However, that's not as ridiculous as this: The Nutcracker in 3D, complete with rat-faced Nazis, plus, according to the article, "singing and dancing. A little kung fu. An electrocuted shark and at least one beheading. And it's in 3D!" Oh, hell yes! (If you were wondering, it has a delightfully appropriate 0% on Rottentomatoes.com right now). Here is Roger Ebert's scathing review, and here is the absolutely insane trailer you must watch:
Worst of the Night in Pictures:
I love how Richard Jefferson is subtly flexing his muscles to intimidate the friggin' Warriors
What sport are we playing mocking again?
Grimace face contest!
Joey Crawford is nonplussed by Gasol-on-Gasol action
Nationally Televised Games: Frail Blazers at Celtics, NBA TV, 7:30pm: With all the knee, ankle, and leg problems the Blazers have faced, I'm surprised they haven't had to miss a game yet because their team airplane had problems with its landing gear collapsing.
Spurs at Clippers, NBA TV, 10:30pm: No idea why this game made it onto NBA TV, but whatever. The Clippers effort in this game will resemble this video:
All The Other Games: Grizzlies at Hawks, 7pm: And we come to a letdown game for the Care Bears.
Thunder at Nyets, 7pm: Russell Westbrook is playing some great basketball right now. Even better than Kevin Durant for the moment (though that is likely not going to be the case in the long run, but for this short span of time, absolutely true). So who gets to guard him? Either a playing-injured Devin Harris, or if he gets shut down, Jordan Farmar. Gonna be a long night...
Wizards Generals at Craptors, 7pm: This game will be about as exciting as the car chase scene in Mitchell.
Hot Merging Action!
But, hey, Basketbawful reader The Other Chris will be there! Lucky him:
Tonight's Bawful field trip for yours truly: Craptors vs. Generals. Our first round pick (Ed Davis) said to make his NBA debut after a brief stint in purgatory rehabbing in the D-league. Given the bitch-slapping the Wizards laid on the Mighty Dinos the last time, they should be up for a classic revenge game this time. And if you believe what I wrote in that last sentence, you've clearly never actually watched the Raptors play, because who knows what the hell you're going to get from this team from game-to-game. Beat Orlando on the road, lose to Charlotte at home. Yeah. High.. five?
Don't hang your head too low. You may miss seeing the Craptors mascot rollerblading down a flight of stairs!
Pistons at Heat, 7:30pm: LeBron and the Heat are obviously looking ahead to tomorrow's trip to Cleveland, but honestly, can we even consider this a trap game? I mean, this is Detroit we're talking about here. The only wins the Pissed-Ons have gotten all season? Against the Bobcraps, Warriors, Clippers, Purple Paupers, Generals, and Bucks. That's just sad.
Bobcraps at Hornets, 8pm: Numbers time! The Hornets have been playing well in the first half lately -- 54 points on 53% shooting as a team the last five games. However, the second half has been a struggle. During that same timeframe, they've gone cold as Santa's balls (can you tell I'm already getting ready for Christmas?), shooting a whopping 39% from the field en route to 38 points for the entire second half. So there you go. Four losses in their last five games. How nice of the Bobcraps to come to town so they can turn things around.
Magic at Bulls, 8pm: There's a slight chance Carlos Boozer might actually return to action tonight, but it may be this weekend at least. This team is already performing above my expectations for them -- it'd be great to see them with even more scoring and rebounding presence. That being said, hoo boy. This is going to be a tough, tough game for both teams.
Timberwolves at Mavericks, 8:30pm: Darko may have finally come into his own, but that doesn't change the fact that the Timberwolves are garbage. Dirk Nowitzki's averaged nearly 25 points per game against them over the past dozen meetings between the Timberpups and Mavs, and I don't expect that to change tonight.
Lakers at Rockets, 8:30pm: Bad sign for the Rockets... Here's what coach Rick Adelman had to say about when Yao Ming and Aaron Brooks will return to the lineup: "I've stopped asking. It's just what the doctor sees as they progress...They both have to get on the floor before we'll know how long it will be." And the losing continues. What a shame.
Bucks at Nuggets, 9pm: The Nuggets: still fired up, still putting up points. The Bucks: still banged up, still horrible on offense. Not a terribly compelling matchup here...
Pacers at Jazz, 9pm: The Pacers have already doubled their total of road wins against Western conference teams this year (2) compared to last year (1 for the whole damn season). Progress!