Look, I know that a certain segment of the Basketbawful demographic consists of nerds who love watching and/or playing the game of basketball. Mind you, this is not a criticism, since it pretty much describes, well, me. (For further details, please refer to my profile picture.) And in case you wanted something -- other than this site, of course -- that allows you to seamlessly blend your irrepressible geekdom WITH your appreciation of the world's greatest sport, I have just the product for you: Star Wars-themed basketball jerseys!

First up, Darth Vadar's "Dark Side" jersey. You know, in case you've ever fantasized about using telekinesis or a laser sword to kill your opponents. And let's face it: Who hasn't? This baby is a flat-out bargain at $1oo...especially when you consider that this Antoine Walker jersey could set you back almost $300. The Vader jersey is your destiny. Search your feelings. You know it to be true.

Vader jersey
Breathing like Darth Vader is totally optional.
Further human contact, on the other hand, is not.

If you're less "entrenched autocracy" and more of a "mysterious loner with floating morals" kind of guy or gal, you could go for the Boba Fett Assassins team jersey. Bonus: This jersey comes with a woven label patch that describes the character history of Boba Fett. You know, so you have something to do whien you're playing ball by yourself. Which, trust me, you will be. Possibly forever.

Fett jersey
Warning: Wearing this jersey will not make you cool.
It will actually remove all the cool from you. Forever.

Now, if you're one of those goody-goody types who wants to uphold truth and justice and all that other crap, then just get the almost criminally uncool Jedi jersey. It has a woven patch that tells you about Yoda's exciting life, much of which was spent living in a swamp.

Jedi jersey
The Force is not with you, Young Jedi. Trust me.

And, of course, if you really hate your genitals and hope to never again have the opportunity to use them, Cargo Bay offers Star Wars jerseys for every major sport.

Labels: , , , ,

28 Comments:
Anonymous AK Dave said...
The force is STRONG with Vader's jersey. I can feel the hate FLOWING inside of it...

I've found my brother's Christmas present. Thanks Basketbawful!

Blogger Trev said...
Why and the fuck would they not put "Skywalker" on the back of the damn Jedi BASKETBALL jersey. Amateurs. Clearly George Lucas has no marketing acumen.

Anonymous Geert said...
Having, this jersey I must.

Blogger AnacondaHL said...
What happened to FootBawful? Bill Simmons just wrote a killer ultimate-bawful article on the Top 50 most depressing NFL gifts. You're getting out-bawfuled!

Blogger Basketbawful said...
AK Dave -- Ah, Basketbawful saves Christmas yet again. I'm like a living ABC Family Christmas special...

Trev -- Yeah. I was thinking pretty much the same thing.

Geert -- Evil Ted and I were just discussing how cool the Dark Side jersey is and wondering how long it would take us to get laughed out of our pickup league. The over-under: Five seconds.

AnacondaHL -- Well, in all fairness, Simmons writes twice a week. Believe me, if I got paid big $$ to do nothing but write about sports, you'd be up to your neck in 'Bawful.

Right now I'm only updating Footbawful once or twice a week. FutureMrs is behind too. But I'm gonna splash up some picks today hopefully...

Blogger Kevin said...
At least Deron Williams is now getting 10+ assists a game, which makes me much more happy as a fantasy owner. Now I am waiting for him to get back to his 20+ point production, and while hopefully shooting better than .400

Blogger AnacondaHL said...
It's closer to once a week. He used to write more, but now they focus on the podcasts which I hate. I didn't think Simmons could pull off that level of Bawful now that he's fully on the national media scale, but it's quite brilliant.

Of course, nothing on the entire Internet even comes close to your man-love pics/top-of-the-post pics/comic balloon pics. Except maybe those 70s Cavs pics.

Blogger Basketbawful said...
Kevin -- True enough, true enough. I took the assist lead in my matchup thanks to his game last night. So, you know, I'm grateful. I also have Memo in my starting lineup, and he sure came through as well.

AnacondaHL -- Those 70s Cavs pic sure were something. Yeah, believe me, I wish I had more time to write. I have literally dozens of post drafts, both here and at Footbawful, that I've never been able to finish. This shit is time-consuming. Trust me, if I ever become one of those "paid to do it" guys, I'll be putting out so much content you'll soon come to hate me.

Anonymous GonzoPal said...
This is no good. Seriously. You possess my mind with the thought of beeing able to cop one of these b-e-a-utiful dark side jerseys and yet i´m searching for a way to purchase it... all i can do is put it on a wants list after registrating. not even the price is shown... which is probably once again one of these "we-keep-the webshopping-to-u.s.-citizens" restrictions bullcrap (i´m from europe)or i messed it up. either way: NOT FAIR! DEEP Sigh (or to be on topic: deep mechanical breathing sound)

Blogger Trev said...
Seriously, the more I look at the Jedi one the more pissed I get. Yoda?!?! You pick the smallest freaking Jedi they have to put on a basketball jersey when you have Skywalker at your disposal!?!? What's next a Wookiee team with some damn Ewok name on the back?

Blogger Clifton said...
Believe me, if I got paid big $$ to do nothing but write about sports, you'd be up to your neck in 'Bawful.

Fútberrible (fut-bear-EE-blay)?

Seriously, though, your site is teh awesomest. It's like watching a reel of Family Guy clips, but only the "references," not having to watch them try and shoehorn them into a lame plot line. The Jean-Luc Picard facepalm pics slayed me, as well as the recent Don Nelson pic ("Is belt! Hold up pants!")

Blogger Wild Yams said...
I got a question here: how is it you're NOT being paid to write this shit, Mr. Bawful? With all the other sports bloggers out there who are getting paid to do it, how is you're not one of them? Have you turned down lucrative offers in the past to maintain the integrity of the site, so you can continue to be full on bawful rather than sell out and be only partially bawful? Someone needs to hire you, pronto.

Also, I'm continually amazed at how much you crank out on this site alone, but being that I'm not a football fan I often forget you've got a whole other site going at the same time. Do you only sleep for 15 minutes a day or something?

Blogger AnacondaHL said...
A daily dose of Basketbawful is part of a nutritious balanced breakfast.

And for those who didn't copy and paste, my two favorites are "Sonny" Varajao's stache and Wally's hair gel dandruff.

Links to the other five:
Mo
West
LeBron
Ben
Z

Blogger Basketbawful said...
GonzoPal -- Crap, dude. I'll do some searching and see if I can find a foreign-friendly site selling those jerseys.

Trev -- Seriously, dude. Man, Luke Skywalker has gotten a bad rap over the years. Man, that dude stood up his "most evil guy in the universe" father and the damn emperor without falling into darkness. Got his hand cut off, found out he'd been macking on his sister, saw the burning corpses of his adopted parents, spent time as a hunted fugitive, etc. Meanwhile his dad totally caved and yet he gets all the props. Respect Luke!!

Clifton -- Many thanks, my friend.

Wild Yams -- Thank you, too. Well, I was getting paid by Deadspin up 'til recently. That was nice. I've gotten offers for on-site ads, and yeah, I'm basically throwing that $$ away, but maintaining the purity and integrity of the site is important to me. Sucker that I am.

I also haven't aggressively pursued anything to this point. Partly because I like writing without any editorial control. Mind you, if some big company approached me and offered to pay me for content, I'd do it. But I'll never give up Basketbawful...even though doing daily Deadspin and 'Bawful damn near killed me earlier this year.

I actually don't sleep as much as I should. But I've also, unfortunately, scaled back writing for Footbawful. Alas. Only so many minutes in the day and all that.

AnacondaHL -- Thanks for the linky assist. For some reason, Ben Wallace's made me laugh the most. The pained expression. You know, the Heat did something similar a couple years back...

Blogger Wild Yams said...
I guess I'm mainly just amazed that you decided to start doing Footbawful in addition to doing this site and writing for Deadspin; as well as going to your Clark Kent job, training to jump higher, playing pickup ball a couple times a week, and dressing up as Capt. Jack or Indiana Jones. No wonder you need the vertical bed!

Blogger chris said...
Bawful, your work makes me wish I had the writing ability to come up with something in this vein for ice hockey...oh, to cover stories like the one coming out of DC today, where the team webmaster/web producer/whatever has to dress up as the Capitals' backup goalie (due to injuries at that position). Though, as we're seeing, sometimes the off-the-street approach can't be wrong; surely a group of pickup ballers can play NBA teams and be better off than the Klahma City Thunder at scoring points, right!?

Anonymous aris said...
oh there s this one too.
forgot to post this one.

http://mvn.com/cavalierattitude/retro%20boobie.jpg

Anonymous tony.bluntana said...
Do the numbers on the Star Wars jerseys represent anything? Obviously, I'm too lazy to see if the numbers are customizable; and, I'm not enough of a nerd to know if Vader somehow represents the number 77 while Fett and Yoda represent the number 80. I am, however, nerd enough to have written "Skywalker" on the sides of my Air Pennies 12 years ago (because my Clark Kent name is "Luke"). Is that worse than buying the jersey - if there was one?

Blogger Trev said...
tony: I'm guessing it has to do with the release dates of the movies they first appeared. 1977 for the original star wars and 1980 for the second one. And no I'm not a virgin why do you ask?

Anonymous Alex K said...
For the next WOTN, you need to bring back the Yao Watch. I was watching the end of the GSW vs Houston game and in the 4th quarter from the time of about 5 minutes til around 2:30 minutes left, Yao got blocked three times, one of them even by Rob Kurz. The Rockets also got outblocked by the Warriors, 10-4. But I think the Yao Watch should be fully revived.

Anonymous Afiq said...
dude, i don't know where to put this so i'll just post it here. in the NOH-BOS game, hubie brown said(almost his exact words) "Rajon Rondo likes to steal the ball from the rear". Is it unintentionally dirty, or am I just over-scrutinizing the mummy's words?

Blogger Mintz... said...
Trev, that was hilarious.

And yes, I have nothing else to contribute to this discussion...

Blogger chris said...
Now you can live like a draft bust too, if you go to this auction and purchase a few choice items of...furniture?

http://nba.fanhouse.com/2008/12/13/derrick-coleman-is-having-money-troubles-selling-everything-he/

(Funny enough, the CAPTCHA is "scout" which is clearly someone that should have been hired before Derrick Coleman was selected with a lottery pick.)

Anonymous Anonymous said...
Can we PLEASE have the WOTN include the entire Mavericks supporting cast? or everyone who isn't named Dirk or Jason Terry? This game should go as a loss, regardless of what the final score was. Hell, make it a loss for both teams. Neither deserved the win.

Blogger AnacondaHL said...
lol @ Trev, I was about to take the bullet on that one to answer that question, well played.

Could unhappy Nash end up with Knicks in 2009?

I am an unhappy camper.

Blogger Andrei said...
So I'm currently watching the Klahoma, San Antonio game and the announcers won't stop calling Matt Bonner "Red Rocket". I would like to petition that Bonner be referred to as Red Rocket on the site. I don't think such an awesome opportunity at hilarity can be passed up. Common, what are the chances that a guy with the last name of Bonner be called Red Rocket?

Anonymous ak dave said...
@AnacondaHL-

This was discussed on this blog last month. Yahoo! Must be reading the Basketbawful comments section :D

Hey, at least he would have a backup if he went to NYC. 4 years in Phoenix and they have yet to find ONE other person who can pass as a competent backup PG. That's turrible.

Nash to NYC- bad for Phoenix, good for Nash IMHO (and obviously good for NYC)

Blogger BadDave said...
This isn't the first time that Yahoo posted something after this site. I hope this article at least wasn't almost word-for-word like the last one I saw.

Links to this post:
Create a Link