Cloudy skies ahead

PHILADELPHIA (BP) -- In a move that has shocked NBA insiders, Andrew Douglas Bynum has personally sought out the grave of Adrian Balboa, beloved matriarch of the city of Philadelphia, and taken a long hot steaming piss on it.

Bynum had already been appearing in an inordinate amount of headlines for a guy who hasn't played a single game this season. Earlier this year, there were allegations of bar brawling and Philadelphia DA Seth Williams has suggested that Bynum be charged with fraud. This recent news of grave desecration is particularly ill-timed, coming as it does on the heals of the announcement that he's having season ending knee surgery.

Adrian Balboa passed away from cancer in 2002. She was survived by her husband Rocky and her son Rocky Jr. and was fondly remembered in the city of Philadelphia. Rocky Balboa was unavailable for comment, due to being a fictional character, but Talia Shire had this to say. 

I was aware of the possibility of Adrian being in it and dying, but my being in the movie or not was not as interesting as how Sylvester was going to achieve this. Ultimately, I was wondering how in the world was he going to justify Rocky getting back into the ring.

Bynum has made over 16 million dollars this season and debuted several new hairdos. In the moments leading up to the grave pissing, he was spotted at several bars around town talking about which cities he'll play in next year and what a hack Bernard Hopkins is.

Apparently, in a particularly disrespectful gesture, Bynum had been sticking mainly to light beer so he'd have a full tank once he reached the grave. The technique may have delayed the onset of his inebriation, but it paid dividends once he arrived at the modest plot on the hillside.

It was a good piss (Bynum said at a press conference held at the cemetery gate). I drunk about 10 beers tonight and haven't taken a leak since starting drinking. I was really able to get in a zone and take my time up there. All in all, I soaked the ground she's buried under pretty thoroughly.

At press time, flourishing former Sixers draft picks Andre Iguodala, Mo Harkless, and Nikola Vucevic were all unavailable, due to having been traded to make room for Bynum.