86 Rockets
Why post this picture of the Rockets from 1986? Why not!
(via Andy Gray's SI Vault)

Finally! Opening Night is upon us! Savor this feeling and enjoy every minute of it since it's looking awfully likely that we'll see a lockout next year. Damnit. Hmmph... Guess I'll just have to watch football instead next year -- oh, wait...

The start of a new season naturally means new uniforms. And this year we even get treated to a completely new jersey style -- 27 teams are now wearing jerseys constructed from "engineered mesh," and uniform numbers are now made from a mesh fabric. Naturally, teams have made some alterations to their uniform designs, logos, and so forth. To get caught up on all the uniform changes this season, check out Paul Lukas' Uni Watch column. Highlights include the Cavaliers new super-boring uniforms, the Jazz have brought back the music-note, the Magic have a new alternate jersey, the Mavericks have changed the color of their road unis, the Warriors have badass new jerseys, and the Timberwolves have removed all the green from their uniforms. (To quote Lukas, "what's the point of depicting a tree line if you can't tell they're trees?")

Surprise, surprise. The Knicks may have broken NBA draft rules by conducting secret workouts of collegiate players for the past several years. What does it say about your organization if you can cheat and still suck?

Oh, and here's a completely random link that will ruin your shit for the rest of the day: The 10 weirdest physics facts, from relativity to quantum physics. Strangely enough, there is no mention of Tracy McGrady's legs being tired without having done any work to make them tired. I suppose that is one question that science still cannot even begin to comprehend.

Nationally Televised Games:
Heat at Celtics, TNT, 8pm: What's that? It's only the first night of the season, yet you're already tired of hearing about King Crab's move to the Heat (like these guys)? Well, TNT, ESPN, and the rest of the national media have this to say:

What's truly sad is that I will still be interested in actually watching the Heat play this year, no matter how tired I get of hearing about them. Seeing Wade and LeBron work together will be entertaining, but I'm also just dying to see 37 year old Juwan Howard and 35 year old Zydrunas Ilgauskas protecting the paint.

Oh, and Mike Miller has a broken thumb. The Heat are doomed! Doooooooooooooomed!

Meanwhile, to nobody's surprise, the Celtics are planning to start Shaq at center against the Heat. Considering Jermaine O'Neal will probably pull a muscle and suffer a stress fracture drinking Gatorade on the sidelines, this move somehow makes sense. Then again, we'll just have to watch an ugly offensive effort as Shaq's glacial movements and gargantuan body clog the paint for Rajon Rondo. (Or, according to Chris, "more like clog his own arteries." Touché.)

Rockets at Lakers, TNT, 10:30pm: Thanks to Auto Draft, I have Kevin Martin on my fantasy team. Uggghh. I'm sure that will somehow bite me. Meanwhile, the Rockets should theoretically be on a bounce-back year after missing the playoffs last season. Yao Ming is finally kinda-sorta healthy again, and he will be playing limited minutes to help keep his feet from crumbling like a sandcastle in high tide. Of course it's pretty much a given that he'll still get hurt anyway, but one can dream, right? If nothing else, Rockets fans can play NBA 2K11 and watch in delight as Virtual Yao jumps for a rebound and has his head three feet above the rim. (Realism!)

The Lakers, on the other hand, are coming off their most recent championship. However, Adam Morrison is no longer with the team. This surely must mean their reign of championships is over. You HAVE to have somebody that can slap high fives on the sidelines while looking extraordinarily goofy, and other than Scalabrine, nobody does it as well as Morrison in today's NBA.

All The Other Games:
Suns at Trail Blazers, 10:00pm: Well, Amar''''e Stoudemire is finally gone. Suns fans such as AnacondaHL and myself hoped they'd finally acquire someone who has the desire to crash the boards and snag a few rebounds. Unfortunately, that is not the case. Like a soccer mom buying in bulk (because you can never have too much ketchup even if you don't have a main course to put it on, apparently), the Suns have loaded up on small forwards instead of getting a solid big man. Hakim Warrick, Josh Childress, and Hedo Turkoglu? Come on! Did they have a "buy two, get one free" special or something? (Also, Turkoglu Turkododo is likewise on my fantasy team. Here's to hoping Steve Nash continues to be a miracle worker.) Meanwhile, coach Alvin Gentry says the Suns will continue to base their offense around the pick-and-roll, even though they don't really have a solid big man to get points in the pant. Expect lots of bricked long range jump shots coming off the screen. Hurray!

Fun fact of the day: Brandon Roy scored a career high 52 points at the Rose Garden back in December 2008 against the Phoenix Suns.

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Anonymous Anonymous said...
Opening night and there's a bunch of teams I don't care about and the stuck-in-small-ball-hell-until-Nash-retires Suns. How exciting. Maybe there's some Filipino slapfighting on...

Blogger Jon-Michael said...
"This surely must mean their reign of championships is over. You HAVE to have somebody that can slap high fives on the sidelines while looking extraordinarily goofy, and other than Scalabrine, nobody does it as well as Morrison in today's NBA."

I would be inclined to say Morrison's former teammate Sasha Vujacic has that role intact this year. I can't wait!

Blogger 49er16 said...
Great to have the NBA back in my life.

Anonymous Anonymous said...
anyone else besides me think the suns should trade of Kenyon Martin? Remember what he did with Kidd? He could do that with Nash and also defend better than Amar'e. Plus he's getting towards the end of his contract.

Blogger Wild Yams said...
I wish the Lakers were playing Phoenix tonight rather than on Friday. It would be awesome to have the Suns have to watch LA get their rings in person rather than Houston. What did the Rockets ever do to deserve this?

Also, good to know ESPN is already making bizarre technical errors on their site. If you go to tonight's scoreboard you'll see this. Wow, where to begin? The Lakers aren't playing the Celtics tonight, for one. And I don't think we care too much about LeBron to NY rumors or draft talk. Way to keep on top of things over there, Worldwide Leader.

Anonymous Anonymous said...
Yeah, some hot NBA action.
Celts and Heat COMBINED for 25 points in the first quarter. Enough turnovers to fill all the holes it takes to fill the Albert Hall. Weren't the Heat supposed to be a super-O team this season?

Blogger 49er16 said...
I know it's still early, but the Heat have more turnovers than field goals.

Blogger @huynhjeff said...
aaaaand.... we're back!

This Boston/Miami game has me so conflicted. I find myself (shockingly and disgustingly) cheering for the Green Machines.

Anonymous Cetti said...
The Heat are more bawful than I ever could have imagined.

Anonymous Heretic said...
Man the heat are playing like a really good pickup league team.

Anonymous AK Dave said...
BAD is back, bi$%#es!


@Yams: That's just mean! (I like it. It would be better if Boston was looking on though...)

Blogger 49er16 said...
I need to rant a little bit. Comcast doesn't offer any of their sports packages in HD. I would have bought League Pass, if the games were in HD. I think I finally need to upgrade to Direc TV.

Blogger Unknown said...
I'm going to start my own count about the Heat. 10 more games to lose to NOT match the record season. Just to stick it to the media.

Yeah. Take that, media.

Blogger AnacondaHL said...
Bosh you such stop being crappy ugh why did I draft you GIVE ME RESULTS NOW

Blogger LotharBot said...
Finally, this season's bawful has begun!

DWade had 6 turnovers tonight... and he was only third in that category, behind LeBron's 8 and KG's 7. And the heat's big guy whose name is hard to spell might as well change it to Voskuhl after his 2 turnovers and 4 fouls negated his point and 3 boards to give him a beautiful 6:4 performance of lack.

Blogger 49er16 said...
Quote of the night from Barkley, "No disrespect to Carlos Arroyo, but they need a different point guard."

It's so true. Arroyo and Chalmers were terrible out there.

Blogger AnacondaHL said...
Dan B - CONGRATULATIONS! You have collected the first technical foul in our fantasy league via the new technical foul rules of the season thanks to Kevin Martin!!

Blogger Unknown said...
I smell a WotN post about Bosh and Wade in the cards.

Fisher might make it, too, since he may have already been usurped by Blake and Brown. We knew this might happen, but one game into the season?

Blogger Wild Yams said...
Sorbo - Fisher was god awful during the regular season last year too, so it's probably a good bet he won't be too great this year either. LA keeps him around for the playoffs though. Brown I think could surprise some people this year though, his stroke has looked great all pre-season, and if he's got a perimeter game working for him then he'll probably see a lot of minutes.

Tonight worked out great for me. The Heat and Suns both lost and the good guys won after collecting their rings and hoisting banner #16. Which was more pathetic tonight: Miami's 9 first quarter points or Phoenix's 11 fourth quarter points? I'm going with the Suns. Someone should tell them the games are 48 minutes long, not 38. Too bad the Celtics and Blazers had to pick up wins, but to me they were both (surprisingly) the lesser of two evils tonight.

Anonymous DKH said...
Wow, someone save this post, because in a few threads Yams will have his victim complex going about how the Lakers and their fans are so disliked.

Anyway, yea, based on the games the league featured to start the season, there will be plenty of bawful to go around. I'm glad you guys are back and entertaining as ever.

Anonymous Nightbringer said...
I am so looking forward to most Basketbawful coverage. The Laker win tonight has me pumped up for the rest of the season now.


WV: serons- A backwards snore.

Anonymous OneZero said...
The Heat is still too young, they certainly has potential to be great, but not now

Wade was total bawful last night, forcing shots, didnt pass the ball as well.

Shannon Brown proves that his pre-season form wasnt a fluke, dude was lights out.

anyway guys, give some love for Garbage Time All star


I really think they are worth looking, pretty hilarious pictures, I just want more poeple to visit them, so the contents will be added more frequently

Anonymous Anonymous said...
Yams, don't you like the Suns? Seems a bit strange to me.. I mean, asides from Hedo, they don't have anyone who's obviously hateable.. Plus they have Steve Nash, who's got to be one of the most likable players in the history of the NBA. He just makes everything awesome. So yeah, why the dislike?

Anonymous Stockton said...
uau, the Heat were not sharing the ball and were forcing shots... what a surprise!!
They need to give more minutes to Magloire and Howard if they want to take a top playoff spot.


Blogger Dan B. said...
AnacondaHL -- It brings a tear to my eye.

Blogger Wild Yams said...
DKH - My bad, I said the same type of stuff everyone else says around here, except I forgot, I root for the Lakers so it's not cool for me to do it too. After all, I definitely shouldn't be like openly rooting for my team, rooting against my team's rivals or playfully taunting them when they fail, cause clearly nobody else around here would ever do that. In other words, no need to save this thread for some later date, your post illustrates exactly what I was referring to. It's all fun and games to trash the Lakers up and down, day in and day out, but as soon as a Laker fan does the same thing to another team, it's being an asshole or a troll or something. I'm sure if the Lakers had lost last night, nobody would say shit about it. Right?

Anon - Why do I hate the Suns? Simple: cause they're a division rival of my team. I disliked them long before Nash was even in the NBA simply for this reason, and I see no reason to stop now. As a Laker fan there's a lot of teams out there that I have a passionate dislike for, in no small part because the fans of those teams have such a passionate dislike for my team. I don't think Steve Nash is an asshole or anything, but as long as he's playing for Phoenix I'll continue to root against him and enjoy the fact that he's never made it to the NBA Finals.

I mean, I'm a Laker fan, should I really be expected to like the Suns? Am I expected to be different from the average NBA fan just because my hometown team that I grew up watching wins a lot? The Lakers and their fans take an absolute beating on this site, and that's fine, I knew that was the deal when I first started coming here, and I'm good with an intelligent debate about their merits or weaknesses or whatever else. But if I'm expected to take it, can't I also dish it out? Or is that not cool? I just want to be able to participate here in the same way as everyone else. Is that wrong? Am I going over the line by saying I'd like it if the Suns had to watch the Lakers get their rings, or that I thought Phoenix finishing their game tonight by being outscored 18-1 was bawful?

Anonymous Anonymous said...
Yams, that's fair enough then. And I could understand the hate at the Heat (who doesn't hate them right now?), and the Celtics (biggest rivalry in the NBA). I just didn't really see why you would pick the Suns losing to the Blazers as a better outcome than the Blazers losing to the Suns. It didn't seem like it mattered too much is all. But yeah, whatever works for you, I've got no issues with it, I was just curious. And for the record, I think you're right about how the Suns finished that game. But then again, I'm pretty pessimistic about the Suns hopes this season.. It's just hard to see Turkoglu replacing Amare.

But yeah, you can do whatever you want, I wasn't trying to offend you or anything, just curious.

Blogger AnacondaHL said...
Yams, don't be thick. We make fun of the Lakers with respect to how good they are. You are just being a troll and you know it, and are doing this insufferable Lakers victim act to try and get us to feel guilty about our jokes, which IMHO is far worse than the basic Kobe lovers. This means you have to be far more clever with your jokes, which means that calling the Suns evil and the Lakers the Good Guys just isn't gonna cut it.

Anonymous The Other Chris said...
Wild Yams, ladies and gentleman, proving once again there's nothing more insufferable than someone rooting for an elite team while playing the victim card.

"Hating" other players and teams because they're in the same division? Uh, OK. Calm down a little. You seem to have confused snide, angry and bitter with clever, funny, and witty. One usually needs an actual reason to dislike another team, beyond geographical accidents.

Anonymous DKH said...
Seriously, Yams, you're not doing quite the same thing as everyone else. You pointed out some bawful, and that's good and funny, but the posts also include "Tonight worked out great for me," as well as a wish that the Suns could watch the Lakers get rings. Do you not see that as gloating? It's fine to make fun of other teams, but gloating at the same time is unseemly. And yea, what "The Other Chris" said.

Adam: you may enjoy this site:


Blogger Wild Yams said...
The Other Chris - It's not just about geographical location though, don't you understand that the reason I'd hate a division rival of my team is because that team has been in a great many playoff battles with the Lakers over the years and has even sent them off to the summer a few times? I hate the Suns for 1990, when the Jeff Hornacek-led team eliminated the Lakers in 5 games, thus bringing an end to Pat Riley's career as a Laker coach. I hate the Suns for 1993, when after compiling the league's best record behind Barkley, they almost let the Lakers upset them in the first round, going down 0-2, before winning the next three. I hate the Suns most recently for 2006 and 2007, for eliminating the Lakers each year in the first round, and then for talking shit about it in the media and in the book "Seven Seconds or Less". I hate the Suns because they have fans like AnacondaHL who are spite-filled assholes who can't have a rational discussion about anything having to do with the Lakers without being as vicious as possible toward them. He and other Suns fans attack my team, and not in a funny, light-hearted way, but in a "Fuck the Lakers" way, so you have to understand this makes me dislike their team even more than I already did. Does that help explain it for you?

DKH - Of course I see it as gloating, I'd never deny that for a second. Do you not think that there's plenty of gloating here when the Lakers lose? Does that not count? It's OK to mock my team when they lose, but it's not OK for me to do the same to anyone else's team just because I'm a Laker fan? I didn't just show up here after they won the title in 2009, and it wasn't like the mocking of the Lakers began at that point either.

You guys are all ridiculous. You call out my team repeatedly, and not in "funny" ways, but if I defend them or do the same thing about any other team, then somehow I'm worse than everyone here. AnacondaHL even thinks I'm just trolling, like it's not really possible I could actually like the Lakers enough to defend them, or dislike the Suns at all. I'm sorry, but I do. I genuinely love the Lakers (they're the only sports team I really care about in any sport), and as such I really dislike the Suns, as do most Laker fans. There may be some good people that play for Phoenix, but they're well paid and don't need my support. I'm rooting against the organization and its fans, just like how most fans do.

Finally, I've learned this: even if I am the most gracious, nicest person here and don't respond to any of the shit talked about my team, it doesn't make any difference. It's not like doing so makes people here hate my team any less, nor does it make people here think "gee, Laker fans aren't so bad after all." So what's the point? I get it, I root for the bad guys. But they're the team I grew up liking cause I'm from Los Angeles. I didn't choose them as an easy route for being a fan, and hell, most of my adolescence they weren't very good (the 90s definitely weren't like how this last decade has been). I'm sorry you guys hate my team, but they are my team and I'm gonna continue to root for them, and oddly enough, that does include me being happy when they win, and being happy when their rivals lose.

Blogger AnacondaHL said...
"AnacondaHL even thinks I'm just trolling,..."


"...because they have fans like AnacondaHL who are spite-filled assholes who can't have a rational discussion about anything having to do with the Lakers without being as vicious as possible toward them..."

mmm, troll-tastic...

"...even if I am the most gracious, nicest person here and don't respond to any of the shit talked about my team, it doesn't make any difference..."


Thanks for the troll, but instead you produced the funniest whiniest QQ I've read all year. Like a horrible combination of furious typer, target, and fanboy

So, in rational conclusion,