Well folks, I sit here beaming like a proud papa as I watch Jason and Paul churn out thoughtful, entertaining material, but the search continues ever onward for for more contributors...a few posts back, someone asked about Glenn, whose work I had posted some time back.

Realizing I had completely forgotten about Glenn, I sent him an e-mail of apology recently and asked him if he would like to send a new post. Graciously, Glenn did just that, and below is the result. I think Glenn may well have the stuff...constructive thoughts are welcome.

ET

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Chris Mullin Wins Finals MVP - In Irony

When it's not busy showing WNBA games or endless loops of the same off-season "analysis", NBA TV has been doing a fairly decent job of being a methadone clinic to my professional hoops addiction. Recently, I've been able to see Shaq murdering the Kings with 44, 21 and 7 blocks, and Reggie Miller spit on Spike Lee's heart. 2 X.

When games like this are on I can almost forget the pain of it not being October yet. That is until the commercials... In my cursed DVR-less condition, I wind up watching a lot of NBA TV ads. I say a lot, but in reality there are probably only about four of them.

There's the one about bleaching your sun deck which is really the least painful of the lot; the one for whatever home workout device is causing you to have to endure this month's onslaught of sweaty bare male torsos; about 5 straight minutes of looking at balding patterns as a disembodied voice explains that women like men better with a full head of their own hair; Montel's shining dome to drive that point home as he asks if you need money now (as he clearly does); and recently added to the fold is the one where Chris Mullin informs the viewership that "Defense wins championships".




Like most NBA TV commercials, this one gives the impression that it is deliberately fucking with you. Chris Mullin? Defense? Championships? To the highly basketball literate crowd that would be interested in watching a Hornets game from the nineties this can only be perceived as unspeakably absurd. I'm sure I don't have to tell any of you that Chris Mullin never won a championship, or that the Warriors squad he's best known for was one of the worst defensive teams in the league.

All of this begs the question; why Chris Mullin? You'd think whoever made this is just completely ignorant of basketball as a sport, yet someone on the staff managed the incredible task of dredging up a Mullin block from the archives to lend a straight face to what he's saying. Maybe Mullin was just too embarrassed when he got the script to point out "Uh, fellas. I didn't win anything. And I didn't play much defense either...". (To be fair, Mullin was probably one of the better defenders on those Warriors, but that just goes to show how far gone they were.) Maybe it's just basic economics: they didn't wanna pay for a more expensive spokesman, he may have needed some cash now. Perhaps, he is just genuinely passionate about pertussis.

 Whatever the reasons for its existence, every time I hear his deadpan delivery of "Offense wins games, but defense wins championships" the irony gets rifer. One of these days it's gonna be too much to bear.