Dallas, Dallas, Dallas...What the hell happened? One minute they're making it rain on free agents, the next, they're rummaging through the bargain bin in search of cheap rentals. With Dirk recently turning 34, the Mavs desperately need to land another superstar that can carry the franchise for another 10+ years. So a reasonable person would assume that Mark Cuban of all people would have seen the monumental importance of signing a player like Deron Williams. Well rather than standing on Deron's doorstep at 12:01 am July 1st, Cubes was on the west coast getting ready to film Shark Tank...friggin Shark Tank. To make matters worse, The Mavs didn't even offer Deron the max. (The max being $75 million for 4 years for a free agent changing teams under the current CBA) So after that half assed attempt, Mark Cuban fed everyone a few lines of bullshit about how teams can no longer operate the same as they used to with the new CBA. Teams will be having fire sales in a few years once the luxury tax kicks in...yadda, yadda, yadda. Something tells me the Lakers won't give two shits about the luxury tax as they continue to raise banners. The other reason why his current stance total bullshit, is because the Mavericks were trying to do the very same thing that the Lakers, Knicks, and Heat are doing. Load up on top flight stars. (Okay, maybe Chandler and Bosh aren't top flight, but you get what I'm saying) Cuban would have gladly paid any and all luxury taxes if the Mavs could have landed Dwight Howard and Deron Williams to go along with Dirk Nowitzki. YARRGHHH!!!!

cuban kobe
Enjoy it now Kobe. In a few years you guys won't be able to keep the lights on.

The three best things about this offseason for the Mavs...

1. They claimed Elton Brand off of the amnesty wire for pennies on the dollar.

2. They landed OJ Mayo for less than market value.

3. They finally rid themselves of Brendan I-think-I-am-a-small forward-watch-me-try-to-dribble-and-hop-step-my-way-to-the-hoop-but-I-can't-because-I-suck-now-pay-me-$50 million dollars Haywood.

Get ready to taste my step back jumper!!!

There seems to be a buzz amongst some of my friends and coworkers. That buzz happens to be centered around Darren Collison. Many look at him and see the speed, the athleticism, and the ability to thrive in a pick n roll environment. I however, am far too cynical to share such a view. First off, he lost his starting job to George Hill. The last thing I remember about him, was that he took a picture of his dong and sent it to some chick while he was still with the Spurs. After signing Hill to a long term contract, the Pacers had to decide what to do with Collison. Well they looked at Collison, then they looked towards DJ Augustin, then they looked back at Collison again...and eventually they chose the starting point guard for the worst team in NBA history. The Mavericks are getting a guy who couldn't keep a job backing up a guy who should be a back up.

mavs fans
Pictured: Mavericks home opener 2012

Dallas also signed Chris Kaman on a one year deal. Ok, is he better than Haywood? Yes. But that’s like saying you're the smartest guy in special ed...That’s like saying you're the hottest guy at fat camp...That’s like saying you're the best burger flipper this side of the Mississippi. I predict that Kaman will spend half the season in the trainer's room. The other half, he'll be getting posterized by every guy looking to make Sport Center.

Advanced stat geeks are raving about his Ugly Per Minute Rate

If you couldn't already tell I'm not very pleased with the way this summer went down for my beloved Mavericks. They compiled a squad of rent-a-players. At best I see them as nothing more than a 7th seed. Worst case scenario, they miss the playoffs all together. And even then, the front office will find a way to screw up the lottery pick. Which reminds me...the Mavs passed up on Perry Jones III and Jared Sullinger. If either one turns out to be a stud, I might need to be talked down from a ledge.
Anonymous Anonymous said...
The Mavericks returned to be... the Mavericks!!

Anonymous David said...
I fucking lost it at he Kaman picture caption! I haven't laughed so hard in ages!

Anonymous cantf33lmyface said...
these are great, keep em coming yall!

Anonymous Gerome E. said...
The Mavs won't be NBA Champs ever again. Miami and OKC have taken the spotlight, but we can throw in the Lakers again.