Hey everybody. I was too swamped last night/this morning to finish the next installment of the Livin' Large series. Yeah, sorry about that.
Anyway, today's post is a request. I'm going to create a list of Frequently Asked Questions for Livin' Large. That's where you, the readers, come in: You have to submit the question. I will NOT answer questions regarding the name of the school, my roommate or the Future NBA All-Star. But short of incriminating details, I'll answer just about any other reasonable question, either about my roommate or myself during the time I was living with him (or even afterward but while I was still in college).
So if you've been wondering how I remember things or what Mat's favorite foods were, now's the time to ask.
Tomorrow I'll post the next installment of Livin' Large and Monday I'll post the FAQ. Note that the FAQ may expand as the story goes on.
Anyway, today's post is a request. I'm going to create a list of Frequently Asked Questions for Livin' Large. That's where you, the readers, come in: You have to submit the question. I will NOT answer questions regarding the name of the school, my roommate or the Future NBA All-Star. But short of incriminating details, I'll answer just about any other reasonable question, either about my roommate or myself during the time I was living with him (or even afterward but while I was still in college).
So if you've been wondering how I remember things or what Mat's favorite foods were, now's the time to ask.
Tomorrow I'll post the next installment of Livin' Large and Monday I'll post the FAQ. Note that the FAQ may expand as the story goes on.
Labels: college stories, Livin' Large, submission request
100 Comments:
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contact: basketbawful@yahoo.com
The only thing I want to know is whether or not you have any pictures of Jennifer and/or Shelly. I guess you could blur out the faces if you really had to. hahahaha. See you on Monday.
And: Can you give us a numerical estimate as to just how many VHS tapes were in this mystical pile of old basketball games? I didn't see them in the pictures, were they flowing from underneath your bed?
Here's my main thought as I read through these stories: Did Mat at least use some sort of contraception during his many random sexual encounters? God knows we don't want any of his bastard offspring wandering the planet...
What kind of impact, if any, did watching Mat's sexual exploits have on your future relations with women?
..."Is that a real question?"
..."No. Can we get this information on your website?"
Could we get some info on your classes maybe, just for a look into the academic life.
What is your current Clark Kent job?
Did you ever play a game with/against your roommate?
Can you give him my number and ask him to call me?
Thanks,
Jennifer
-BJ
To go along with chris's question, once you realized Mat was basketbawful and would never measure up to his potential, did you ever feel guilty for not passing this info along to the thronging horde of young ladies who were throwing themselves at him for a shot at someday being an NBA wife or girlfriend?
Now for my own question: was Mat's weirdness well known among the other people in your dorm or on your floor at least, or did you keep it mainly to yourself? Like, did you go vent to anyone else about the Heineken sign or tell people about how Mat stole that giant chair from a sorority, or did you ever bring anyone else in to listen to the phone messages girls left for him? Or did you just keep it all bottled up inside not knowing who to confide in?
Did you ever play Mat one on one in hoops? If so, did his size negate your skills? If you never played, do you think you could have taken him?
Did Mat ever try on the Larry Bird shorts? If so, did he look like Shaq when he put on John Stockton's shorts?
Thanks for sharing the story.
(insert Sound Of Ultimate Suffering)
-BJ
Similarly to you, I grew up with basketball as much as I did with water, it was everywhere i went...the whole, traveling --> jr high ---> high school ---> copious amounts of rec and league play. So nothing hurts me more to see a physically gifted person stumble across the court like an inebriated Sasquatch. The point im getting at is, anyone with the slightest eye for talent can catch these guys before they even fumble over tying their shoe laces. Why was "Future NBA AllStar" (By the way i watched some you-tube clips of him in college last night, he was a true talent) so keen on having him play that season? Was his defensive presence that intimidating? I picture Mat as the perfect alternate candidate for the 7 footer Vince Carter dunked over in Sydney Olympic Ball 2000.
I know you aren't going to confirm the answers to the following, but I think I have it figured out.
College: Purdue
Future NBA All-Star: Glenn Robinson
Nothing is a secret on the internet! The Jack McCallum Celtics book reference was the giveaway: published in 1992
Did the Jennifer story spread?
Most pictures involve a beer bong or beer pong, but never a book and a desk (although that looks more like a magazine of some sort..).
here's a request instead of a question for faq:
make sure that phrases like "you'll do it", "she swallows" and rest of those gems are included in your future worst of the night posts
Anyway, love the livin' large stories. Especially once I figured out who everyone was, and found that youtube video of your roommate.
Do you think you would've told Mat off had you both been built similarly?
How long did it take for the coaches to find out Mat was rather useless on the floor?
What was Mat's favorite NBA team/player if any?
I don't ask this to be snide, it's just that we don't get college basketball down here (in more ways than one) but I did get to see a lot of the player in question's NBA prime and even at his best he always struck me as a more talented and more athletic Antoine Walker. No more, no less.
Yesterday's installment had to be the straw that broke the camel's back. There is only one player who could possibly fit the description of the future NBA All-Star.
I have to admit, I found his NBA career disappointing as well. He was so awesome in college. Then again, the other player he was so often linked to (they were the top 2 players in their HS class, and went to conference rivals) may have had a "better" career, but never won a ring.
did you meet your current wife/girlfriend while you were roomates with Mat?
You obviously had a good character, but I was thinking for at least 15mins you might have had the thought to suck up to him just in case he ever amounted to anything
Also, while everyone is talking about the East, the West is making some significant, if not "sexy" moves.
Gortat and Marion to Dallas: I think this is going to be big; especially Marion. We saw what the Matrix did with Nash, and Kidd is going to LOVE having an athletic finisher to work with.
The Spurs land McDyess: wow. Now they have 2 legit C/PF's who can dominate boards and hit from 17-and-in. AD is like TD Lite- which still has twice the carbs of Erick Dampier. Add Jefferson to the mix, and they're a healthy Manu away from being reaaaaally reaaaaaaly scary. If they just traded away "Toilet Paper" Parker, I might actually LIKE this team.
Indiana acquires Dahntay "The Stopper" Jones!! This changes EVERYTHING out East. Watch out, Central Division!!!
WV- sweet
I am NOT making this up
?? I thought we were in the tree, with the nest- were we not?
Did you two ever go out to parties together?
Are you still in touch with Mat?
Did Mat ever get with Aimee?
Did Mat ever watch the old basketball tapes with you?
Did you ever get into a physical altercation with Mat?
The flight from Chicago to Germany/Italy is atleast 9-10 hours, I guess I'll know when he arrives when my phone explodes from the flow of e-mails notifying new comments
I feel like as one of the privileged few who doesn't need to have his comments approved I should provide some kind of entertainment for all the people who (like me) keep refreshing to see if there are new comments. Hmmm... How bout this video of Kenny Powers dancing on ecstasy from "Eastbound & Down"? Or what about this photo of the first page of the book Moon People? Or then there's always a story about a guy dying after falling into a vat of chocolate. Sorry, that's all I got for now :(
My question would be this. What is the motivation behind the greatness that is "Livin Large"? Was there any intention of revenge or was it just flat-out funny that you were compelled to post this?
Why 5 years of college?
Did you ever get the Future NBA All Star's autograph that you were so afraid to ask for?
If you did, is that your most valued (or valuable I suppose) autographed item you own?
Do you know the words to nearly every Michael Jackson song? (MJ owned MTV in the early 90's did he not? I would expect his music to be playing constantly in your room what with Mat's MTV obsession.)
You said you had a CD player - what kind of music did you listen to and did Mat approve?
Why didn't you ever buy ear plugs? Or a blindfold?
Did you actually enjoy D&D, or did you only play because you had nothing else to do?
Did you ever request to move out of your dorm room? Or were you afraid of angering Mat/getting him in trouble?
Was there any point in "Fifth Year", Matholomew, where you realized some of your habits were starting to channel those of your first-year roommate?!
If so...
Let's enjoy it as our private little playground court, with wittier minds like AnacondaHL and yourself slashing in for the "and one" while I serve as the Bawful team lacktator!
Also, my word verification thingy is "fatasto." I think blogger is telling me to lose weight. But I have a good BMI!
As a nonUS citizen, who didn't attend an all-gay boarding school, i just find it impossible to comprehend that a) you didn't leave the room everytime, b) the girl involved would be uncomfortable with the nerd in the corner wacking off, and c) this is some kind of common practice you just 'have to live with' when your not even drunk or stoned?!?
For a guy who wouldn't even toke a joint with a hot naked chick, the morals/ psyche must've be pretty fragmented having to live in a whore house!
P4P
Just, wow. AnacondaHL thumbs up of approval.
You could follow it up with a comedy about an oddball group of pickup ballers. May I suggest the title "Pickup Artists"?
More importantly:
Have you heard this? I love me some Crazy Pills. I bet he would have made one heck of a freshman year roommate.
I bet he never offered to share any women, or basketballs... zing!!
Yeah, I know, different sport; but, same... OK? I didn't say the name, is that OK for you?
P.S. 'bawful, you probably would've LOVED my freshman year roomie at SC. His dorm nickname was "back of the head boy" because everytime anyone walked past our room, all they could see was the back of his head playing Starcraft on my computer. I caught him watching porn on it about 2 weeks before winter break, and left a note that said, "NO MORE PORN." We spoke 1 sentence to each other the entire 2nd semester; and, that was only because he caught me looking through his things for his alarm clock that kept going off at 4:30am and only woke me. A girl stopped by looking for him once.
CAPTCHA: unstring (weird... a real word... I can't think of a sentence for it).
1) Did little Mat ever get involved in any sexual activity / menage e trois with Big Mat's lady friends?
Sure, the warp-speed point guards or combo guards on the basketball team will make everyone else look slow. And I understand that growing to that size will entail some awkwardness and necessary adjustments. And I'm aware that big men are supposed to take the longest to develop.
But I've also come to understand that if you're a big man, and you're not dominating or you're not athletic enough or skilled enough to take advantage of your size, you never will be. The first big man I saw, this 6'10" dude of monstrous girth, was really quite skilled and nimble offensively and had really nice touch around the basket. He really could dominate on offense if he wanted to. Too bad he couldn't play a lick of defense.
But the two 7-footers that we currently have on our team...are awful. The older one simply has no basketball skills - he's slow, can't jump, can't figure out how to play the post. The younger one is a bit better in that he has more offensive skills, but he's equally slow and unathletic.
From what I've seen, there's are many reason why simply being big won't cut it.
First - the point guards and other perimeter players on even an also-ran basketball program like my school's are really, really good and really, really quick. If you even turn your head, they're right behind you ripping the ball away from you.
Second - even if most big men are terrible at offense, they at least know how to play some defense. In the post, it's not that hard - just body up on your guy and keep an arm up to contest. That's almost all that's needed to keep a slow, doofy , offensively challenged big man from scoring.
Third - did I mention that the point guards and wing players on even lousy basketball programs are really, really good and really, really quick? I need to mention it again, just for emphasis. It's as if they're playing on one team, while the big men are playing on another while on the same court. The difference in skill and speed is so ridiculous.
This is why you see more undersized big men in the college game. They tend to be skilled and quick enough to run with the ridiculous point guards and smaller perimeter players, yet they're big enough to rebound and block or intimidate an occasional shot.
(Oh, and good to see you made it bawful.)
I was wondering how far apart time-wise the pictures of you in your room and with your buddies outside were taken. You look really different in the two pictures, as you no doubt already know.
(Don't know if this will be censored or not, jywv8, but, for a hint, WOOF WOOF)
I think she's in Conn. And her boyfriend must not like her very much (surpriiise, surpriiiise).
cheers
P4P
1. Mike Chatfer
2. Anfernee Hardaway
3. Len Bias
4. Reggie Lewis
5. Greg Oden
6. Bobby Hurley
7. Harold Miner
8. William Gates & Arthur Agee
9. Jim Carrol
10. Sebastian Telfair (haha... I saw the documentary... NYC legend?!)
1. Was Mat friends with Future Runner-Up To The NFL Champions?
2. Did Mat ever do the girl that Brett had to follow into Future Runner-Up To The NFL Champions' room?
3. When did you finally say, "yes," to the sweet cheeba? (Understanding that your answer would, in no way, imply that you do or have done anything like that since the first time; and, also, understanding that you'd be a lot cooler if you do).
4. Did you only have tapes of Celtics games? You were a Pacers fan at the time, too, right?
5. What is your take on Shining Force 2 for the Sega Genesis? (this one goes out to all y'all... 'conda?).
6. In school, did Mat look exactly the same as he does in the YouTube video?
7. How many times did Brett write you up before you became friends with him? How many of those times were deserved? And, were you eventually his boss?
8. Did you ever talk about the Mat/Shelly situation with Brett afterwards? What sort of discussion was that? Did Brett laugh about it, eventually?
So I guess that a LOT of people worked out your crafty deception. Ha!
My one question: Any fall-out from the game when he popped a 15-foot jumper off the shot clock? I remember my trainer buddy saying he was nearly in tears in the locker room after that game.
I am enjoying your columns and for the style of writing as much as for the content. (My mother was an English teacher, so I like to think I know a little about composition.)
Here's my question: I remember reading at one time that your roommate was into art as well as judo. Can you confirm that and did that come up in your year together? If he was an artist of sorts, I am surprised he hasn't used that bit to bring the girls in or paint them or something. Oops, I forgot. He didn't need those scams VBG!. So did Mat have any redeeming talent other than being a hose king?