Yesterday I mentioned that the story about Shaq's phone call to Steve Nash gave me chills. That was until monsieur flohtingPoint from Horsetoothed provided the rest of the story:

*phone rings at the Nash residence, as Steve leans back and answers it*

Nash: "Hello?"

Shaq: "Hi Steve, this is The Big Aristotle."

Nash: "Who?"

Shaq: "You know, The Big Corpulent. The Big Geritol. Wilt Camberneezy?"

Nash: "Wilt's dead, is this a prank call?"

*In the background you can hear Steve's wife yelling at him to hang up the damn phone.*

Shaq: ...

Shaq: "It's Shaq."

Nash: "Oh, hi Shaq. What's up?"

Shaq: "Nothing. Just calling to let you know your first MVP is still tainted you dumb mothafu-"

*click*

Marc Stein (who was sitting across the table from Steve the whole time): "What did Shaq want?"

Nash: "Just to let me know he won't let us down..."

Now on to Worst of the Night.

Miami Heat: Six straight defeats; 21 losses in their last 22 games; nine wins on the season. Seriously, who thought that Antoine Walker would end up feeling lucky he was traded to the Timberwolves? Bonus stats: Miami shot 36 percent and committed 18 turnovers last night.

Dwyane Wade: He played gamely last night -- 19 points, 6 rebounds, 9 assists -- but he shot 5-for-17, committed 6 turnovers, and couldn't prevent the Heat from getting blown out by what was, at the time, a 19-win team. I think Pookie is a tough, courageous, talented player, but this season has been Exhibit A in the Case of Wade Not Being In The Class of Lebron and Kobe. I know there are rumors he's not fully recovered from shoulder surgery, and I also know he's stuck on a bad team full of lousy teammates. But there have been times this season -- and last night was one of them -- where it seemed like his will was broken. I just don't see the same level of kill-himself-to-win-ness in Wade that I see in King and the Mamba. Not right now, anyway.

Yahoo box scores: According to Yahoo, the Heat and Sixers each scored zero points in the second quarter of last night's game. Then, in the third, Miami exploded for 48 points while Philly had 45. I haven't checked any other sources because I'm lazy, but I have a pretty strong feeling that's not right.


Tracy McGrady: T-Mac spent most of the Rocket's game against the Cavaliers trying desperately not to toss his cookies. Flu-like symptons? Suuuuuuure. McGrady finished with 8 points on 3-for-11 shooting. And he did not take good shots.

Aaron Brooks: Somebody needs to tell Brooks that, if he wants to break into Rick Adelman's rotation, shooting 1-for-8 on national television ain't gonna get it done. But hey, at least he's a former college All-American. Oh, and he has 2.7 percent body fat, so he's got that going for him.

Lebron's supporting cast: Sasha Pavlovic? Out (sprained left foot). Anderson Varejao? Out (sprained left ankle). Drew Gooden? Out (chronic masturbation). Then Boobie Gibson left in the fourth quarter with a strained right hamstring. This is the part where the other guys step up, right? Wrong-o. Larry Hughes shot 6-for-16, Zydrunas "I can't believe they left me off the All-Star team" Ilgauskas shot 4-for-11, Donyell Marshall was 2-for-7, Damon Jones hit 3-for-7, Ira New...you know what? They all sucked. Although special mention goes to...

Eric Snow: You know Mike Brown is scraping the bottom of his bench when he pulls the Snowman out of mothballs. Snow responded in typical fashion by scoring a cool one trillion. Kudos to Shannon Brown and Cedric Simmons for each missing a shot and thus ensuring that they didn't team up with Snow for the vaunted triple trillion.

Golden State Warriors: The Warriors are the worst defensive team in the league. I know it. You know it. Don Nelson knows it. Hell, your grandma probably knows it. But even accepting that fact, last night's debacle against the Bulls was beyond terrible. Chicago was without three of their top four scorers (Ben Gordon, Luol Deng, and Kirk Hinrich) and was playing the second of back-to-back road games against probable Western Conference playoff teams. Meanwhile, the Warriors were coming off of five days of rest and relaxation. Shoulda been a gimmie, right? Oh, hell no. Instead of sticking it to a bad team, the G-Staters watched as Chris Duhon's jumper arose from it's shallow grave as C-Du hit 11-for-16 and scored a career-high 34 points. To put that into perspective, Duhon is shooting 36 percent and hadn't scored more than 13 points all season. Meanwhile, the ancient Joe Smith knocked in 27 on 7-for-11 shooting. Overall, the Bullies hit on 56 percent of their shot attempts (36-for-77) and scored 114 points. Hand in the face. Hand in the face!

Baron Davis: It was pretty obvious that B-Diddy was having trouble getting his shots off against the long-armed defense of Thabo Sefolosha. But, of course, that didn't stop Boom Dizzle from chucking them up with little or no remorse en route to an 8-for-24 shooting night (including 2-for-10 on threes).

Chris Webber: Quick! Call timeout on the Webber comeback! Oh, sorry, there aren't any timeouts left. C-Webb returned to the Golden State lineup with a rattle and a thump, scoring 4 points (2-for-5), grabbing a rebound, and dishing out a couple assists in 12 minutes of creaking action. Hey, maybe he'll work himself into shape in a few games. Maybe.

Ben Wallace: Big Ben actually played pretty well: 10 points (5-for-7) and 8 rebounds. However, he went 0-for-7 from the foul line, including one particularly uuuuugly airball.

Special Report: Shaq is on the rampage. Hide your loved ones. And your sharks.

Labels: Ben Wallace, blockbuster trades, Dwyane Wade, Golden State Warriors, Marc Stein, Miami Heat, phone conversations, Shaq, Steve Nash, Tracy McGrady, Yahoo