Basketbawful

Monday, July 03, 2006

According to the U.S. Consumer Produce Safety Commission, basketball causes more injuries than any other amateur sport. In 2005 alone, basketball sent 512,213 American citizens to the emergency room. For those of you who aren't mathemologists, that's over five hunrded thousand...which is just a little less than five hundred more thousand away from a million. I know you'll all join me in saying: Wow.

The following list shows the Top 15 injury-causing sports in the United States:

1. Basketball: 512,213
2. Bicycling: 485,669
3. Football: 418,260
4. Soccer: 174,686
5. Baseball: 155,898
6. Skateboards: 112,544
7. Trampolines: 108,029
8. Softball: 106,884
9. Swimming/Diving: 82,354
10. Horseback riding: 73,576
11. Weightlifting: 65,716
12. Volleyball: 52,091
13. Golf: 47,360
14. Roller skating: 35,003
15. Wrestling: 33,734

I was a little surprised to see bicycling come in at number two. I guess we probably have Lance Armstrong to thank for that. It'd be interesting to know how many of those bycyclists were wearing little yellow bracelets at the time of their injury. The real shocker, though, was that fact that golf made it on the list. You read that correctly: golf. A total of 47,360 people got injured badly enough while playing golf that they had to go to the emergency room. Even subtracting the 10 or 15 idiots who continue to play through a thunderstorm and end up getting struck by lightning, that's still a lot of goddamn injuries. And golf isn't even a real sport.

Frankly, I think the government needs to step in and do some investigation. I think there's got to be some kind of insurance fraud going on. Beating up a hooker with your putter shouldn't count as a golf-related injury. And if the government actually finds out that these injuries are legit, they should draft legislation that forces anyone badly injured during a golf game to legally change his/her name to Mr. or Ms. Vagina Vaginastein. You might think I'm being a little harsh, but this article supports my hyphothesis that people hurt during golf are pathetic weaklings.

But I digress. Hopefully, this information will let all the football and hockey people know that basketball is the real "Tough Guy" sport. Ballers don't have the benefit of several hundred pounds of protective padding and helmets. We get shorts and a tank top. For example, take a look at the following picture:

Those are the injuries Allen Iverson suffered during one game. By the end of his career, he's probably going to be a quivering pile of hamburger meat...and he'll still be playing 40 minutes a game. That's incredible. And stupid. But not stupid enough for the Celtics to want to trade for him.

3 Comments:

Anonymous said...

ewwww!! the Iverson Playoff Mid! That shoe blows.. No wonder he suffers injuries 15, 25, 6, 29 and 30..

7/05/2006 4:24 AM

Anonymous said...

ur a fricken idiot football and hockey you can actually hit, in gay ass absketball you get a foul for looking at someone. Nothing is as hard hitting as hockey or football even with all the pads you dumbass

7/02/2008 9:08 AM

Basketbawful said...

To anonymous number 2 -- You know what I love? Idiots who come here and call me an idiot. First of all, I can't be an idiot...that's medically impossible. Yet you, the asshat who can't understand sarcasm or humor is pointing your big retard finger at me. I'm so comforted to know that your government-appointed handler let you off the leash long enough to make it to a computer.

Seriously. Look up sarcasm. It'll be in that big book called "Dictionary." I will now help you by using misspellings you can understand: Ur can fid it in der labriry.

7/02/2008 9:31 AM