Basketbawful

Wednesday, February 15, 2006

You can find a lot of goofy things on eBay, but this listing is one of the goofiest things I've seen. Today, anyway. It's a used Gatorade bottle, but not just any used Gatorade bottle. Michael Jordan once wrapped his sweaty lips around it.

"You are bidding on a Gatorade bottle that Michael Jordan drank from during a game from the 1998, 62-game winning season with the Chicago Bulls. The game was on February 11, 1998 versus the Charlotte Hornets, at the Charlotte Coliseum. The Bulls won the game by a score of 92-90. This is a great piece of NBA memorabilia that was not only in the hands of, but also used by Michael Jordan. The bottle was retrieved by one of the ball boys after the game and has been kept in the same condition, without being cleaned or washed. Shipping is $3. Payment is due within 7 days of the auction's closing. If you have any other questions please feel free to ask. Thank you."

It's never been cleaned or washed?! Sweet!! Maybe some of Jordan's backwash is still in there. Maybe scrapings will yield some DNA samples, and we can create an army of Michael Jordan clones. Which we will then have to destroy, purely for scientific purposes. Or maybe drinking his 8-year-old spit would, like, make us better basketball players. I mean, wasn't there a movie where some kid became an All-Star by just wearing a pair of Jordan's old sneakers? This could be the Holy Grail of basketball artifacts. His used saliva could cure everything that's wrong wtih basketball. Or it could just be a fake.

I don't mean to call the seller a fraud or anything, but there's no conceivable way to prove whether or not Jordan ever sucked his sports juice out of this thing. Based on the posted picture...

...it looks just like any other generic Gatorade bottle. You can buy the same thing at just about any sporting goods store in the country. So I'm going to need some kind of verification that this is, in fact, a relic of the Jordan Era. I suggest sitting the bottle on the ground directly against a basketball. If the ball starts to quiver and then immediately rockets towad the nearest basketball goal, you can probably assume it belonged to Jordan.

0 Comments: