Flow Chart

Editor's note: This flow chart and the following breakdown (girls only) are the work of Basketbawful's own AnacondaHL. It was far too brilliant not to get its own post.

The Breakdown:

Jennifer Aniston: Gives the hometown girl feeling, maybe even a shade bitchy. Looks great at certain camera angles. Here's hoping Matt becomes the "Brad Pitt" and finds his "Angelina", or something. (Extra note: I don't find Angelina Jolie attractive really.)

Jennifer Connelly: Also looks GREAT at some angles, but not so much at others, hence explaining why Matt was usually confused at her advances.

Jennifer Garner: I don't think she's attractive, but some people think she is, so hence why Nancy got a full dose of Matt awkwardness.

Jennifer Love Hewitt: I think she's hot, and would be an upgrade over Aimee, and in my view, the decision between Latrisse and Susan was supposed to be close, had Matt not been numb and all.

Jennifer Morrison: Ah, now this is the sweet girl next door. Remember your reaction when she did this FHM photoshoot? My list really came together when I remembered her, especially the parallels with her character in House as a mild sauce Taco Bell Jennifer.

Jennifer Hawkins: Reserved as the hottest of the list, the most "California looking" (my apologies, Aussies). If you don't know who she is, perhaps a look back on Google Trends of Miss Universe 2004 will remind you (videos that may be found in links from this link may be NSFW).

J-lol: Again, I don't find her attractive, but she is "hot," and is the clear candidate for the category.

DVD Bonus: If I had to edit it for ver.2, I'd put Jennifer Hudson as Latrisse, probably move/recast Garner and Connelly, add the word "fugly" to Susan's friend, add a d20 next to Nathan and Ron, and move the word "Mat" over to the right bit just so you could get an eyefull of Vin Diesel tit. (Do you know how stupid it was to Google Image Search for a Mat picture? "Dutch actor" got nothing, "young Arnold Schwarzenegger" had too much hair, "bald actor" got lots of modern day Bruce Willis, I was about ready to query "bald young topless actor" before the final pic showed up. The pain I go through just for you guys.)

Part 12

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Blogger AnacondaHL said...
The Google Trends for Jennifer Hawkins link broke, and you can add my latest "DVD Bonus". Other than that, I'm really surprised it turned out well in 500x375, I thought it'd be unreadable if it wasn't full size.

Anonymous Anonymous said...
Is there a reason, they're all named Jennifer, or is that just a coincidence...

Anonymous Anonymous said...
the face for Vin Diesel/Mat makes sense, but there's one flaw in that selection: Vin Diesel is like 5'7'', which would mean Little Matt is actually taller than Big Mat.

Blogger ramon12 said...
That's a lot of Jennifers you've got there

Anonymous Anonymous said...
I would like to know if Latrisse is black or not. I think this drastically effects the story. Thanks.

Anonymous JoeH said...
Nice. For those of us who aren't quite as familiar with the actresses (am I allowed to say that?) as AnacondaHL is, you could improve this by adding their counterparts' names to the list. For example, "Jennifer Aniston (Aimee): . . .".

Blogger Dan B. said...
AnacondaHL -- You know, a little piece of me died inside when Jennifer Morrison dyed her hair blonde on "House." Not only because that made for a great died/dyed word combo, but she was sneaky hot when she was a brunette. Not stunning, but the more you looked at her, the more cute she got. Sadly, the blonde hair just isn't work for her at all in my opinion.

Anonymous -- It's amazing what they can do with creative spacing and camera placements. They can make Vin Diesel look 8'3" if they really want to. That being said, I still think Dolph Lundgren would have been a great choice for Big Mat. Especially if he randomly got to kill people or star in direct-to-DVD movies.

CAPTCHA: gresi "Jennifer cooked a lot of gresi grade-F ground beef at Taco Bell while supporting Mat."

Blogger Mintz... said...
The video tape and Larry Bird shorts above Matt as well as the armchair and Heineken sign above Mat are, in my humble opinion, what make this picture over the top.

Well done Anaconda.

Blogger AnacondaHL said...
JoeH: Well where's the fun in that? =P

Dan B.: I KNOW! Jennifer Morrison as a blonde was the worst hair color switch idea since Lindsey Lohan undid her image as natural redhead. (You know, back in her younger, not skanky years).

Mintz: When I was typing out the list of characters, I realized how much I loved those objects as "characters" themselves, and how they really glued Livin' Large together. I was loading up Flickr right before I realized I forgot to put in pictures of them too!

Bawful: You need to introduce one more hot female character in Part 12 so I can use Connelly's picture for someone. I've decided to get a ver.2 of the flow chart because I forgot to put an arrow from Mat to the random girls, saying "told dat ho what up", egregious omission by me.

Also, haha, I love having author privs. I just read your Worsties of December, it's great so far. You've painted yourself into a corner though, no matter what you release, people will always complain for the other.

My advice is to warn us in advance of a set schedule, like from now on you'll be alternating between Livin' Large and Worsties, or you'll make Mondays and Fridays Livin' Large days and Tues-Thurs Worsties days, or something, and just weather the QQ storm.

Blogger Basketbawful said...
AnacondaHL -- Hm. Good point. I might try to do a Monday and Friday Worsties schedule for next week...once I'm back from Italy.

Speaking of which, I'll be off the board on Friday due to travel. Any chance you could fill in for me? Don't make me bat my eyelashes.

Blogger AnacondaHL said...
Ok, the LAST thing you should do is leave the weekends without a Livin' Large update. Even if you took away the other 4 days, Friday is mandatory Livin' Large day. As Basketbawful's Internet Advisor my ruling is final.

I didn't have anything different planned this summer beyond Barkley Gaiden, so if the characters add/change enough by then I'll cook up flow chart 2.0 for the weekend.

Blogger chris said...
AnacondaHL: I think you should provide a "Livin Large Recap" for us of the first 800 parts if Matholomew can't come through. You know, with snarky MST3K like remarks.

Anonymous Anonymous said...
i wish i found your blog after you've completed your livin' large series..

btw.. you remind me of neil strauss.. the looks .. and the life has some similarity..


Blogger Ben said...
Hey Bawful,

Long time reader but I've never commented. I gotta say I love the livin' large series. The story was already sexualized enough (Don't ask why, I can't explain it), the visualizations just make it brutal.

Love the site, but I gotta throw in this plug for my own blog. You've been a huge influence on me and many others I'm sure.

Blogger Dan B. said...
AnacondaHL -- I would counter that the worst hair color switch was Laura Prepon from That 70s Show going from being a stunning redhead to a really, really mediocre blonde. I shed a couple tears when that happened.

Also, henceforth I shall refer to Fridays as "Livin' Large Fridays." It works on so many levels, it is appropriate even in the real world outside of Matt McHale's life! Consider your mind blown. You're welcome.

CAPTCHA - Holy crap, it's a real word! caliber. I am not even going to bother making a joke. I'm simply going to sit back and appreciate how low the odds were of getting a real word, and how those odds were wasted on something that didn't offer any monetary return, unlike gambling.

Anonymous Chris said...
Blonde is the natural hair color of Morrison.

Blogger Dan B. said...
Chris -- The point still stands; just because it's the natural hair color doesn't mean it's a good look.

Anonymous Anonymous said...
There is one minor missing cast member from part 10 - the underclassman female who offered Matt a BJ in high school which he turned down.

Blogger Unknown said...
This comment has been removed by the author.

Anonymous Anonymous said...
Bawful Matt. Cmon dude. Post the next installment already! I'm a surgery resident. I work 100 hour weeks. I don't buy that you're too busy! Between cases I've constantly checked for updates, pondered my own college social ineptitude, figured out your school and who big Matt is. You owe me !

Blogger tonious35 said...

After I found video of the real MAT, I thought you should put a picture of Kane for him/it. Some one before mentioned BIG SHOW in the Mr.BBAWFUL casting comments, but because of that video, BIG MAT looked like Kane, without the scary grin and no eyebrows.

Blogger The Dude Abides said...
If anyone saw the movie 100 Women (also known as Girl Fever), they would know how a naturally blonde Jennifer Morrison induced the TV set into suffering a cuteness overload.

Rent the movie The Hot Spot, and I believe you'll agree that Jennifer Connelly looks incredibly hot from EVERY angle. Ahem. Especially in the riverbank scene.

Blogger DocZeus said...
I would counter that no woman in the history existence ever (except Sarah Michelle Gellar's switch to blonde hair.) has ever looked better with a dye job. It always looks awful. Keep your natural hair color, ladies!

And Latrisse as Jennifer Hudson?! That's cold, man.

Blogger BoilerRunner08 said...
this is fckn hilarious! :)


Blogger Unknown said...
Matt, being 6'3" myself, and at the same school....we had to bump heads in the CO-REC. I used to wear a blue bandana(due rag) when I played.
Any chance you remember?
Did you ever play on the first court in the E/W gym(down stairs)?

Blogger Unknown said...
LOL Dude
This just keeps getting more and more epic.
I wish I knew who big Matt and future NBA all star are, but seriously,
im sitting my end of school exams soon so i cant be bothered
but just so you know
your blog is making me cack myself everyday down in australia
and yes
i proudly claim hawkins as aus :)

Blogger chris said...
Wow, all these Chris's commenting, and it's not me, the lacktion superstar.

Re: dye jobs - well, it depends; Alyson Hannigan wasn't a natural redhead. (I prefer that intensely to her dark-haired look she's got going lately though)

Anonymous Anonymous said...
Duuude - Jennifer Connolly. Mmmm. The Hot Spot is awesome, but for pure beauty I'm sticking with Dark City. She's a living pinup in that movie.

And to add to your anticipation readers, prepare for a double facepalm and a forehead rub in the next installment!!!

Blogger AnacondaHL said...
What is this, a debate on boobs? Hair color, natural or not, doesn't matter, just whichever looks good.

There's even the special category for any color looking good (i.e. Nicole Kidman).

And since you mentioned her, there were 3 defining memorable magazine photoshoot moments in my life. The first was the first time I opened a nudie magazine. We bought like 8from a bum off the street for $10 in Phoenix while waiting for the Nintendo GameCube preview show. The second was the Jennifer Morrison photoshoot, mentioned here. And the third was Alyson Hannigan's schoolgirl shoot. She will always be a redhead that is final.

Blogger RuffnReady said...
Freakin Genius!!! I cried... "wants the nerdy Matt cock"! lmao

This whole epic is genius. It's like a season of bizarro-90210, or Melrose Place: The College Years. You should sell this to HBO!

Anonymous AK Dave said...


WV: killest

Damn right.