Basketbawful

Tuesday, April 04, 2006

There's tough, and then there's tough. NBA history has been filled with guys who thought they were badasses. Wilt Chamberlain used to call himself "The World's Strongest Man," and he tried to prove it by beating the crap out of Conan the Barbarian. Charles Barkley got into his share of fist fights, including one in which he defenestrated a "malicious bar patron" (i.e., Chuck launched the guy through a plate-glass window). Karl Malone sent literally thousands of people to the plastic surgery ward with his mighty Elbow of Menace. And Shaq usually knocks people into the next area code just by posting them up. But these guys might as well put on some frilly pink panties and join the Power Puff Girls fan club, because they're all complete wusses compared to the recently deceased David Bleak.

What? You've never heard of David Bleak? Well, that's not too surprising. He has absolutely nothing to do with basketball. But I am nonetheless posting a blog entry about him due to his incredible level of extreme kickassability. Bleak was a Korean War medic who received the Medal of Honor for rescuing a comrade amid hand-to-hand combat in 1952. He didn't just save a guy, though. He opened a can of Ultimate Destruction all over the enemy, reducing them to smoldering piles. Of justice. Here's a quick summary of what he did:

Bleak was a 20-year-old sergeant in the medical company of the 223d Infantry Regiment, 40th Infantry Division, when he volunteered to go with a reconnaissance patrol.
During the patrol, Bleak killed two of the enemy with his bare hands and a third with his trench knife.

Bleak then then shielded a comrade from the impact of a grenade that had fallen near the man's helmet.

Despite a serious leg injury, Bleak picked up and began to carry the injured soldier.

Bleak was then attacked by two enemy soldiers with bayonets. He responded to there puny assault by grabbing them and smaking their heads together.

He completed his mission by carrying his helpless comrade down the hill to safety.

I think you'll fully agree with me when I say "holy freaking shit!" Killing or incapacitating five armed men with his bare hands, taking a grenade blast, carrying another injured soldier to safety...and it isn't like he was a trained infantryman. He was a medic. That's the kind of doctor who doesn't treat illness, he scares it the hell out of your body.

Anyway, here's to you David Bleak, wherever you are. If I had to guess, you're floating out in the cosmos somewhere, probably kicking the Grim Reaper's bony ass.

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