Previous installments: Part 1
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Mat was in a very
happy mood this particular week, and with good reason: Shelly was coming for a visit. During our time together, it seemed like Mat had three basic moods. Occasionally, he got pissed about something. That was scary but rare. Most of the time, he stalked around with an air of bored indifference. At least when I saw him, which was almost exclusively in our dorm room. When Mat was happy, you knew it because he would sing. In the room, in the shower, in the hallway on his way to the cafeteria, while sitting in his giant chair watching MTV. He'd usually croon something by Bob Marley, which was as funny a sound as you were likely to hear. I mean, imagine Arnold Schwarzenegger singing reggae and you'll know what I'm talking about.
With Shelly's arrival only a few short days away, Mat was singing all week. Normally, the constant rasta chants would have grated on my nerves, but I actually found his behavior a little endearing. Remember, I was still a sucker back then, so I became filled with hope any time Mat displayed what I considered to be normal human emotions. Shelly brought that out of him, and it made me think maybe he wasn't some big, dumb ogre after all.
Mat was so jolly he took a minute to look out for me. He checked our mailbox one evening and discovered yet another card from Latrisse.. "You need to cut that shit off, man," he said as he handed the card to me.. "Aimee's gonna flip her shit if this don't stop."
I still didn't see the problem with getting cards from Latrisse. Of course, it had progressed a little past that. We were now e-mailing each other every day. We had even "met up" in an Internet chat room. Mind you, Internet chatting back then wasn't what it is today. The "Coffee House" (which is what this particular chat portal was called) used the same VI editor that the e-mail system used. It was basically a big free-for-all with everybody chatting away like mad at the same time. You just had to kind of try and pick out the lines being typed by the person you were chatting with...and it wasn't always easy to do. Still, it was entertaining in a "brand new technology nobody really knows about" kind of way.
Meanwhile, I had only received one e-mail from Aimee: "Hey checking to see if email works - Aimee." I guess you could say I wasn't exactly feeling the love.
Jennifer stayed away that week, probably on Mat's orders. He wasn't taking any chances of Jennifer and Shelly crossing paths. Mat only disappeared for one night during the middle of the week. In his absence, he missed a phone call from one of the assistant coaches of the basketball team. The players had been given a couple days off from practicing, but he was expected to show up for practice at 4 p.m. (one hour earlier than normal) the next day. I took a very careful message and left it on Mat's desk next to his beloved container of animal crackers. I then left a second note with arrows pointing to the first note so he'd realize it was important.
When I got home from working at the food service the next night, Mat was in the room and on the phone apologizing furiously...for missing practice of course. I was chuckling quietly to myself until the end of the conversation, at which point Mat glanced at me and said, "No, coach. You don't need to say anything to him. I'll take care of it. No, it's okay, I'll talk to him. Yeah, I know. Okay, bye."
My eyes narrowed. "Who was that?"
"Coach," he said, referring to the head coach of the mens basketball team. The head coach was pretty famous at our school and even kind of famous away from it too, both because he was a great coach and because he looked like an angry, marauding troll. He also happened to have the worst hair in college basketball, maybe even in the entire world. And that's not hyperbole either.
"Who didn't he need to say anything too?" I asked, suspicion oozing out of my pores.
Matt shrugged. "He wanted to talk to you about not giving me my messages."
"I get home until a few minutes ago, so I didn't see your note until I'd already missed practice," Mat said. "Coach was pissed, but I just told him you didn't leave me a message, 'cause we're not supposed to stay out all night. Man, he really wanted to tell you off."
Mat just laughed as I gaped at him. "You're gonna tell him the truth, right? You're gonna tell him you found the message...aren't you?"
"F*** no," he said, waving me off. "It's not a big deal. It probably won't even happen again."
That was Mat. He didn't care who got blamed as long as it wasn't him. For some reason, I felt nervous about the fact that my school's head basketball coach wanted to tell me off. I mean, I didn't do anything wrong, so I shouldn't have been in any danger. But rules kept getting bent and broken in Mat's favor, often at my expense. My dorm manager had taught me that lesson all too well. What if the basketball coach got me kicked out of the dorm? Or even out of school? I know it sounds silly, but at that time anything seemed possible.
Shelly arrived on Friday afternoon. I happened to be at the dorm because Friday was a one-class day for me. She burst into the room -- as beautiful and busty as ever -- and jumped into Mat's waiting arms. They didn't waste any time on conversation (unless you count her girly "squee!" conversation) and instead immediately started making out. I left to give them time alone for, you know, whatever. I came back a couple hours later, but the door was locked and barricaded from the inside. That annoyed me a little bit, but I tried to remind myself this was a special occasion.
I tried again after another hour had passed. (I had made the mistake of leaving without either my wallet or my bookbag.) This time the door was unlocked. Shelly was sleeping alone on Mat's bed. He was gone, most likely at practice. Shelly woke up when I came into the room.
"Hey baby," she said in her telltale raspy voice. After stretching and wiping the sleep from her eyes, she said, "Sorry about kicking you out earlier, but Mat and I were really
excited to see each other. It's been forever!"
"No problem," I said, trying to play the role of cool roommate guy. "I totally understand."
sweet. Mat's lucky to have a roommate like you," she said. I knew she was buttering me up, and there was definitely a calculating gleam in her eyes. "So...tell me about how Mat spends his time."
"I'm sorry, what?" I asked, attempting to play dumb even though I knew exactly what she was getting at.
"Oh, you know, like, what does he do when I'm not around?" Her voice was light and playful, but there was an edge to it.
"Well, that's really most of the time isn't it? I mean, since you don't live here and all." Rule Number One of Evasive Conversation: Answer questions with questions and try to redirect.
"Oh, I know that, silly," she said. Her eyes hardened. "You know what I mean. It's just that, there's a lot of time in Mat's life I can't account for."
"Account for?" I asked. I was starting to get really uncomfortable now.
"Well, listen to him tell it," she began, "he spends all his time practicing, going to class and sleeping. Seriously, who goes to bed at 11 or 12 every night? Who needs that much sleep?"
How I kept from laughing I will never know. Going to class? In bed by midnight? She could not
be talking about my roommate. But she was. And she could tell something was up when I didn't answer immediately.
"Matt," she said, and there was fear and anger in her voice, "something's up, isn't it? He's lying to me isn't he? He's cheating on me. Oh my God he's cheating on me isn't he? Matt, you have
to tell me what's going on."
There was no way in the nine levels of hell I was going to tell her what was going on. I valued breathing and being able to walk without assistance too much to have Mat come home and find out I'd told his girlfriend he was an unfaithful liar. And yet Shelly was starting to freak out. I had to calm her down, and I had to do it fast.
At first, I had no idea what to say. Then it hit me, like a bolt from the blue. "Shelly, there's something you need to understand," I said. "Student athletes are...special people. Mat's under a lot of stress. Balancing classes and practice and stuff, it's really hard. You've got to be patient with him. Remember, he's giving of his mind and body every day, you know, to be a student and play basketball. Don't you think that the least you can do is give Mat a little patience and understanding?"
It was a slightly less articulate version of the speech the hall manager had given me
when I requested a room change.. And it worked like a charm. Shelly burst into tears, then came over and hugged me. She smelled like wildflowers.
"Oh God, thank you, Matt," she whimpered into my shoulder. "It's just that I love that big guy so
much, and I'm afraid. Like, I don't want to get screwed over. I just want to believe he really loves me, that somebody loves me. How stupid is that, right?"
I suddenly felt like a first-class douchebag. But I was already committed to covering for Mat. There was no turning back now. "It's not stupid at all," I told her in my most sympathetic and comforting voice. "Everybody wants to be loved."
"You really are a sweetheart," she said, gulping back a new wave of tears. "That Annie girl is really stupid for not wanting to be with you."
Now I really did laugh. "It's Aimee, actually," I corrected, "but yeah, she is pretty stupid. Then again, that 'Little Matt' nickname you stuck me with hasn't exactly been helping me with the ladies." Now we both laughed and everything felt better. You know, except for the fact that I had totally lied to her.
I tried to make myself scarce for the rest of the weekend. I had a few APO activities to attend, and I spent time with Nathan and the roleplaying group. Part of me wanted to call my mom and ask her to bring me home for a day or two, but I was trying to force myself to stay at school. I didn't want to look back on my freshman year and regret spending my time in Kokomo.
Mat and Shelly didn't leave the room all weekend. Pizza boxes and LaBamba's bags piled up next to the door. I walked in on them having sex once, and I walked in on them fighting twice. I never figured out what they were fighting about, because I didn't stick around to find out (nor did I ask about it later). I didn't come home before 2 a.m. on Friday or Saturday night. I got up as early as I could on Saturday and Sunday morning and left almost immediately.
By the time I returned from the library on Sunday night, Mat was in bed alone and looking thoroughly bummed out.
"Is Shelly gone?" I asked.
Mat heaved a deep sigh. "Yeah. She left like an hour ago."
"Looks like you're pretty sad about it."
"F*** me, that's the truth," he said. "Shit's f***ing crazy.."
Well, he certainly could emote.
"Hey," he said, "did you tell her anything about me?"
Uh oh. "No. Why?"
"I dunno," he said. "She was acting all weird, like she thinks I'm cheating on her or something."
"Well...you are cheating on her, Mat," I said.
He blanched. "Yeah, well, she don't know dat. How can she pissed at me for some shit she don't even know about? Innocent 'til proven guilty, right?"
I shook my head. "I guess women are just a mystery."
"That's the f***ing truth," he agreed, completely missing the sarcasm.
"Is Shelly coming back any time soon?" I asked.
"I dunno," he said. "She wants me to visit her in California."
"Are you going to?"
"Maybe," he said. "It depends." He never said what it depended on, although I assumed the deciding factor would be whether she'd pay for his trip.
"Oh, by de way," he said. "Some girl called for you."
Some girl? "Was it Aimee?" I asked.
"Carolyn or Tiffany?"
"No, not them."
I was stumped. "Was it my mom, Mat?"
"It wasn't your mom," he said.
"Dude, that's, like, every woman I know. Why didn't you write it down?"
"I thought I'd remember," he said.
I wondered briefly if I could sic the head coach on him for forgetting my
Mat's brain was working so hard I could almost smell toast burning. Finally, the light bulb went on. "Oh, right! She said she was 'Cindy from Kokomo.'"
Cindy from Kokomo. She was the last person I expected to call.
"Well," I said. "F*** me."Part 13
Labels: college stories, Livin' Large
How could you leave it at that? I hate Cliffhangers especially since I'm reading this almost right after you posted. That's like waiting 2 whole days for the next one.
I had to play that role of lying to a girl for another guy. One of the WORST feelings ever. Except the guy I covered was a friend, the guy you covered throws you to the wolves.
Look forward to Thursday
uturefay allway arstay is the big dog?
its pig latin
looking forward to the book!
Anyway, all i want to comment is: thank you for that mighty laugh i had when reading "Well," I said. "F*** me." :D:D
Great stuff, love your humor :D. Could have only been better if we could have seen HIS face while you dropping that major Mat-quote :D
Steve -- I know, I know. I'm an evil bastard. And honestly, I never plan the cliffhangers ahead of time...I just stop when I reach them.
Well, if it was for a friend...although I'm curious what the lie was (if you can tell).
bluefromhere -- And I swear I thought I was a lonely, unlovable guy back then.
Nick N. -- I think with some minor adjustments it can still work.
joeawesomearnold -- I idday eepkay a ournaljay enwhay I asway in ollegecay.
Anonymous #1 -- Yes. I was such a boring git at 18 that the freshman sections of my brain have remained intact. Things start going a little fuzzy around junior year...
Anonymous #2 -- Thanks for the compliments! They aren't required, but they are appreciated.
I'll be expecting the usual AHL, Dave, Chris comments coming with more commentary soon.
Great stuff. I love going down memory lane with you. My junior year was such a blast largely because of the basketball team. Our football team was a freaking joke the whole time I was in College. I graduated in 1993 so got to see a season or two of future NBA star - and that was a blast. Especially beating our arch rival school many times and also beating the fabulous folks from the school to the north. Please let us know when the book is coming out and when you are having a signing!!
I love how you went through and named everyone on the chart. By Part 13, I'll need Nancy and Cindy in the hotness relativity scale (who gets to be Garner or Connelly). And the chat room description was so hilarious, thanks for keeping the humor spectrum wide as always.
Matholomew McHale, as if you weren't my hero enough already, you are my hero.
Except for Mat. He's my hero of heroes.
I'm going to buy a jar of animal crackers now.
WV - stablegu. Bawful didn't know it, but he had a whole stablegu of women available for his pleasure.
God, I still remember when, at the beginning of my sophomore year, I shared a World Wide Web account with a guy down the hall. Back then, Netscape Navigator was brand spanking new. BadDave and I would sit at the computer for 15-20 minutes waiting for ONE picture of a nude chick to load. It would be like wait, wait, wait for it, wait, hey, it's almost down to her nips!!
You know, this story doesn't exactly give me a lot to brag about, but one thing I always excelled at was quenching the crazy. When BadDave and I lived together, I would often keep him rolling in fits of uncontrollable laughter as I gave my rather unique crazy-quenching speeches in person or over the phone.
BadDave's favorite, I believe, was the "Sex is like candy" speech.
I must insist on BadDave telling this one from his perspective, then I'll jump in and fill in the details.
Is it [Coach Name Deleted by Blog Author]?
Feel free to censor as needed.
that's my new slang....
I'll tell everyone it's a W. L. thing
ahhhhhh La Bambas! thanks for throwing that in, I could use a burrito as big as my head about now.
No mention of [Totally Sweet Pizza Place Name Deleted by Blog Author] yet, did you not frequent that place?
AnacondaHL -- Dear lord. You...you might be right about the money shot thing. That sure would explain a lot.
I had to work HARD for all my female contacts in freshman year. You on the other hand, they seem to be falling right on your lap!
As always, excellent writing! Keep the cliffhangers coming, (nerd alert) it's like watching a really good anime then seeing the words: "to be continued" right in the heat of battle (/end nerd alert) very disappointing but keeps you extremely excited for the next one.
Love the 'Student Athletes' Speech
CAPTCHA: "heiman," as in "The Heiman trophy is not a regular occurrence at [school name deleted]."
1. BTFU is indeed a take on our school chant. TF = "The Fuck."
2. Warning: LaBamba burritos -- truly as big as your head -- should be consumed only after a night of heavy drinking. I mean, as long as you're going to wake up with the beer shits anyway...
3. "That's the beauty of the Internet age we live in. I'm fully convinced goatse.cx is the reason why anal is a required scene in any porno today."
You had me at "Dicks fuck assholes."
Also cannot wait for the "Sex Is Like Candy" transcript.
and do animal crackers come in jars?
At any rate, I'm departing in one hour for my vacation (three days of which will be solid Bawful/BadDave Bromance And Shenanigans). So, that post will come later.
But if it's not too much trouble, brother, *flexes 23" pythons* could we get a post/guest post about SHAQ DIESEL'S GUEST HOSTING OF MONDAY NIGHT RAW on July 27, 9:00 pm on USA! *blatant advertising alert*
Oh my god this is going to rock....unintentionally or not
Captcha: Bashipm, as in Shaq's going to use Shaq Fu to bashipm Randy Orton and Co.
Everyone should take this awesome quiz, "Guess That NBA Clearance Item Price." Questions include prices about a New Jersey Nets shirt that doesn't have anybody from the current roster listed on it, unfitted caps, and this gem: "How Much For This 'We Gave Away Pau Gasol For Nothing' Youth Jersey." The lower the score, the better. Unfortunately, I apparently have no concept of the value of money, and I scored a 700.
Regarding the ubiquitous animal crackers, it makes me think of Mark Ruffalo's character in Zodiac. Am I alone in that?
I started shaving my head about a year ago. I still had a full head of hair -- well, mostly -- but it was thinning. I wanted to give the shave job a try and I loved it. Even if I wasn't thinning, I doubt I'd go back.
"Harry Freakin Potter can't hold a Candle to Livin Large!"
I'm already doing the cinematography of your future movie in my head. I'm sure there must be some movie exec/screenwriter/director that reads this blog. My advice to you guys. GET ON THIS TRAIN and stop re-re-re-releasing crappy formulaic "Date Movie" movies.
To Bawful: I was thinking about what you said (or one of the other commenters said, don't remember) about the advantages of being tall. I'm a "average" 5'8" male and I got to try my hardest to beat out "below average" 6'4" ogre in the girls department. That and if I were 6'4" I would be able to dunk.
1) How do you edit the comments? Did you do that manually?
2) Are you sure about giving us edit post capabilities? Granted, this means we can fix your grammer errors, but we're loggin in as root when that might be overkill.
AHL: Hmm. Will, uhm, "Carolyn and Nancy" make more appearances in the comments now that you have been given the scepter of overlording? ;)
chris: At the very least, if Matt gets hit by a bus, or wins the lottery and leaves, or gets hit by a bus while winning the lottery, we can manage enough to relay the news. Also, all hot girls reading this site can now send their comments directly to me, and I'll personally moderate you.
*is letting the power get to his head slightly*
Yeah, MJ wasn't always bald.
Although, unfortunately I must confess that as an ex-athlete of said school I must deduct points from myself after reading this series. Damn, right back to average.
Regarding Jordan's bald pate, I remember as a kid reading that he started shaving his head because going to the barber shop became a huge hassle for him due to his fame, so he found it easier to just shave his head himself. That story always seemed a bit flimsy to me (he couldn't afford some electric clippers?), but it's as good as any other. BTW, this is my favorite pre-shorn Jordan pic, even if his hair is still more closely cropped than in the pic chris posted.
Good call on the Mr. Bawful and Neil Strauss comparisons (except I think that Style is supposedly notoriously short, isn't he?). Does anyone else think Strauss loses cool points for nicknaming himself dangerously close to Teen Wolf's annoying best friend?
About a minute in. This is the first I have heard about this. Someone should have probably made a bigger deal about this James fellow getting dunked on.
(This comment was not written by AnacondaHL and speed moderated by AnacondaHL.)
When I was first introduced to this saga (with the release of Part 7) then worked my way back, I wondered if I would be as interested if this didn't involve my school. I can now say with certainty I would. This is awesome stuff.
You've developed quite a following on your alma mater's Rivals site. Stop by and post sometime.
AnacondaHL, apparently I can't give you comment moderating abilities w/o giving you edit post abilities as well. Just a limitation of the Blogger system. Which, yeah, means you could bollocks up my sight something awful. Please don't.
Random thoughts as I gear up to churn out another installment of Livin' Large.
I'm freaking tired. BUT...Evil Ted and I spent a couple post-work hours filming some scenes for an in-the-works basketbawful video. Let's just say that exhaustion is clearly getting to us, because at one point we ended up in front of the Leaning Tower and Ted had a fake mustache on his finger. It...it'll make sense when you see the video. I think.
Okay RunBoilerRun. You can't drop the "I'm an ex-athlete from your former school" and not tell me what you did. BTFU woman!
Speaking of women, there must be some crazy stuff in the Italian water, because something serious is up with the boobs here. They bounce. I mean, all of them. Just bouncing, bouncing, bouncing. It's hypnotic. Do Italian women have special bras? Or are they just lacking in support? I'm going to miss this when we come back to the states.
As we were walking back to the flats (that is, apartments), Evil Ted posed an interesting question. Men are, by and large, suckers for cleavage. When we see it, we are compelled by dark forces beyond our control to stare, or at least speak a peak.
So here's the question, and it goes out to the female fans of basketbawful or even dudes in the know: What serves as "male cleavage" for the ladies? Is there something on or about a man that makes you stare against your will?
By the way, please, please, please for the LOVE OF GOD AND ALL THAT'S UNHOLY don't compare me to Neil Strauss. I've read The Game and Rules of the Game. I know he's the greatest pickup artist in the world and all that. But dude's like four feet tall. Honestly, I would not transform into his small, mousy form for all the hot poon he supposedly gets. I mean, he could get beaten up by an Ewok.
Also, concerning the "man-cleavage" conversation, I would definitely have to go with abs. A nice six-pack makes me drool.
Male Cleavage equivalent question:
Misogyny answer: crotch.
Easy answer: butts.
Pro answer: calves.
1. DAMN IT. I was totally going to guess track and field. In fact, I started typing it out and deleted it because it felt like the cliched answer. If anyone is interested, I had three guesses: First, track and field, second, volleyball, third, soccer.
2. DAMN IT. I had a feeling it would be the six pack. At best I've managed a two pack at the top of the abs. But I can't seem to starve myself enough to move the rest of those suckers out into the open. Can anyone refer me to a good liposuctionist?
Wild Yams -- I second, nay, I third, fourth and fifth NarSARsist's welcome back message. The board was sorely missing your oddly rational comments. And just so everybody knows, I e-mailed Yams personally to find out WTF was up with his disappearance. If he hadn't answered, I'd would've tracked him down and dragged him back.
AnacondaHL -- You missed abs, my friend. Now if you'll excuse me, I'm off to do some crunches.
Personally I stare at guys who are very tall. Yeah, big shocker I like basketball and can't help staring at really tall guys.
Speaking of irony, Matt and Mat could have be great for one another, if they had the maturity at the time to realise it. What Mat needs is some focus and a jump hook, and it seems Matt could provide both in spades. At the same time Mat could teach young Anakin a few things about the ladies and loosening up.
Also, Jennifer is to Mat as Matt is to Aimee as Latrisse is to Matt. When the book comes out some lit class is gonna have fun discussing this. For the Hollywood treatment you might need to simplify the female cast a bit, as currently there's no one lady that we should obviously be ...err... pulling for.
Super pro answer: the V crease made by your abdomen and thighs. Obviously, this answer is only applicable in certain situations, so I'm sticking with my calves answer. It is related to the six-pack, but is the far stronger attractor.
Now to answer a few questions:
1. When boobs are real, they bounce. Way it goes.
2. Women stare at breast cleavage as much or more than men do. Men will doubt this, and women will be loathe to admit it, but it's true. So the thing that makes women stare the way guys do at cleavage is... cleavage. Of course, that's not on a man, so I guess it's technically excluded from your question, but I would guess any truly honest woman would say there isn't anything on a guy that will transfix their gaze as much as bona fide good cleavage on a woman will.
3. Thank you for the welcome back :) I actually wasn't even away from the site that long, it really just took forever to read what I'd missed and get caught up enough to make comments in the current thread. I thought about making two or three day late comments, but realize nobody would read them. The length of these entries combined with the overwhelming number of comments means if you fall behind, it'll take a while to catch up. I can only pretend to be working while actually reading this site for so many hours out of the day.
Is anyone else tingling with anticipation with the knowledge that Mr. Bawful is no doubt hammering away at his keyboard with the next chapter of this epic saga? I dunno about you guys, but if I don't calm down I'm soon gonna give myself a case of the Vapors.
Don't worry - it doesn't have to be an exact 6-pack. Anything pack-worthy is a thumbs-up in my book!
And yes my username kind of gave away my sport. Although, volleyball was a good choice as I played all through high school despite standing tall at 5'1".
bluefromhere -- Hey, did I mention I'm 6'3"? I'm just sayin'.
W. Breeze -- Seriously. There are some very lazy bastards around these parts. Sadly, my company bucks that trend.
You're right: Mat and I could have been good influences on each other. Sadly, it never happened. It happened with me and BadDave tho'.
AnacondaHL -- V crease. Yep.
Yams -- Well, whatever the case, it's good to have you back AND commenting. It makes me twitchy when you don't comment.
RunBoilerRun -- Holy wow! 5'1"?? Were you a member of the Lollipop Guild? I keed. But seriously, if I had that six pack, you'd be staring right at it.
So I'm curious, did you do it all four years? Do you still run? Marathons, half-marathons, anything like that?
chris -- Everybody, wag of the finger to chris for abusing his newfound admin privileges by reading ahead! ;)
Utahraptor -- Oh no you don't! I'm going to bed. I am! I...aw, hell, now I gotta watch that video. Damn you.
I'm loving your posts and even figured out which college you went to earlier. Anyway, I also had tons of girls I was friends with and should have hooked up with but blew it because I'm entirely too awkward. That's probably why I can't stop reading these even though they're not nearly as much about sports as I thought. Anyway, instead of writing a blog, my release is stand up comedy. I did one joke pretty much about having friends you should hook up with and thought i'd pass it along. Enjoy. And you know, if you like it, feel free to plug, but no worries if you don't
let's see.. you're a writer.. your skills with girls were non-existent.. and the looks is just the icing on the cake hahah!
hey, you're a celtics fan, you deserve it.
btw.. you're tall, have a way with words, and get boat loads of chicks.. comparisons with a midget can't bother you that much can it?
oh and.. did "the game" improve your success rates at all?
Oh, and I strongly support men buzzing or shaving their heads if hair starts thinning- it looks much better that way. Think Bruce Willis vs. Larry David, and you'll see what I mean.
p.s. this might be the creepiest comment I've ever written.
Incidentally, my word verification is bicep. I think blogger.com is getting in the action and answering your question.
By the way, awesome read!
Here's a good NSFW video on bouncy boobs. Firm tits bounce more than saggy ones. Less fat people in Italy will certainly mean more less saggy boobs. Everyone knows a slutty fat girl with massive, saggy, fatty boobs. A friend of mine also tells me she does chest exercises at the gym because building up the muscles under there is supposed to make your boobs more firm. The brunette in the video is in way better shape than the anorexic, saggy-titted blonde so I think that plays a role too.