Lacktion report: Chris's mad, passionate fling with lacktion continues:

Hornets-Hawks: New Orleans's Hilton Armstrong had room service deliver him a called foul for a suck differential of +1 in 2:05, also charging him with a 1:0 Voskuhl fresh out of the mini-bar. Meanwhile, is any Hawks game complete without a Mario from THE Mario West? Tonight he celebrated the legend of Link with a 45-second stint!

Bulls-Heat: Joel Anthony may have rebounded twice, but the desire to avoid shooting the ball in 5:13 led to a slight Voskuhl of 3:2, comprised of two fouls and one giveaway.

Rockets-Nuggets: Anthony Carter recovered nicely from a left hip strain on March 5th to come back for George Karl and pan 1.25 trillion worth of gold specks!

Lakers-Blazers: Shavlik Randolph made money for Paul Allen's team faster than an Internet Explorer crash, releasing a service pack worth 2.95 trillion! In that same time period (2:58), Jerryd Bayless passed the rock to a Laker and bricked for a +2.

Labels: bench play, Denver Nuggets, Dwyane Wade, fan submissions, flagrant fouls, free throws, Los Angeles Lakers, Minnesota Timberwolves, the wussification of the league, Worst of the Night

The wussification of the league: Chris Bosh is apparently trying to inspire his team to make a (don't laugh) playoff run (okay go ahead and laugh) by getting all rough and tumble. Said Bosh: "We have to realize nice guys sit at home and watch the playoffs. That's just how I feel. Maybe I'm wrong, but if you play with more intensity you're more likely to win and you're more likely to play better basketball." To further enhance his new tough guy persona, Bosh got all up in the face of...Brian Cardinal. Oooooo.

Explained Bosh: "I don't accept people yelling in my face. I don't do that to other people so I expect the same thing in return. I'm going to turn it up and, if guys do that, I hope they're ready to handle where it's going to go." And where's it going to go, Chris? I mean, really. You're going to, what, throw down with Brian Cardinal for yelling at you? I kinda doubt it.

While Chris was hyping a potential "Bosh versus Cardinal" fight Muhammad Ali-style, Brian was all, like, whatever. "I don't think I poked the bear. It's just two guys trying to get their teams a win, trying to survive. Little old me out there, he's much taller than me (6-foot-10 to Cardinal's 6-foot-8). That's the only way I can survive is be out there scrapping and playing hard. That's all that was. And then he (started) making his shots. God love him, he played well."

T-Wolves coach Kevin McHale, who I'm compelled to mention once clotheslined Kurt Rambis during the NBA Finals and was only called for a regular personal foul, sounded semi-disgusted that Bosh's panties getting a little bunched up was even noteworthy. Said McHale: In our league if two guys aren't kissing it's an altercation. There's no altercations anymore. Go back 30 years and you'll see some altercations."

The Associated Press: Check out what the AP had to say about the Grizzlies-Crabs game: "Playing short-handed is nothing new for the Cleveland Cavaliers. With starting shooting guard Delonte West inactive two days after returning from the right wrist fracture that sidelined him for 16 games, the Cavaliers relied on a team effort to beat the Memphis Grizzlies, 94-79 on Tuesday night." Were they being serious? Did they honestly think that the loss of Delonte West was going to make a difference in this one? The Griz are 15-41 overall have the second-worst road record in the league (3-22). Meanwhile, the Craboliers are 26-1 at home and have this guy named LeBron James. Maybe you've heard of him? I understand they need to find a storyline for every game, but some on. That's a real stretch.

The Detroit Pistons: Their 12-point defeat in Miami was their seventh straight not-win. And in case you're not an amateur NBA historian, this is the first time they've dropped seven in a row since December 28, 2001. And if they don't beat the Hornets in New Orleans tonight, they'll match their longest fail-streak since 1995.

The whole mess has left the Not-Answer talkin' 'bout DEFENSE, man. "Our whole thing is not on the offensive end. We can't stop anybody. The way we're playing we have to shoot 60 percent to win a basketball game. Everybody's always going to look at the offensive end and scoring points. We scored enough points to win the basketball game. But we just can't get stops consistently. We can't get stops when we need them." For the record, A.I. is currently giving up 108 points per 100 possessions. That's three points worse than his career average. I'm just sayin'.

Random note: Did anybody else find it interesting that one game after scoring a career-high 50 points, D-Wade had a career-best 16 assists?

The Orlando Magic: When you're trying to catch the Kevin Garnett-less Celtics in the race for the second seed in the Eastern Conference, you probably shouldn't get thwacked by 18 points against teams hovering outside of the playoff bubble. But that's what happened to the Magic last night against the Bulls. And their rather defenseless loss -- Chicago shot over 56 percent for the game -- is best summed up by the following play:


Raged Magic coach Stan Van Gundy: "Our starting lineup brought nothing to the game. I'm embarrassed and disgusted by what I saw. I don't know if our players are, but they should be. Our guys want to talk about being a contending team. We're still not tough enough and we don't play hard enough" Van Gundy then ate a live kitten, despite its frantic and persistent mewing.

The Dallas Mavericks: Normally, the Mavs getting kicked around by the Spurs in San Antonio wouldn't be that big of a deal. But the "Spurs" were playing without Tim Duncan (sore right knee) and Manu Ginobili (flop practice). Dallas should have won this one, or at least been competitive. But they were not. Tony Parker (37 points, 12 assists) absolutely destroyed Jason Kidd (2 points, 4 assists) -- remember when the Spurs almost traded Parker to get Kidd? -- and Kurt Thomas (10 points, 15 boards) almost outrebounded the Mavs' starting frontcourt (Erick Dampier, Dirk Nowitzki and Josh Howard) by himself. Dallas shot 34 percent and had only 10 assists (compared to 12 turnovers). Truly bawful. Said Mavericks coach Rick Carlisle: "I can only shudder to think what would happen had (Duncan and Ginobili) played."

Tracy McGrady: The Rockets have won eight straight at home and five straight overall. Both streaks are season-highs. It's...it's like they don't even miss him.

Bobcats-Suns: From Basketbawful reader DKH:

A few revenge games: Diaw: 10 of 12 for 27 points to go with 10 rebounds and 6 assists. Bell: 9 of 14 for 23 points, 3 rebounds, 3 assists. J-Rich: started slow but had 20 points on 10 FGA to go with 3 rebounds and 3 assists. But, he fouled out. Still pretty efficient. Doesn't really quality as a "revenge game", but Dudley had 2 point, 4 boards, an assist, and 2 steals.

WoTN nomination to Emeka Okafor. I'm not sure he ever passed the ball back out (0 assists); he spent the whole game in foul trouble and was pretty much schooled by Shaq.

I also wanted to nominate Terry Porter for a developing "worst of" situation: Goran Dragic has improved rapidly since Gentry took over. He is playing with much more confidence, shoots the ball more, doesn't dribble into as many worthless situations. Gentry is treating him differently than Porter did, and it seems to be helping him develop.

On the other hand, SSOL is to the NBA what the spread offense is to college football. It lets mediocre players put up stellar numbers. However, Dragic is a rookie, and now we'll get to see how he develops.

Additionally, the broadcasters commented early on that Bell and Diaw were happier in Charlotte. Which shouldn't be true, considering Charlotte is 10 games worse than Phoenix. So, I'm not sure what Porter was doing, but the amount of player discontent would be incredibly disturbing to me, and if I were a general manager looking for a head coach, I would steer clear of Porter.

Lacktion report: Take it away, Chris...

Grizzlies-Cavs: With this game pretty much decided at the opening tipoff, Adonal Foyle - who the Warriors chose 8th overall in the 1997 draft - walked on the court for Memphis and delivered a 1:0 Madsen-level Voskuhl via foul-and-nothing-else in 2:59, also good enough for a +1. The crustacean clique has seen a major personnel shift as of late, with Tarence Kinsey having to say goodbye to his life as a lacktator these days, coming out of his shell to be a starter tonight. Confused by his All-Lacktion teammate's transition, Darnell Jackson also provided contributory basketball, forcing King Crab and Mike Brown to crown Trey Johnson as the royal landfill crawler. Johnson skillfully managed garbage time by clenching out a +1 in 1:33 via foul.

Pistons-Heat: In 1:41, Detroit's Amir Johnson merely milled two fouls for a +2. Joel Anthony for Miami continues his consistency in creating lacktivity with a one-foul +1 in 3:22, which also counted for a Madsen-level Voskul of 1:0.

Lakers-Thunder: Clay Bennett believes that greed is good. So he must be relieved that the Tyson Chandler trade didn't go through, as the focal point of the deal - an aging Joe Smith, another mid-90s Warriors first-rounder -- pilfered a freshly shrinkwrapped copy of WiiFit off the shelves tonight with a 14-second Mario! (Interestingly, like Dikembe Mutombo's Mario from a few weeks ago, ESPN disagrees and claims on its box score that this never happened! Bias against elderly lacktators from the Worldwide Leader?!)

Mavs-Spurs: Devean George and Matt Carroll have kept Dallas in the lacktion reports the same way Mark Cuban keeps his big ego in front of the cameras over the years, and this game at AT&T Center was no exception. George probably has a good view of the Alamo by now, due to two bricks coming from downtown; couple that with two fouls and that produces +4 in 10:08. Carroll's statline made him look like a Mini-Me compared to Devean, with half-sized numbers -- 5:12 on the floor, with one foul and one missed shot each for +2. Teammate Erick Dampier downright delivered as well by managing a slight 4:3 Voskuhl in 8:59 (one foul and three turnovers against one rebound and made field goal each), more impressive considering Dampier's role as a starter!

Kobe Bryant: Mamba handed Adam Morrison a huge laundry bag full of dirty jock straps along with instructions to wash them by hand. Adam dutifully complied, but when he tried to return them, Kobe said: "Huh? You can do whatever with 'em. I don't even know who they belong to."

Labels: Associated Press, Brian Cardinal, Chris Bosh, the wussification of the league