This man is wanted for criminal hyperbole and,potentially, the utter destruction of your liver.
Editor's note: I will be updating the list this weekend. Feel free to continue submitting ideas.

Loyal reader stephanie g invented this brilliant (but rather dangerous) game, the rules of which are described below. However, I must include a note of caution from the author herself: "I really don't recommend playing it though, you'd be in a coma by half time." Or by the end of the second quarter...whichever comes first. Now, onto the rules:

Take a shot if he says something along the lines of:

"He's a winner."

"He just gets it done."

"When his number is called he's ready."

"They just gotta come out and compete."

"Just because [Player A] is better than [Player B] doesn't mean he can't come out and outplay him."

"...and it's not even close."

"Momma, there goes that man."

"Excuse me, I have a meeting with the rim!"

"You're better than that!"

"GOTCHA!"

"Allen Iverson, pound for pound, is the best player in the game."

"Don't take your frustration out on the refs, take it out on the rim!"

"Come get in my poster!"

"NOT ON MY WATCH!"

"That's a grown man move right there."

"He's a knockdown shooter."

"The best player has to set the tone for this team."

"When his number is called he's ready."

"...if you come out and compete anything can happen."


Down the entire bottle if he says:

"Kobe Bryant is the best player on the planet."

Labels: binge drinking, broadcasting, drinking games, fan submissions, Mark Jackson

Basketbawful reader Andrew sent in a couple steamy man love videos with the following explanation: "There's been a lot of man love going on in the Basketbawful world lately, so I thought I'd just keep piling it on. If you haven't seen these yet, they're videos from two Wizards' telecasts -- the first one is Steve Buckhantz (play-by-play) kissing Phil Chenier (color commentator) on the arena's "Kiss Cam" during a game, and the second is Phil responding by kissing Steve during a pre-game segment. Soooo much man love. And the awkward banter afterward (especially in the first one) is absolutely priceless."

Thanks, Andrew. Here are the videos. This is from Washington's game against the New Orleans Hornets on March 2. The best quote: "Dick Bavetta has me by about 13 kisses." Okay. I just went to a scary mental place.


This "revenge kiss" video is from Washington's game against the Orlando Magic on March 5. The best quote: "We'll do anything for good luck." Including slobbery makeout sessions, apparently.

Labels: broadcasting, fan submissions, kissing, man love, Washington Wizards

And one! (aend wun!) phrase. Used to signify those occasions in which an offensive player scores a basket while being fouled.

Usage example: Lebron goes up with the ball...YES! And one!

Word Misuse: The phrase "And one!" was probably created by television broadcasters who wanted a hip and exciting way to indicate that an additional freethrow would be awarded to a player who had been fouled on a successful shot attempt. However, the term is now used by both professional and amateur ballers as the universal way to declare that they've been fouled. During a typical NBA game, you'll hear at least one player scream "And one!" when he gets hit, regardless of whether the shot actually goes in (and often regardless of whether the foul was even called).

This occurs all the time in pickup basketball, particularly after an embarrassment call. If you play pickup hoops, you've probably seen this happen more times than you care to remember: A player will rise literally inches into the air, attempt a truly horrible shot/flip/scoop/reverse/whatever, and miss by a mile. But since it's psychologically impossible for pickup ballers to accept that they took a bad shot, the player will immediately yell out "And one!" and then strut away from the basket as if a great wrong has been committed against him (this is called "selling the foul"). I usually can't stop myself from reminding the guy that he needs to actually hit the basket to call an "And one!" This is often met with an angry glare and results in an "escalation of hostilities" (e.g., trash talk, hard fouls, etc.).

Look, it's very simple. You should'nt eat the macaroni without the cheese, you can't kill Superman without Kryptonite, and you don't get to scream "And one!" if you didn't hit the shot.

Update: Henry Abbott of TrueHoop wisely pointed out another ridiculous aspect of using this term in pickup games: "I'd even add that 'and one' is especially dumb in pickup basketball without referees and free throws. The 'one,' you know, being a free throw and all."

Even though the shot hasn't been releasedyet, it's never too early to scream "And one!"

Labels: broadcasting, NBA, pickup basketball, Word of the Day

"If you're..." (if yoor) broadcasting term. A generic opening used by sports broadcasters to project their in-game analysis onto a particular coach, player, or team.

Usage example: If you're the Boston Celtics, you want to lose the rest of your games to have a better chance of winning the draft lottery.

Word History: I can't prove this, but I suspect the "If you're..." trend was started by Hubie Brown. I've been watching Hubie broadcast NBA games since the late 80s, and he uses the "If you're..." statement at least 20 or 30 times a game. Although, to be fair, he sometimes switches it up and uses an "If I'm..." statement. For example, "If I'm Mike Brown, I tell Lebron James to go out and win the game for me."

Former Pacer Mark Jackson, who's currently calling games for ESPN, has taken the "If you're..." torch and is running away with it. I recently counted a series of six consecutive sentences that Mark started with "If you're...". So, if you're Mark Jackson, you need to go buy a Thesaurus or something.

"If you're Hubie Brown, you're an undeadmummy in serious need of moisturizer..."

Labels: broadcasting, Hubie Brown, Word of the Day