THERE ARE NO SUCH THINGS AS MEANINGLESS GAMES.
The Detroit Pistons: What could possibly make Detroit's home loss to the Cadavers even worse? How about Charlie Villanueva totally losing his shit?


Afterward, in a calmer moment, Chuckie V. said: "You gotta be careful with the quiet ones, right? At the end of the day that's something that happened on the court, it should stay on the court. I overreacted. He said some things that got me upset."

Speaking of saying things, as he was escorted back to the locker room, Villanueva reportedly said: "I will kill that dude. I don't give a (expletive)."

So, uh, what was that all about?

Said Charlie: "He threw an elbow, caught me in my leg. I told him, 'Just watch that elbow.' He said something real smart so I got angry in the heat of the moment, that's about it."

And they say these games are meaningless!

The Boston Celtics: Doc Rivers opted to rest his starters, so Boston's OT road loss to the Wizards Generals ranked only around a 2.7 on the "Meh" scale. Still, this game was notable for two things. First, Delonte West got injured again, re-spraining his right ankle during the third quarter. Then there was...

Von Wafer, Worst Player of the Night: Oh, man.

During overtime, with his team clinging to a two-point lead, Wafer threw down a wide open slam dunk and then paused out of bounds to pose crazy for the crowd. It would have been an awesome moment for him...except that he had actually missed the dunk. Oh, but it gets better. Jermaine O'Neal grabbed the offensive rebound, but Wafer spun around after his posing routine and ran into O'Neal, which caused The Drain to double-dribble. So, in one possession, Wafer managed to blow a dunk, look like the world's biggest asshat, and then force his own teammate into a turnover. This could very well be the worst play of the season.


See that look on Wafer's face after realization had dawned on him? That's the look of a man who may have killed whatever was left of his NBA career with one boneheaded moment. Memo to would-be NBAers and 10-day contract wonders: Wait until your at home, alone and in front of a mirror, to celebrate yourself.

JaVale McGee: He can thank Von Wafer for saving him from WPotN dishonors based solely on this rather spectacular fail: Stuffed at the rim by a man whose vertical leap may actually be measured in negative numbers.


The Miami cHeat: Yes, the cHeat won, and yes, thanks to the Celtics' overtime loss in Washington, they locked up the second seed in the Eastern Conference. Still...almost choking away a 20-point lead while the Hawks were resting their starters? LeBron, D-Wade and the Boshtrich versus Zaza Pachulia, Josh Powell, Jamal Crawford, Jeff Teague and Damien Wilkins...and the latter group stood firm and actually outscored the Nazgul-led cHeat in the fourth quarter? Just sayin'.

Zydrunas Ilgauskas: Seemingly out of nowhere, Big Z whipped a ball off Pachulia's back. What's even crazier about this particular cheap move is that Ilgauskas and Zaza are apparently pretty good friends.


I guess Pat Riley decided his team needed a tough guy and that Big Z was gonna be that guy. Zydrunas was ejected. Oddly enough, during the Celtics-cHeat game on Sunday, LeBron was not ejected when he threw a ball at Jermaine O'Neal. I'm sure that's just a coincidence.

Zaza Pachulia, quote machine: "I didn't know if it was the ball or a punch. I don't know what he was mad about. He's one of the greatest guys. I'm definitely going to call him. Or maybe I'll just text him. He probably won't answer my call right now."

Jrue Holiday: Today's ego-ectomy special via Sturla.


The Excremento Kings: I love this quote from the Thunder-Kings game. Said Kendrick Perkins: "I see this team really starting to play together. We're starting to think defense first." This on a night in which the Kings scored 37 points in the second quarter, finished with 112, and rookie DeMarcus Cousins scored a career-high 30 points and set Sacramento records for free throws made (18) and attempted (21). If only the Paupers hadn't given up 120 points on 57 percent shooting.

DeMarcus Cousins, quote machine: "(The move) is not something I'm thinking about, I'm a Sacramento King. The only thing I'm thinking about Wednesday is finishing this season with a bang. Like I said, I'm a Sacramento King."

The New Jersey Nyets: Sure. They lost at home to the Bobcraps when D.J. Augustin nailed a jumper with 1.1 seconds left. But just think: The Nyets have doubled their win total from last season!


The Toronto Craptors: You know what? I'm done dignifying their losses with a description. Let's go straight to the video:


The New Orleans Hornets: They shot 37 percent a set a season-low for points at home (78) while letting the Jazz shoot 55 percent and go up by as many as 17 points in the fourth quarter. And no: The Hornets were not resting starters. They were, in fact, fighting to stay out of eighth place in the West. Which they failed to do.

Said Willie Green: "We have to do a little bit of soul-searching and get back to Hornets basketball," Green said. "We've just got to get back to playing better defense. That has been our pillar all year long. ... Tonight, we let those guys push us around."

The Houston Rockets: Hm. Let's check the stat sheet: Dallas committed 20 turnovers, missed 13 of their 17 from three-point attempts, lost the rebounding battle 52-49 and Jason Terry missed a free throw that could have won the game with 1.5 seconds left in regulation. Does that tell you how bad the Rocketeers had to play to lose this game? Try 36.5 percent shooting. At home.

Said Houston coach Rick Adelman: "We wanted to go out and win this game, and we didn't."

Well said.

The Gol_en State Warriors: The Nuggets had nine players score in double figures. It was the first time Denver had done that since November 24, 1987. This despite the fact that Nene and Aaron Afflalo both left the game early due to injury. Oh, and did I mention that Kosta Koufos tied his career high with 18 points?

Yep. Typical Warriors.

More from LotharBot:

I know the Gol_en State Warriors' interior presence is somewhat lacking, but this game was ridiculous. They gave up 76 points in the paint to the Nuggets. Nuggets bigs also shot 14 for 20 on free throws, which I don't think count as points in the paint but definitely were points caused by GS not being able to stop Yi's chair. And it wasn't all the Nuggets' best players.

The starting center, Nene, didn't play in the second half. The third string center (Mozgov), backup powder forward (Harrington), and starting and backup small forwards (Gallinari, Chandler) were out. That's five guys 6'8" or bigger who were hurt, and still GS couldn't keep their remaining guys out of the paint. A lot of the damage was done by backup center Chris Andersen (14 points, 12 boards, 4 blocks) and fourth string center Kosta Koufas (a career high tying 18 points, 9 boards).

For the Warriors, "All Star" big man David Lee finished with 10 points, 5 boards, and no blocks. He's in the first year of a 6 year, $82 million contract.

By the way, high five to the Nuggets for reaching 50 wins minus 'Melo. And despite the 'Melodrama that went on before the trade.

The Minnesota Timberwolves: They are one of the rare teams in this league that could score 127 points on 55 percent shooting and win the rebounding battle 45-35...but lose anyway. Which is what they did last night in Phoenix. Extra kudos to Michael Beasley for blowing a free throw with 8.4 seconds left in regulation that could have won the game.

Said Beasley: "It hurts. I could have won the game with a free throw. It's going to haunt me tonight, but that's how it goes."

Chris's Uncanny Lacktion Ledger:

Heat-Hawks: Juwan Howard bricked once in 3:18 for a +1.

Celtics-Generals: Avery Bradley, just like his jersey number of zero, was unproductive in a game the leperchaun loyalists should have won: he had one miss, three fouls, and a turnover in 6:39 for a +5!

Jazz-Hornets: Patrick Ewing Jr. bit into a bouillon base of 1 trillion (62 seconds)!

Warriors-Nuggets: Melvin Ely elicited one brick in 2:14 for a +1.

Zombie Sonics-The Purple Paupers That Might Cost The Lakers A Half-Billion Dollars If The Maloofs Have Their Way In Order To Cover Their Casino-Renovation Debts: Daequan Cook baked one brick from the ovens at Pizza Rock for a +1 in 8:06.

Labels: Charlie Villanueva, Von Wafer, Worst of the Night, Zydrunas Ilgauskas

Basketbawful reader stephanie g continues to represent, this time with an addition to our ongoing man love series. What could possibly cause Zydrunas Ilgauskas to hump the Vanilla Godzilla's upper back? Who knows. Maybe he got a little too tipsy while playing the Mark Jackson Drinking Game.

I could have lived a long and happy lifewithout ever seeing the Z-Man's O-face.
An anonymous commenter left a link to this, uhm, whatever it is. Are they reenacting a scene from "The Goonies" or what? Please, somebody, provide an appropriate caption for this picture. And Mr. Anonymous, please give me a name or alias so you can get the credit you deserve.

"Oh my God...is that Super Dave Osborne?!"

Labels: Cleveland Cavaliers, fan submissions, Joel Przybilla, man love, Zydrunas Ilgauskas

"Quit yer damn blubbering, Frenchy."

JamesOn Curry: The Bulls rookie, best known for a gratuitous capital O in his first name, added a big P to his arsenal of extraneous letters last night. Curry, who's currently serving a stint with the Iowa Energy of the NBA Developmental League, was urinating in an alley near the Hampton Inn in Boise, Iowa, when he was spotted by a police officer. As the officer approached in his patrol car, Curry saw him and started to walk away (only after holstering his boomstick, one hopes). The officer turned his emergency lights on and Curry bolted. He went into the Hampton Inn and was stopped by a locked door (d'oh!). Curry was then taken into custody and charged with misdemeanor counts of urinating in public, resisting arrest, and being a damned fool. The biggest tragedy to come out of this is that Curry will most likely miss the Zooperstars performance during halftime of the Energy's game against the Austin Toros on Sunday.

Bruce Bowen: He scored 2 points on 1-for-4 shooting last night. That makes Bowen 5-for-31 (16 percent) over his last six games. His best performance during that stretch was a 6-point, 2-for-8 performance against the Warriors. As I've said before, I know the Spurs don't keep him around for his offense or his good looks, but the dude's shooting the ball like somebody replaced his hands with oozing squid tentacles.

Francisco Elson: He was only 0-for-2 in limited action, which doesn't sound that bad, but trust me, it was. First of all, Elson's two shots were a 15-footer from the left wing and a 17-footer from the right wing. According to most NBA scouts, those shots were about 14 and 16 feet outside his range, repectively. Second, I have rarely seen a jumpshot so awkward and ugly. It would make a blind goat weep. I swear, the way his limbs splay out and freeze during his jumper, it's like he's getting electrocuted mid-shot. Francisco, if you're wondering why Gregg Popovich yanked you after only three minutes, go back and watch film of those shots.

Sasha Pavlovic: Cleveland's shooting ace went 1-for-4 last night, including 0-for-2 from three-point range.

Damon Jones: How about Damon's new hairstyle? The sides are mostly shaved but he still has the hair on top. What do you call that, exactly? A fohawk? Whatever it is, it looks ridiculous. Not as ridiculous as Brad Miller's cornrows or Scot Pollards, well, anything. But still.

Zydrunas Ilgauskas: Speaking of hair, Ilgauskas was sporting the freshly-shaved head look last night. You know, minus the somewhat manly noggin-stubble, the Z-Man's shorn scalp makes him look kind of like the Metaluna mutant, or maybe Sloth from The Goonies.

Tony Parker: TP missed two ginormous freethrows with 29.4 seconds to play...freethrows that would have tied the game at 90. Instead of tying it up, the Spurs lost 90-88. At home. Said Parker: "They both felt good. They just didn't go in," Parker said. "I shoot 200 free throws every day. It was a good chance to show my improvement. They just didn't go in." Actually, Parker is shooting only 73 percent from the line this season after hitting a career-high 78 percent last year. You know, just FYI.

Utah Jazz: Hmm. Do you think defense is a problem for the Jazz? They gave up 120 points, 16 offensive rebounds, and a career-high 41 points to...Linas Kleiza?! How has Jerry Sloan not gone freako apeshit yet? I'm telling you, if he doesn't get berzerky soon, somebody needs to check his basement for body snatcher pods.

Paul Millsap: For the most part, I'd say Millsap has exceeded expectations for a guy who was picked 17th in the second round of the NBA draft. But 1-for-8 shooting wouldn't exceed anybody's expectations, unless maybe Millsap was actually a labradoodle.

[Update] Marcus Camby's shooting: The people -- or at least a reader named Five Pound Bag -- have spoken: "You could have added 'Marcus Camby's shooting,' as he missed on the rare dirty triple by two points on account of going 4-13 from the floor. His 11 (!) blocks and 24 (!!) boards will just have to be a dirty double." Five Pound Bag, you are absolutely right. Thank you for correcting my shortsightedness.

Brian Skinner: I don't know what to make of Skinner's performance last night. On the one hand, he grabbed 9 rebounds and blocked 4 shots. On ther other, he was the only Suns player to go scoreless (0-for-3) and he committed 4 turnovers. I mean, how do you play 22 minutes in the Phoenix run-and-gun offense and not score a point? That said, I really, really hope that coach D'Antoni keeps playing this guy. Phoenix desperately needs gritty roleplayers who are willing to sacrifice their own offense, bang people around, and get their hands dirty. And Skinner's the only guy on their 12-man roster who fits that bill. But my guess is that once Grant Hill gets back, Skinner's going back into cold storage.

Derek Fisher: I cannot stress enough how important Derek Fisher has been in the Lakers' resurgence this season. Not only is he providing heaping helpings of much-needed veteran leadership, he's also scoring 12 PPG on a career-high 47 percent shooting. And he was huge in the L.A.'s previous two wins over the Suns (14 and 19 points, respectively). But last night he was very, very small: 3 points (1-for-6), 1 assist, 3 turnovers.

Kwame Brown: Yup, I still think this guy is the worst first overall draft pick of all time, worse even than The Kandi Man. He shot 3-for-8, missed two layups and a dunk (sounds like a job for the Mikan Drill), committed 5 fouls, and had more turnovers (7) than rebounds (6). And the Staples Center crowd was booing him. Most of the time, I'm not sure the Staples Center crowd is even awake. But they were awake last night, and acutely aware of how sucktastic Brown can be. Still, the booing was pretty harsh. When even I feel sorry for a Laker, you know something is horribly wrong.

Luke Walton: He had a career season last year, signed a nice new contract with the Lakers over the summer, and now his numbers have dropped in pretty much every category. Man, I haven't heart that story before. (Another textbook case of the Contract Year Phenomenon.) Walton's downward spiral continued last night, as he scored zero points on 0-for-4 shooting.

Leandro Barbosa: He shot (8-for-12) and scored (team-high 22 points) well, but his floor game was lacking. The Suns offense dries up when he's playing the point. He dribbles too much, forces up tougher-than-necessary shots, and throws the ball away (4 turnovers). D'Antoni should use him exclusively as a shooting guard. Of course, that would be easier if the Suns actually had a backup point guard...

Labels: Brian Skinner, Bruce Bowen, Damon Jones, Derek Fisher, Francisco Elson, Kwame Brown, Luke Walton, Paul Millsap, Sasha Pavlovic, Tony Parker, Utah Jazz, Worst of the Night, Zydrunas Ilgauskas