Rockets Celtics Basketball
Kyle Lowry = Huge Carl Douglas fan

Pfft. That Derrick Rose dunk was nothing. I just did the same thing.

Okay, on an 8 foot rim.

Okay, on a Fisher Price rim.

Okay, I just thought about doing it while sitting at my desk. Whatever. Shut up.

Worst of the Night in Pictures:
Grizzlies Bobcats Basketball
Shouldn't showing off your mangled hand be an automatic technical? Damn.


Rockets Celtics Basketball
Silly Luis Scola, you need to go watch more old Hulk Hogan clips before you try to tear your jersey off


APTOPIX Rockets Celtics Basketball
Yeah, that pretty much sums up that game...


Nationally Televised Games:
Suns at Nuggets, NBA TV, 9pm: There's more drama in Denver than a soap opera crossed with a reality show comprised of hormonal girls. (In other words, it's like an episode of what I assume Basketball Wives must be like.)

All The Other Games:
Bucks at Hawks, 7pm POSTPONED: Hurray, winter weather! You can fire up League Pass and watch any of the next two 7pm games instead:

Pacers at 76ers AND Kings at Generals, 7pm: These are your other 7pm options? Oy. My advice to you is to begin drinking heavily. Or watch this Youtube video about drinking.

"What you see as my drinking problem, I see as my drinking hobby"

Spurs at Timberwolves, 8pm: Anyone else excited to see if Darko outplays Tim Duncan again? No? Nobody else?

Knicks at Frail Blazers, 10pm: For all the talk about the resurgence of the Knicks and how hobbled and broken the Blazers are... the Knicks have only one more victory this season than the Blazers. Just sayin'.

Cavaliers at Lakers, 10:30pm: I planned on writing a preview for this game, but just thinking about Cleveland made me too damn depressed.

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36 Comments:
Blogger chris said...
Looks like the Purple Paupers' home barn is being renamed "Power Balance Arena."

No, SRSLY.

:O

Blogger Will said...
Will you start calling them the Mauve Mountebanks?

Blogger The Dude Abides said...
To me, the Kings will always be remembered fondly as the ballSACs.

Blogger Wild Yams said...
Is it just me or does it seem like the Spurs and Timberwolves are always playing each other? I guess soak up all this Spurs-Timberwolves action cause this is the last time they'll meet this year (all 4 meetings already well before the All Star break).

Anonymous The Other Chris said...
Pretty epically defensively-challenged contest in Washington. First quarter Wizards beat the Paupers like a rented mule to the tune of a 38-19 lead. I go get dishwasher soap, by the time I get back the Paupers are down a paltry 7 after a 12-0 run. Fairly even game the rest of the way. Washington had a 7-point lead about 30 seconds ago with < 30 seconds to go, they've now managed to get it down to 125-124 with 13 seconds left by most recently giving up a 3-point play off a turnover under their own basket. Who can wrench defeat from the jaws of victory, the Paupers or Generals?

Also Sam Cassell is an assistant coach in Washington? Awesome.

Anonymous The Other Chris said...
Pretty epically defensively-challenged contest in Washington. First quarter Wizards beat the Paupers like a rented mule to the tune of a 38-19 lead. I go get dishwasher soap, by the time I get back the Paupers are down a paltry 7 after a 12-0 run. Fairly even game the rest of the way. Washington had a 7-point lead about 30 seconds ago with < 30 seconds to go, they've now managed to get it down to 125-124 with 13 seconds left by most recently giving up a 3-point play off a turnover under their own basket. Who can wrench defeat from the jaws of victory, the Paupers or Generals?

Also Sam Cassell is an assistant coach in Washington? Awesome.

Anonymous kazam92 said...
Ok so Ken Mauer called FIVE Technicals on the T-Wolves in the 3rd quarter as they actually were making a run. I saw the highlights and not ONE warrented a T. That ref needs to be suspended because that was utterly absurd. I would be so pissed if I was a Wolves fan.

Blogger LotharBot said...
With about 2 minutes left in the third quarter, the Suns Efense is on full display. To wit:

Seven Nuggets players currently have more points than fga, including 3 players with more than 2 points per fga. Afflalo, Lawson, and JR Smith have combined to score 41 points on 17 shots.

The Suns' hands are apparently nowhere near the Nuggets' faces.

Blogger Wild Yams said...
Jesus, the Suns look like they're en route to letting the Nuggets score 140 points or more in this game, and that's in regulation. Also, who would have guessed if the over/under in that Warriors/Kings game was 268 you'd have lost if you picked under?

Blogger Bing said...
The Cavs. Sigh. Poor bastards.

Blogger Wild Yams said...
So the Nuggets scored more points in the 2nd quarter tonight than Phoenix scored in the 2nd and 3rd quarters combined? And during those 2nd and 3rd quarters the Suns were outscored by 42 points. But you know, they actually outscored the Nuggets in the 1st and 4th quarters so they only lost by 34. Good god.

When was the last time three separate teams scored over 130 points on the same night? Just think, if Cleveland can only manage to score 105 points in the second half they could be the 4th team of the night to do it!

Anonymous Karc said...
This is, by far, one of the worst nights of basketball I have ever seen.

Anonymous Anonymous said...
Today's Lakers-Cavs game is why basketbawful is here.

I'm going to bed now, I can't wait to wake up to see what you guys are going to deliver for me in the morning. It's like Christmas, only featuring the worst offense I've ever seen.

Anonymous kazam92 said...
The Cavs are down by 51 points. It is the 3rd quarter.


Ha

Blogger Jason D said...
So, I guess the Lakers new defensive scheme is working huh? 99-49 with 6 minutes left in the 4th. Holy shitballs.

Blogger Bing said...
Cavs may loose by more points than they have scored

Blogger AnacondaHL said...
I'm taking my mind off the Suns now, rooting for the Cavs to fail to score literally half the points of their opponents. 107-53 with 2 mins to go.

Anonymous kazam92 said...
Welp, Lebron tweeted on the Cavs/Lakers game. Now all of you will overanalyze is and say why he's not a winner for doing this and a douchebag and blah bah fucking blah

Blogger AnacondaHL said...
Ah, alas, 57-112.

Blogger Jason D said...
What's the lowest points scored in the shot-clock era? I thought it was 40-someting but not 100%. Either way, words can't describe how much the Cavs sucked tonight.

Blogger Coras said...
My poor, poor Cavs. When i was young, growing up in Buffalo, being a Cavs fan just made sense.

Once I graduated and escaped....err, left town to pursue employment options, The Raptors showed up and a few buddies switched loyalties to the Grimlocks up north, a decision I openly mocked mercilessly.

How sad is it, that I am now jealous of Grimlock fans? Even the mascot falling video is funnier than the Hastily Made Cleveland Tourism video.

Sigh

Anonymous Anonymous said...
Damn, Cavs are doing everything in their power to make sure LeBron wins his third MVP. Also wouldn't surprise me if Mo Williams just flat out retires tomorrow.

Anonymous Little Keith said...
Just making sure everyone is aware of Antoine "toine" Walker's performance from The D-League's Showcase tonight:
7 pts (2-13 shooting, 1-6 on 3's)
3 rebs
2 asts
2 blks
4 PFs
10 TOs
-13 +/-
34+ minutes of "playing" time

Blogger AnacondaHL said...
Of the 6 oldest teams (weighted by minutes), The Phoenix Suns are the only team under .700, well under as we all know.

kazam92 - Are you kidding me. The fact that you didn't quote or link it, I knew something was up, but ooohhhh mmyyyy gggooodddd this is going to be made fun of all tomorrow. kazam, as is repeatedly the case with LeBron, it's not that he did it, it's how he did it. Dear readers, please observe:

"Crazy. Karma is a b****.. Gets you every time. Its not good to wish bad on anybody. God sees everything!"

Are you kidding me. Twitter. The most amazing thing to happen to the NBA since the shot clock.

Blogger Jason D said...
Before I read what LeBron tweeted, I said to myself 'this is going to be totally dickish and wholly self-serving'.

I must be psychic! Or I just know how big of a shithead LeBron is.

Anonymous Karc said...
@AnacondaHL - Gets better with Twitter. Check out 'Melo. http://twitter.com/carmeloanthony

"First they love you, then they hate you.............."

Followed by...

"Not complaining just a real statement"

Hopefully someone with better linking techniques can preserve those quotes when Carmelo deletes them in the morning.

Allen Iverson Update!!!

He is injured on his right calf muscle and will possibly need surgery. Out for 2 at least months.
Meanwhile his team Besiktas is 9th in the 16-team Turkish League.
He played 7 games with 32 mins/game (40 min games). Averaging around 14.3 points, 2.7 rebounds, 4.7 assists, 1.7 steals and 3.3 turnovers with
23/52 44% 2 points - 9 / 21 42% 3 points and 27/37 73% free throws.

Blogger Wild Yams said...
Great offense vs. great defense: Denver scored more points in the 2nd quarter alone of their game tonight than Cleveland scored in the first three quarters combined against LA. Every Laker starter tonight was at least a +40 in the plus/minus category. Derek Fisher, Kobe Bryant and Andrew Bynum were all +46 despite none of them playing more than 28 minutes. Meanwhile, on the other side of the ball, Antawn Jamison and Mo Williams were a -46 and a -43, respectively, and Manny Harris was a whopping -57 in plus/minus! I don't want to pile on a basically unknown rookie, but that's got to be the record for worst plus/minus ever recorded in a single game, right? Also, Ryan Hollins was a -35 for the Cavs tonight despite playing only 16 minutes! That wasn't a basketball game out there tonight, it was an execution.

Anonymous Anonymous said...
How anybody in their right mind can even remotely like LeBron James is totally incomprehensible to me. The man takes douchebaggery to a whole new dimension. He makes Kobe look as modest as Derek Fisher.
Everytime I open NBA.com and see him trying to look tough on the front page again I just feel like throwing up until I bleed out of my mouth.

Anonymous Barry said...
Shit, LeBron is just pouring buckets of salt into a gaping flesh wound.

Stay classy!

Anonymous Stockton said...
Cavs just made history!!!!!!!

Can't they just give up?? I mean... it's not even funny, it's just sad... and it's not like they have zero talent... their spirits are broken... I don't like the Cavs that much, and there must be some karma payback for all last year's dancing and taunting, but enough is enough....

Blogger Dan B. said...
Manny Harris was a whopping -57 in plus/minus!

... son of a bitch that is unfathmably bad.

Anonymous Marc d. said...
I'm not sure that Lebron understands the concept of Karma

/understatement

Anonymous The Other Chris said...
From ESPN:

The 55-point win was the largest margin of victory in the NBA in nearly 13 years.

Cleveland's 57 points Tuesday was its fewest in franchise history. It was the fewest points the Lakers have allowed in the shot-clock era (since 1954).

Bawful.

@Coras

Yeah, the Craptors are downright awful themselves, but the Cavs.. Yikes. The Dinos at least usually put up a fight against the better teams.

Blogger Kilian said...
The largest margin of victory in NBA history? Cavs over the Heat by 68 in 1991, 148-80.

Blogger Wormboy said...
"Silly Luis Scola, you need to go watch more old Hulk Hogan clips before you try to tear your jersey off"

Or consult with Darko.



Dear LeBron, Regarding karma. You keep using that word. I don't think it means what you think it means.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G2y8Sx4B2Sk

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