Somebody call Wally "Straight Pimpin'" Szczerbiak...and fast! I've found his dream jacket on eBay for the low, low price of only $6,999.00. That's less than $7,000. And the shipping is free!

Put on a crash helmet. These pictures are going to kick your face's ass:


That's pure chinchilla done in crocodile, bitches.
In case you need more information than "This is the most awesome thing you will ever see" before emptying your savings account, here's the product description:

Authentic Jeff Hamilton CHINCHILLA Jacket With NBA Logos Done In CROCODILE. Absolutely Amazing. Lined In Heavy Bridal Satin With Silver Plated Snaps. Retail $14,000.00 It Is A Size XXL But Will Fit Someone 3X. Also For No Charge, We Can Cut It Down To Either An XL Or A L. Please Feel Free To Call Us With Any Questions About Additional Jackets. This Is A 1 Of A Kind.

Mmmm...heavy bridal satin with silver plated snaps. And wait, there's only one of these jackets in existence? I don't know whether to be disappointed or relieved.

In case times are too tough for you to afford something this amazing, don't worry. There are plenty of NBA-related bargains to be had on eBay. Take these game-used shoes that were once worn by former draft bust Eric Montross.

Smell the sweat! Feel the history!
You know what the saddest part of this auction is? The S&H ($20) is twice what the seller is asking for the shoes ($9.99). Is that a fair price for shoes worn in an actual NBA game by somebody who -- according to Basketball-Reference.com -- finished the 1994-95 season ranked sixth in total fouls and has a Hall of Fame Probability score of 0.000? Of course not.

I should be able to get those shoes for $5.99 with free shipping.

Labels: eBay, stupid ass NBA-related merchandise

My name's not Pip and I don't have any "great expectations" per se...but if you'd like to be my mysterious benefactor, then this post is for you. Somebody is selling two courtside tickets to the Celtics-Lakers game on Christmas day for a mere $8,500! That's a pretty small price to pay for my holiday happiness, don't you think? So small, in fact, that you should probably go ahead and throw in air fare, the cost of a reasonably swanky hotel, and some walking around money. Thanks in advance. And no, you cannot have the extra ticket.

Now, I admit, I'm a wee bit skeptical, especially since the item description box says the tickets are for the Rose Bowl. But how can I possibly NOT trust an eBay listing that provides the following rock-solid proof of authenticity:

Oh, well if your boobs say the tickets are real...
The best part of this auction, though, is the seller's pitch: "Sit like Jack [Nicholson]...on the wood!" Wow. I didn't think Jack swung that way...he seemed so homophobic in As Good As It Gets.

Now, don't think I'm not sensitive to the finanacial woes you might be suffering in this lagging economy. So if you can't affort the 10K or so I'll need for the game, you can go ahead and get me this Glen "Big Baby" Davis jersey, which is only $550. It's classified as game worn/used even though he only wore it to a photo shoot. But whatever. At least the seller guarantees that it was the jersey he was wearing when this photo of him eating a basketball was taken.

For Big Baby, even having a picture taken is hungry work.

Labels: Boston Celtics, Christmas list, eBay, Los Angeles Lakers, tickets

For somewhere north of 50 bucks, you can own a genuine McFarlane of Michigan State's Magic Johnson (doing his best Wilt Chamberlain impression, apparently) a split second away from sending a jumper by Indiana State's Larry Bird straight down Larry's throat.

I wonder -- if the outcome of the game had been different, would Magic still look like a more muscular Bill Russell? And would he still have arms that look like they belong on Optimus Prime?

Labels: eBay, Larry Bird, Magic Johnson

If you've been sitting around thinking, "I'd like a 13-inch action figure that looks like Charles Barkley's mildly retarded twin brother," then this eBay auction is for you. This "unique collecting opportunity" can be yours for the low Buy It Now price of $5.99 (plus shipping and handling). But just in case you're still saving up for those plyometric jumpsoles, there are some upsides and downsides to consider before you waste the money that could be used to boost your vertical leap by an amazing 5 to 10 inches:

The downsides: The action figure is dressed in a Houston Rockets uniform instead of the classic Philly or Phoenix uniforms that Sir Charles wore during his better years. Oddly enough, it's not as fat as the Houston-era Barkley. In fact, it's strangely muscular, has a neck like a giraffe, and now that I think about it, the figure looks more like Roadblock from G.I. Joe than Charles Barkley. So unless your goal is to defeat the forces of COBRA, you might be a little disappointed.

The upsides: You can relive all those classic Barkley moments from his time with the Houston Rockets, like the first-round playoff exits, the time Scottie Pippen complained about his "fat butt," and of course the career-ending quadriceps tendon injury. And since the uniform is removable, you can undress him and -- assuming you have a grandfather figure of a similar size -- recreate the night of passion that followed his All-Star Game makeout session with Dick Bavetta.

Labels: action figures, Charles Barkley, eBay

Do you sometimes go home after a rough day at the office or a rugged game of pickup hoops and say to yourself, "If only I could find comfort in the tender embrace of NBA superstar Ben Wallace?" You really don't need to answer that question, because of course you do.

Previously, the only way to turn your dreams into sunshine was to buy an Inflatable Defender. But the ID is fifty bucks, and its plastic skin can really chafe your nether regions during a night of tossing and turning. But now you have an alternative: check out this auction for a throw pillow that depicts Ben Wallace. Sure, it makes Big Ben look like some kind of freaky mutant with a squashed face, but sometimes it's the little imperfections that make you love something even more dearly. At least that's what I tell myself every morning when I shove in my glass eye.

Wouldn't you like this to be the last thingyou see before drifting off to sleep?
Frugality Alert: Target is selling the Inflatable Defender for $10 less than the ID's official site. I'm not a mathmatist, but the people at Target say that's 20 percent off the suggested retail price. So if a mere ten bones was all that was standing between you and your very own air-filled Ben Wallace, your wait is over.

Labels: Ben Wallace, eBay