Mario - Denied
Mario: Action denied.

It's been nearly one year since the Mario was anonymously coined here at BasketBawful. Since then, we've seen a few new statistical revolutions, such as suck differential and the Voskhul, joining the trillion as this blog's Big Four lacktion stats. For your bawful pleasure, I looked deep into the true nature of what Mario West has given the world.

Atlanta's total record: 82 games, 47-35 (57.3%). Of course, they finished better than last year (37-45, 45.1%), so percentages should be looked at relatively.

In honored tradition, let us examine Mario West's 2008-09 end of season statistics with Atlanta's game results:

Mario DNP: 29 games, 14-15 (48.3%)
Super Mario: 3 games, 1-2 (33.3%)
Mario: 17 games, 13-4 (76.5%!!)
No Mario: 27 games, 15-12 (55.6%)
Wario: 6 games, 4-2 (66.7%!)
The positive trend is similar to last year, but notably Mario's Marios increased correlation to an improved Hawks' winning percentage. But how faithful is Mario to these Mushroom Kingdom stats (26 games out of 53)? Additional lacktion numbers:
  • Mario's Mario shooting stats: 100% FG%! 100% 3PT%! No wonder the win% is so high.
  • Total season suck differential: only +6 over 6 games! Each was only +1!
  • Total Voskuhls: 14. With this year's new Voskuhl metric, Mario recorded only one outstanding Voskuhl, 8:4. Additional, he had a 7:6, a 2:0, two 2:1, and nine 1:0.

And last, but not least...

  • Total trillions: 0! Mario West has not once this season recorded a true trillion! (All 11 "trillions" were under a minute long, as Marios)! I am crying bawful tears of joy and honor right now.

But it doesn't stop there. Do you realize how short the list is since 1946 of players averaging under 6 MPG but playing over 50 games a season? Even shorter is the list of players averaging under 1.0 PPG but playing over 50 games? Both of his seasons have made these lists!

Maybe it's too early to call, but we are witnessing historic lacktion in the making. Someday, the BasketBawful Hall of Fame may be renamed the Mario West Hall of Lacktion. Who knows? But we will be there to tell the tale, the legend, of Mario West, lacktion visionary.

Mario - surprise - on the bench
Mario must spread his own legend
from -- surprise! -- the bench.

About the author: AnacondaHL is the Chief Internet Media Relations and Security Officer for Basketbawful and a grizzled Internet veteran who watches in despair as his favorite team, the Phoenix Suns, prepare for the 2009 draft. When not wasting time at his Clark Kent job to read BasketBawful, he can be found playing the Internet computer game du jour, watching animes about robots playing basketball (serious. ly.), wondering why the Diamondbacks have seven team colors, and browsing other obscure things on the Internet. He hopes someday to learn four languages, discover a completely un-theorized particle of quantum physics, become the undisputed StarCraft champion of the universe in all 11-dimensions, name the largest number in the world after himself, and to eat a crab grown in Akron.

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9 Comments:
Blogger Domme said...
they lost their last game of the season to finish 12 games under .500... and they still managed to set a franchise record for most wins in a season with 35...

I'm confused and shocked... I apparently have missed 13 games of the regular season! In truly bawful fashion I must have misinterpreted the schedule and now I'm gonna start to cry :(.

;)

Blogger Buck Nasty said...
I can't see those pictures of Ainge right now, but I'm assuming that everyone realized that he had that heart attack when he heard that KG was out for the playoffs.

Blogger chris said...
AnacondaHL, you did it again. Hey, you coined the suck differential after all, so as a lacktion researcher you are clearly second to none.

I wonder if Nathan Jawai has the potential to join the 6/50 club next season...making the big assumption that the Craptors will retain him instead of guaranteeing that Pops Mensah-Bonsu gets his lacktive minutes.

CAPTCHA: "subgly", i.e. "Nowitski wasn't just unattractive, but subgly"?!?!

Blogger Ben Chew AKA BC said...
Hey, Eric Montross. LOL

Blogger chris said...
Sweet: A Hawks blog immediately linked to this post!

http://www.hoopinionblog.com/2009/04/basketbawful-tribute-to-lacktion.html

Also, apparently fellow lacktator Acie Law will not be sopping up minutes in the first round:
http://www.hoopinionblog.com/2009/04/sekou-smiths-blog-contradicts-acie-laws.html

Acie Law has his own blog. How many lacktion experts document their unproductivity in electronic form!?
http://www.hoopinionblog.com/2009/04/acie-law-expects-to-be-healthy-enough.html

Blogger Jim in KFalls said...
When he decides to retire, he should receive the life time laction award...

Anonymous AK Dave said...
I like the addition of "become the undisputed StarCraft champion of the universe in all 11 dimensions" to your signature :D

You might be Korean if....

GG, dude

Anonymous Anonymous said...
Mario West= best job in the world. He literally doesn't do shit and makes 711,500!!!

Anonymous Anonymous said...
mario west= makes more money than basketbawful, gets more girls than basketbawful, donates money to his high school in atlanta.

basketbawful= internet gangsta, which=fail

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