OK everyone, Basketbawful is a indisposed for a while, so I, Evil Ted, must subject you to my hijacking of the site again (don't be fooled by the "by" line above - it's me). Anyway, as I toddled around some of bawful's incomplete "draft" posts, I found this writing about our playing once again on the road in my old league. It is incomplete, but I have recovered and published what I can. It's kind of like the museum display of the Dead Sea Scrolls. Well, it's actually nothing like that at all, for the writings of bawful, even the incomplete ones, are much more sacred than anything else ever published (please send all religious hate mail to: P.O. Box Bite Me, Wilmington, Delaware).

So here's what I found:

"Well, Evil Ted and I returned to the scene of the crime last night: The All-Hackers Pickup League. Before we left work, ET told me: "Tonight, let's keep our mouths shut and just play the game." I laughed and replied: "Hey, I wasn't the one who went off last time." To which he said: "Okay, fine. I'll keep my mouth shut and play the game."

Stat curse.

I showed up about a half hour early to warm up and shoot around. I was feeling pretty good, light on my feet. And I suppose I should interject something here. Last winter, I suffered a bad foot injury in a pickup game. I limped around for a week or so before finally going to the doctor. He said it was most likely a strained or torn muscle on top of the foot...the kind of thing that couldn't really be treated. It would have to heal on its own over time. My first question: "Can I keep playing basketball?" He told me yes, that it probably wouldn't make the injury any worse. So I kept playing twice a week.

But I struggled. I wouldn't tell anybody about my injury because, frankly, when other pickup ballers play the injury card it feels like a cheap excuse.

Hubie Brown always likes to say that when a player can"

And this is where bawful's post ends, tragically cut short by either apathy, or dread that the post was going nowhere, or perhaps, just perhaps, the hope that this post would someday be discovered by a courageous band of men in search of a Holy Grail...



I issue this challenge to you, readers of Basketbawful. Complete the Hubie Brown sentence. Be serious, be funny, be creative, be annoying...be any of these things, but be interesting (update: kneejerknba has started you out with an outstanding example). And hell, if you can actually figure out what bawful was going to say for real, maybe you'll get a prize (but don't count on it).

All I can add to this is my perspective of the evening in question. After having complete gone super Evil Ted in the league on the previous visit, I felt compelled to be super nice and ultra courteous. Needless to say, my team lost all night. We were bad, I mean "lose to a drunken band of midgets" bad. There's something about being a nice guy and winning that doesn't seem to mesh well together (see Steve Nash's career). But don't worry, I am certain in the coming weeks, my concern for what others think of me will evaporate, and the evilness of Evil Ted will rise like a Phoenix from the ashes (but nothing like the Phoenix Suns - again see Steve Nash's career).

I shall be on a golf course all day, but upon return I shall post all of your fabulous entries. Don't disappoint me, you little bastards - oops, Evil Ted's little vacation is over, it appears.

Labels: Basketbawful, complete that sentence contest, Hubie Brown

hombre (hahm'-bray') noun. A seriously tough dude.

Usage example: Man, Charles Oakley was a real hombre back in the day.

Word history: This term has been popping up in an increasing number of NBA telecasts over the course of the season, but I finally decided to make it an official Word of the Day on Friday when 1. Bill Simmons specifically mentioned it in his NBA mailbag and 2. Hubie Brown said "There are a bunch of tough hombres out there tonight" during the Spurs/Jazz game.

Here's how The Sports Guys described it: "I like the word 'hombre' as an NBA word that means the opposite of wuss. If you're an hombre, that means you're not allowing anyone to push you around; you'll stand up for your teammates when they get knocked into the basket support; you play bigger than your size; and you have the balls to take and make big shots in big moments."

The only part of that description I disagree with is the "you play bigger than your size" part. I mean, I would classify Oakley as an hombre, and he was a pretty big dude. Still, I think "hombre" is the new best term for NBA tough guys.

Update: I received the following fan-freaking-tastic Photoshop from Basketbawful reader Stephen, who said: "I'm personally looking forward to the day when we can use other spanish words to describe players, like, 'Kobe is such a puta!' or, 'They're going to have to stop playing like a bunch of coños out there if they stand a chance in the 2nd half.'" So am I, Stephen. So am I.

Labels: Bill Simmons, Hubie Brown, Word of the Day

"If you're..." (if yoor) broadcasting term. A generic opening used by sports broadcasters to project their in-game analysis onto a particular coach, player, or team.

Usage example: If you're the Boston Celtics, you want to lose the rest of your games to have a better chance of winning the draft lottery.

Word History: I can't prove this, but I suspect the "If you're..." trend was started by Hubie Brown. I've been watching Hubie broadcast NBA games since the late 80s, and he uses the "If you're..." statement at least 20 or 30 times a game. Although, to be fair, he sometimes switches it up and uses an "If I'm..." statement. For example, "If I'm Mike Brown, I tell Lebron James to go out and win the game for me."

Former Pacer Mark Jackson, who's currently calling games for ESPN, has taken the "If you're..." torch and is running away with it. I recently counted a series of six consecutive sentences that Mark started with "If you're...". So, if you're Mark Jackson, you need to go buy a Thesaurus or something.

"If you're Hubie Brown, you're an undeadmummy in serious need of moisturizer..."

Labels: broadcasting, Hubie Brown, Word of the Day