Well folks, I sit here beaming like a proud papa as I watch Jason and Paul churn out thoughtful, entertaining material, but the search continues ever onward for for more contributors...a few posts back, someone asked about Glenn, whose work I had posted some time back.
Realizing I had completely forgotten about Glenn, I sent him an e-mail of apology recently and asked him if he would like to send a new post. Graciously, Glenn did just that, and below is the result. I think Glenn may well have the stuff...constructive thoughts are welcome.
Chris Mullin Wins Finals MVP - In Irony
When it's not busy showing WNBA games or endless loops of the same
off-season "analysis", NBA TV has been doing a fairly decent job of
being a methadone clinic to my professional hoops addiction. Recently,
I've been able to see Shaq murdering the Kings with 44, 21 and 7
blocks, and Reggie Miller spit on Spike Lee's heart. 2 X.
When games like this are on I can almost forget the pain of it not
being October yet. That is until the commercials...
In my cursed DVR-less condition, I wind up watching a lot of NBA TV
ads. I say a lot, but in reality there are probably only about four of
There's the one about bleaching your sun deck which is really the
least painful of the lot; the one for whatever home workout device is
causing you to have to endure this month's onslaught of sweaty bare
male torsos; about 5 straight minutes of looking at balding patterns
as a disembodied voice explains that women like men better with a full
head of their own hair; Montel's shining dome to drive that point home
as he asks if you need money now (as he clearly does); and recently
added to the fold is the one where Chris Mullin informs the viewership
that "Defense wins championships".
Like most NBA TV commercials, this one gives the impression that it is
deliberately fucking with you. Chris Mullin? Defense? Championships?
To the highly basketball literate crowd that would be interested in
watching a Hornets game from the nineties this can only be perceived
as unspeakably absurd. I'm sure I don't have to tell any
of you that Chris Mullin never won a championship, or that the
Warriors squad he's best known for was one of the worst defensive
teams in the league.
All of this begs the question; why Chris Mullin? You'd think whoever
made this is just completely ignorant of basketball as a sport, yet
someone on the staff managed the incredible task of dredging up a
Mullin block from the archives to lend a straight face to what he's
saying. Maybe Mullin was just too embarrassed when he got the script
to point out "Uh, fellas. I didn't win anything. And I didn't play
much defense either...". (To be fair, Mullin was probably one of the
better defenders on those Warriors, but that just goes to show how far
gone they were.) Maybe it's just basic economics: they didn't wanna
pay for a more expensive spokesman, he may have needed some cash now.
Perhaps, he is just genuinely passionate about pertussis.
Whatever the reasons for its existence, every time I hear his deadpan
delivery of "Offense wins games, but defense wins championships" the
irony gets rifer. One of these days it's gonna be too much to bear.