If you're lucky enough to be anything like me, then you probably have trouble finding time in your exciting, fast-paced, sports-themed life to both play basketball and work out that shapeless mound of quivering flesh you call a stomach. Well, if that's been a problem for you, then consider the problem solved, thanks to the revolutionary and slightly insane Absolo machine.

Ab Solo machine
How could this possibly fail?

The official Web site says that Absolo is "Rewriting Abdominal History." And the author of that nonsense statement couldn't be more correct. It's almost as if the Abdominal War of Independence and the Abs Battle of 1629 never even happened. Absolo combines the ab-blasting effort of "the situp" with the joy of throwing a ball into a kinda sorta basket/box/thingie/whatever. Oh, and let's not forget the all-important third ingredient in this radical new core workout: FUN!

According to the product brochure, "Absolo training is making traditional abdominal exercises obsolete." This means you can look forward to future visits to local museums where photos and maybe even grainy, black-and-white video of people doing crunches will be displayed next to exhibits of dinosaur bones and the Model-T. My only beef with the Absolo -- other than the $1,300 price tag -- is that after a few minutes of further chiseling my glistening six pack, I'd expect it to spit out a bunch of tickets I could redeem for an Atomic Super Bounce Ball, a Pirate Hook Finger Puppet or, if I'm really lucky, the Amazing Spiderman With Blowup Action! Sadly, the only thing this machine will give you are abs that can deflect bullets.

[Hat tip: Coolest Gadgets]

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Anonymous Anonymous said...
Probably the best ab exersising machine ever...for the first 5 minutes, from then on i think i'd settle for the 3.

Anonymous Anonymous said...
It IS innovative. My son innovated the same game with his loft and a blanket. And then threw about 2,756 matchbox cars. And then he realized it was stupid, and his room is still littered with 2,843 cars (if you're a parent, you'll understand how the number grows via increasing entropy).

If that were MY machine, the back section would be refrigerated and it would hold cans of beer. I would need just to lift my head to have a beer shoot out at me. Then I could return to my prone NBA viewing position.

wv: diansted. I would be diansted after two reps.

Anonymous Sports Tsar said...
Awesome alliteration sequence in there:

"Absolo core intensive training is ideal for everyone ... from wily weekend warriors to competitive athletes pursuing peak performance"

Anonymous cdj said...
if only they created something to save your back after you destroy it with this workout.

Blogger chris said...
Clearly, Oliver Miller lost the Abdominal War of Independence in the land before time.

Anonymous Czernobog said...
Goddammit, how is this not the stupidest thing I've seen today? Damn you, internet!

(Spencer Pratt's twitter, in case you're wondering.)

Anonymous Anonymous said...
But but they are just doing sit ups

Anonymous charlie said...
why is the guy in the image wearing a sweater? who works out in a sweater?

Anonymous Anonymous said...
there is no point of of spending $1,300 on this
i can accomplish the same thing with a cushion basketball and a wall

Blogger ace said...
I was wearing a sweater because it was freezing in the studio where we shoot the photos. I will be switching the photo to a female with great abs next week. I hope you like it!

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