Cheer up, Melo! Don't you know how much the people in Utah love you?
I would say Happy 4/20, but since I'm not one to partake, I'll just ask the stoners to light one up on my behalf. (Thanks, Josh Howard)

I had to buy some new PC speakers since my old Dell ones were about as reliable as Francisco Garcia's exercise ball. While sampling the variety of speakers set up for testing at Best Buy, I felt like an NBA GM trying to draft college/international players and sign free agents. This might be a bit convoluted, but hear me out.

I could see how the different speakers sounded in the store, but this didn't really tell me about how they'd sound actually in my room on my computer desk. Much the same, just because a player looks good in workouts doesn't mean he'll be good when he's posting up a real player instead of a chair. (Okay, that was a cheap shot, Yi isn't that bad. But it's still funny, so roll with it.)

Also, every speaker brand except Bose was set up where I could hear the same exact music on all them. The Bose speakers had their own test display that obviously only played audio that fit the strengths of each model of speaker. (The interactive demo's voice told me to notice the clarity of the acoustic guitar on the cheaper 2-speaker system. Of course it's clear! It's all midrange sounds! You won't let me hear how godawful the bass sounds on these tiny speakers!) Similarly, you can only judge each player based on the system in which they play, and their current situation (i.e. teammates, contract year phenomenon). The $400 Bose speakers claimed to sound like a 5.1 surround system with only two satellites and a subwoofer. However, the sound quality wasn't very impressive to me (and a quick Google search on my phone confirmed reports of the sound being tinny and hollow). Buying those speakers would have been like a team signing Amar''''e Stoudemire next year based simply on his performance this season. You're going to pay out the ass for something that looked good only under ideal circumstances and probably won't perform like that later? No thanks.

The other speaker options ranged from the $25 Darko Milicic-ish Insignias (can fill up space, but otherwise utterly useless) to the $100 Logitechs that reminded me of Chuck Hayes (definately serviceable, but ultimately too small for what you really need). I ended up opting for the $150 Klipsch ProMedia 2.1 system. It seemed to have strong bass and warm midrange, and the highs seemed like they could sound good with better EQ from the source audio than what I heard in the store. I haven't gotten a chance to set them up and try them at home yet. Hopefully I got the Kevin Durant of speakers and not the Greg Oden where they break in six months.

(On edit, I have since set up the speakers and tweaked my EQ in Winamp -- holy crap these things sound fantastic. Well worth the money.)

In other news, Shaq's gradual descent into madness continues. (Via Deadspin)

Worst of the Night in Pictures:

Ilgauskas attempts to read Noah's mind

I would have said "Sloth from Goonies," but this comparison works too

That's not how you facepalm, JR Smith...
All The Games:
Bucks at Hawks - NBA TV, 7:00pm
Hawks lead series 1-0

The Bucks managed to keep things halfway interesting in Game 1 thanks to Brandon Jennings' 34 point effort. However, based on the way his regular season played out, the odds of him continuing to play out of his mind are roughly the same as the odds of Steven Seagal starring in a box-office-smash summer blockbuster next year. And John freaking Salmons can only carry a team so far.

Heat at Celtics - TNT, 8:00pm
Celtics lead series 1-0

It's probably fair to say that Kevin Garnett's best days as an NBA player are behind him. However, that doesn't mean the aging Leprechauns won't miss him and his hyperdestructive elbows. Think about it. Who gets more playing time when KG is out? That's right -- Rasheed Wallace. Sigh. Ball don't lie, and ball says you need to stop taking so goddamn many bad threes, Sheed.

Frail Blazers at Suns - NBA TV, 10:00pm
Blazers lead series 1-0

Here's a really sobering stat for you. Despite Phoenix being the highest scoring NBA team this season, they only managed to score a whopping four fastbreak points all night in Game 1. It's probably for the best that I won't be able to see this game (who the hell decided that it was a good idea to put playoff games on NBA TV??). It'll save me two to three hours of pacing nervously and contemplating taking up smoking.

Thunder at Lakers - TNT, 10:30pm
Lakers lead series 1-0

Yes, the Lakers won the first game of the series. However, they did it almost entirely on the strength of their monsterous first quarter. Once the young Thunder shook off the cobwebs of their first playoff experience, they started to play halfway decent ball and made it an interesting game. And that's in spite of the Thunder's offensive effort being ugly like Joakim Noah's face, with lots of poor shot selection and very little team-oriented play. This series really could be fun.

Labels: Bawful After Dark, Joakim Noah, ridiculous analogies