No offense - since I do like seeing Kobe shut down - but that's a pretty weak video. I mean, half of the players schooling him aren't even on those teams anymore, let alone still in the league itself. I mean, Steve Smith on the Blazers? John Stockton on the Jazz?That comment was as disappointing as slipping your hand into a stripper's bra and instead of being greeted by a firm, erect nipple ready to chant out the letters in your name, you yank out a wad of sweaty Kleenex. Thanks for being my wet blanket, Nels.
I've actually doctored this photo, replacing the faces with their 1983 EA counterparts. If you look very closely, you can see the slight pixelation around the eyes and hair. But otherwise, yes, I agree. The resemblance is remarkable.
1. Dribble low and fast to draw the defense toward you.
2. When they crouch into the defensive position, straighten up and throw the ball gently off their forehead.
3. Catch the ball and continue dribbling.
"And yes, there's a reason I only used first names for the guys in the preceding paragraph. They earned the right to be mentioned on a first-name basis. And that's a good rule of thumb, for any team in any sport -- you probably don't want to lose someone who can carry off a single name. Call it the One-Name Litmus Test."One notable exception to the One-Name Litmus Test is Denver Nuggets center Nene. However, this represents a contrived attempt at joining the One-Name Club, since he had his name legally changed (although I can't blame him for not wanting to go by his given name of Maybyner Rodney Hilario). This deception may or may not have played a part in the ridiculous $60 million contract he recently signed.
"He showed, though, that a guy doesn't have to put up major numbers or stick around 18 years to leave footprints. Croshere always was, and still is, one of the good guys. He wasn't the player the Pacers or the city hoped he would be, but he was always a pro's pro and a solid teammate, two of the elements today's team is sorely missing."And that's the sole defense of Austin and his 7-million-a-year contract: He was "one of the good guys." Give me a break. It's not like Austin was helping little old ladies across the street or rescuing kittens from burning buildings. He was gobbling up valuable cap room and providing precious little in actual basketball talent. To put this into perspective, last year Croshere made $4 million more than NBA Finals MVP Dwayne Wade, and only $2 million less than regular season MVP Steve Nash. But hey, you can't put a price on character, can you?
But despite the fact that several hoop legends have committed legitimate crimes against humanity, some idiot has filed the most indefensible lawsuit of all time. Portland resident Allen Heckard is suing basketball superstar Michael Jordan and Nike founder Phil Knight for bags and bags of free money. Why? Well, Heckard says he's been mistaken as Michael Jordan nearly every day over the past 15 years...and he's tired of it.
1. Dr. J for practicing Funkadelic Dunkology despite holding only an honory degree.
2. Magic Johnson for starting that whole "AIDS thing."
3. Karl Malone for impersonating a federal employee.
4. Kareem Abdul-Jabbar for being a whiney little bitch.
5. Larry Bird for being white (if he was black, he'd be just another "good guy").
And if the "people accuse me of playing like Jordan" part didn't make you spit out your drink and say "Yeah, right!", then just keep reading.
1. Basketball: 512,213I was a little surprised to see bicycling come in at number two. I guess we probably have Lance Armstrong to thank for that. It'd be interesting to know how many of those bycyclists were wearing little yellow bracelets at the time of their injury. The real shocker, though, was that fact that golf made it on the list. You read that correctly: golf. A total of 47,360 people got injured badly enough while playing golf that they had to go to the emergency room. Even subtracting the 10 or 15 idiots who continue to play through a thunderstorm and end up getting struck by lightning, that's still a lot of goddamn injuries. And golf isn't even a real sport.
2. Bicycling: 485,669
3. Football: 418,260
4. Soccer: 174,686
5. Baseball: 155,898
6. Skateboards: 112,544
7. Trampolines: 108,029
8. Softball: 106,884
9. Swimming/Diving: 82,354
10. Horseback riding: 73,576
11. Weightlifting: 65,716
12. Volleyball: 52,091
13. Golf: 47,360
14. Roller skating: 35,003
15. Wrestling: 33,734