Basketbawful

Thursday, February 16, 2006

Most people will agree when I say that eBay so totally rocks. Do you need a new outfit for your Six Million Dollar Man doll? They've got you covered. Looking to make an addition to your shrunken head collection? You're in luck. Or are you just a pervert who wants sexy pictures of someone's pregnant secretary ex-wife? Not a problem. Anything you could ever want or need is probably being sold there, and you can usually get free shipping when you use the "Buy It Now" option. And let me tell you that nothing feels better than avoiding the shipping costs on your brand new fetus-shaped doughnut.

But be wary. Some things on eBay are entirely lame. For instance, someone is charging $49.99 (plus $15 S&H) for a pair of game-used shoes that were once on Toni Kukoc's sweaty feet.

If you hold them up to your ear, and listen veryclosely, you can still hear Toni sucking.
I guess since Kukoc won those championships with the Bulls, his shoes could be considered at least somewhat noteworthy. You can't say the same thing about the auction for Corey Maggette's shoes. After all, they never walked anywhere near Michael Jordan's shoes. In fact, considering these shoes were worn by a Los Angeles Clipper, we can't even be sure they were ever a part of a winning game.

We call it "Musk of Corey Maggette." Go ahead...take a whiff!
Like the Kukoc pair, these shoes were given to the seller by a ball boy after a game. Do NBA players know that the ball boys are stealing their shoes? I mean, guys like Lebron James and Tracy McGrady have big time shoe deals, and they probably go through 20 or 30 pairs a game. But players like Toni Kukoc and Corey Maggette...these are not marquee players. They might actually need their shoes. They could be living in them someday.

Another fun little item up for sale is a jersey issued to Kenny Anderson for the 1994 NBA All-Star Game. I couldn't believe that Kenny Anderson even made the All-Star Team, although I guess this auction is proof. But this line in the description section pretty much says it all: "This jersey was game-issued to Kenny Anderson (Nets) for the 1994 NBA All-Star game but never used." Now I get it. The jersey was never used...just like Kenny!

Kenny Anderson made the All-Star Team?!
And while it may be kind of respectable to buy someone's All-Star Game jersey, you would have to have had your sense of self-esteem surgically removed to buy a piece of the floor from an All-Star Game. But that hasn't stopped someone from trying to sell one.

I'm floored someone would try to sell this. Floored. Get it? I'm sorry.
There are are only ten of these things available (at a mere $49.99 per), so you'd better act fast. The description makes the following outrageous claim: "Look at any other All-Star game floor, from any year and I believe you won't find one with more detail on it." That's kind of like a circus promoter promising that you'll never see a fatter Fat Lady than the one at his circus. Maybe it's true, but you would have to be fantastically subnormal to go out and start making comparisons.

Last, and most definitely least, is an auction for a game-worn shoe signed by Greg Ostertag. As the description says:

"I decided to sell this shoe so somebody else can enjoy it! This was signed by Greg Ostertag. The shoe is size 18 HUGE."

That's right folks. The shoe is HUGE. Just like Greg's game. The seller has requested a starting bid of $24.95 and plans to charge $20 to ship it (which is probably a bargain, since the nasty thing is the approximate size and weight of a Sherman Tank). Strangely enough, there are currently zero bids. We can only wonder why. But take a close look at the posted picture of the shoe. It accurately reflects the total worth of a shoe decorated only by Greg Ostertag's autograph.

I'd buy that for a dollar! Actually, no I wouldn't.

1 Comments:

Anonymous said...

You have to do a little bit more of research. Kenny Anderson was present at the 1994 All Star Game. You are such a loser!

2/18/2009 10:16 AM