Cavaliers-Bulls: A mere 20 games separate these two teams in the standings. However, the matchup might be even closer than that, considering the season series was tied at 2-2. And although the Bulls are probably the underdogs in this series, they have a one-game winning streak against the Crabs.

Oh, who am I kidding?

If my years of watching way too many NBA games has taught me anything other than the fact that short-shorts are nightmare fuel, it's that when the best team in the league faces the worst team to sneak into the postseason, the result is usually a four-game sweep. My guess is that the Crabs pull of two blowout wins at home and at least one double-digit win in Chicago. The Bulls are feeling pretty scrappy lately, so I'll give them one close loss at the United Center.

In other words, don't expect a repeat of last year's Celtics-Bulls series.

Key players: Anderson Varejao and Joakim Noah. This is the hair battle everyone never wanted to see. My guess is that this will be when we all finally find out that their hair is sentient and bent on conquering our planet. The only thing more chilling would be going home and being greeted with pizza and a beer by your wife/girlfriend/whatever and then finding an empty body snatcher pod in the bedroom.

Magic-Bobcats: Okay, so sure, the Magic are coming into this series with a lot of momentum and a 3-1 lead in the season series, but the Bobcats have former Sixer/Warrior/Wizard/Cavalier/Bull/Knick Larry Hughes. What more do they need?

Actually, according to Basketball-Reference, the 'Cats lead the league in Opponents Points Per Game (93.8) and Defensive Rating (102.8), which means their defense could help make this series semi-interesting. But assuming the Vag Carter factor is offset by the Captain Jack factor, I still give the Magic a major edge in most categories I won't bother naming because I haven't looked them up. But I'm pretty sure they're their, kind of like how you just sort of know the pepperonis are there in a Chicago-style stuffed pizza.

Key players: "Big Shot" Larry Hughes. I can't wait to see what he does in his return to the playoffs. This is exciting.

Hawks-Bucks: The Bucks became everybody's favorite playoff dark horse after John "The Second Half of the Season Superman" Salmons was gift-wrapped and given to them by the cap-conscious Bulls. Milwaukee caught fire, winning a lot out of however many games they were playing. (For more information, see wherever they track that stuff.) Then Amar''''''e Stoudemire swept the leg against Andrew Bogut and suddenly Milwaukee was a first round hors d'oeuvres. This actually works out really well for Basketbawful, because next season's unrealistic expectations for the Bucks will now include "And when Bogut gets back, they'll be really good." Then reality will set in...and we'll be there. Oh yes. We will be there.

Key players: Andrew Bogut. Oh, wait, whoops. He won't be playing, although that's actually pretty key for the Hawks. Anyway, did I mention that this is a contract year for Joe Johnson? And since it's unlikely that the Hawks will move past round two, this will need to be Joe Cool's breakout series.

Celtics-Heat: Boston swept the season series against Miami, but the three games were decided by 7, 6 and 5 points. It's been a while since I had a math class, but those margins seem reasonably small. Plus, the teams haven't played since February 3, and the Celtics have gotten noticeably worse.

Key players: A underrated part of Boston's disappointing season has been the disappearance of Ray Allen's defense. Early on, all anybody could talk about was his shooting slump, and then all they could talk about was him coming out of that slump. This managed to disguise the fact that he couldn't stay in front of his man even if he was standing with his back against the Great Wall of China. What I'm trying to say is: Dwyane Wade has to be licking his chops right now.

Beyond that, I read in a few places that the playoffs will provide Rasheed Wallace with a chance at redemption. I hope the authors of those articles were writing from the safety of their government-funded assisted living community, and that they were wearing crash helmets, and diapers, and bibs to wipe up all that messy drool.

For the record, 'Sheed predicted the Celtics could win 70+ games this season. They won 50. Barely. This could be a first-round upset in the making folks. Wait a sec...

[checks Miami's roster]

...nope, never mind.


Lakers-Thunder: What a season for the Thunder. One year after being one of the worst teams in the league, they won 50 games and qualified for the playoffs in a strong conference. Plus, Kevin Durant blossomed into a true superstar and led the league in scoring. It's a very happy story that is doomed to end in the next five to six games.

Sure, the Lakers haven't given a shit since...you know, I'm not even sure when the last time they actually gave a shit was. But it has been nothing but shit-less constipation in L.A. lately. Anyway, the unfortunate side-effect of their near-to-complete apathy has been the whirlwind of stories along the lines of "The Lakers are vulnerable!" and "With the Lakers struggling, anything could happen, especially in the first round!"

To which I say:

Then again, L.A. finished the season by losing seven of their last 11 games, which included a season-ending 107-91 bitch-slapping by the Clippers that led Phil Jackson to say: "From the end of the second quarter on, I thought we pooped our pants and it looked it out there."

Who knows. Maybe the Lakers are vulnerable.

Key players: Jackson recently drew up a game-winning three-point shot for Pau Gasol, and if you know anything about this "earth sport basketball," you can probably figure out how that turned out. Kobe Bryant -- who was the league leader in "big balls" shots this season -- told the press Jackson's play calling in that situation cracked him up. This of course led to a series of "Why would Phil do that?" stories, which then led to a bunch of "Because Gasol has been the Lakers' best player lately" stories.

You think Kobe is aware of that? Or of the fact that Oklahoma City is known as one of the better defensive teams in the league? Or that Durant has bypassed him as the NBA's most exciting scoring machine? If you've followed Kobe's career, you know this can go only one of two ways. Either a) he will ignore all the bullshit and play his best ball in a series the Lakers should win with relative ease, or b) he will go apeshit and start jacking up 25-30 shots a game in order to remind everybody that he's still the league's Alpha Dog...even if he isn't (LeBron is).

For my part, I'm hoping for the latter. Kobe gunning is about the only chance the Thunder have to extend this series.

Mavericks-Spurs: You know all the earthquakes that have been going on lately? Science will tell you they were the result of shaking or trembling of the crust of the earth, caused by underground volcanic forces or by breaking and shifting of rock beneath the surface. But science is lying. These tectonic upheavals were actually caused by Mark Cuban's giant, ongoing orgasm at how his Mavericks have rocketed up the standings to earn the second seed in the Western Conference. Can't you just imagine Cuban furiously dry-humping every time the Nyets lose another game, thus justifying what at the time seemed like an insane Jason Kidd-for-Devin Harris trade? Can't you see him hip-thrusting when the Mavs finished only two games behind the Lakers for the West's best record?

I'm telling you, Mother Nature may not be able to withstand much more of Cuban's reality-altering happiness. Fortunately, these are the Mavericks, so she probably won't have to. Although I have a funny feeling they'll get past the Spurs.

Key players: Manu Ginobili already got his contract extension, so don't expect any superheroics from him. Tony Parker's inner Frenchman has become his outer Frenchman, so don't worry about him. The Spurs will only go as far as Tim Duncan can carry them on his wobbly knees. Of course, there's also an excellent chance some key games could be decided by Dirk Nowitzki's toughness, or even his clutchness. So, yeah, I guess anything could happen.

Suns-Trail Blazers: Okay, I have to sum this up: The Suns -- who didn't even make the playoffs last season -- dumped Shaq for Ben Wallace The Mummy and Sasha Pavlovic human excrement, both of whom were immediately tossed on the scrap heap. They then replaced Shaq, who was an All-Star in 2008-09, with a combination of Channing Frye and Robin Lopez and finished this season as the third seed in the West.

When the book is written about Shaq's career, I want this chapter included please.

Of course, there was more at work than that. Alvin Gentry re-unleashed Steve Nash, who played like his old MVP self one season after Terry Porter's "San Antonio-lite" game plan made everybody start popping off about how Nash was "washed up" and that Mike D'Antoni had "made him." To those people, I offer all or most of my ass for their tasting pleasure. And of course, Amar''''''e Stoudemire rediscovered his "love of the game" after he realized that a) he wasn't getting traded at the deadline and b) he could cash in big time during this summer's free agent bonanza.

Think about it. There will be 29 teams that don't end up with LeBron James. Have you ever been out with a friend who is desperate to hook up? You know how he'll spend most of the night chasing girls who are increasingly less hot until, finally, he starts hitting on any skank who looks like she's drunk, stupid and/or fat enough to sleep with anybody capable of not spontaneously combusting? Well, that's going to be the 29 teams that don't get LeBron this summer. Amar''''''e is going to be some team's desperate hookup.

Anyway, this could be a pretty entertaining series. The Frail Blazers may or may not have Brandon Roy, who tore important parts of his knee but wants to play anyway. I can only hope that a sane person -- preferably someone with proven knowledge of both medicine and the human body -- sits him down and explains how knees work, not to mention how important knees are to the future of young basketball players. Anyway, Roy or no Roy, Portland has come back to life so many times this season, I'm ready to rename them the "Portland Jason Voorheeses." I mean, seriously. As well as the Suns have been playing lately, I've stopped betting against the Blazers.

Key players: Any member of the Blazers who manages not to get hurt. Also, I'm guessing Marcus "Hey, I'm playing for a new contract too!" Camby will submit some dominating performances on the defensive end. And of course, STAT hasn't signed a new contract yet...know what I'm sayin'?

Nuggets-Jazz: The Nuggets were supposed to be where the Mavericks are: The second seed. But their season record was marred by a series of bizarre losses to teams like the Clippers, Timberpoops, Pistons, Kings (twice), Sixers, Wizards, and Knicks. They also suffered their own bout of Lakers-like late-season apathy, despite having, you know, never won anything. Hence the critical "statement game" losses to the Magic, Mavericks, Spurs and Suns...and the subsequent fall to fourth place.

The Jazz haven't exactly been the model of stability either. They've lost games to the Kings (twice), Timberpoops (twice), Clippers and Pacers...although the rest of their losses have come to other playoff teams. But Carlos Boozer is hurting due to a strained left rib cage, and without him Utah got overwhelmed at home by the Suns on the final day of the season. That was one day after Ronnie Price said: "We're going to see who's the tougher team tomorrow. The good thing is it's in our building. We'll see who's tougher. It would be a good momentum swing for us going into the playoffs. This is going to be a big test for us."

So the Jazz aren't tougher than the Suns. I'll go ahead and let you draw your own conclusions about that little factoid.

Key players: Boozer has promised to play in Game 1 "no matter what." That's a pretty bold statement. What if he got caught in a surprise elephant stampede? What if somebody ran over his foot with a lawn mower? What if he gets hit by a meteor? (Don't laugh!)

Anyway, the "key player" in this series isn't really a player at all: George Karl. His battle with cancer could give Denver a "win one for the Gipper" factor that Utah can't possibly match. Like, ever. Nobody on the Jazz would ever worry about Jerry Sloan dying. Sloan's enemies have long hoped he would burn in hell, but they know in their hearts that hell will not have him.

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Anonymous Anonymous said...
West is tough, OKC would have been tied for the 4th seed in the east.

Poor Minny, they finished a mere 35 games behind OKC for 4th place in the NW Division. Thats crazy, the Timberpoops could improve by 34 wins and still not finish outisde of last in their division.

Blogger Basketbawful said...
Editor's note: Sorry about the typos. I forgot to run spellcheck. Should be clean now.

Anonymous Stockton said...

Will the Fakers engage in full playoff mode sooner than expected?? OKL has a ref-friendly star, a good PG who abuse Fisher's decomposing corpse, and a defensive expert(??) who can annoy Kobe... they're young and feisty... I don't see Lakers having an easy time if they repeat last year's snooze against the Rocketes...

PS: doesn't seem strange a playoff without McGreedy?

Anonymous Hellshocked said...
Jazz-Nuggets and Spurs-Mavs could go to 6 or 7 games. They are going to be 2 very fun series.

I don't really see any of the other series going past 5 games unless Portland plays their best ball of the season.

Blogger Unknown said...
I think the Western seeding favors the Lakers. They now get their two biggest challengers at an earlier time (Round 2) where both could be a little more vulnerable (Boozer's injury, the letdown after Karl's return). Like last year how Houston bringing the Lack Show to the brink probably pushed them in the Conf. Finals and The Finals, round 2 this year could do the same thing.

As for their Clippers loss, here's who the Lakers trotted out most of the game: Odom (yes!), Gasol (yes.), Fisher (meh), Brown (okay), and a Powell/Mbenga mix (blah). Walton/ Morrison/ Vujajackoff all received 15 minutes a piece (yikes) as well; and Artest basically sat out the second half. That's an eight-seeded east team, maybe.

Blogger AnacondaHL said...
From last night: 4 of the GSW starters played 48:00. I don't remember ever seeing that in the modern era.

Fuck you Suns.

Why did you have to raise my hopes again this year, when I specifically tried not to let this happen? Playing hard at the end of the season in a favorable seed, with a chance at redemption in round 2. Why couldn't you just play out the season, trade Amar''''''e, and start fresh? I can't believe I have to go through this shit again.

I wish I knew how to quit you.

(Random as fuck fact: Suns only Finals appearances happened 17 years apart, in 1976 and 1993. Well 2010 is 17 years after '93...)

Anonymous Hajt said...
AnacondaHL: During the GSW game, Devean George (I think) fouled out with about 4:00 minutes left. Chris Hunter had started, but had got injured and only played about 4 minutes. The only other players on the bench were Moore and Randolph, both also injured. Nelly almost blew a blood vessel when told that he had to put in the other players first, then take them out of the game, hence the two Marios for Moore and Randolph. This circus extended a game no one cared about.
However, there were the following career highs recorded:
Dante Cunningham: Rebounds(11)
Jeff Pendegraph: Points(23), Assists(1) (He's played 405 minutes and got his first assist).
Patrick Mills: Points(8), FG/3P Made/Attempted, Minutes Played(13), Tied in Assists, Reb (2,1)
Nicolas Batum: Rebounds(12), Minutes Played(38).

Stephen Curry: Points(42), Offensive Rebounds(3), FTs Made/Attempted (12).

That 42 is impressive, otherwise a scrub game.

Blogger Unknown said...
Anaconda: At least you'll get the Spurs in the second round again. Revenge series? Only if A'''''mare stays on the bench this time, which is more likely since Horry and Bowen are both dead...I mean retired. Then again, Ginobili may channel Nic Cage, pull a great over-the-top acting performance, and get the entire Suns team into foul trouble.

I just read a great hateblog written last week about the Suns story getting screwed by the NBA/Doneghy two years ago(the knee to the groin, the suspensions, etc.). I think someone needs to steal his handle: Cowboystd.


I can't tell if he's joking, but it sounds like he's serious; very, very, dangerously serious. That or he's 12. Best part of the story:

"I remember it perfectly like it was yesterday…. I went to school the day after (Game6) and fought with everybody that i saw. Surprisingly i didn’t get suspended that day because i was HEATED and fought with everyone and broke everything in my damn way. My friend’s would tell me to calm down and i’d tell them to Fuck off and a bunch of other crap. I was extremely pissed and ’till this day no one but me knows the real reason why. And that pisses me off even more, probably second most." Pulitzer, please.

Anonymous Karc said...
Here's my playoff preview.

Spurs and Celtics lost to the Nyets. Any possibility of them sniffing the conference finals, and my head explodes.

Lakers losing to the Clippers twice, that's nearly as bad. Any inkling of them sniffing the conference finals, and my head explodes.

Denver should have been top billing in the West, but they're falling apart, because, let's face it, George Karl was the only one who could keep them sane. If they manage to hold it together and get to the conference finals, my head explodes.

The Mavericks have a mouthpiece called Mark Cuban, who can't shut up. Really no other reason needed to root against them (Dirk's still great). Hearing Cuban talk in the conference finals, my head explodes.

The Thunder should be the Sonics, period. If the series goes more than five with the Lakers, I get angry. If they actually beat the Lakers, my head explodes (like Bawful, I totally predicting Kobe goes 6 for 26 just to prove a point, instead of 6 for 10 to actually win the games)

Cleveland, where to begin. They're useless without LeBron, and he knows it. He's the best, and everyone knows it. Shaq is trying to ride the LeBron-train to pass Kobe, and everyone knows it. He's burned the Heat and the Suns, and it's just now that they've managed to recover and become somewhat good again. They stomped a mudhole on the Wizards (let's face it, they were dead anyway) by stealing Jamison while giving big Z a 30-day vacation. They dance to taunt opponents (smiling is having fun, busting a move when up 30 is taunting). Completely rooting for the Magic to crush them in the conference finals.

Immediately dismissing the bottom half of the East. No chance.

That leaves, Phoenix, Utah, Portland, Orlando, and Atlanta. Pietrus got popped for steroids earlier in the year. I cannot endorse cheaters. Besides, I don't want to be subjected to little girls singing the anthem every game in some superstition that the Magic win when she does. But a Stan Van meltdown is always entertaining, so I can tolerate them until the Finals. Portland are called the Frail Blazers for a reason. No Brandon Roy, no shot (unless they were playing the Lakers). Atlanta, please.

If the Suns or the Jazz win the title, I'll be happy. Nash is long overdue, Sloan is long overdue. Anyone else, die.

Blogger Basketbawful said...
AnadcondaHL -- It really could be worse. You get to watch what I'm guessing will be at least two rounds of fun basketball starring your favorite team. And so do I, since the Suns are in my top three.

Blogger Basketbawful said...
Karc -- Jesus. I'm not a mathmatician, but it seems like there's a pretty decent chance your head is going to explode. Checking my pockets for something anti-head exploding. Let's see...lucky unicorn's foot, lint, miniature rubber chicken, Kobe Hate Club membership card, four ibuprofin, a 1997 Greg Ostertag basketball card by Topps...nope, nothin'. My friend, I prescribe not watching the NBA playoffs. I'll let you know what happens after it's all over.

Blogger AnacondaHL said...
Kevin: Hoping that Portland doesn't pull their injury tricks, either game in Round 2 would be bittersweet. The Mavs outright beat us in 2006, and you know what happened from there. But now us two teams are allies in the fucked-by-refs club, so it'd be a great series to play. A win over the Spurs wouldn't be total revenge for all those years and those points you mentioned, but hey a win over Tim Duncan would still mean a lot, but a loss would be franchise-level devastating.

Hajt: I had to get the NBA.com gamelog to sort out what could've possibly happened in that span. I can't believe he was forced to put a guy with an injured knee back into the game! Turiaf's +2 suck in just 0:07 seconds was pretty awesome too, went in for the offensive foul hopefully with the intent to stop the clock and substitute.

Bawful: Hey you know Chicago was, like, 0-10 with Noah out for that last stretch, so you know, without that... they'd probably still be .500, yea.

And Boston's got... that... thing... going for them...

Blogger Dylan said...
I don't understand Phil Jackson. His team has already been sucking for a while, and now he gets matched up with one of the most dangerous teams in the West. So instead of preparing his team, he simply adds to Kevin Durant's fuel. Regardless of whether he does get cheap calls, he probably just motivated Durant to go to the line 25 times a game. Well done, Phil.

Blogger Basketbawful said...
Hey you know Chicago was, like, 0-10 with Noah out for that last stretch, so you know, without that... they'd probably still be .500, yea. And Boston's got... that... thing... going for them...

Hence my current, semi-secret preoccupation with the Suns.

Blogger DDC said...
Karc you're awesome and need to prepare for you head to explode. However, it was not Pietrus that got catch using steroids, it was Rashard Lewis. Which is really ironic, considering how soft he is.

Blogger chris said...
Bawful and AnacondaHL: It really could be worse.


BTW, yeah, Turiaf going +2 in a Super Mario (AND earning a 2:0 Voskuhl) was glorious!

Anonymous Karc said...
@DDC - Totally my bad, the ape face had me fooled, thought for sure that it was him. Fail on Lewis, though, since the 'roids haven't helped his game, since his numbers are down from a year ago (slightly, though).

I think my head has already started to expand. I don't know why I'm so angry. Maybe it's the CBA that's threatening to sink the league.

Blogger AnacondaHL said...
chris: It may or may not be. Bawful said 29 teams won't end up with LeBron, but really it's only 8 teams that had a chance anyways, less if the cap goes down, and Sac is near the bottom on that list, but on it nevertheless. Throw in Toronto for Bosh and Phoenix for "The Bully" (a Japanese Twitter follower of Amar''''''e gave him this knickname in an article, and he is considering using it), and those are really the only 10 teams that are in this trainwreck Summer '10.

Having that draft pick means either getting a solid Forward/Center, or getting Wall and a slim better chance at LeBron to play with his marketing buddy. But what do the Suns get? We're still in the wake of the era of horrible mis-management, and with Bynum likely to be back, if the Suns can even manage the WCF, it's season over and nothing to build on.

Hey atleast the Coyotes beat the Red Wings, so we've got that going for us... I stand by my assessment of "I wish I knew how to quit you". (Get it? assessment? Yea, I am not mature.)

Anonymous The Other Chris said...
First and foremost, congratulations to the Chicago Bulls on winning the race to the bottom that is the Leastern Conference's 8th playoff. I was unfortunate enough to be present at the Toronto/Chicago game this past Sunday, and I'm still trying to wash off the stench of failure. Chicago might have had an up and down year, but Toronto without Bosh is just a terrible, terrible team. The good news is, of course, that Hedo "Ball" Turkoglu is only on the books for another 4 year and $42 million or so.



(That sound you just heard was every Toronto fan throwing up in their mouths).

Anyways, hopefully Bosh looks good in a Chicago or Miami next year.

Moving on, Noah by a landslide in the hair battle. What the hell is on that guy's face these days, anyways? Chops? Is that some sort of Noah-chin strap? Seriously, how much hair does one man need above the neck?!? Where do the chops end and the goatee begin?

Kevin Durant getting pissy over Phil Jackson's mind games is irritating. 2002 Conference Finals, Game 6, point it out, case closed. Kobe gets as many superstar calls as anyone. Which is why I'll always have a mancrush on Raja Bell.

I look forward to hilarious blog entries about LeBron James' preening, flexing, and dancing on the bench for this "series", while the Big Creaky tries to play himself back into "shape".

Blogger Basketbawful said...
Bawful said 29 teams won't end up with LeBron, but really it's only 8 teams that had a chance anyways, less if the cap goes down...

And why couldn't the rest of the teams consider a sign-and-trade. It's happened many times before.

Anonymous Anonymous said...
Methinks Summer '10 is going to be a HUGE letdown. I'd bet that LeBron, Wade, Amar''''e, and whoeverelseyouwannaname are going to stay put.

Chris Bosh might go somewhere else, but he really isn't in the same class as those other guys because he can't single-handedly drag a team kicking and screaming deep into the playoffs.

Ginobili might have been an interesting piece, but he's staying put.

I just don't think that the reality is going to live up to the hype surrounding this Summer. In all likelihood, teams will mostly stand pat and pay their superstars like always. We might see some role players and 2nd-tier part-time superstars (David Lee?) Sign on other teams, but the really big fish aren't going anywhere and there will not be any giant re-shuffling of the NBA's deck of talent.

Anonymous Anonymous said...
Well bless my cotton socks if the Clippers haven't conducted their second (classless) firing in the same year. First Dunleavy was "surprised" at the manner of his departure when he was informed by answer phone message. Next, Kim Hughes (Who?) is "surprised" at being fired only two months before his interim contract, ultimately leaving the Clippers' executive undermanned at a time when they should be doing their homework in preparation for the draft.

Wow, Donald Sterling really is an incompetent asshole. The best thing is, next season will be another story of woe, karma and bawfulness. Oh, LA Clippers, how I adore you!

Blogger Cortez said...
"Which is why I'll always have a mancrush on Raja Bell."

I'm usually all for guys giving cheapshot artists their comeuppance (slamming Kobe to the dirt was called for) but for some reason I really don't like Raja Bell.

I blame random quantum fluctuations.

Blogger Unknown said...
Anonymous: I don't know. I still think Lebron is heading to New York, especially if he wins the championship. Guy will be able to:
(a) attract other talented players there like he did in Cleveland,
(b) play in the SSOL offense and pad his stats (triple-double average).
(c) become the $1 billion athlete (http://www.highbeam.com/doc/1G1-148375600.html)
(d) f--k super models (sorry Lebron's wife and kids)
(e) get to be in a Spike Lee movie: "Doin' Work 2: Lebron's boogaloo"
(f) not live in Cleveland.

Blogger AnacondaHL said...
"And why couldn't the rest of the teams consider a sign-and-trade. It's happened many times before."

While possible, I'm going to assume that no one has the right assets to even offer for LeBron, and that any contract which strips the recieving team of everything they have will be rejected by LeBron, so the best bets are to join a new team via Free Agency (so they don't lose talent), or stick with the Cavs. We could take the Clippers and Kings off the list, bringing the list down to 6, but you never know.

I think there's also a salary cap reason why this can't be done effectively (or with more benefit over sticking with the original team or signing as a free agent) due to Base Year Compensation rules, but the jargon is tough to figure out. I'm looking at Question 75 and Question 78, etc. So unless LeBron REALLY wants to go to some team, and those teams REALLY want to trade with each other, we can keep things simple and not really consider those options.

Blogger chris said...
AnacondaHL: Hey, you've got a real captain in Shane Doan, we NorCal folks get the one ancient guy who was responsible for both goals against last night, 1998 Norris Trophy winner Rob Blake!


It's funny that THE highlight of the last Avs-Sharks series was Blake getting humiliated by Jonathan Cheechoo, so I should have not been surprised last night.

Okay, back to b-ball...Sacramento will never be on King Crab's list of destinations, even if they have the cap room. In fact, Sacramento doesn't ever look like it'll be on anyone's list of destinations, except for "gas stops on the way to a Warriors game."

Anonymous Anonymous said...

You raise some good points. I'll see your points and counter:

a)the players he needs to succeed are already in Cleveland, so why would he want to start that whole process of rebuilding over again?
b)LeBron gets so many minutes and touches anyway that a SSOL offense isn't going to change his stats all that much, and winning is more important to his image than stats. If he averages a triple-double but doesn't get into the playoffs and his team is a joke, well...
c)LeBron can still make a billion in Cleveland if he invests wisely, stays healthy, saves money, and doesn't get caught screwing everything that moves, losing endorsements(cough!tigercough!)
d)When you're an NBA player, you get to (word that KG mouths on the sidelines) supermodels in cities all over the country. Even if your name is Marco Jaric. And when you're LeBron, the supermodels come to YOU. (/Yakov Smirnoff voice)
e) Spike who??
f) Touche... however, LeBron, in a most weird and twisted fashion, is more loyal to his home state than any of us know.

Anonymous Karc said...
If anyone had doubts that Kevin Durant wasn't legit, the league has already begun protecting him from Phil Jackson.


Granted, Jackson makes 12 million this year, so the fine is not a big deal. But amusing, that's 70k in two weeks. This may be a reason to hope that both Lakers' series goes 7 games. He may get to a quarter million before quitting.

Blogger Fishy said...
That paragraph leading up to the "don't you believe it" video and then the actual video cracked me up =P

Anonymous Anonymous said...
Stoudamire was injured last year and missed 30 games. Steve Nash missed 10 games too. I want that included in the chapter too.

Maybe you should research some of these things before you write.

Blogger chris said...
Fishy: Funny thing is, I DO recall seeing in my younger days, the original Tom and Jerry cartoon where that clip is derived! (I think Jerry had taken something to gain superhuman strength or something to gain the upper hand over the hapless cat.)

Blogger Preveen said...
Aww comeon, why the hate on my man Shaq? I saw a video of him imitating Rick James recently that had me in stitches...
Anonymous, thanks for bringing up Jaric. You just ruined the rest of my day. Its not even lunch yet :(

Bawful, not very clear on this. You picking the Heat or the Celtics to go thru? Or just not making a pick? Personally I'd think its Miami unless Perkins seriously injures D-Wade on one of his mad trips to the bucket.

Anonymous C-Wilson said...
You can mention that chapter in Shaq's career, as long as you mention how he helped the Cavs basically clinch home court throughout in February. And how they went 4-1 against the Lakers and Magic with him in the lineup after going 1-4 against them last year.

Anonymous Anonymous said...
Milwaukee caught fire, winning a lot out of however many games they were playing. (For more information, see wherever they track that stuff.) Internet research standards at their finest.

And Phil Jackson is a twat. A smelly, suppurating twat.