mchale headpalm
I think Kevin McHale is starting to understand how Kurt Rambis felt back in '84...

The Washington Wizards Generals: The Generals -- now 0-4 on the road and 0-6 overall -- rank 29 out of 30 in Margin of Victory at -13.17. Fittingly, they fell behind 31-14 after one quarter in Orlando last night and just kinda died. Like an ant you step on but don't finish off. It just wriggles there on the ground, legs all flopping and stuff. Just gross. And sad.

Speaking of which, that 0-6 record is the first time in Washington franchise history they haven't had a win through six games. And they're the only team that hasn't won a game yet this season. The Generals shot 36 percent from the field (including 2-for-12 from downtown) and trailed by as many as 28 points.

Said Washington task master Flip Saunders: "We're gonna have to do something with our start. Whether its personnel wise or whatever. But somehow we've got to have some juice to start games."

Energy drink, maybe?

Added John Wall: "We go over everything on defense in the shootaround, but we didn't do it out there. You see what happened to us. Once everybody started being selfish on offense, (and) then on the defensive end we're not trusting each other."

Just one big, happy group, those Generals.

The New Jersey Nyets: Remember how I mentioned that Washington ranks 29 in MOV? Well, say hello to number 30. The Nyets boast a MOV of -14.57, which they outdid in last night's 89-70 loss in Boston. New Jersey actually held the Celtics to 34 points in the first half before getting blitzed 29-12 in the third quarter. And that was pretty much that.

In all fairness, the Nyets were minus Deron Williams (sore right ankle), Kris Humphries (sore left shoulder) and Brook Lopez (broken right foot), and Damion James injured his right foot in the second quarter and missed the rest of the game. Not that New Jersey needs to have players sitting out to suck. I'm just sayin'.

The Cleveland Cadavers: Would you believe that, according to Basketball-Reference, the Cadavers currently rank 12th in both Offensive and Defensive Rating? And they're 11th in MOV (2.67), ahead of both the Celtics (2.43) and Thunder (0.57). Could...could it be...that Cleveland isn't horrible this season?

Nah. Last night's 92-77 loss to the Craptors should dispell any delusions of adequacy on the part of the Cadavers. Cleveland actually shot better from three-point range (30.4 percent) than overall (29.6 percent). But that's nothing to start throwing confetti about.

Said Cadavers coach Byron Scott: "God damn, people. I'm gonna choke a bitch."

Okay, I'm kidding. This is what he said: "We had a bunch of guys that just didn't play well tonight."

True dat, Byron.

Bonus bawful: The Cads and Craptors combined four 8 fast break points. This, my friends, is what we call Scalper's Night Off.

Craptors coach Dwayne Casey, quote machine: "We're playing playoff-style basketball. Whether we're a playoff team or not, I venture to say we're not right now. But we're playing the style of defense that it takes to play in the playoffs

The Indiana Pacers: The Pacers seemed to catch a break when Dwyane Wade was scratched from their game against the Heat due to a sore left foot. Well, all I can say is thank goodness Pookie sat out, or Indy might have lost by more than the 35 points they actually did lose by.

The Pacers were outscored 33-12. During that ugly 12-minute embarrassment, they shot 1-for-15 and lost the ball 10 times.

Said Indiana coach Frank Vogel: "Lack of execution, missed open shots and their defense -- it was a combination of everything. A perfect storm."

Nothin' perfect about that storm, coach.

Bawful Stats 'O The Game: The Pacers gave up 56 points in the paint and surrendered 28 points off 23 turnovers. Indy shot 34 percent from the field and 5-for-19 from beyond the arc. To add insult to injury, they clanked 9 free throw attempts.

The New York Bricks: A home loss to the Charlotte Bobkittens? Oh good lord. Charlotte -- a team that shoots about 44 percent on the season while averaging 96.5 PPG -- finished with 118 points on 55 percent shooting...including 7-for-11 on threes. And one night removed from scoring zero points on 0-for-5 shooting against the Cadavers, Boris "The Corpse" Diaw exploded for 27 on 12-for-15 shooting against the Bricks.

When Mike 'Antoni developed the Seven Seconds or Less concept, who knew it pertained to his team's defense too?

Said Diaw: "Some games I'm going to score a lot of points and some not, and usually it doesn't depend on what we do but what the opposite team is doing, and I always try to adapt to whatever the defense is giving me. And against this kind of team, yeah, I like these kind of games."

Damn.

Said 'Antoni: "Offense was good ... just bad defense. Rotations weren't there. Give them a lot of credit, they played well, but at the same time we just played in spurts on defense. We just have to do a better job."

Added Carmelo Anthony: "That hurt. Just the way we've been playing the last couple games. I mean, it hurts to lose games like that."

New Orleans Hornets: The Hornets, playing in front of their home crowd, went ahead 27-16 after 12 minutes. That's the good news. The bad news is they were outscored every subsequent quarter, including 34-20 in the fourth, and lost 101-93.

On the bright side, New Orleans, the Saints are awesome and Mardi Gras is less than two months away. So it's not all doom and gloom.

Said Eric Gordon: "We had too many lapses on defense, and we bailed them out by taking too many jump shots. We didn't attack the rim. That's where we're best. We just have to take it to the rim."

In possibly related news, Gordon was 8-for-22 from the field and 1-for-6 from three-point range.

Jrue Holiday, quote machine: On his 14 fourth quarter points: "I was hot like a pistol. I don't know. I just looked to be aggressive and luckily tonight it was falling for me in the fourth quarter."

The Minnesota Timberwolves: I'm starting to think AP writers study this site. Check out the opening to the Grizzlies-Timberwolves recap:

The Memphis Grizzlies saw that Zach Randolph wasn't there to help them on Wednesday night, so they played harder.

The Minnesota Timberwolves saw that Zach Randolph wasn't there to beat up on them again, so they took it easy.
A little dry and no fart jokes, but still.

Anyway, Minny gave up 23 points off 17 turnovers, and they missed 11 free throws while losing by 4 points. I'll let you do the math on that one.

So much for that two-game winning streak.

Said T-Wolves coach Rick Adelman: "They were way too lax in their approach. I told them, 'You haven't won anything. Don't come out there thinking you just won the championship.'"

The Phoenix Suns: The Suns turned the ball over 15 times and surrendered 19 offensive rebounds to the Mavericks. Those are a lot of extra opportunities to give away. It's basically like giving the game away. Which they did.

Said Steve Nash: "I think we gave up tons of offensive rebounds. We held them to 41 percent shooting, which is more than acceptable, but we missed a lot of shots. We're OK offensively, but you can't give up so many offensive rebounds like we did tonight."

In related news: FREE STEVE NASH. That is all.

The Excremento Kings: Mmm. The taste of vomit in my mouth. Thank you, Kings. The Sactowners shot 32.6 percent, and imagine how bad that number would have been if DeMarcus "TRADE ME, BITCHES!" Cousins hadn't gone 9-for-12. Or, you know what, don't imagine it. It's better that way.

The Paupers also went 2-for-20 on triples. While letting the Nuggets shoot 60 percent from the field. Denver finished with 31 fast break points and 68 points in the paint. And those numbers would seem unbelievable if they weren't playing the Kings...who are currently ranked 27th in Defensive Rating.

Said Sacto coach Paul Westfail: "AAAAAH! AAAAAH! IT BURNS! IT BURNS! GET IT OFF...IT BUUUUUURNS!!!"

I'm kidding. This is what he really said: "That was a kick in our teeth. You can't hide from it. I still think we have the makings of a good basketball team and I believe we will bounce back. They got on us early. I thought we were pressing. Our shooting, it's undescribable. The avalanche just fell on us."

The Houston Rockets: The Rocketeers gave up 41 points in the first quarter and eventually lost 117-89. The Clippers shot 57 percent from the field, ran out for 22 points on the fast break, and scored 62 points in the paint. In possibly related news, Houston currently ranks 28th in Defensive Rating -- worse than the Warriors, Wizards, Pistons, Knicks and Kings -- giving up 110.5 points per 100 possessions.

Money ball, baby!

Said Luis Scola: "We struggled with everything tonight. We came in here and weren't ready to play, and this is what happens when you don't play hard. I don't know how to explain it. What you do about it the next game shows what kind of team you are."

Added Kyle Lowry: "We made mistakes offensively and defensively. It's just something we've got to figure out. We can't have nights like this. It was a terrible day for us."

Chris' Lacktion Report:

Generals-Magic: Orlando really used garbage time as an excuse to celebrate with lacktion, starting with LARRY HUGHES and Von Wafer both turning 249-second stints into +2 suck differentials, Hughes via a pair of bricks and Wafer through a foul and turnover. And Earl Clark crucnhed out a +1 via masonry in 3:28.

Nyets-Celtics: Dennis Horner -- who according to Wikipedia has a tattoo of a flaming basketball -- gathered 4.3 trillion (4:18) in rubles, while JaJuan Johnson found a pot of gold at the end of a rainbow worth 5.3 trillion (5:19).

Bobcats-Knicks: Charlotte's Bismack Biyombo fouled once in exactly 4 minutes for a +1.

Bulls-Pistons: WELCOME BACK TO LACKTION, BRIAN SCALABRINE! The greatest passenger in championship history, Scalabrine gathered up 1.2 trillion (72 seconds), while fellow cattle representative Jimmy Butler did go 100% from the charity stripe on two attempts, but only had 51 seconds of hardwood time in a non-lacktive Mario.

Warriors-Spurs: Charles Jenkins bricked once in 2:40 and fouled thricely to give East Oakland a +4, while Ishmael Smith had a whale of a time looking for Princess Peach in just 11 seconds for a Mario.

Purple Paupers-Nuggets: Francisco Garcia bricked twice (once from the charity stripe) in 5:05 for a +2.

Rockets-Clippers: Jordan Hill climbed into the ledger tonight by countering two boards and a free throw in 11:36 as starting big man with three fouls and a turnover for a 4:3 Voskuhl. Hasheem Thabeet also made Clutch The Bear wish he could've suited up instead, by negating a board in 6:43 with two fouls for a 2:1 Voskuhl.

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30 Comments:
Blogger Dan B. said...
The attendance at the Bulls-Pistons game was only 9,125. For the love of God the Toronto-Cleveland game drew 14,468 and the Bobcraps-Knicks game drew 19,763.

Blogger Lord Kerrance said...
This comment has been removed by the author.

Blogger Lord Kerrance said...
How bad are the Cavs? This bad: Toronto's Demar Derozan was 5 of 8 from three-point land last night. His total for three pointers last season? Five.

Anonymous JJ said...
Dan, I think that has to do more with the fact that Detroit is a really, really dismal city right now. I saw a documentary and just to give you an idea, they said rush hour no longer exists in Detroit. Roads are just empty at all hours.

Anonymous Al said...
Hate to point this out, I guess, but it almost appears Bargnani has figured out how talented he is. Could it be so?

Anonymous Naz said...
Yeah, JJ is right. Detroit loves sports, especially in the winter when there isn't much else to do. However the recession is still alive and well in Michigan and Detroit is really feeling the pain. Even if the team was undefeated and the favorites to win the NBA championship this year they'd still be drawing less than 10k people in attendance.

Anonymous The Other Chris said...
For the love of God the Toronto-Cleveland game drew 14,468

There's no way there were that many people there.. I've certainly seen it emptier, but there was no way it was that full.

How bad are the Cavs? This bad: Toronto's Demar Derozan was 5 of 8 from three-point land last night. His total for three pointers last season? Five.

Kid was on fire. To play devil's advocate, we did just have an extended off-season, during which players not named "Vince Carter" usually try to work hard and improve their game. And his shooting has improved steadily in his first two years in the NBA.

Hate to point this out, I guess, but it almost appears Bargnani has figured out how talented he is. Could it be so?

Probably more the total absence of hands in faces on the part of the Cadavers last night.

No Justin Beibers were sighted last night, so The Other Chris didn't have to choke a bitch.

Somewhat disappointingly, but not surprisingly, the cheers for Tristan Thompson (highest drafted Canadian ever) checking in was fairly muted. I guess we prefer our home country heroes with goofy hair and two MVP's.. Or the casual fan is altogether ignorant of most of the team and league, which is what I'm chalking it up to.

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Blogger Lord Kerrance said...
Kid was on fire. To play devil's advocate, we did just have an extended off-season, during which players not named "Vince Carter" usually try to work hard and improve their game. And his shooting has improved steadily in his first two years in the NBA.

My brother said this exact same thing to me last night. I agree that Derozan has improved, but to match last year's total in one game is beyond what even an extended offseason can do. Credit to Double D for improving, but at least some of that had to do with the Cavs awful, awful D.

Anonymous Czernobog said...
To be fair to Bargs, he has been effective since the season started.

He's had these bursts before, though, and I'm not holding my breath. I doubt his conditioning will allow him to continue to play at this level.

Anonymous Tree said...
Casey was 't necessarily wrong, he just forgot to add "... it's just that we're doing it against awful, non-playoff teams, but still."

Blogger LotharBot said...
Just looking at the final score doesn't tell you how bad the Kings were last night. They've got a lot of talent, but they're a terrible TEAM.

Several times during the broadcast, the Nuggets TV guys described the Kings offense: one guy had the ball, 4 guys were just standing around, and the first guy shot the ball. "This looks familiar", they said, reminding us all of the worst bits of the Melo days. Five guys looking for their own shot first and pretty much checked out when they didn't have the ball, but none of them have as much scoring talent as Melo. They again had more turnovers than assists.

The net result was a Kings team taking a bunch of long, contested jumpers -- while the Nuggets kept getting transition buckets, layups, and dunks. This is why it was a 30 point game shortly after halftime.

Special mention goes to The Jimmer for shooting 1-10 prior to garbage time (and by "garbage time" I mean DeMarre Carroll was in the game.)

Blogger stephanie g said...
Indy's second quarter was great. I don't think I've ever seen a team commit so many travels, offensive fouls, three second violations, and just plain coughing up the ball and losing their dribble to the other team in such a small time frame. Plus Granny Danger went 2-13 with 4 TOs and made LeBron look like an unstoppable engine of destruction.

I still don't understand why the national media overrated the Pacers so much before the season. Yeah, we got some good hard working players, and then traded for more like Amundson or Hill. Yeah George is a good shooter. Yeah Hibbert is an above average center. But they acted like David West was some star, as opposed to the third best player on the '08 Hornets. And that was before his knee injury. We're still at the not bad enough for good picks, not good enough to compete level. Or you could say we're the best supporting-cast-without-a-superstar team in the league.

Anonymous The Other Chris said...
My brother said this exact same thing to me last night. I agree that Derozan has improved, but to match last year's total in one game is beyond what even an extended offseason can do. Credit to Double D for improving, but at least some of that had to do with the Cavs awful, awful D.

Agreed. Cadavers were absolutely atrocious. Not a lot of fight or talent on that club right now. Time to trade Varejo and go all-in on the rebuild.

And I don't expect DD to go 5-8 from 3.. well, ever. If he takes 8 3-pointers again, period, I will be not so impressed.

Blogger Dan said...
It's true that Detroit's in the dumps, but that's not the reason.

The Tigers had their 4th best attendance in their 111 year history. The Lions' attendance has picked up. People won't be coming out as much as they would if the economy didn't suck, but they'd come out if the team was respectable. The team's dead in the water and the fans know. With Stucky and PRince signed for 3-4 years, we know there are years of mediocrity ahead, at least, before the possibility of contending again. If they were in full-on rebuilding mode, I think the fans would come out more, but it's hard to support when your GM is seemingly going for mediocrity.

Anonymous Forrealla15 said...
Wow, I know my rockets god ass-raped last night, but no love for that Parsons tip dunk on Griffin last night?! (or no hate, on Griffin?!). Basketbawful's falling off with omissions such as these..

Blogger Catfish Hunter said...
I don't know if this has been brought up already or not, but where in the world is THEE Mario West? I miss him like I miss Starbury eating Vaseline. I miss Mario like I miss the Khloe Kardashian/Rashard McCants romance. I miss Mario more than I miss .... well I just miss reading his updates a lot. Any update is appreciated.

Blogger Wormboy said...
re: FREE STEVE NASH. Amen, brother. The sad thing is that Nashie is too cool to be a dick about it. Unlike, um, just about every other player in the Association.

We have to resign ourselves to Nash being done. At his age he can't switch to a contender midseason and have their offense roar with him driving it. And does he have that great an impact off the bench? Hmm, not sure. :(

Blogger chris said...
PAUL WESTPHAL FIRED. :O PWN3D. When you suck enough even the Purple Paupers don't want you...yeah, welcome to retirement buddy.

Catfish Hunter: Oh....well, we're in strange times, with Joel Anthony not remotely lacking it up yet this year while 70 other players have. I hope Mario makes another midseason reappearance!!!!

Anonymous JJ said...
Wow, Westphal fired? I guess now we know how well (or not so well) he handled the Cousins situation. Not that Westphal was an amazing coach, but the team chose the player over the coach. It just goes to show you that after all the CBA nonsense, the league still belongs to the players.

Anonymous Forrealla15 said...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_GFsFGlbiBg&feature=share

Blogger Basketbawful said...
Wow, Westphal fired? I guess now we know how well (or not so well) he handled the Cousins situation. Not that Westphal was an amazing coach, but the team chose the player over the coach.

In this case, I think it was players plural who were chosen over the coach. Westfail was, based on all the gossip I've heard, kind of a dick (at least in Sacto) and the players, as a group, has started to tune him out. So you can trade away the whole team, or ditch a coach who really isn't doing that good of a job anyway...

...and it's an easy decision.

Blogger LotharBot said...
stephanie g: "you could say we're the best supporting-cast-without-a-superstar team in the league."

Denver has you beat there. I think Portland fits too.

Anonymous Silvio said...
Westphal being bad coach has nothing to do with Cousins being overhyped big-mouth plays-no-defense whining-to-refs-all-the-time prick.

Anonymous Forrealla15 said...
yea. fuck it, i didn't post any comments about Chandler Parsons dunking on Blake Griffin, and the awesome stare-down that ensued. If you do stumble upon those comments, they're imaginary. I'm pretty sure I dreamt that play up anyway. Let's just keep talking about Kings and Pacers, because that is what is awesome.

Blogger LotharBot said...
Forrealla15, I think you may have taken a wrong turn right after the W in the site name. For highlight-reel dunks and not talking about the Kings at all, you want "basketbawesome".

You're welcome.

Blogger Wormboy said...
@steph: I assume the yammering heads were talking about the Pacers this season because of their 2011 playoff series against the Bullies. Everybody thought the Pacers would be a doormat, but they came to play hard every game. The 4-1 series result doesn't reflect that most of the games were fairly close, and that the Pacers had made a strong run against a very good Bulls team.

So, the reasonable assumption was that the Pacers made some modest upgrades and were a young team a year older, and that they might play some competitive ball this year. I would have made the same prognostication. Whether they can do it or not remains to be seen. Did they read too much of their own press and ease up? Are they having chemistry problems after the short training camp and preseason? Or was that playoff series just a fluke?

Regardless, I'm not taking these early season games too seriously this year given the abnormalities, and I don't take early games too seriously even in normal years. 4-2 ain't bad, and an ass kicking by what I believe will be this year's champs doesn't concern me. Their loss to the Pistless concerns me a lot more. Let's see what they do against the middle teams before we judge. By next Thursday we'll have a better idea: games vs the Celts, Bobkittens, Philly, Atlanta.

I have a complaint though: Psycho T shooting .353 from the field? That's not acceptable. Get it together, son.

Anonymous Flud said...
Basketbawesome.... that sounds turrible :D

Anonymous Anomynous said...
Hahaha, pouty much, Forrealla15? Did those meanies ignore your comment, big boy?

Anonymous Silvio said...
Pacers' problem is easy to detect.

Shots FG% Player
16.8 31.7% Granger, Danny
11.3 35.3% Hansbrough, Tyler
10.8 40.0% West, David
9.8 57.6% Hibbert, Roy
8.2 44.9% George, Paul
8.0 39.6% Hill, George
7.3 50.0% Collison, Darren
4.5 40.7% Jones, Dahntay
2.6 30.8% Amundson, Louis

What do you deduce from this stats, Watson?
Well, Sherlock, I see guy taking biggest paycheck also takes most shots ... but hits those at bawful rate, by far worse than any non-fringe player on the team.

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