If Hugh Hefner has taught us anything, it's that a rich man can afford to surround himself with the world's most beautiful women...even if that man is an undead mummy or a floppy-haired computer nerd. So it shouldn't come as much of a surprise that Mark Cuban has provided his Dallas Mavericks with a smoking hot dance team.
The problem I ran into was this: how do I choose one beautiful woman out of an entire group of mega-hotties? It's like trying to decide which slice of pizza to eat. Except that with pizza you usually try to grab the biggest piece before your friends get their grubby hands on it. Typically speaking, the "get the largest" tactic doesn't work with cheerleaders, for reasons obvious to almost anyone who has genitals. So after much careful deliberation, I chose Marcella:
She's too sexy for that shirt. And her name.
Why did I choose Marcella? Partly because I'm kissing up to Mark Cuban and female Mavs fans. But more importantly, consider the name. "Marcella" sounds like what you'd hear somebody call their grandmother. Seriously, as far as female names go, Marcella is about as not-hot as you can get. When you're born to a name like that, the road to beauty is a long, uphill battle. Kind of like how any boy named Marvin will have to endure approximately 20,149 Atomic Wedgies before he finally proves his manhood. So Marcella, congratulations for turning the tables on fate and becoming an incredible babe despite having a name that hasn't been popular since 1903.
The problem I ran into was this: how do I choose one beautiful woman out of an entire group of mega-hotties? It's like trying to decide which slice of pizza to eat. Except that with pizza you usually try to grab the biggest piece before your friends get their grubby hands on it. Typically speaking, the "get the largest" tactic doesn't work with cheerleaders, for reasons obvious to almost anyone who has genitals. So after much careful deliberation, I chose Marcella:
Why did I choose Marcella? Partly because I'm kissing up to Mark Cuban and female Mavs fans. But more importantly, consider the name. "Marcella" sounds like what you'd hear somebody call their grandmother. Seriously, as far as female names go, Marcella is about as not-hot as you can get. When you're born to a name like that, the road to beauty is a long, uphill battle. Kind of like how any boy named Marvin will have to endure approximately 20,149 Atomic Wedgies before he finally proves his manhood. So Marcella, congratulations for turning the tables on fate and becoming an incredible babe despite having a name that hasn't been popular since 1903.
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I am planning my Mavs coverage right now. Actually, I've been planning it for a while, but you're spurring me on.
Yes, we love Bill Simmons around here. Although he did piss me off by taking pot shots at Peyton Manning, but, as it turns out, they were entirely warranted.
Bill, for his stubbornness, will give credit where credit is due. So as long as the Mavs keep winning, he'll scan the bandwagon for seats.