Basketbawful

Thursday, October 05, 2006

I was listening to ESPN 1000 (in Chicago) this morning, and I overheard the following quote from Bulls GM John Paxson:

"Ben Wallace is a man. It's good to have some men on the team."

New flash, everybody: Ben Wallace has a penis. I never realized that before today. As for the rest of the team, well, I didn't get a chance to do any chromosome testing last year, but I'm pretty sure nobody would have come up double Xs. I guess this year's team slogan should be something like, "Your Chicago Bulls -- now with 30 percent less vagina!"

Anyway, Paxson isn't the only member of the Bulls organization who's fascinated by Wallace's manly machismo-ness. Kirk Hinrich likewise is impressed by Big Ben's musky male-ocity:

"He's a warrior. He's a man. I'm just excited to be on his team. He's the type of big guy you love to have on your team. He gets down and dirty."

We are still talking about basketball here, right guys? Because all this excitment about getting down and dirty with Wallace's manhood is starting to sound a little too homoerotic for my tastes. I get it already: he's a dude, a guy, a man, a Hercules, a titan, a brute, a monster, the heaving, sweating, throbbing embodiment of virility. That's great. But has he learned how to hit a freethrow yet? I'm just saying.

Wallace: "I'm a man. Wanna see the proof?"Hinrich: "Absolutely! I mean, uh, no. Gross."
Chicago isn't the only place where men are important components of a basketball team. Out on the West coast, Phil Jackson has been admiring Andrew Bynum's newfound, ahem, maturity.

"He's not a boy anymore. He's got that man-type body."

Huhn. Phil must be a Republican.

1 Comments:

Anonymous said...

nice burn with republican link.

10/06/2006 12:48 AM