I think Kevin McHale is starting to understand how Kurt Rambis felt back in '84...
The Washington Wizards Generals: The Generals -- now 0-4 on the road and 0-6 overall -- rank 29 out of 30 in Margin of Victory at -13.17. Fittingly, they fell behind 31-14 after one quarter in Orlando last night and just kinda died. Like an ant you step on but don't finish off. It just wriggles there on the ground, legs all flopping and stuff. Just gross. And sad.

Speaking of which, that 0-6 record is the first time in Washington franchise history they haven't had a win through six games. And they're the only team that hasn't won a game yet this season. The Generals shot 36 percent from the field (including 2-for-12 from downtown) and trailed by as many as 28 points.

Said Washington task master Flip Saunders: "We're gonna have to do something with our start. Whether its personnel wise or whatever. But somehow we've got to have some juice to start games."

Energy drink, maybe?

Added John Wall: "We go over everything on defense in the shootaround, but we didn't do it out there. You see what happened to us. Once everybody started being selfish on offense, (and) then on the defensive end we're not trusting each other."

Just one big, happy group, those Generals.

The New Jersey Nyets: Remember how I mentioned that Washington ranks 29 in MOV? Well, say hello to number 30. The Nyets boast a MOV of -14.57, which they outdid in last night's 89-70 loss in Boston. New Jersey actually held the Celtics to 34 points in the first half before getting blitzed 29-12 in the third quarter. And that was pretty much that.

In all fairness, the Nyets were minus Deron Williams (sore right ankle), Kris Humphries (sore left shoulder) and Brook Lopez (broken right foot), and Damion James injured his right foot in the second quarter and missed the rest of the game. Not that New Jersey needs to have players sitting out to suck. I'm just sayin'.

The Cleveland Cadavers: Would you believe that, according to Basketball-Reference, the Cadavers currently rank 12th in both Offensive and Defensive Rating? And they're 11th in MOV (2.67), ahead of both the Celtics (2.43) and Thunder (0.57). Could...could it be...that Cleveland isn't horrible this season?

Nah. Last night's 92-77 loss to the Craptors should dispell any delusions of adequacy on the part of the Cadavers. Cleveland actually shot better from three-point range (30.4 percent) than overall (29.6 percent). But that's nothing to start throwing confetti about.

Said Cadavers coach Byron Scott: "God damn, people. I'm gonna choke a bitch."

Okay, I'm kidding. This is what he said: "We had a bunch of guys that just didn't play well tonight."

True dat, Byron.

Bonus bawful: The Cads and Craptors combined four 8 fast break points. This, my friends, is what we call Scalper's Night Off.

Craptors coach Dwayne Casey, quote machine: "We're playing playoff-style basketball. Whether we're a playoff team or not, I venture to say we're not right now. But we're playing the style of defense that it takes to play in the playoffs

The Indiana Pacers: The Pacers seemed to catch a break when Dwyane Wade was scratched from their game against the Heat due to a sore left foot. Well, all I can say is thank goodness Pookie sat out, or Indy might have lost by more than the 35 points they actually did lose by.

The Pacers were outscored 33-12. During that ugly 12-minute embarrassment, they shot 1-for-15 and lost the ball 10 times.

Said Indiana coach Frank Vogel: "Lack of execution, missed open shots and their defense -- it was a combination of everything. A perfect storm."

Nothin' perfect about that storm, coach.

Bawful Stats 'O The Game: The Pacers gave up 56 points in the paint and surrendered 28 points off 23 turnovers. Indy shot 34 percent from the field and 5-for-19 from beyond the arc. To add insult to injury, they clanked 9 free throw attempts.

The New York Bricks: A home loss to the Charlotte Bobkittens? Oh good lord. Charlotte -- a team that shoots about 44 percent on the season while averaging 96.5 PPG -- finished with 118 points on 55 percent shooting...including 7-for-11 on threes. And one night removed from scoring zero points on 0-for-5 shooting against the Cadavers, Boris "The Corpse" Diaw exploded for 27 on 12-for-15 shooting against the Bricks.

When Mike 'Antoni developed the Seven Seconds or Less concept, who knew it pertained to his team's defense too?

Said Diaw: "Some games I'm going to score a lot of points and some not, and usually it doesn't depend on what we do but what the opposite team is doing, and I always try to adapt to whatever the defense is giving me. And against this kind of team, yeah, I like these kind of games."

Damn.

Said 'Antoni: "Offense was good ... just bad defense. Rotations weren't there. Give them a lot of credit, they played well, but at the same time we just played in spurts on defense. We just have to do a better job."

Added Carmelo Anthony: "That hurt. Just the way we've been playing the last couple games. I mean, it hurts to lose games like that."

New Orleans Hornets: The Hornets, playing in front of their home crowd, went ahead 27-16 after 12 minutes. That's the good news. The bad news is they were outscored every subsequent quarter, including 34-20 in the fourth, and lost 101-93.

On the bright side, New Orleans, the Saints are awesome and Mardi Gras is less than two months away. So it's not all doom and gloom.

Said Eric Gordon: "We had too many lapses on defense, and we bailed them out by taking too many jump shots. We didn't attack the rim. That's where we're best. We just have to take it to the rim."

In possibly related news, Gordon was 8-for-22 from the field and 1-for-6 from three-point range.

Jrue Holiday, quote machine: On his 14 fourth quarter points: "I was hot like a pistol. I don't know. I just looked to be aggressive and luckily tonight it was falling for me in the fourth quarter."

The Minnesota Timberwolves: I'm starting to think AP writers study this site. Check out the opening to the Grizzlies-Timberwolves recap:

The Memphis Grizzlies saw that Zach Randolph wasn't there to help them on Wednesday night, so they played harder.

The Minnesota Timberwolves saw that Zach Randolph wasn't there to beat up on them again, so they took it easy.

A little dry and no fart jokes, but still.

Anyway, Minny gave up 23 points off 17 turnovers, and they missed 11 free throws while losing by 4 points. I'll let you do the math on that one.

So much for that two-game winning streak.

Said T-Wolves coach Rick Adelman: "They were way too lax in their approach. I told them, 'You haven't won anything. Don't come out there thinking you just won the championship.'"

The Phoenix Suns: The Suns turned the ball over 15 times and surrendered 19 offensive rebounds to the Mavericks. Those are a lot of extra opportunities to give away. It's basically like giving the game away. Which they did.

Said Steve Nash: "I think we gave up tons of offensive rebounds. We held them to 41 percent shooting, which is more than acceptable, but we missed a lot of shots. We're OK offensively, but you can't give up so many offensive rebounds like we did tonight."

In related news: FREE STEVE NASH. That is all.

The Excremento Kings: Mmm. The taste of vomit in my mouth. Thank you, Kings. The Sactowners shot 32.6 percent, and imagine how bad that number would have been if DeMarcus "TRADE ME, BITCHES!" Cousins hadn't gone 9-for-12. Or, you know what, don't imagine it. It's better that way.

The Paupers also went 2-for-20 on triples. While letting the Nuggets shoot 60 percent from the field. Denver finished with 31 fast break points and 68 points in the paint. And those numbers would seem unbelievable if they weren't playing the Kings...who are currently ranked 27th in Defensive Rating.

Said Sacto coach Paul Westfail: "AAAAAH! AAAAAH! IT BURNS! IT BURNS! GET IT OFF...IT BUUUUUURNS!!!"

I'm kidding. This is what he really said: "That was a kick in our teeth. You can't hide from it. I still think we have the makings of a good basketball team and I believe we will bounce back. They got on us early. I thought we were pressing. Our shooting, it's undescribable. The avalanche just fell on us."

The Houston Rockets: The Rocketeers gave up 41 points in the first quarter and eventually lost 117-89. The Clippers shot 57 percent from the field, ran out for 22 points on the fast break, and scored 62 points in the paint. In possibly related news, Houston currently ranks 28th in Defensive Rating -- worse than the Warriors, Wizards, Pistons, Knicks and Kings -- giving up 110.5 points per 100 possessions.

Money ball, baby!

Said Luis Scola: "We struggled with everything tonight. We came in here and weren't ready to play, and this is what happens when you don't play hard. I don't know how to explain it. What you do about it the next game shows what kind of team you are."

Added Kyle Lowry: "We made mistakes offensively and defensively. It's just something we've got to figure out. We can't have nights like this. It was a terrible day for us."

Chris' Lacktion Report:

Generals-Magic: Orlando really used garbage time as an excuse to celebrate with lacktion, starting with LARRY HUGHES and Von Wafer both turning 249-second stints into +2 suck differentials, Hughes via a pair of bricks and Wafer through a foul and turnover. And Earl Clark crucnhed out a +1 via masonry in 3:28.

Nyets-Celtics: Dennis Horner -- who according to Wikipedia has a tattoo of a flaming basketball -- gathered 4.3 trillion (4:18) in rubles, while JaJuan Johnson found a pot of gold at the end of a rainbow worth 5.3 trillion (5:19).

Bobcats-Knicks: Charlotte's Bismack Biyombo fouled once in exactly 4 minutes for a +1.

Bulls-Pistons: WELCOME BACK TO LACKTION, BRIAN SCALABRINE! The greatest passenger in championship history, Scalabrine gathered up 1.2 trillion (72 seconds), while fellow cattle representative Jimmy Butler did go 100% from the charity stripe on two attempts, but only had 51 seconds of hardwood time in a non-lacktive Mario.

Warriors-Spurs: Charles Jenkins bricked once in 2:40 and fouled thricely to give East Oakland a +4, while Ishmael Smith had a whale of a time looking for Princess Peach in just 11 seconds for a Mario.

Purple Paupers-Nuggets: Francisco Garcia bricked twice (once from the charity stripe) in 5:05 for a +2.

Rockets-Clippers: Jordan Hill climbed into the ledger tonight by countering two boards and a free throw in 11:36 as starting big man with three fouls and a turnover for a 4:3 Voskuhl. Hasheem Thabeet also made Clutch The Bear wish he could've suited up instead, by negating a board in 6:43 with two fouls for a 2:1 Voskuhl.

Labels: Worst of the Night