Mike Brown tries to develop a close relationship with his players. Eww.

Welcome to BAD. But first things first, since there is only one way that I can appropriately start this post:

"Merry New Year!!"

Okay, now we can move on.

Worst of the Night in Pictures:

Caption This!
What's up with DeMarcus?


Kevin McHale's transformation into Frankenstein's Monster is nearly complete

Birdman wanted to make a defensive play on the ball, but he was too weighed down by all that tattoo ink

Wow, SVG isn't very discrete about dropping a stinkbomb on the first couple rows of the crowd

Friday Nationally Televised Games:
Suns at Hornets, NBA TV, 8:00pm:
Free Steve Nash! Free Steve Nash!

Bulls at Clippers, NBA TV, 10:30pm: All right, seriously, are Chris Paul and Blake Griffin going to start connecting on ridiculous alley oops soon or not?

Well?? We're waiting!

All The Other Friday Games:
Cavaliers at Pacers, 7:00pm: I know that we're only two games into the season, so small sample size, yada yada yada. But still. The Cavs bench has outscored its starters 107-94, and this amuses me to no end.

Magic at Bobcats, 7:00pm: Anyone else still unsure about Stan Van Gundy's new glasses? I can't decide if they make his facial expressions funnier or not. We need more proof I suppose. All right SVG, keep doing what you do.

Nyets at Hawks, 7:30pm: Deron Williams on his team's slow start: "It is not time to panic." I beg to differ. You're on the Nyets. It's a PERFECT time to panic.

Pistons at Celtics, 7:30pm: There's a word for games like these: ugly. And if you feel like opening a thesaurus, there are several other words you could pick too, I suppose.

Heat at Timberwolves, 8:00pm: Ricky Rubio!! Screw Lob City -- I'm all about Bounce Pass City.

Rockets at Grizzlies, 8:00pm: Coach Lionel Hollins on the Grizzlies' three point shooting woes: "We don't make 3s; we are not a good 3-point shooting team." Then why does your team have 23 attempts from downtown in just two games???

Craptors at Mavericks, 8:30pm: Well, look who shows up on the Mavs schedule at just the right time.

Wizards Generals at Bucks, 8:30pm: I fully expect Andray Blatche to continue being the most Generals-y player possible. Just saying.

76ers at Jazz, 9:00pm: Greg Ostertag update! He has apparently developed breasts.

Wait, what?

Holy crap, you guys. It's like he's got Muggsy Bogues and Earl Boykins hiding under his jersey.

Saturday Nationally Televised Games:
Jazz at Spurs, NBA TV, 8:30pm:
Coming into the weekend, the Jazz are damn close to the bottom of the league in points for and points agaist per game. But they're 6th in assists per game. That's... nice?

All The Other Saturday Games:
Nuggets at Lakers, 3:30pm: A game involving two Western Conference teams that I can actually watch at a reasonable hour? Unbelievable.

Pacers at Pistons, 6:00pm: The Pistons' roster is so brutal that a 37 year old Ben Wallace is still playing around 15 minutes a night at center. That's rough, guys.

Hawks at Rockets, 7:00pm: Brutal: Zach Harper's statistical analysis of Jonny Flynn. "Jonny Flynn has a turnover rate of 100%. He has a PER of -4.8 and a -.305 WS/48. That sounds about right."

Knicks at Kings, 8:00pm: Amar'e Stoudemire is day-to-day with a left ankle sprain. He says it happened coming off of a pick-and-roll. Well, we sure know it didn't happen going up for a rebound...

Suns at Thunder, 8:00pm: I briefly misread this as "Suns of Thunder." It makes absolutely no sense, but would be an awesome band name. You're welcome.

76ers at Warriors, 9:00pm: Can you believe Kwame Brown is only 29 years old? It seems like we've been making fun of him for longer than that already. FYI, his shooting percentage in three games this year is .286. Oh, Kwame. Never change.

Sunday Nationally Televised Games:
Celtics at Wizards Generals, NBA TV, 6:00pm: Thank God we have the Rajon Rondo vs. John Wall battle to watch. The rest of this game will look like a dying fish flopping on the bank of a river.

All The Other Sunday Games:
Nyets at Cavaliers, 6:00pm: Deron Williams has to keep a notebook with him at all times so he can constantly plan his escape from this team, right?

Bobcats at Heat, 6:00pm: The rematch! Let's hope it's half as good as their game earlier this week. And if not, here's a crazy ass picture of Michael Jordan to entertain you.

Craptors at Magic, 6:00pm: This is scary: "Raptors say Aaron Gray is getting monitoring & testing for cardiac health after episodes of a rapid heart rate. He can practice but not play." Let's hope everything is okay.

Mavericks at Timberwolves, 7:00pm: Rubio's bounce passes AND Nowitzki's rainbow jumpers and one-legged shots? Euro awesomeness overload!!

Grizzlies at Bulls, 8:00pm: You know what's really weird? Seeing Rip Hamilton without his face mask. I didn't even recognize him at first when I saw his headshot on ESPN's website today. True story.

Lakers at Nuggets, 8:00pm: Steve Blake's PER is 20.72 so far this season. John Hollinger, what have you done??

Hornets at Kings, 9:00pm: In the first three games of the year, DeMarcus Cousins has put up three double-doubles despite getting less than 30 minutes of playing time in each game. Now, if he ever learns how to actually get the ball through the hoop more than 35% of the time...

Trail Blazers at Clippers, 9:30pm: Early in the season, the Blazers are 2nd in rebounds per game, 2nd in points per game, and 5th in assists per game. Not bad. Not bad at all.

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Anonymous Groov said...
Sons of Thunder was the name of the band that won battle of the bands in the movie Airheads. Good call!

Blogger Dan B. said...
Groov -- Oh man. I haven't seen Airheads in years. That movie was fantastic. "'The Lone Rangers?' That's original. How can you pluralize 'The Lone Ranger'?"

Blogger mikeyb said...
Ostertag doing his best Meatloaf impression from the movie "Fight Club"... should we just go ahead and pencil in "bitch tits" for his new nickname?

Anonymous Tyreke said...

Anonymous Silvio said...
Friday Thirtieth games most bawful:

Generals coach put inactive player in the game
No, seriously:
Washington coach Flip Saunders got Roger Mason involved early Friday against Milwaukee.
One problem: Saunders forgot to put Mason on the active list.
Mason checked in for Jordan Crawford with 3:27 remaining and made a baseline jumper seven seconds later. However, during a timeout at the 2:53 mark, the Wizards were whistled for a technical foul for playing an ineligible player.
The basket was later taken away from Mason and credited to Rashard Lewis. Brandon Jennings made the technical free throw.

Nyets down by 4, ball possession, have no timeouts with 20 secs to go - what they do? They call timeout!
Inbounding from midcourt with the Nets down four points and 20.6 seconds left, Brooks called a timeout that the Nets did not have. The result was a technical foul that gave the Hawks a free throw and the ball afterward. They got two more free throws on the ensuing possession and Joe Johnson (21 points) made all three shots to help the Atlanta Hawks hold off the Nets, 105-98, in Philips Arena tonight.

NBA = NBLL = National Basketball Little League

Anonymous Anonymous said...
Kobe getting MVP chants. In the second quarter. While the Lakers are up by two. If that's not bawful, I don't know what is.

Blogger 49er16 said...
The end of that Nuggets-Lakers was in essence the definition of bawful.

Anonymous Silvio said...
Multiple times Kobe single handed put Nuggets in position to win - luckily for Lakers, Galo and Lawson are even more bawful than Kobe.

Blogger Wormboy said...
"Kobe getting MVP chants. In the second quarter. While the Lakers are up by two. If that's not bawful, I don't know what is."

Facepalm. Well, Lakers fans are probably the most ignorant in all sports, as is typical for a bandwagon team. Yankees and Dook fans you're on notice: you need to become more clueless!

Anonymous Anonymous said...
LeBron is finally getting a ring! By getting engaged. Close enough.
I hope Bosh is invited and makes a speech at the wedding, ending it with sweet moves like this.

Anonymous Bcosm said...
Wormboy, given the fact that a rookie (I don't remember which) has already gotten MVP chants this season, I would suggest that you take the MVP chant so early to mean just recognition of grits and effort (and good performance) and get over your self.

Btw, i know it sounds off coming from a commentator who rarely writes anything here, but since i read the posts and comments, just wanted to say that the next time you're gonna say stg not stupid about basketball will be the first, so take it easy.

Anonymous BasketDane said...
After watching the Wolves-Mavericks game I have to ask:
Are the wolves actually gonna be good this year?
How can the Mavs be this horrible?
Ricky Rubio for ROY anyone? Who do you think will be ROY?

Anonymous Anonymous said...
I'm pulling for Norris Cole to win Rookie of the Year because I want the Heat to win every award that they possibly can, just to rub it in the faces of everyone who hates the Heat.

Remember people it's the Lakers we're supposed to all unanimously hate. Leave Miami alone mmkay?

Anonymous Anonymous said...
kobe bryant for wotn? Lakers were winning with him on the bench...didn't stop the mamba from chucking up ill advised 3 after 3...

Anonymous JJ said...
Anon, I'm really suprised at how good and confident Norris Cole is. Although he's playing in a team filled with superstars (read: 2 superstars), he's not afraid to do his thing. I hope he keeps it up.

Blogger kazam92 said...
I take back what I said about the Bobcraps. I went to the game today. Holy shit what a loser franchise. Someone euthanize Corey Maggette's rotting husk already. The freakin training camp invitees were ballooning the lead for god's sake

Blogger LotharBot said...
Suggested new bawful/lacktion stat: when a player takes more than 20 fga and shoots worse than 25%. These are pretty rare, like, a few per season; if you wanted to do, say, 15 fga and 35% you'd get a couple per night.

Kobe picked one up tonight by shooting 6-28. IMO the stat should be named after either him or Iverson.

Anonymous Czernobog said...
Whoo - boy. The Kings are screwed.

Anonymous Silvio said...

Rubio good, could be great one day.
Wolves, not really good, more like not so damn bawful they used to be.
No reliable outside shooter except for Love, and he's also best league rebounder and he's ... he really can't do it all by himself.

It is that Mavericks stink.
Age Player
38 Kidd, Jason
34 Terry, Jason
34 Carter, Vince
34 Cardinal, Brian
33 Nowitzki, Dirk
33 Marion, Shawn
32 Odom, Lamar
32 Haywood, Brendan

Talking about using last window of opportunity. Could be dangerous in playoffs (no b2b games) ... if they get there at all.

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Blogger Wormboy said...
@Silvio: Good observation. If they get there, the Mavs could be a dangerous playoff foe due to unprecedented rest. *IF* they get there.

Me, I think their execution will improve as the season goes on. So will their age sink them?